Page 19 of When Jess Wainwright’s Curiosity Was Satisfied (Wainwright Sisters #4)
Chapter Nineteen
J ess wanted to stomp on his foot or bite his lip, but when she opened her mouth beneath his, the kiss filled her stomach with a thousand wings and made her want to twirl around in a circle until she was dizzy from it. His hands slid under her cloak and fell to her hips, lifting her against him. She lifted one of her mittened hands and held it up. She didn’t even need to tell him what she wanted. He removed it with his teeth and tossed it to the ground.
Jess slid her now bare hand to the back of his neck and cupped the curve of muscle notched just above his spine. He groaned and pressed her even closer, so she could feel how hard he was. The fabric that had been damp from his earlier release had dried, but was still dark.
He tilted his head away from her and growled. “If you aren’t in that door in five seconds, I’ll take you right here beneath the cold moonlight. Consequences be damned.”
Jess took two steps back and stood there, unable to look away. She could see the puff of their breaths in the open air, feel the weight of the desire in his tortured gaze. “Flee, dragonfly. This is the last warning you’ll get before I pounce.”
Jess took her skirts in her hands and scurried to the door. She gave him one last look over her shoulder. He looked like some fae prince in the pale light, and she almost ran back. She pushed open the door, and quickly shut it behind her. Before she changed her mind.
When Jess descended the stairs the next morning, she was still rubbing sleep from her eyes. Her excursion and its aftermath had made her toss and turn all night, uncertain of her path and dreading its outcome.
Vin and Cece were seated at the kitchen table.
Jess skidded to a halt. “I thought you were wed now? What are you doing here?”
“She’s left her husband to fend for himself,” Vin clarified.
“I came on the train yesterday. It was delayed and I knew everyone would be abed, so I stayed in the room above the tavern.”
Cece looked careworn and exhausted. And heartbroken. “We’re glad you’re here because we’ve missed you, but I’m heartily sorry trouble has brought you home.”
Jess wanted to besiege her for advice, but sensed she carried burdens of her own.
“Your new husband has already broken faith?” Jess asked.
Cece twisted the claddagh ring over her knuckle. “I’ve never felt so betrayed or manipulated,” she quietly confessed.
“It seems to be quite the whirlwind romance.”
Jess erred on the side of tact and didn’t mention any of the heated discussions Cece’s sudden choice had caused. Emily had been on the verge of retrieving her from what she’d deemed an irrational lapse in judgment.
“It felt as if I knew him from the moment we met. The reason for my familiarity became quite clear.”
Her sister sounded bitter, and more wracked by despair than she’d ever seen her.
“What caused the rift between you?”
Cece’s bark of laughter was harsh. “His deception feels unforgivable. It was him, not Henry, who wrote the letters. His deceit made me question whether I ever held my husband’s heart.”
Jess and Vin both gasped in outrage.
“You told me those letters were how you came to truly know your husband,” said Jess.
“And you weren’t the only one swooning over his words. We all did when you read one of them aloud,” added Vin.
”My husband wasn’t the one you were swooning over or I was acquainting myself with. It was a big, gruff Scot like a great, wounded bear.”
Jess noted that even as her sister complained, her throat was hoarse with tears and her words held grudging affection. “So you’re still hopeful?”
Cece tipped her head back. “I shouldn’t be. Loving Malcolm Lockhart is exasperating.”
“So you really love him,” Vin mused.
“He made it impossible not to,” Cece grumbled. “He’s caring and protective beneath all his brooding, and he truly meant the words he wrote.”
“So this gulf isn’t entirely irreconcilable?” Asked Jess.
“No. I fully expect him to chase after me, even though I explicitly instructed him not to.”
“He’ll have a whole host of your family to contend with,” warned Vin. “Especially Thad and Mac. They won’t let him off easily.”
Cece dropped her head in her hands. “They’ll probably thrash him to within an inch of his life.”
“Wasn’t he a soldier? He can probably hold his own.”
“Yes, Vin, he was a soldier. But he also probably thinks he deserves a thrashing. Because he blames himself for everything- no matter how ridiculous it is. I’m angry at the way he deceived me, because I wasted so many years questioning what I was to Henry. Those letters were what made me doubt how well I truly knew my first husband, and the emotion poured into the pages was Mal’s, not his. That’s the deception I couldn’t countenance on my own. All that time wasted.”
“If you say he can hold his own, we’ll believe you. Perhaps he can appease them with whisky. They’re partial to it.”
“That’s something he wouldn’t know he needed to bring. They’ll have to share theirs.”
“Are you worried for him?” Jess asked.
