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26

August

R ome was beyond my wildest dreams. Watching Carson geek out and rattle off historical facts about the Colosseum and Sistine Chapel might’ve made me fall even harder for him.

It’s been nearly two weeks since our first date in Venice, and with each day that passes, I’m finding myself not only getting lost in Carson but also rediscovering myself. I feel like a butterfly breaking free from my chrysalis.

Florence was what fantasies are made of. The house Carson rented for us was tucked away in the countryside and I got more writing done in the six days we spent there than I have since I decided to begin writing my book. I’d be lying if I said the landscapes of the rolling vineyards outside my window were the inspiration that put me in the right headspace to write so much.

We didn’t see much of Florence outside of our little countryside haven, and that was fine by me. Each morning, Carson woke me up with his head between my thighs and I’ve never been so deliciously sore in my life. It’s been nearly two days since he was last inside me, but I still feel self-conscious as we walk down via Lorenzo D’Amalfi.

Our last two days in Italy will be spent on the Amalfi Coast before we drive north to fly out of Naples.

Looking to my side, I take Carson in as we walk to the rental company, where we plan to rent a Vespa for the day. He’s wearing olive green chinos and a white linen dress shirt. If I didn’t fall asleep to the sound of his beating heart each night, I’d swear he was immortal. The way he looks so put together all the time, without a single hair out of place, free of imperfections, should intimidate me. But the validation and reassurance this man gives me each day is uncanny, making it impossible to feel any insecurities when it comes to how he feels for me.

Now, I know we’ve been on a month-long vacation, where I’ve fallen head over heels in love with him, but Carson showed me how much he cares about me long before we touched down in Italy.

We make it to the rental place, where they give us the key for a cream-colored Vespa with a cute wicker basket on the back that is all ours for the day. I want to squeal and do a happy dance at how adorable it is. And seeing Carson in the cute little bucket helmet has me even more smitten with this man.

Carson insists on driving a few side streets solo so he can get a hang of driving before I hop on the back. Once I’m on, I hold tight around his waist and press my front to his back, loving the feel of his muscular body against mine. Even though we’ve been on vacation for a month, he’s made it a priority to work out each day and practice stickhandling drills in the hotel rooms or rental houses we’ve stayed in. It’s fun to pursue my passion and write my book while he’s refining his body and skills for hockey at the same time.

The midi dress I’m wearing keeps me modest while riding the Vespa. When we woke up at the hotel this morning, Carson said we were going to do “cute, coupley things.” So I chose to wear a light blue mid-length dress and cream Esmeralda wedge sandals that tie at my ankles. The dress has a corset top that had Carson trying to lay me back on the bed for round two.

We’ve wound around the streets of the coast when Carson pulls to a rest stop on the road so we can take in the views. We park the Vespa and place our helmets on the back before walking to the guardrail to take in the view. The iconic, colorful coastal buildings provide a beautiful backdrop as I grab ahold of his hand and gasp when he gently squeezes mine three times.

“Carson,” I whisper before squeezing his back four times.

His head snaps up to meet my eyes.

Tears fill my eyes as I say, “ Ti amo, ragazzo d’oro .”

“Say it again,” he pleads.

“ Ti amo .”

“You love me?” he asks incredulously.

“I do. So very much,” I admit, nodding my head.

“ Ti amo anch’io, ragazza dei sogni ,” he replies as he scoops me into his arms, and I giggle as he spins me around. My laugh is cut off when he claims my mouth in a searing kiss that steals the breath from my lungs.

When we finally break our kiss, I ask, “What does that mean, exactly? I only asked how to say, ‘I love you, Golden Boy.’”

“It means I love you too, Dream Girl. And I do. So fucking much. I’ve been dying to tell you for a while now, but I didn’t know if you were ready. You had a skewed perception of love because the marriage you were in was toxic and abusive. All I’ve wanted to do is show you what love should be, Austen.”

It’s my turn to shake my head incredulously. “You’ve shown me what love should be from the very beginning of our friendship. Our love may not have started with romantic intent, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t fall hard right away for your friendship—for your irresistible charm and witty humor. You quickly became someone I couldn’t imagine going a day without talking to long before we made things official, and that is due to you consistently supporting me and showing up for us.”

Carson pulls me into a tight embrace, and I feel the deep rumble of his chuckle against my chest. “I can’t believe you love me back. It’s about time you realized you have feelings for me.”

“Oh, Golden Boy. I’ve known I loved you since at least our first date.”

“Such a late bloomer,” he teases me before declaring, “This calls for a celebratory selfie.”

He wraps his arms around me from behind, holding my phone up in the air and flipping the camera so it’s facing us. After he takes a few pictures, he swipes to video mode and starts filming the two of us.

“Hey, kids, it’s your mom and dad here in Italy. Your mama just told me she loves me for the first time. Isn’t that right, Mama?” Carson asks as he looks down at me and places a kiss on my temple.

“Carson, what are you doing?”

“Uh, you’ve got to call me Daddy. The kids are watching. They can’t call me Carson.”

Rolling my eyes into the camera, I say, “Daddy, what is this about?”

Leaning down, he whispers a muffled, “Holy fuck that was hot,” before facing the camera again.

