Page 13 of Where Daisies Breathe (Star Meadows #2)

AVA

W e drive to the woods in Ellis’s SUV. During the drive, he has me recount all the details I can recall about the woods and what happened afterward, ranging from what Camilla has told me to the voicemails I’ve received over the years, to what I overheard Trystan say today.

“Do you have the key Trystan was looking for?” Ellis asks me as he steers down the road.

He has a pair of sunglasses on, and he changed into a pair of pants, a T-shirt, and sneakers before we left.

I already had on comfortable clothes, so I didn’t bother having him stop at the place I’m staying at, so I could change.

It’s not like I'll be comfortable anyway. In fact, the closer we get to the peaked lines of the mountains that angle toward the partly cloudy sky, the more nausea clenches my stomach. I worry I’ll end up throwing up, which is becoming a common trait for me since I arrived here.

At this rate, by the time I leave, my stomach will be an empty pit of nothingness.

At least my soul won’t match it, though… I hope.

Redemption? Does such a thing exist?

“I do.” I open my bag and rummage around until I find the key.

“I stole it out of my mother’s room. I’m not even sure why I did it.

” I rotate the key in front of me, the metal catching in the light.

“She’s just been acting so off, even for her.

And after I woke up and that word was carved on my back, I just…

I don’t know. I felt like I needed to get some answers.

I just don’t know what questions I should be asking. ”

He grips the wheel as he slows down to make a turn on a road that leads toward my mother’s house and forks off toward the entrance to the woods.

“I agree with you. When I spoke to your mother about your father’s death, she acted nonchalant about it.

I know people handle grief differently, but it wasn’t even her lack of emotion that was suspicious.

It was her evasiveness to answer questions. ”

“I told you my uncle doesn’t trust you, right?

” I ask and he nods, casting me a glance from the corner of his eyes.

“Well, she’s always done whatever my father and uncle tell her to do.

My aunt’s that way, too, so getting anyone in my family to talk to you will be a pain in the ass.

In fact, I don’t think they will unless you can get my uncle to, and I doubt that’ll happen. ”

“I don’t think he will either. I tried to speak to him on the phone, and he basically told me to go fuck myself and that he doesn’t speak to corrupt police, which is ironic considering the Star Meadows Police Department is under heavy suspicion for dusting certain issues under the rug.”

“Issues I’m guessing you can’t talk about?”

He offers me an apologetic look. “Sorry. I’m probably telling you too much as it is, but I think you need to know some of these details.”

I spin the key in my hand. “Do you still think my uncle could’ve had the coroner lie on the autopsy report for Clover?”

“I do, which means he could’ve done the same thing on the reports for the girls found dead in Star Meadows.” He thrums his fingers on top of the steering wheel. “If that’s the case, I need to figure out why he’s doing it, and who he’s covering up for.”

Memories of my uncle flash through my mind. Have I seen or heard anything that’d indicate why he was part of something so horrendous? My head throbs at the images I see containing not only him, but also my father. My mother. My aunt. Trystan.

The brutal truth is that the roots digging into my brain that make up the memories of my family tree have decayed.

“Do you believe that the mind can make you forget horrible memories?” I ask suddenly. “To protect you from them?”

He meets my gaze. “Like the ones of what happened to you in the woods?”

I nod, but then waver, nervously picking at a loose thread on my shorts.

“I think I might have forgotten a lot of traumatic events that happened to me. But I also remember some of them.” I slump back in the seat.

“It just sometimes feels like I have holes in my brain. And then I remember these random images from my childhood, but I can’t quite put all the pieces together to make the memories make sense.

My therapist suggested that this might be trauma-related amnesia. ”

He glances at me in surprise. “You see a therapist?”

Oh my god, I didn’t mean to say that aloud. I’m not even sure why discomfort spreads through me, but it does.

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” he quickly adds as he shifts down. “I think that’s great. I see one too. It’s part of what helped me move past all the shit that happened in this town and with my family.”

It’s strange to hear him speak about Star Meadows the same way I do. Sometimes I’ve wondered if it’s just me who thinks of it this way.

“Why do you think this place is so bad?” I ask as he slows down to make a turn onto a dirt road that will take us to the mouth of the canyon.

