Page 37 of Welcome to Ero-TEA-Ca: We’re Open!

Cassandra

“ C assandra. It’s good to see you again. How are things?”

Cass got herself comfortable in the chair. “Better. I wanted to ask your advice on something.”

Dr Herman smiled. “That’s not how this works.”

Waving a dismissive hand, Cass forged on. “No, I understand. I’ve come to a decision, and I’d just like you to tell me if it’s a healthy choice.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s the decision?”

“I plan to talk to my mum. As in, really talk.”

Dr Herman placed her pen down. “Before I give you my opinion, I’d like you to unpack your reason for wanting to talk to her. In the past you’ve said your relationship with your mum makes it difficult to communicate effectively. Has that changed?”

Shaking her head, Cass replied, “Not at all, and that’s why I think we need to sit down and talk. Nothing will change if we keep going the way we are.”

“I agree. But you still haven’t told me where this is coming from.”

Taking a deep breath, Cass tried her best to answer fully.

The truth was, since Harriet had asked Cass two months ago to meet her friends for her book club, Cass had been in her head.

She’d thought about it, but eventually declined to meet them.

Harriet had been understanding, but it left Cass feeling hollow.

As far as she’d come with regard to sex and her comfort level with the subject, the truth of the matter was Cass triggered easily.

And, as sure as Harriet was that her friends wouldn’t judge, Cass couldn’t promise she wouldn’t react to the smallest of innuendos or coarse language. The last thing she wanted to do was put Harriet in an awkward position.

Within those two months, they’d had several more dates and slept with each other multiple times.

In fact, they spent nearly every free minute they had wrapped up in each other.

Cass visited Ero-Tea-Ca daily and felt comfortable, especially with the customers she’d befriended when working there for the week.

With Harriet, things were easy. But Cass couldn’t expect Harriet to wait around forever before taking the next step of meeting each other’s loved ones.

So, Cass had to get a grip on the thing stopping her from moving forward.

“Remember the teashop which opened next door?”

“The erotic teashop, yes. As I recall you were staunchly against it.”

Cass’s face heated. “Yes, well…I’m dating the owner.”

“That’s certainly unexpected.”

Cass smiled. “Harriet was unexpected.”

“I can see that.”

“She’s like no one I’ve ever met. I tried to resist the attraction at first. Also, I’d acted badly towards her, so that didn’t help.” Dr Herman gave her a knowing smile. “But we got to know each other, and I found myself opening up to her. About…things.”

“You felt comfortable talking to Harriet about sex, and your mother?”

“Yes. And so, I ended up working in the teashop for a week. A sort of immersion therapy.”

“And how did that go?”

“Well, it wasn’t as bad as I thought, and Harriet was amazingly patient. She’s just amazing altogether, really.”

“She’s certainly made an impression if that smile is anything to go by.”

Cass couldn’t argue with that. “She made me want to…help myself. I know on some level I’ll always be a little awkward and reserved, but I know I can grow where certain things are concerned. I have grown. I’ve shown myself to her completely. I mean, my quirks,” Cass quickly clarified.

“That was a big thing to do.”

“Kendal helped. I’ve met her new partner, by the way.”

Dr Herman’s eyebrows raised. “You have been busy. But let’s table that for a moment. You’ve opened up to Harriet, and things are going well?”

“Better than I could have hoped for. She’s so thoughtful, but I don’t want our relationship to always come back to my problems.”

“Alright. Has something specific happened to make you feel this way?”

“Harriet asked me to meet her friends. They were having a book club meetup in the tearoom.”

“And you didn’t want to?”

“I did. I’ll admit I was nervous because they all know I’d been a bit of a bitch in the beginning. But that wasn’t what stopped me.”

“So, what did?”

“My mother.” Cass scrubbed her face. “It all comes back to her. Memories of embarrassing moments. How loud and over the top she was about sex, and how all I wanted to do was hide away. As soon as Harriet asked me to go to Ero-Tea-Ca, I instantly panicked. What if her friends started making jokes that triggered me? Because that’s what happens.

I know now, my reaction to things is a trauma response. That’s right, isn’t it?”

This was where Cass needed Dr Herman to help her out. “It is. You respond with either aggression, in the form of caustic words, or you run away.”

“So, to that end, I figured an honest conversation with my mother might help pave the way to moving on.”

“And how do you see it going? What are your expectations?”

Sighing, Cass crossed one leg over the other.

