Page 23 of When Jess Wainwright’s Curiosity Was Satisfied (Wainwright Sisters #4)

Chapter Twenty-Three

A fter Thaddeus had sent Cadoc on his way, he bundled Jess into his waiting carriage. Arie was already there, nestled against the squabs, her new babe in her arms.

“Sit,” Arie said, and patted the seat beside her.

“Are you ashamed of me?” Jess asked. She couldn’t bear it if that was the truth.

Arie smiled at her just as tenderly as her husband had. “No my little love, I’m not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you. But I refuse to stand by and let you be used by someone who doesn’t appreciate you.”

Jess brushed her loose hair behind her ears even as her eyes filled with tears at her sister’s understanding. “He appreciates me.”

Arie raised a brow. “He’s finally admitted how he feels then?”

Jess shook her head. “No,” she quietly confessed. “I don’t know if he feels the same.”

“Then Thaddeus and I did the right thing. If he feels the same, he can prove it to all of us tomorrow morning.”

“How did you happen to be here?”

“We were retrieving packages in town and Thad didn’t like the look of the sky. If you were still at the school, he insisted we would make sure you got home safely.”

“You’ll have to use lye soap on his eyes. If my brother-in-law had arrived a few moments later he would have an indelible impression of Cadoc’s bare arse.”

Arie chuckled softly. “I’m happy to see your sense of humor remains intact. You shall have need of it if you end up wed.”

Jess leaned back and let the soothing rock of the carriage soothe her to sleep. Just as it was soothing the newest addition to their family. She would decide later what her answer would be when the man she loved, who was too afraid to love her in return, showed up at the cottage as Thaddeus had commanded him to.

The next morning, she sat before the fire in the cottage kitchen, her hands clasped in her lap for strength. Because she knew she needed to refuse his suit. When she heard his voice echo in the foyer she stared resolutely into the flames of the brazier.

When he dropped to one knee in front of her and took her hand in his, Jess sighed. She still couldn’t read the depths of his feelings for her. And she knew her decision was the right one.

“Will you marry me, Jess Wainwright?”

She shook her head. “No, I won’t.”

“I thought this is what you wanted,” he said, his brows drawn together in confusion.

“This is never what I wanted. I only wanted you, freely giving yourself to me. This sham is anything but that.”

“Me offering for you, isn’t a sham. I’m doing the honorable thing and making everything right. As I’m expected to do.”

“I don’t want your bloody honor,” she scoffed. “It’s never been a thing I wanted. I want your honesty and your heart and those are things you’re too afraid to pledge.”

“You heard her,” St. Simon said from the doorway.

Cadoc, turned, still down on one knee and glared at him. “You’re the one who was so adamant about this.”

“Because I wanted her to have options. As every woman should. If she’s said this gesture isn’t enough, then it isn’t. And it’s her choice to make.”

Cad rose to his feet. It was obvious he wanted to return the punch Thaddeus had delivered, and was barely restraining himself from lashing out. “Then her ruination, the one you were so desperate to prevent, is on your head.”

In that moment, Jess resolved that she would have him wholly. At least the part of him that was hunger and desire.

After Thaddeus and Arie returned her to the cottage, she snuck into the night. “Why are you here? I gave it back. Every single piece. And what have I told you about wandering about in the cold and the dark?”

His tone was bitter and he was practically snarling. But why would he care whether she traipsed into the night alone? Unless he cared.

He hadn’t bothered to button his shirt, and for a moment Jess was transfixed by the play of starlight over the expanse of muscle. He was gripping the neck of a bottle of whisky.

“I’m not here about the microscope.”

“Then why are you here, dragonfly?”

His expression was inscrutable, his eyes red-rimmed and he smelled like he’d been swimming in a barrel of liquor instead of drinking it.

“Because this thing between us is unresolved.”

“You turned me down. Loudly and publicly in front of your sister and her family.”

“Because you offered to marry me out of a sense of responsibility.” She stepped closer. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want other things.”

He closed his eyes and the deep breath he took made the shirt flutter. When he opened them, they were brimming with despair and resignation. “What if I don’t want to give you those things? What if I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have?”

Jess closed the door and pushed past him. “I accepted the wager. You may have pressured me into it, but it was something I wanted. Even if I couldn’t admit it to myself.” This time when she drew near, he flinched.

“I manipulated you, Jess. You didn’t have a choice because I didn’t give you one. I have to live with that. From the very beginning I knew you would be the victim of its end. I knew the shame and the tragedy would all be heaped on your shoulders.And I still let my selfishness jeopardize everything you’ve worked for. I know I was wrong and I can’t forgive myself for the damage I caused.”

She braced her hands on her hips and tipped her chin toward him at a mutinous angle. “I am an independent woman and willing to take responsibility for my own actions. Every decision I made was a step I eagerly took. You didn’t coerce me.”

