Page 35 of Where Daisies Breathe (Star Meadows #2)

AVA

S ometimes when my mind is spiraling with anxiety, raveling into tangled knots, I visualize myself swimming.

It’s not like I even like to swim. But the idea of being out in the middle of a lake where no one else exists—where nothing else exists—except for me, the sunlight, and a gentle breeze is tranquil.

Although sometimes it backfires, and I find myself sinking under the water.

Right now, I’m sinking under it, no matter how hard I kick my legs. Through the surface, the sunlight begins to slip away, stealing any drop of tranquility.

“Ava.” Ellis’ voice pierces through the water like a ray of light.

I blink, my gaze snapping to him. He’s crouched in front of me, his eyes searching mine.

“Can you hear me?” he asks, his voice conveying caution.

I give an unsteady nod. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I was married to a murderer,” I whisper, tears stinging my eyes. “So it is my fault a little.”

“First of all, we don’t know for sure if Jason killed her.

Just because she dated him doesn’t mean he ended her life.

Secondly, you didn’t know Jason was dating her.

” He brushes a strand of my hair out of my eyes, causing me to flinch.

He quickly withdraws his hand. “You can’t blame yourself for this. ”

“I can blame myself for not speaking up,” I say.

“I should’ve put it together. Now that I think about it, the vase of daisies he had on his dresser…

I should’ve known they were from her.” Plus, that time I was drugged at that party, and Clover was begging for my help…

I thought the guy leaning over her and stroking her hair looked familiar, but I could never quite get it to connect.

Now I can.

It was Jason.

It was the one time I saw them together. I just didn’t realize it, mostly because I was drugged, but also because I was afraid.

“Ava, you were a victim who was scared into silence, so you can’t blame yourself for any of this.

There are a ton of people in this world who have been tortured so brutally, both mentally and physically, that they keep silent about all the dark things that exist. Things that most people are too afraid to acknowledge exist because it would shatter their naive realities. ”

His words drag me out of the water.

“You really believe that?” I wonder.

He nods without hesitation. “With all of my soul.”

I smash my lips together, summoning a deep breath. “So, how do we figure out if Jason murdered Clover?”

He pushes up and sits down beside me on the sofa. “Can you tell me how you connected him to being the guy she was dating?”

I grab the diary and tap the page with my finger.

“She mentioned she told the guy she was dating about mine and her daisy friendship. She says right here that she gave this same guy a vase of daisies, and he put them on the dresser where they dried out, but he’s never thrown them away.

When I was dating Jason, he had dried daisies in a vase on his dresser.

They were old and wilted, but I think he somehow preserved them because some of the petals were still attached to the stems. I think there’s ways to do that. ”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.”

“But anyway, I can remember asking him about them because they reminded me of Clover. He gave some vague answer about a girl he used to know giving them to him. I remember thinking about Clover at the time, but my brain was way too fogged up with trauma and grief to make much of a connection. And then there was this time at a party.” I swallow down the lump welling in my throat.

“I think Clover and I both got drugged… I can barely remember much of what happened, other than I came back into consciousness for a few minutes and this guy was leaning over her… stroking her hair… I could never remember what his face looked like, but now… I think it was Jason.”

Agony floods his eyes. “Ava,” he starts.

“It’s fine. I… I don’t want to talk about that too much yet, if that’s okay.” My chest feels tight, as if one more uneven breath will send me into a panic attack.

Ellis pauses, reluctance written all over his face. “We’ll put a pin in that for now, but the thing is, in order for us to be able to look into this more, we’d have to have more solid proof, especially if I need to obtain a search warrant.”

“How are we supposed to do that? Because it seems like all of the evidence we find is vague.”

“I know.” He drags his fingers through his hair as he slumps back on the sofa. “I can do a background search on Jason, but I’m assuming you’d probably know if he’s been arrested.”

“He hasn’t. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have secrets.

He had an affair that I didn’t know about.

” I twist a strand of my hair around my finger.

“Honestly, it seems like every single person I know has secrets, and I’m starting to realize that they were right in front of me.

I just wasn’t looking hard enough…” I trail off as an idea takes root in my mind, quickly growing.

