Page 36 of What He Doesn't Know

With me.

It felt dangerous to be his friend, and so I hadn’t been. I’d let him in just marginally before I’d slammed the door again, putting that wall between us.

“He seems fine,” I lied to my brother after a long pause. “You know Reese. He’s drowning half his sorrows in beer and cigarettes, the other half in long piano tutoring sessions after school.”

“A little different from the old way he used to drown sorrows at the piano,” Graham noted. “I was surprised when I talked to him that you hadn’t been over there to listen to him play at his place. You were always listening to him when we were younger.”

“I was a bored pre-teen,” I lied again. Each lie came easier than the first, it seemed. “But I have watched him after school a few times. He’s actually pretty good with the kids.”

“That’s just so weird to me. I can’t imagine my old best friend being a good influence on any kind of child.”

I chuckled. “It’s weird, for sure, but he does a great job.”

My stomach turned again at the thought of Reese. I realized I never asked him ifhewas okay after our night out last weekend, if he had any questions or thoughts plaguing him the way I did. But it didn’t seem safe to ask, as if I already knew the answer.

Distance. That was my solution to everything I’d felt since he came back into town.

Graham and I talked for over an hour, catching up on Christina’s dental practice as well as his new place of employment. He was a computer engineer, garnering his intelligence from Dad, no doubt. When he was in Pennsylvania, he’d worked for a private computer systems company, but now he was in a government position. Listening to him tell me the details of it made about as much sense as the time Cameron tried to give me a solid understanding of hockey, but it was nice just to hear about that part of his life.

We dived into Cameron a little, to school and the fundraiser coming up that Mom and Dad hosted every year. And just like every time I talked to my brother, time seemed to fly, never enough of it to talk about all we wanted to.

The sun had already set by the time I told Graham I should probably get started on dinner.

“Okay, sis,” he said, but there was a long pause after. “Are you alright? I mean, are you happy?”

My stomach knotted. “Of course. Why?”

There was a sigh. “No reason. I just… Reese asked me that the night we talked, and I couldn’t really answer. It’s been a long time since I asked you.”

My eyes flashed to the copy ofAnna Kareninaagain, and I frowned. Reese had been so fixated on that since he’d come back into town — on my happiness. I realized then that I hadn’t even thought to ask about his.

“Well, I’m happy.”

I paused when the words were out, weighing them, measuring how they felt once they were out. It didn’t feel like a lie, especially not with a dance waiting downstairs. Cameron hadn’t exactly acted much different that week, not outside of making love to me after that Friday night. But still, that alone had given me hope, had given me something to hold onto that I hadn’t had for a long time.

“Good. You deserve to be happy, sis.”

“Thank you,” I said. “So do you.”

“Well, on that note, there’s one more thing I wanted to tell you on our call,” Graham said. “Christina and I… we’re pregnant.”

He should have been excited.

My big brother should have been so excited to tell me that. It should have been thefirstthing he told me when we got on the phone. But he and I both knew that hearing those words come from his mouth would elicit something from deep inside me, something bad.

It was a monster, a mixture of jealousy and pain, of sadness and utter joy. I would be an aunt. My brother would be a father. He would make our parents grandparents.

Just like I was supposed to.

“Oh, Graham,” I forced after a moment, my eyes welling with tears. “That’s… incredible. Congratulations. Please, tell Christina I said congratulations. Wow.”

“Thank you,” he said, and I could hear a pinch of relief in the breath that left him next. “I was a little worried to tell you…”

“Oh, don’t be silly.” I waved my hand, as if he could see me. “I’m overjoyed. I’ll be an aunt!”

“And you’ll be the best one,” he said.

“Do Mom and Dad know?”