Page 168 of Wherever You Are

Don’t go!I want to scream.

Stay!

PLEASE!

My soul is fighting with myself.

I have loved her for longer than I have loved myself. I found her when living seemed like a worse choice than ending it all.

And now I’m losing her.

To London.

Fucking London.

Willow wipes at her wet tear-streaked cheeks, her olive-green shirt makes her warm, brown eyes glow even more in her sadness. Daisy backs away, crying and sniffing loudly, she walks into Ryke’s arms.

And then Willow looks at me.

We’re five-feet apart and that already feels like the biggest fucking distance in the world.It’s about to be a million times worse.

Kill me.

Just fucking do it already.

I’ve been waiting all my life to die. She leaves, maybe I’m going to finally be ready. Maybe it’s just time.

I can’t tell her this. I can’t tell her how hard this is going to be for me. Because if she stays for a loser like me, I’ll never survive that.

Each step closer to her is a knife in my chest. It feels like my brothers are here. Standing off to the side, sliding in the blades.

One after the other.

Step. Cut. Step. Cut.

Step…

I’m bleeding out.

But I touch her. Hand to hers.

She’s a mess of tears. She’smymess. “Willow.” My voice cracks.

Her chin quakes. “I don’t want to go. I change my mind—”

I bring her into my chest, tucking her close, hand on the back of her head. Tears stream down my jaw, but I face the plane, not her family.

I swallow the pain.

Swallow it down.

Down.

I pull back to look her in the eyes. It’s somehow easier to speak. Maybe because she’s right here. Like my brain knows she’s not gone yet. “We’re going to make this work,” I tell her, trying to sound confident. “I’m going to text and Skype.” I cup her wet cheeks between both my hands. “We’re going to make this work, Willow. Because you’re my girl, and that’s not going to change.”

Please…don’t let that change.

She cries into my shirt, soaking the fabric. We stay like that until she has to board the plane. Until I have to watch her physically leave me.