The supple curve of his mouth thinned into a brittle line. “It was coercion, Jess. I forced your hand just as I’ve been battering my way into places denied me my entire life. I’ve never cared to examine the consequences of my actions. Until now when they’ve barred me from the one thing I want the most.”

Jess placed her hand in the middle of his chest and felt the warm flex of muscle beneath it. She’d expected his flesh to be cool to the touch, like marble, because of the starlight. It wasn’t. It was as warm and golden as she remembered.

She slid her fingers to his waistband and his jaw tightened. She curled her fingers around the edge of his trousers and he tipped his head back and clenched the hand not holding the bottle. She tapped her fingernails against the warm, golden skin, because she couldn’t resist touching him, and he quivered, like a taut bowstring. When she pushed, he stepped backward, as if he couldn’t resist her either.

“It wasn’t coercion, Cad. I wanted you then, and I want you now. To hell with my reticence and everything and everyone telling me you’re unworthy of my affection. Or that I shouldn’t want this. ”

He groaned, and the bottle slipped from his hand. It shattered on the floor and the liquid splashed and sloshed all over her skirt. He didn’t give her time to protest or exclaim. His hands rose to her face and bracketed it before he swooped. His lips captured hers and he groaned again.

He spun her away from the door, kicked it closed and then swung her back around to pin her against it.

He groaned again, mumbled something monosyllabic and incoherent into the kiss, and the solid weight of his palm slid over her thigh. She felt it through the layers of her clothing, like a brand so hot the flames were the eerie white color fierce enough to shape metal.

When he curled her leg around his waist, she clung. She longed to feel him there, just there, more than she needed her next breath. The stars swirling through her brain were an echo of the sky she’d walked under to be with him tonight, and all of the desire she’d kept banked coalesced into a single, luminous point of light.

“I am bad for you, Jess Wainwright. This will only hurt you more, ruin you and your chances.”

She tipped away from the kiss and snaked her fingers around his stubborn, cleft chin. “I choose this, Cadoc Morgan. Just as I’ve been choosing it all along. I’ll choose my own chances and determine my own ruin.”

“I’ll not ask again. I’ve imagined you for too long, and we’re not in a closet or a crowded church or your schoolroom, wary of discovery.”

“I want you to show me all the things you’ve been dreaming about. And more of the things you keep whispering about and tempting me with.”

She took one of his empty hands in hers and raised it to her lips. She feathered kisses over his scarred knuckles and mangled fingers and he closed his eyes again at the bliss of her touch.

“And I brought this,” she said.

When he opened his eyes again, she was pulling a sheath from her pocket.

“Why? When you’ve already refused me.”

“Because I know this is all you can give me right now. So I’m taking it.”

His lips crashed against hers again and he lifted her into his arms. She pressed light kisses against his jaw and his throat as he carried her up the stairs. He nearly stumbled as he thudded against the banister and she giggled.

When he swallowed her laughter with another kiss, the effervescent joy of it nearly shattered her. “Hush, before we wake the house, dragonfly,” he admonished as he closed the door of his bedroom behind them.

“Make me hush, Cadoc,” she teased.

“I plan on it. Until you’re writhing with it,” he promised.

He set her on her feet and twirled her around so he could attack the row of buttons at her back. She leaned her neck against his shoulder and pressed back against his already torrid length.

“Dragonfly,” he warned. “I want to make this last.”

She laughed as he slipped the last button from its hole and let her blouse fall to the floor before she scampered out of reach. “My turn,” Jess said.

She could see him holding himself still, like a looming predator and the rigid line of his jaw nearly broke her with want as she pushed his shirt from his shoulders. When she pressed her lips to his chest, and sank to the floor as she followed the trail of dark hair that disappeared into his breeches, he groaned.

She unfastened his trousers next, and after she tugged them to his hips, she palmed his erection.

He watched, captivated and enthralled, as she lifted the sheath and rolled it over him. The way she then pulled it snug and tied it at his base with a sultry smile was all it took for him to throw her onto the bed when she rose to her feet.

Her limbs went akimbo and her feet tangled in her skirts as she fell laughing onto his rumpled satin sheets.

He fell on her before rolling her to the side so he could untape her as swiftly as possible. She made it nearly impossible for him to finish, throwing her head back to nip at his jaw and thrusting her luscious arse against his cockstand. When he’d shed her of her skirt and crinoline, he set his hands to her front, teasing her breasts as he unlaced them where they played peekaboo against her corset.

“Take off your shift and pantlets if you don’t want them torn to shreds," he growled in her ear as he stroked her nipples where they chafed against the nearly threadbare cotton.

She shimmied to her knees and lifted the shift over her head, and then stretched her legs toward him with a teasing smile. “You can remove these. But no ripping things to shreds.”

