Page 1 of When the Leaves Fall

DREW

“ M om!” I scream, my voice cracking as I watch her topple onto the kitchen floor. “Oh my God, Mom!”

I catch her before her head hits the floor and gently lower her down, only to see that her eyes are rolled to the back of her head and her face is blue.

“Please stay with me, Mom,” I repeat over and over as I push my hands against her chest.

“ M iss, Drew,” Ruby, my mom’s main nurse for today, says as she enters the room. “This is Luca. He’ll be taking over for me tonight.”

It takes me a moment to snap back to the present. When I finally manage, I muster up a tiny smile and nod in acknowledgment.

“Hi, Drew, is it?” Luca asks.

“Yeah. Hi,” I mumble.

A yawn takes over, and I can only imagine what I look like right now. I don’t know the last time I’ve slept for more than a few minutes. It’s awfully hard to get comfortable on a plastic couch in the hospital room, especially when the staff are constantly coming in to check on Mom.

“I’m going to get the info on your mom here. Then we’ll get her settled in for the night so she can get some rest. Is there anything you think I should know?”

All I can do is shake my head in response. I’m utterly exhausted, and my brain is truly struggling to wrap my head around what happened. I haven’t had much time to process anything because I’m constantly dealing with whatever the “next step” is or “what else” needs to get done.

“Sounds good. I’ll check back in soon,” Luca states before heading back to Ruby to look over Mom’s charts.

It’s been one week since she collapsed on her kitchen floor. We had just returned from our annual mother-daughter trip. Everything was fine. She had a great time in New York and drove most of the way home from the airport .

Nothing indicated that something was off.

That something was wrong.

There were no signs. And I know because I keep replaying every little moment in my head. Every. Single. Detail.

Over and over.

And over.

And over.

I was supposed to stay at my parents’ house for a few days before flying back to Colorado.

But that flight has been cancelled for the foreseeable future.

The doctors have absolutely no idea how long she’ll be here.

They don’t even know what caused her heart to stop, not once, not twice, but eight damn times.

Every test has come back negative. The angiogram.

Negative. Chest x-rays. Negative. Chest MRI.

Negative. She doesn’t need a stent. She doesn’t need any abrasions.

Absolutely no answers at all. They’re stumped.

She needs to start taking better care of herself. To stop putting the needs and wants of everyone else above her own.

First child syndrome is what we always say, only somewhat jokingly. It’s where the oldest child feels the need to be the caretaker for their younger siblings and other loved ones, like it’s their life mission.

Although I may not be the oldest child technically, as I’m an only child, I can still relate, and I hate that feeling.

I despise it. It’s one reason I moved a few states away from my family.

So I could stop feeling obligated to be at their beck and call day in and day out.

My mom’s siblings, nieces, and nephews are very… needy.

I’m exaggerating, but only slightly.

The older of my two uncles, the middle child, is constantly getting himself in trouble and needing to be bailed out.

Sometimes…literally. I honestly can’t keep up with what he’s getting himself into.

And no matter how many times he fucks up, Mom and Dad always drop everything to help him.

He claims he’s changed, that he’s ready to grow up.

But they continue to “loan” him money, give him a place to stay, cover the lawyer fees, and then he does it all over again.

He’s forty-five but acts like a teenager, and it drives me mad. It’s like he’ll never learn or grow up.

Her youngest brother married his high school sweetheart when they were both only nineteen, and started having kids right away.

Mom has always felt like a third parent to their kids, which makes sense since she practically helped raise them.

They spent most weekends with my parents since before the oldest turned a year old.

My uncle worked two jobs, and his wife, who was a stay-at-home mom, was rarely ever home.

I think that’s a big reason she and Dad never had any more children of their own.

And even though I’m an only child, I never truly felt like it.

Even now, anytime my cousins need something, they call my parents before their own. While my mom truly does enjoy that they need her, they’re all in their mid-to-late twenties and shouldn’t still need her as much as they do.

I might be projecting, though. With everything going on, it’s easy to find something or someone to blame. But Dad and I have both agreed that when Mom gets better and is discharged, she’ll need to set some boundaries for her own mental and physical health.

“Bye, Sandra,” I hear Ruby say to my mom, who, of course, doesn’t respond.

Even though they took her off sedation today, she hasn’t opened her eyes yet.

She then looks up at me and waves with a small smile. “Bye, Drew. I’ll be back in the morning.”

“Bye, Ruby,” I reply with a wave. “Thanks for everything you do. We really appreciate you.”

Ruby is truly a gift sent from the powers that be… whoever or whatever they are. She’s so patient and kind with my dad and me as we navigate this new and absolutely terrifying situation.

I watch as she and Luca exit the room, shut the door, and chat. Ruby speaks with her hands moving all around, while Luca listens intently with his arms crossed over his chest. I can’t help but notice his look of concern. His face is scrunched up enough that his glasses start to slip down his nose.

What are they talking about? Why does Luca look so concerned? This can’t be a good sign. My chest tightens and my breathing quickens. I close my eyes and inhale deeply through my nose.

In. Two, three, four.

And exhale slowly through my mouth, feeling the warm air glide past my lips.

Out. Two, three, four.

To my right, I hear my mom stir in her bed. Slowly, I open my eyes, stand, and walk over to make sure she isn’t getting tangled in her cords as she adjusts her body to get comfortable. This movement is so reassuring after days of her being sedated.

I’m both looking forward to and dreading when Mom finally wakes. They’ve warned us that she likely won’t be herself at first, if ever. She stopped breathing enough times that they’re worried about how much it might have impacted her brain.

I’m beyond happy and eternally grateful my mom is alive, but it’ll absolutely break my heart to see her awake but not fully herself. Ruby has been amazing, helping me prepare for whatever comes next. I’m so glad she’ll be back tomorrow as well. Hopefully, Mom’s awake tomorrow and can meet Ruby.

The sound of the door rolling open behind me, and a gentle voice grabs my attention. I turn to see Luca make his way back into the room.

“How are you doing?” He asks me.

I shrug. “I honestly don’t know.”

“I appreciate the honesty,” he replies. “Many times we get the ‘I’m fine’ answer, and we know dang well they’re not fine.”

My lips curl up into a slight smirk, and I nod.

“I’ve always been a rather honest person. No point in sugar coating things. It’s a waste of time.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Luca replies as he checks one of Mom’s IV bags. “She hasn’t opened her eyes yet, correct?”

I look over to my mom and shake my head. “Not yet, but they said she should at any time.”

“For sure,” he replies. “It could be within an hour to tomorrow morning. She was under pretty heavy sedation, and every person comes out of it at different paces.”

I nod in acknowledgement.

“If you want, you can go down to the cafeteria to get some dinner before they close, and if anything changes, I can give you a call?”

“Oh, ummm…” I look between him and my mom lying on the bed with no indication that she might wake up soon. “I… I don’t know. I want to be here when she wakes up.”

“I get that,” he replies, then leans in closer to me and motions with his hand for me to come closer. “We have some good snacks in our staff room on this floor. Want me to sneak you something?”

A giggle escapes my lips. “Sure, you won’t get into any trouble?”

“Eh, what’s the worst that can happen?” He winks at me and then adds, “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay…thanks,” I whisper and watch him leave the room. A few moments later, I hear a slight knock and turn to see him standing in the doorway.

“I forgot to ask, any food allergies?”

Wow. How freaking thoughtful. “No,” I reply. “But I absolutely hate kiwis, peppers, and peanuts.”

He nods in response. “Noted.” And he’s gone.