“Haven’t you seen the TikTok trend where couples who are dating make videos for their future kids to watch? I saw it a few weeks ago and have been dying to do one together while we’re here. I thought now was the perfect moment.” He pans the camera to show the scenery in the background. “I mean, look at these views, kids,” he tells the phone before continuing, “But the most bellissima view is of your mama. Isn’t she stunning?”

I turn and burrow my face into his chest to hide from the camera.

“One thing you’ll learn about your mama is she’s bashful, and when she is, her cheeks turn the sweetest shade of pink. Alright, we’ve got to go celebrate our love. Goodnight kids! Ciao !”

He looks at me expectantly, and I sigh in defeat, rolling my eyes at his antics.

“Goodnight, babies. Mama and Daddy love you! Ciao !” I say as I blow a kiss to the camera.

When he stops videoing, he spins me in his arms and rocks me side to side in his embrace.

“Thanks for being a good sport, Austen. I think the kids will get a kick out of that one day.” He’s so confident in our future. It should probably scare me, but I can’t help but feel self-assured too in what we have.

Just as he’s handing me back my phone, I get a FaceTime request from Brody. I click the accept button and hold the phone up to get both of us on the screen.

“Hey, Golden Boy. Look who’s calling before his preseason game.”

Carson’s smile is wider than I’ve ever seen it and I’m not sure if it’s because we just confessed our love to each other or if it’s because he’s talking to his man crush.

“Brodes, how’s it going, buddy?” he asks my brother.

“Hey, Carse. It’s going. About to play in our second preseason game, and I needed to have my pregame chat with Kota Lynn. Are you taking good care of my sister?”

“Always. In fact, ‘Kota Lynn’ just told me she loves me for the very first time,” Carson informs Brody, and I give him a gentle elbow to the side when he uses air quotes to mock my nickname.

“Ouch,” he grumbles, which has Brody doubling over in laughter.

Once he finally composes himself enough to talk, Brody says, “I mean, what’s not to love about you, Golden Boy?” Hearing my big brother call Carson by the nickname I’ve coined him doesn’t sit right with me.

Huh, maybe this is how Carson felt when Jackson called me Super Nanny.

“Where has this bromance come from? Have y’all been talking behind my back?”

Carson shakes his head and gives my shoulders a reassuring squeeze. “It’s not talking behind your back if it’s not about you. We chat from time to time. Besides, you’re the one who gave him my number.”

I scoff. “Only because he threatened to miss his playoff game if I didn’t tell him who I was moving in with unexpectedly.”

“Semantics,” he says, trying to play it cool when I know internally he’s likely freaking out at casually chatting with Brody. I also didn’t miss the way he called my brother “Brodes.”

“Next thing I know y’all are going to tell me you asked for permission to date me from my brother.” I chuckle to myself, only to have that laughter quickly die when I see the guilty look on Carson’s face and watch as Brody fights back a snort that eventually escapes.

“God, this is good stuff,” Brody says as he points to the two of us. “You two are hilarious. If I play well tonight, we’re going to have to make this my new pregame ritual.”

“Your superstitions are getting out of hand, Brodes,” I say in exasperation.

“What I think your sister meant to say is, of course, man. Anything you need. I take my pregame rituals very seriously as well.”

Rolling my eyes, I mumble, “Kiss ass,” to which Carson begins tickling my sides so badly I think I’ll drop my phone.

Unable to catch my breath, I let out an unbecoming snort-gasp, to which Brodes gives me shit for.

“I know you were raised on a ranch, but you weren’t born in a barn, Kota Lynn. Get a hold of yourself,” he gripes, not sounding one bit serious.

“Alright, you’ve had your pregame chat. Good luck, Ciao !”

“Y’all be safe, ya hear me? Carse, I’m counting on you to take good care of my baby sis,” he says in warning.

“Her safety and happiness will always be my number one priority,” Carson assures him.

On that note, I end the call and turn around to face Carson.

“So, y’all are on a nickname basis now?”

“I know, isn’t it amazing? It’s like the second best thing that’s ever happened to me. Well, third, actually.”

I lift a brow in question before he clarifies, “The first best thing is when you told me you love me just now. The second being the day Cadence was born.”

My face softens at that. “I miss that little bugga-boo so much,” I admit.

Carson smiles affectionately before wrapping me in his arms again and agreeing. “Me too. Which reminds me, we’ve got to get her something from the shops downtown when we return the Vespa.”

“Okay,” I say but it comes out as a lovesick sigh instead. I love the way this man so fiercely loves and cares for the people closest to him. And I’m completely baffled that I’m now on the list of people he loves and cares for.

Being loved by Carson Wilder wasn’t something I anticipated happening this year, or ever for that matter. The man is too good, one of the absolute best. But sitting here overlooking one of the most beautiful sceneries I’ve ever witnessed, nuzzled in his embrace, I feel fulfilled for the first time in a long time. It may be one of the greatest gifts he’s given to me—helping me realize my self-worth again. Carson validates my feelings and builds me up every chance he gets.

When he grabs my hand, leading me back to the Vespa and puts my helmet on with the greatest care, I send up a little prayer of gratitude that I get to love this man, and nothing and no one can take that away from me.