Jess knew he wanted to disobey, to fall on her like a ravening beast, and she licked her lips as she watched him weighing the advantages of rebellion. With a great sigh, he carefully began rolling them down her legs. She knew the only reason he was succumbing to her wishes was because he knew if he destroyed them she wouldn’t allow him to replace them. As soon as he tugged them over her feet he wrapped his hands around her ankles and pulled her toward him, looping her legs around his waist so she was straddling him.

Her heat brushed against him and she wondered fleetingly if he wished she’d said yes, so he could feel the tight clench of her bare skin as she seated his cock deep inside her. She wondered if this was to be his one and only night with her, if he’d accept her gift, and if the memories would be enough to keep her warm every night of her life.

“Put me inside you,” he demanded.

“Shouldn’t you make me ready first?”

He didn’t answer, he just set his hands to her hips and pulled her up the length of his body, until her dripping cunt was right there at this mouth. The word felt naughty in her head, but nothing else sounded appropriate for how fiercely she wanted this. How fiercely she was going to take it.

“Hang onto the headboard, dragonfly,” he growled.

He watched as she stretched her arms out and grabbed the cast iron. When he was satisfied her grip was secure, he tightened his hold on her hips to keep her steady and licked through her folds strong and sure.

Jess couldn’t muffle her moan of relief as she ground herself against the suction of his lips and tongue. He settled his mouth over the hood of her clitoris and tucked it against the back of his teeth before he bit down ever so gently. “Come for me, dragonfly,” he growled. “Make my path smooth and slick and easy.”

Her body responded to the savage stroke of his tongue before she was ready, flooding his mouth as he swallowed her release. He gave her clitoris one final lick before he began to ease from beneath her body. She began to move too, but he set his hands on her hips again. “No. Stay just as you are.”

This time it was her turn to obey and she did, even though this too was like none of the illustrations she’d seen.

He rose behind her and pushed her legs further apart. When she looked over her shoulder, her gaze met his and their reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall at his back. He gave her a wicked grin.

“That’s it, dragonfly. Watch your body take me.”

He dipped a finger inside her first, hitting a spot that made her writhe against his hand the way she’d writhed against his face.

“Christ, you’re beautiful,” he rasped as he slid in another finger. Jess kept her gaze on their reflection so she could see the way his whole body was tense with muscle behind her, his face flushed, his expression intense and his eyes hooded. She felt like a nymph being readied for a rutting satyr - like the ones in her sister Gert’s mythology books.

“Are you ready? I can’t hold on much longer.”

She nodded, because the rough cadence of his voice rendered her mute.

He set one hand on her hip and fisted the other in her loose hair. “Ride me, little dragonfly.”

He entered her in one long glide, and she felt the small sting of him leaving her hymen behind for all eternity. And then he was fully seated and she felt full and not full enough. She gritted her teeth against the pressure and tossed her head. He lifted his hand from her hip to stroke it down her back, as if she were a skittish mare.

Jess laughed at the thought and wondered for the first time that night who was taming who. Her lover had likely only given her the illusion she was in control. He tugged her back, so her head was nearly resting against his chest, and her body was arched at an almost painful angle. This time when he thrust into her, the hit was deeper and the base of his cock brushed against her clitoris.

“You were playing games,” she wailed.

“Hush, sweeting,” he murmured and untangled his hand from her hair. “Bite my hand if you need to, but know this. Nothing about this thing between us has ever been a game. Even when I tried to convince myself otherwise and pretended that’s all it was.”

Jess dug her teeth into the side of his palm and he hissed as he thrust into her again. This time she reared back against him. His fingers dug into her hips and she knew the imprint would linger. Another reminder that this was her last chance to convince him he was made for her.

“I’m coming, dragonfly,” he groaned as he dropped his head to the curve of her shoulder. He set his teeth against her nape and the weight of him shuddered over her back before he went still.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he mumbled into her shoulder before pressing a kiss there. “I’m sorry you didn’t find your release,” he said as he drew away from her.

She flipped over as he leaned back and watched him untie the sheath. He tied it tightly and set it aside, his solemn gaze lingering on her face.

“There will be no apologies between us. Not for this,” she told him.

He just gave her a wry smile and rose to his feet. “I’ll make it up to you,” he said over his shoulder as he strode to the washstand.

She leaned her face into her hand and unabashedly watched the flex of his bare ass as he walked away. There was muscle at his hip that rippled every time he took a step and she was fascinated.

He disappeared into the garderobe, and when he emerged, he caught her staring. He came to a stop and braced his hands on his hips. “Should I turn around for you?”

She propped her chin in both hands. “Please.”

He spun around several times.

“That’s enough for now. I don’t want you falling over and breaking something I may need later.”

The rich sound of his laughter filled the room before he pounced as he’d threatened to do.