Page 75 of Wherever You Are

I grind down on my teeth. Pain leeches everywhere, all doors shutting from me to her. No way there. No escape or passageway.

“You don’t trust me to stay seven days in London and come back?” That’s what I’m getting from this.

“No, I don’t. And if you thought about it more, you might not trust yourself either. Just ask yourself which would be harder: not seeing Willow for months, or having to leave her every three weeks?”

I finally understand what he’s saying.

Either way I’m fucked. But at least in one scenario I get to see her. Hold her. Comfort her. But Connor already told me I don’t get a choice. He made it for me. That hits me.

“This decision,” I say. “It’s not from my boss, is it?”

Connor rolls up his sleeves slowly. “No, it’s not.” He glances my way. Blue eyes hitting mine. “It’s from your friend.”

The limo rolls towards the gated neighborhood, slowing down. My head is heavy. Spirits dulled. I don’t know what to do. How to see Willow more often. How to make this relationship work. If it’s even possible anymore. I try one last thing. The good oleguilt trip.

“Yeah, and what happens if we break up because we can’t see each other?” I ask. “You’re going to be an accomplice to that, you know. If you’re such a great friend, you could have helped.” I feel like utter shit as soon as I say the words. Fuck, why even go there?

Because I’m me.

Because I could.

Connor stares through me like I’m made of glass. “If you break up because you can’t see each other, then your relationship is too fragile to last anyway. Blame me, if you’d like. But it will be sorely misdirected.”

Fragile.

I feel fucking fragile.

“How do I make us stronger?” I ask him since he seems to have all the fucking answers.

Connor smiles a soft, genuine smile. “First step is believing you already are.”

The words roll around in my head for a couple minutes. Until the limo slows to a stop at Loren’s house.

There’s one more thing I need to ask. One more unanswered question that’s going to plague me. “One more thing,” I say. “How well do you know Jonathan Hale?”

Connor’s expression flatlines, impassive again. “Better than you. Why do you ask?”

I shake my head, already coming up with a roundabout answer. “I just don’t know him that well, I guess, and if Willow and I are going to be more serious, I figure I should start trying to.” It’s not untrue.

Jonathan and I have met briefly at group events—Lo usually invites him—but for the most part I don’t interact with Jonathan. I always figured it was because my relationship with Willow was slow and new, but her relationship with her dad was even slower and newer. It never bothered me that she didn’t want those two things colliding.

But now that I know Jonathan used to say shit to Lo that my brothers used to say to me…it changes things. I should know my girlfriend’s dad better, and I want to make sure he’s not going to screw her over with that loan. I can’t tell Lo and Ryke about it, so I’m going to try to protect Willow myself—with everything I have.

Connor eyes me. “Jonathan Hale is a person you’re better off not knowing. Especially you.”

“Why?”

“Because unless you share his last name, you are collateral damage in his life. And you have the most unenviable position.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re dating his only daughter.”

17BACK THEN – December

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

GARRISON ABBEY