We’re almost there.

The nausea in my gut builds.

“Not that I don’t agree with you.” I keep talking to distract myself from the trees looming in the distance. “But I’ve wondered why so much bad shit happens here.”

“Part of it might be because of corrupt cops.” He shifts gears. “But I also think it’s the seclusion. That can make some people go a little crazy. And it gives some a sense of security to act on dark impulses.”

I think back to when my parents decided to move here…

Red and blue flashing lights…

Someone bangs on the door. “Police. Open up.”

“Go to your room, Ava, and do not come out.” My mother shoves me, panic flooding her eyes…

She’s holding a silver object…

A knife…

She’s kneeling in front of photos of people dancing around in the trees…

So many photos of trees…

“Aves.” A hand is on my cheek.

Why the hell is someone touching me?

I jerk back, blinking until the memory fades and the present settles across my vision in rays of light and Ellis’s kind eyes.

He holds up his hands in front of him. “I’m sorry. You dazed off, and I couldn’t pull you out of it.”

I force down the lump welling in my throat. “It’s fine.” My voice is unsteady and so is my pulse as I scan the area surrounding the SUV.

Ellis has parked near the entrance of the dirt trail that winds its way into the trees. While the sun is shining, shadows cast across the path, making it appear later in the day than it actually is.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” Ellis says, drawing my attention back to him.

“Why not?” I ask, confused. “Isn’t it important to the case?”

“Yeah, but…” He trails off, studying me intensely. “We’re not even in the trees yet, and it’s already messing with your mind. I don’t want to push you.”

God, he’s so nice it’s hard to comprehend sometimes.

As if reading my mind, he says, “You’re about to tell me that I’m nice, aren’t you?”

“You are,” I insist. Then with trembling fingers, I unfasten my seatbelt. “I need to do this.” I shove open the door. “No more running.” I climb out and step onto the dirt that was hidden under a blanket of snow that day that I came out here.

What else is hidden up here? Memories? Secrets? Monsters?

All three?

I face the trail.

I’m about to find out.

And it’s fucking terrifying.

Ellis meets me around the front of the SUV, and then he glances at me from the corner of his eye. “Are you sure?”

I nod, even though I’m not, then start forward.

The dirt scuffs underneath my sneakers and the noise sounds nothing like the way the snow crunches under my shoes that day.

That makes it slightly easier to continue forward.

One foot in front of the other, I used to say to myself all the time right after the divorce.

It’s how I existed, except I’m starting to question if I was ever doing that or if I was merely floating somewhere between the past and future, never quite moving toward either.

Maybe that’s how it’s been since the last time I walked up this path.

“Zoey hated the woods,” Ellis tells me as we arrive at the spot where the trees begin.

“She hated bugs and dirt and anything that had to do with the outdoors.” He shifts a backpack he’s carrying higher onto his shoulders.

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.

Why would she go into the mountains if she hated it? ”

“Honestly, a lot of people go hiking even when they hate the woods,” I offer. “Especially when someone with you wants you to go into the woods with them.”

“Like you right now?”

“No. Well, yes. But you and Clover used to convince me to go into the woods all the time, and I hated every second of it, but I did it because I wanted to spend time with you guys. Well, and I wanted to seem cool, but that is a whole different issue.”

“Everyone wanted to be cool in high school,” he assures me. “Even Clover.”

“Really?” I question. “Because I always felt like she was just cool.”

He smiles wistfully at that. “She was.” His smile fades.

“But there were a lot of times where I felt like she was playing a role instead of actually being herself.” He plucks a leaf off a tree as we walk further into the trees.

“I felt like she wanted everyone to believe she was cool, but I’m not sure if I even knew who she was underneath that. ”

“I’ve wondered that too. There was this one time when we skipped class and went out to the lake. We were hanging out and talking about real deep stuff, and then she just jumped into the lake and let herself sink under the water.”

His attention darts to me. “ What ?”

“Yeah, and I jumped in because I thought she needed to be saved, but then she popped up and acted like it was amusing. Well, until I flipped out on her, and then she felt bad.” I press my lips together, pausing for a beat.

“When she went into the water, I realized she was sadder than she wanted everyone to believe.”