Page 41 of Where Quiet Hearts Scream (Dark Hearts #3)

S erafina

I stroke a finger across my jeans, just above the three scars I’ve now professed my love for, while Trilby sits cross-legged on a kitchen stool, talking my ear off.

We’ve done the house tour, she’s ooh’d and aah’d in all the right places and now we’re watching the leaves outside begin to turn a rusty pink.

I’m actually looking forward to seeing New England in the fall, for real.

“When will you be back from Washington?” she asks.

“Tuesday. We’re only going for a few days.”

“Huh.” She shovels a handful of nuts into her mouth. “That’s not a long honeymoon.”

“Says the woman who hasn’t had one of her own yet.”

“Touché,” she concedes. “So, what are your plans when you get to Washington?”

I have no idea because I can’t think much beyond the bedroom and how I’m going to seduce my husband into giving me more of those delicious orgasms.

“Well, there’s a business dinner…”

Trilby tuts loudly which I choose to ignore.

“And I’d love to visit some galleries and monuments while we’re there.”

“Oh there are some amazing ones—I’ll give you some tips.”

“I’d love that,” I smile.

“So, things are… better?” she asks timidly.

“Yeah, they are actually.”

“What changed?”

Oh um, he killed a governor for feeling me up beneath the table?

He’s spent a fortune on therapists, chefs and trainers to make me well again?

And he’s determined to make me love my scars by withholding his apparently monstrous dick from me just as I’ve decided it’s now the thing I want most in the world?

“I suppose I’ve just gotten to know him a bit more.”

“So, you’re happy with the arrangement?” There’s hope in her voice because even though she wants this marriage to work for the sake of the ‘firm,’ she’s still my sister.

“I wouldn’t go that far just yet. I still resent the fact I had absolutely no say in it, and I still don’t like that I lost my internship and the life I was looking forward to. ”

I still feel so much anger toward my husband.

If only he’d told me the truth and let me get to know him in my own time, I might have willingly said yes to a ring eventually.

But he took that choice away from me. He’s taken a lot of choices away from me, despite it being supposedly in my best interests.

But I’m learning each day that anger and infatuation can co-exist. Especially when it results in an actual Greek God making out with my substantially sized lower body and appearing to love it.

“Baby steps,” Trilby says with a sigh. “Well, you look happier and that’s all that matters to me. Are you still practicing astrology? And doing Tarot?”

I’m surprised at the question. Trilby is another member of my family who never bought into my hobby.

I sigh, giving it genuine thought. “Not so much actually.”

“Really? Why not?”

“I’m not sure. I think maybe I used it as a crutch to a certain extent. I still love it and find it interesting and helpful—sometimes—but I have other things to do now. Things I’m enjoying more, like reading and gardening and helping Viola around the house. It relaxes me.”

I don’t say it out loud because it feels too bold a shift to voice before I’ve had chance to really think it through, but the word that most describes my current state is ‘content.’ I feel content.

“How’s everyone at home?” I ask, as I plate up some snacks that Chef Alessandro had prepared in anticipation of my sister’s brief visit .

“Oh you know, the same. Tess has been given strict orders to stay at home at least four nights a week. Papa now thinks it’s unbecoming of a young woman practically betrothed to a second-in-command to be seen away from home too often outside wedlock.”

“What?” I stifle a groan. “Since when did Papa care about us keeping up appearances?”

“Since I married us all into this,” she replies with a heavy sigh.

“Trilby, at some point you have to give yourself a break. You can’t keep blaming yourself for the fact we need to behave a little differently now as a family. But Tess’s situation does sound a bit extreme. How’s Allegra?”

Trilby rolls her eyes. “Pulling her hair out.”

“Really? Why?”

“Well, you know, Papa isn’t around so much these days and Bambi is becoming a bit of a handful. She’s been sneaking out of the house to parties and falling back on her studies.”

“She’s seventeen though,” I counter. “Isn’t that what we all did?” Then something Trilby just said sounds in my mind like a foghorn. “Wait… Why isn’t Papa around so much? Where is he?”

Trilby squints up at me, almost afraid of my reaction. “He stays with Antonia a lot.”

“At her house?”

“I guess so.”

“Wow,” I say, then we both fall silent. Papa has moved faster than I expected. It feels as though he only started talking to Antonia at the lunch at Cristiano’s before the wedding. That was less than eight months ago. Now he’s abandoning our baby sister to go live at this woman’s house part time?

“It doesn’t sound like Papa,” I mutter, taking a bite of fig wrapped in prosciutto. Not to mention hypocritical if he’s making Tess stay home while he stays over at his girlfriend’s house.

“No, but he seems really happy.” I can tell Trilby is forcing optimism. Maybe it’s time I tried that too.

“Well, he does deserve some happiness after all these years.” My brow dips as a leaf falls from one of the trees. “Maybe I should bring Bambi out here for a while—give everyone a break.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea. Maybe we could all come together!”

“That sounds an even better idea,” I grin. “Leave it with me. I’ll go to Washington with Andreas, then when I get back I’ll start making plans.”

“Sounds great. You know…” she hops off the stool and walks around the island toward me. “It is so good to see you. You seem happy and healthy and… I don’t know, I hate that you’re so far away now, but I think Boston has been good for you.”

She threads her arms around my neck and gives me a long, tight squeeze.

“Yeah, I think maybe it has.”

She leans back and pushes my hair from my face. “My best friend,” she whispers wistfully. “You’ve been there through everything and I can’t tell you how much that means to me.” I start to shrug by her brow dips, stopping me. “I wasn’t there enough for you after Cristiano and I were married…”

“You did have other things to deal with. Your wedding started beautifully but the ending was…” I shake my head, unable to put it into words.

“Still, I feel like you were alone in that, not really knowing Andreas and having to leave your life in the Hamptons.”

“It’s turned out fine, though,” I smile.

Better than fine, actually. Only one thread of guilt pulls me back.

Trilby doesn’t know about my scars. No one in my family knows.

Dr. Nowak says I don’t need to tell anyone but at some point in the future, it might be cathartic.

Right now though, I only want Andreas to know.

Maybe when he’s helped me love each and every one of them, maybe then I’ll feel strong enough.

It’s that thought that makes me bite my lip and dig in to another prosciutto roll.