Page 4 of Where Daisies Breathe (Star Meadows #2)
AVA
T he tile floor is cold against my knees, and it feels wonderful against my overly warm skin.
It might be disgusting that I’m kneeling on the bathroom floor with no eagerness to get up but moving means going forward.
While I’ve always been okay with doing that, my future path is leading toward a place that is even more terrifying than my past.
My throat burns from vomiting, and my stomach aches.
I want to lie down on the floor and pass out, but my mind won’t stop soaring.
That’s the thing about me confessing a few secrets to Ellis.
I’ve cracked open a door and now all of my secrets are working to shove the door the rest of the way open and spill everything out.
I could try to shut it again, but where would that leave me?
Drowning in the past again. Like Clover said all of those years ago, lungs need to breathe, and mine are fucking screaming for air.
Groaning, I push up from the floor. I wash my face and hands before exiting the bathroom.
Clara is awake now, and so is Bailey. She’s sitting up on the sofa, holding a cup of coffee, while Bailey bounces around, probably needing to go to the bathroom.
Ellis is sitting on the edge of the desk that’s against the farthest wall.
He has a breakfast sandwich in his hand.
“Yeah, I’m not used to towns as small as this,” Clara says to Ellis. “It’s crazy how secluded it is—” She stops talking, her eyes skating to me as I enter the room.
“Dude, you look awful,” she informs me with a frown. “I think you need to sit down and eat something.”
A shaky exhale fumbles from my lips as I sit down on the foot of the bed. “I’m too hungover to eat.”
Her frown grows more prominent. “You need to eat.”
I sigh heavily. “Fine, I’ll try to.”
She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Again, I wonder how much she knows about what’s going on.
Ellis hands me a breakfast sandwich, his eyes scanning me as if I’m some fragile flower about to wilt and die. I hate the look. I wish I were stronger.
I don’t want to be a fragile flower.
I want to be solid.
I want to be a goddamn unmovable field full of fucking daisies.
He watches me unwrap the sandwich. “I have to head out to do some interviews, but I’d like to talk to you more after I’m finished. If you need more time than that, though, I understand.”
Need more time? I feel like I need all the time that has ever existed, and yet it feels like too much time has already gone by. I’ve held on to so much, and I want to release it.
“No, it’s fine,” I mumble as the smell of the egg and sausage breakfast sandwich graces my nostrils. “I can talk when you’re done.” I hope.
“Okay.” He wavers. “I’ll be back in a bit. You two are more than welcome to stay here while I’m gone.”
“We’ll probably try to find a place to stay.” Clara is the one to answer. “But we’ll hang around here until we do.” She flicks me a look, seeking an agreement.
Yesterday she told me she was going to ask her mom to rent us a place for the week, and while I wasn’t entirely on board with that, I agreed.
After what happened at the park yesterday, and with Jason being here, I think I’m okay with her doing that now.
How we’ll get our belongings from my mother’s house, though, is beyond me.
Ellis collects his wallet, keys, and badge, retrieves his gun from a safe, and then grabs his coffee and breakfast sandwich. “You have my number. If you need anything at all, call me.”
I nod, my tongue thick in my mouth. He’s so nice.
After Ellis leaves, Clara turns to me and asks, “What’s going on?”
What do I tell her? I have no idea, but I can’t tell her everything, not because I want to continue letting my lies simmer inside my chest, but because I don’t think I can handle talking about it again yet.
But telling her part of the truth seems doable.
“I told Ellis some stuff last night… While I was drunk,” I tell her while picking at my breakfast sandwich. “About some things that happened to me in the past that might be connected to the girl that was found in the park.”
“What?” She gapes at me, and I just nod. She silently processes this. “What sort of stuff?”
My throat feels tight—constricting, vines crawling out of the ground and coiling around my windpipe. “I was attacked when I was in high school, and there’s some similarities to what happened to that girl that… remind me of some things that happened to me.”
She studies me, her eyes searching mine. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head. “I feel like last night’s confession time with Ellis is about all I can endure for now.”
“Okay.” She leans to the side and collects a coffee from off the table. “Well, if you feel like talking, I’m here for you.”
“I know.” I chew on my bottom lip, trying to figure out what I should do.
I don’t want to stay in Star Meadows, but I may have to, not only to help Ellis with the murder cases, but to figure out what to do about the note I found in the car from the person wanting to meet with me.
There’s also that photo that was left with it, and the photos I took of those journals and notes I found in my mother’s closet.
I’m fairly positive I didn’t tell Ellis about having these items, so I need to talk to him about it.
As for meeting that person, I need to do it even if it scares the shit out of me.
I envision myself reaching up and prying the vines off of my neck, the ones that have tied me down for so long. I no longer want to let the woods have a grasp on me. I want to step back into the sunlight where I can finally breathe again.