Cece smiled, and her whole face was full of brilliant light that Jess was envious of and wanted for herself. “I think he’ll be able to hold his own, despite the fierce need of Thad and Mac to guard me against further hurt. He’s used to fighting for what he wants, even if he thinks he doesn’t deserve it, and I know he wants our marriage and what we’ve begun to build.”
Jess and Vin both stretched their hands across the table and Cece grasped them.
“We’re happy for you, Little Sister,” Vin said and Jess nodded in agreement even as she blinked away her sudden tears.
Jess was happy for her little sister, who’d borne so much and been trapped in her own sorrow and widow’s weeds for so long Jess had feared she’d be cloaked in them forever. The way Cece had embraced the change in her life, her courage and her resilience, stalled the breath in Jess’s lungs and made her chest hurt.
“Yes, we’re happy for you,” Jess echoed Vin’s sentiment.
Cece drew her hands away and swiped her cheeks free of tears. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” she laughed softly.
“I know why,” Jess said. “You finally feel as if your life is beginning again. As if the deepest wish you held inside you is finally real.”
Cece sighed as she sat straighter in the chair. “That’s precisely how I feel,” she acknowledged.
“Our lives are changing,” Vin commented as she sat straighter too. “The nest we’ve built here is growing, and although it’s frightening to see my sisters throwing themselves from it like fledglings, it’s beautiful too.”
“Yes, beautiful,” Jess agreed. And she couldn’t help remembering the way Cadoc had held her after their interlude last night, and the way she’d felt in his arms. Safe, and blossoming at the same time.
“I know you snuck out last night, sister,” Vin said as she turned an eagle-eyed gaze to Jess, as if she was trying to peer into her very soul. “And I think something happened between you and that roguish inventor during the game of hide and seek, yesterday.”
Jess reclined and rubbed her hands over her face. “Something did happen, and it’s why I snuck away last night. Because it wasn’t enough and he promised me another lens. I went to retrieve it.”
Cece scanned her face. “What happened when you went to claim it?”
“I came face to face with how foolish and oblivious I’ve been. With the fact that this wager has rearranged and cauterized everything I thought I knew about myself and what I wanted.”
“Which is?” Vin prompted.
“That the reason I’m so fascinated by dragonflies isn’t just about their singular beauty,” Jes paused to gather her thoughts and tapped a finger against her chin. “It’s also about the way their lives are so brief and their entire existence is about making every moment count.”
“That is how this man makes you feel?”
Cece’s question was full of calm knowing, and a gentle smile curled her lips.
“Yes,” Jess answered with a sigh. “He makes me feel like a fledgling.”
“You’re both on the verge of claiming the lives you want. Just like Arie and Fran,” Vin said with a wistful grin.
“What will you do next?”
Jess didn’t know how to answer Cece’s question, because she didn’t know what awaited her. Not tomorrow, not even in the next hour. There was a tumult inside her every time she thought of him. “I don’t know. I only know that when I’m near him it feels like there are dragonflies in my stomach and in my heart, and it’s like taking joy in my hands and shaping it and not caring what the consequences of stealing that joy from the world will feel like.”
Now it was Cece and Vin who reached for her hands, and Jess took them in her own, drawing strength from their support and the understanding and love she saw in their expressions.
“We’ll stand by you, no matter what,” Vin reassured her with a squeeze. “Because we want you to feel those things. You deserve them.”
Jess’s eyes filled with tears again as she squeezed back. “I don’t know what he wants. If he wants anything more than what we’ve shared.”
Vin patted her hand. “We all noticed the way he looks at you. Like he’ll die if he looks away. Like you’re the brightest, most precious thing he’s ever seen. I think he wants more - even if he’s too scared to admit it.”
“Men are like that, you know,” Cece said. “Too wrapped up in their fear and longing to tell us how they feel. Until the world gives them no choice and they have to stand tall and be vulnerable.”
Jess looked down at her lap. “Do you think he’s capable of that? Being vulnerable with me?”
“Yes,” Vin said decidedly. “I think he’s already there. Have you spoken of what will happen when the wager ends?”
“Not directly, no. But I want more of him every time I see him. Not just his touch and his kisses, but his hidden pain and sadness as well. I want to wrap my arms around him and shelter the boy he was and the terrible things he’s borne witness to.”
“You’re falling in love,” Cece said with another gentle smile. It was full of compassion and made Jess’s heart hurt anew.
“And I think he’s falling in love with you as well,” Vin observed. “Take it, Little Sister. Cling to it with both hands and don’t let it slip away.”
There was something in Vin’s eyes Jess had never seen. Something she usually hid behind her mask of bravado.
“I will,” Jess said with determination. “I will,” she repeated.