“Nothing erases our past. I don’t want to, because as much as this has been an issue for me, my mum did a great job.

She loved me unconditionally. We just don’t understand certain parts of each other.

I’d like to explain some of my parts to her without reacting first. I think that’s why we’re not very good at communication.

I’ve always been reactive to her. I’d like to try something different. ”

“I think that’s a healthy view.”

“So, I should talk to her?”

“You’ve already made the decision, Cassandra.

You know what’s right for you. I think it would be wise to pick up our sessions again, on a regular basis.

You still have triggers I believe we can work through.

Pairing that with the conversation you plan to have with Lolita, and with Harriet’s support, I think we can make a real difference.

You’re working hard and I’d like to help. ”

“O-okay. I’d like that. Thank you, Dr Herman.”

“No thanks needed. As I said, you’re doing the hard work. Now, shall we address Kendal and her new partner?”

Cass wrinkled her nose. “I sort of did the opposite of what you suggested.”

A knowing smirk formed on the good doctor’s face. “You ran right over and asked Kendal if she was seeing someone new?”

“Something like that,” Cass mumbled. “But we were able to talk it through.”

“And you met her?”

“Shauna. Yes. Kendal invited me over for dinner. I asked Harriet to go along.”

“When was this?”

Squinting her eyes, Cass tried to pinpoint the exact date. So much had happened lately, it was hard to keep track. “A few months ago. Before Harriet and I started dating.”

“So even then you trusted Harriet to support you?”

“Yes. Like I said, she just gets me.”

“And how did the meeting go?”

With a forced laugh, Cass admitted she’d been a bit of an arse. “But Harriet called me out on it, and I ended up having an enjoyable time. Shauna thinks the world of Kendal. They seem happy.”

“I sense a little melancholy, Cassandra.”

“Only because it’s truly the end of an era.

Obviously, Kendal will remain in my heart forever.

Apart from Harriet, she’s the only lover I’ve had that took the time to know me.

To accept me. But now I know we weren’t meant for more than deep friendship.

How could we be when she’s so happy with Shauna? ”

“And you’re happy with Harriet?” Dr Herman finished.

With a shrug, Cass nodded. “It’s still early for us. And, as shown today, I have plenty to work on still. But for once I think I might have landed on my feet. Sure, there’s still the odd time I expect Harriet to walk away, grow tired of my silly habits, but she hasn’t so far.”

Dr Herman sat forward. “It’s important you recognise that, Cassandra. If you’re always waiting for her to bolt, you are the one with one foot out the door to begin with. You’ll never fully trust the partnership.”

“I agree. I’m doing my best to talk to her. It’s difficult at times. My first instinct is to retreat, but with Harriet, a bigger part of me wants to stay and work it out.”

“That’s wonderful to hear. Really. I can only see you progressing if you maintain this attitude.

But remember, trauma takes time. There is no set deadline.

There will be days when you feel on top of the world and then suddenly, you’ll be triggered.

It’s important to understand that. You’ll feel like you’ve taken a step back, but that simply won’t be true. ”

“I just wish I’d done this sooner.”

“Everything in its own time, Cassandra. The important thing is you’re addressing it now.”

“Should I meet Harriet’s friends? Am I being too cautious?”

“Not necessarily. Only you know if you’re ready. But as you’ve said, you trust Harriet. Lay out your fears and worse-case scenarios. She’ll help you through it. Maybe even offer a perspective you can’t see.”

Cass could do that. Like with her mum, a deeper conversation needed to happen. “Okay. I’ll do that.”

“Let’s set up another session for next week. I’d like once a week for the next couple of months. You’re on a roll, Cassandra, and I want to strike while the iron’s hot.”

With the next three appointments secured, Cass strolled through the park.

She was expected at The Beanery in fifteen minutes, giving her enough time to call her mum.

Usually she was sent to voicemail due to Lolita’s lack of service as she travelled, but not today.

“Cass, my love! It’s so wonderful to hear from you. ”

“Hi, Mum. Um…I was wondering when you planned to visit next?” It could be tomorrow or six months from now, and Cass didn’t want to wait in limbo.

“Well. I’m still in the area, actually. Remember Henry?”

“The guy you met when you visited.”

“That’s him. Well…we’re engaged.”

Cass had to physically stop herself from barking down the phone by biting her knuckles. “Engaged?” she managed to grit out.

“I know, I know. It’s really quick.” That was a bloody understatement. “But he’s the one, Cass.”