Page 15 of While She Sleeps (The Hunter and The Thief #1)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

EMBER

I can’t remember the last time someone held me like this.

Has anyone?

Although I loved my brother with every beat of my heart, we were never affectionate siblings. Sure, we hugged if we weren’t going to see each other for a while, and when I was little, he would comfort me when I was upset. But I never felt as safe as I do right now.

Which is wild, seeing as Orion is a stranger, by all accounts. I know his name. I know he’s an entrepreneur and is considered LA’s most eligible bachelor by almost every magazine and tabloid. And I know he comes here twice a week with no other plans but to sit in a dark room with me.

But that’s it.

That’s everything I know about the man.

And yet I feel so safe that I allow myself to cry in front of him, praying I won’t be met with any judgment.

His arms are firm around my body, holding me steady against his warmth as I sob. Occasionally, he’ll whisper soft words to me, giving me gentle praise for letting out the emotions that feel like they’re drowning me.

It feels like hours before my tears run dry, but even as I settle, Orion makes no move to leave, even though I’m certain our time was up a while ago. His soft touches are more comforting than they should be for someone I don’t know, but I don’t question it.

“Are you feeling better?” he murmurs against the top of my head, a moment before I feel him press a kiss to my hair. The gesture is almost too intimate, but I can’t bring myself to care.

“Yes,” I whisper. “Thank you. I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

He shakes his head, his rough stubble brushing over my forehead and making me desperate to know what he looks like.

I could have Googled him at any point, but for some reason, I haven’t.

Something inside me keeps telling me to wait until he’s ready to show me himself, and the fucked-up part of me enjoys the fact I come here twice a week to sit in a room with a man I can’t see, even if I’ve imagined what he looks like over and over again.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Ember. It was my privilege to be your safe place, even if it was only for a short time.” His voice is as pained as my chest as the words fall between us.

The reality is, once I walk out of this room, I’ll be alone again. I’ll go back to my apartment with no family, no real friends, and no one that would give a fuck if I died tomorrow.

There’s a loud knock at the door, followed by one of the guards yelling about needing the room, and my stomach plummets. I’m not ready for this to be over yet. I’m not ready for him to let me go.

“Let me take you home. I don’t think you should be driving in this state,” Orion says gently, but it’s not a question or even a suggestion. It’s an order.

I shake my head. “It’s okay. I don’t live far.

I’ll just walk.” I leave out the part where I haven’t been able to get in a car since I left the hospital.

He doesn’t need to know that not only am I emotionally unstable, I’m also irrevocably broken.

My therapist says it’s not uncommon for people who have been in serious car accidents to feel an aversion to any kind of motor vehicle, but it doesn’t seem to be getting better.

The last time I called an Uber, I had a panic attack in the back seat, and the driver freaked out. He left me on the side of the road with my head between my knees as I grappled for every breath I pulled into my lungs.

I’ve already embarrassed myself once tonight with Orion. I don’t plan on a repeat performance.

His body stiffens beneath mine, and his arms tighten. “I would prefer you don’t walk, Little Flame. This city isn’t safe at night.”

I almost laugh. I know better than most how dangerous this city can be, a product of living on the streets with my brother as a kid.

But I choose to keep that little tidbit to myself.

I already look pathetic to a man more powerful than I’ve ever met before.

I don’t think I can handle any more shame for tonight.

“I’m fine. Really.” I catch him off guard when I slip from his lap and put some distance between us. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

I’m met with silence that makes my stomach flip uncomfortably. It’s been nice to have a little extra money and more time to devote to the task Lucas has set for me, but I can’t keep doing this. Not now that I know what it feels like to be held by the man in the darkness.

“And why is that, Ember?” he asks on a growl. The sound is so primal I can barely breathe, but I force myself to take another step toward the door.

“It’s just not a good idea. Have a nice life, Orion.”

And before he can stop me, I slip into the hallway and sprint toward the back door, my heart beating a million miles as I step into the alley behind the club, fresh air washing over me.

I press my back to the wall beside the door and drag an unsteady breath into my lungs. Why does it feel like I’m losing everything by walking away from a perfect stranger? I don’t even know him. I don’t even know what he looks like, for god’s sake.

My eyes are raw from all the tears I’ve cried tonight, but suddenly the urge to sob is back, and I barely manage to swallow it down.

I need to get home before I allow myself to break down again.

The walk is longer than normal. Usually, I’m not afraid to take the back alleys to make my trip shorter, but tonight it feels like a bad idea, and I always listen to my gut above all else. It’s kept me alive for this long, so it deserves my trust.

But the whole way to my apartment, I can’t get the feeling that I’m being followed out of my head. Every time I look over my shoulder, the street around me is empty, but I can’t shake the feeling, no matter how ridiculous I think it is.

By the time I shove through the front door of my apartment building, I can barely breathe with the anxiety swirling around in my chest.

What if it’s the Hunter?

What if he knows I’m looking into him?

What if I’m going to be his next victim?

I take the steps two at a time until I reach my floor and fly through unlocking it. Once I’m inside, I slam the door behind me and secure the three locks I had installed when I moved in before finally allowing myself to breathe.

If the Hunter is the one who killed my brother, the worst thing I could do is follow in his footsteps, but then, maybe dying wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Maybe then I’d finally know peace.

I swallow down the sob that rises in my throat as I move toward the bathroom. I strip out of my dress and shoes, only allowing myself a second to breathe in Orion’s scent all over my clothes before throwing them into the hamper.

Not seeing him again is for the best.

I turn the shower on as hot as it will go and watch as the small room fills with steam before something catches my eye, causing me to drag in an unsteady breath.

Even as I reach for it, I know I shouldn’t, and when my fingers wrap around the small razor blade I can’t bring myself to throw out, my stomach clenches with guilt and urgency to make the pain go away.

I close my eyes and swallow heavily before resting the blade against the top of my thigh beside the littering of other scars that came from the same blade.

Slowly, I press it into my soft flesh and hiss out a breath when it breaks through. But the pain is good.

For once, it’s not because my brother is dead, and I have no one in the world. Or the fact that I have no free will because of a debt I owe a man who took advantage of two kids that had no one. It’s because I chose it.

I chose the pain, and I revel in it as blood trickles down my thigh slowly.