Page 5

“H ow are you feeling about that, Rose?”

I looked from the bowl of Jolly Ranchers on the coffee table to my therapist, Dr. Cristine Nether.

Her umber skin was deep and rich, her thick hair pulled back in a classy ponytail.

She was such a pretty woman who could’ve passed for a model, really.

I started coming to her office a week after setting Cole’s belongings on fire.

After slapping him so hard I still felt the sting in my hand for nearly twenty minutes afterward.

It was Diana’s idea. She knew Cristine personally and Cristine agreed to squeeze me in every other week so I could have a chat with her.

It was odd calling it a chat. It was more like she asked me questions and I answered them to the best of my knowledge while feeling a little guilty each time.

Honestly, Cristine’s job was no different than mine.

Interviewing. Nodding. Responding when necessary.

Gathering information to study later. Only this was an ongoing interview, one that didn’t make me feel all that comfortable.

I’d visited Cristine four times now. The first time I came, I ranted to her until I was parched.

I don’t know what it was that made me word-vomit.

It could’ve been her sure eyes or maybe her soft smile.

The scent of lavender and undertone of lemon in her office that relaxed me.

The cozy chair and how my butt settled into it nicely, making me never want to leave.

The bowl of Jolly Ranchers that were so inviting.

I’d chosen the watermelon Jolly Rancher the first time. I sucked on it as Cristine waited for me to speak. Then I remembered Cole buying me a pack of Jolly Ranchers when I was on a deadline, so I spit it out in the trash can, returned to the love seat, and spouted off.

But today was different. I wasn’t that angry woman anymore. Today I simply felt . . . frustrated . But not about Cole.

“She always does this,” I finally said. “She never answers her damn phone when people need her, and I feel like she’s selfish. I’m sick of it.”

“Have you considered that she might be tied up?” Cristine asked.

“Please,” I scoffed. “She always has her phone on her.”

Cristine paused. “If that’s true, shouldn’t that make you worried about her? Perhaps something has gone wrong.”

“No. I don’t care about her or what she’s doing anymore.”

Cristine didn’t react, but she did stare at me like she was waiting for me to be honest with myself. I couldn’t stand when she did that. The judging-me-without-judging-me thing. She was too good at her job.

“I don’t care enough to figure it out,” I said after a while.

“You know, Rose”—she sighed, folding one leg over the other—“it’s hard to let friendships like the one you had with Eve go.

It’s okay to feel brokenhearted about that too.

You didn’t just split apart from your husband.

You also split from a long-term friend. That was a relationship you cultivated over many years.

You don’t simply stop caring about that person because they wronged you. ”

“I don’t want to care,” I told her, eyes burning. Great . The tears were on the way. “I just . . . I don’t get why I still bother checking on her, or calling her, or looking into anything she does, when she practically ruined my life and any chance of happiness that I had.”

“I get that.” She paused. “And you still haven’t spoken to her since that night you caught her?”

“No. She tried getting in touch with me for about a month, but I think she gave up when she realized I was never going to answer.”

“What if you’d run into her today?” she asked. “What if she’d been home when you checked on her for Zoey? What would you have done?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, swallowing thickly. “I guess I would’ve just told her to give her sister a call and then left.”

“Okay. But what if Eve stopped you and asked for a word? What if she wanted to apologize?”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t let her.”

“Why not? Don’t you think she owes you an apology?”

“She does, but that doesn’t mean she deserves my forgiveness.”

The room fell silent, my words clinging to the walls like ice and turning the place frigid.

“Look, I know we all make mistakes,” I said, attempting to warm the room again.

“I know we’re all human and we mess up .

. . but this isn’t something I can just forgive.

I’ve forgiven her so many times for things she’s done that have hurt me.

But what she did with Cole was just . . .

it was ultimate deception. She doesn’t just get to apologize like before and expect me to accept it. ”

“I understand that.” Cristine studied me. “Do you still have the urge to be violent?” To slap someone again, is what she meant.

“Well, last night I did let one of my coworkers know her boyfriend was cheating on her after hearing her shit-talk me in the bathroom, so . . .”

Cristine almost laughed. Her lip quirked up on one side, but she regained her composure. Much too professional to let my pettiness break her role. “But no one was physically harmed?” she inquired.

“No. I don’t have the urge to physically harm anyone . . . unless they try to hurt me first, of course.”

“Okay. Well, that’s good. That’s progress.” She paused, tapping the end of her pen on her notepad. “Do you still think about the attack that happened to you?”

“Every day,” I answered, averting my gaze.

“Do you feel like that may contribute to why you struck Cole? Perhaps you had some pent-up frustrations about that as well? You didn’t react to the attack like you wanted but had the opportunity to do something about your anguish this time?”

“I don’t know. But I took it easy on Cole by only slapping him, in my opinion.” My leg began to bounce as I tried to ward off thoughts of the attack. I squeezed my eyes shut, drew in a shaky breath and released it.

“Okay, Rose. Here’s what I want you to do.”

I opened my eyes to see her place her notepad face down and set her pen on top of it.

“I want you to put yourself in Zoey’s shoes. She relies on you and is a person who loves you very much.”

I blinked to ward off tears. “Okay?”

“What would you do if Diana hadn’t answered her phone in days, but you called Zoey to figure things out because she’s closest to Diana at the moment? How would you feel if Zoey told you she didn’t care to look into it, even though you were extremely concerned?”

“I would feel frustrated. And a little . . . lost, I guess.”

“Right.” She smiled empathetically. “You may be wanting to put Eve in your past, but Zoey will still be in your future. You have a good heart, Rose. So what I want you to do is hold on to the goodness that resides in you. Your heart may feel like it’s frozen over a bit, but don’t forget about the love you have for the people who’ve kept it warm over the years. ”

Damn. She’s good.