“What is it?” Ellis inquires amongst my silence.

“I have an idea, but I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it.” I unravel the strand of my hair from my finger and twist toward him.

A crease forms between his brows, his lips parting, but then he promptly shakes his head. “No way. I can’t let you do that.”

“It might be the only way,” I stress. “Trust me, I don’t want to be around my family either, but my father’s wake will be taking place soon, which means all of my relatives and Jason will be there.

It gives me the perfect chance to see if I can find out anything.

I can go straight into the heart of their secrets. ”

He continues to shake his head. “No, it’s too dangerous.

And your mother’s already upset with you because you were arrested.

And you said Trystan knows you stole that key.

Plus, on top of all of that, we still have no clue what your uncle smuggled into the hospital.

” He rises to his feet and starts to pace the small space between the foot of the bed and the dresser. “We need to find another way.”

“This is the best way. And…” I push down the fear choking me. “I need to do this. I’ve run from everything for long enough… Plus, this way… It’s what Clover would’ve done, so I owe her the same.”

“Clover got killed over what she did. Please don’t compare it to that. I can’t lose another person I care about.”

“Nothing will happen to me. Not at his wake. There will be way too many people there. Not just my family.” This I’m confident of.

Like I told him, my mother won’t risk a scene unfolding in front of guests.

If I get in and out before it ends, I’ll be fine.

“My mother won’t allow anything to happen that will draw a scene. ”

Do I want to do this? Hell no.

But do I believe I should? Yes.

“This isn’t the same as with Clover,” I add. “She was doing this alone. I’m not alone. I have you.”

I am not alone.

The words echo in my mind over and over again.

I’m unsure I’ve ever been able to say that before, but now…

I have Ellis.

I have Clara.

And I have myself. I’m no longer an empty shell of a person. I am stronger. I am less fragile.

I want to be unbreakable.

“I can do this,” I tell him with as much confidence as I can muster.

He gradually shakes his head from side to side, but it’s not necessarily giving me a firm no. It’s more laced with reluctance than anything.

“On one condition,” he says. “Well, two. You wear a recorder on you so I can hear what’s going on at all times. And I’m going to park close by. This is nonnegotiable.”

“Okay, that sounds fair.”

He blows out a breath. “When is it?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

“Good. That gives me some time to prepare for it.” He winds around the bed to collect his laptop. “I found some more info on the business that owns the cabin. Does the name Jill Thomford ring a bell?”

I shake my head as I rotate around to face him. “Why?”

“That’s the name listed as the owner of the hunting business that owns that house. When I searched for the name, numerous results appeared. It’ll take me a while to sort through them and see if any of these Jill’s are linked to it somehow.

I bob my head up and down with my lips pressed together. “I still think we should try that key I have on the gate. I know you said if we trespassed, that anything we found would be dismissed in court, but what if the key does unlock the gate?”

“I think I should look more into this Jill Thomford and go from there.” He sits down on the bed again with the laptop on his lap. “Even if the key goes to the gate, we still need to figure out why your mom had it in her room.”

“And why was Trystan looking for it?” What I don’t say aloud, because I know it’ll make Ellis even more hesitant to let me go to the wake, is that I wonder if Trystan will bother me about it while I’m there.

He nods, his fingers gliding across the keyboard. “I do think it’s odd Jerry was at that apartment just barely. Then your uncle shows up, takes who knows what from the crime scene, and then the police announce it’s not a real crime.”

“Clover told me that Jerry tried to get her to go to his parties all the time. I’m guessing they were probably like the one in that apartment.” A shiver of disgust rolls through my body.

His gaze flits up to me. “Do you know if she ever went to one?”

“She acted like she hadn’t, and the way she spoke to Jerry whenever he was around made it seem like she hated him enough to never go near him.

” I pause, my gaze straying to the diary where a lot of Clover’s secrets are hidden.

“But if she believed there was a connection to Jerry and Zoey’s death, she may have. ”

“You could be right. It’s fucking unnerving how many people might be involved in this. It honestly seems like half the damn town is.”

“It’s not a very big town.”

“More than zero is too many to be involved in this.”