Page 22 of Wayfinder (The Outlander Book Club… in Space! #5)

“What are you doing?”

My sister’s voice held a hint of aggravation.

I glanced at her from where I’d plopped in the corner of her fuzzy white sofa.

She was regal as always, the mass of braids she wore now sporting silver and gold beads in decoration for the Duke’s upcoming birthday dinner.

From the kitchen, I heard Trafelia banging about with the pots and pans.

A fissure of worry shot through me at the idea I might have to partake of something other than Pearl’s cuisine for my dinner.

I’d walked away from her.

She’d admitted to wanting to stay on the Bardaga... with me... and I’d walked away.

What else could I do?

She deserved the chance to find a true mate.

Yet the idea of never seeing her... never holding her in my arms or tasting her on my tongue. Of never having the opportunity to sheath myself in her warmth... it was unthinkable.

“I’m trying to figure that out myself,” I grumbled and changed the subject. “Has Praxxan gotten in touch with Siemba about the animal tampering?”

“Yes.” Jala lowered herself onto the other end of the sofa with far more grace than I possessed.

Pearl had grace.

The way she moved, the sound of her voice, the gentleness of her touch....

Stop it!

Nothing would come of letting her image wallow in my mind... as though I possessed the will to stop it.

“Siemba is of the mind that Nansar might have a hand in what happened with the contest,” Jala was saying, thankfully bringing me out of my thoughts.

“For what purpose?” My brethren had discovered Nansar’s hand in many things, but the Duke’s son seemed mostly intent on hurting humans. Cheating the contest only served to bolster the Baron and Pearl’s reputations. My mind spun with theories, none of which made sense.

“That is the question.” My sister issued a serene smile, her golden eyes cutting away from me at the sound of the door opening.

“Uncle Jutuk!”

Priemba bounded into the room and onto my lap in the time it took for my smile to grow.“Hello, my princess!”

“I missed you.” Priemba frowned, poking a soft, fuzzy fingertip into the center of my chest.

“I missed you too,” I announced, burying my face in her mane as I pantomimed biting at her. She smelled of sunshine and the carefree days of youth, despite the faintly stuffy scent that clung to her school uniform.

Priemba squealed, squirming in my lap, flailing at me with her tiny paw-like hands as though she truly possessed the hope of besting me.

From nearby, Jala made a noise low in her throat, and the message was clear: S top goofing around before you break something.

Priemba stilled, smiling at me adorably for a minute before her face scrunched in concern.

“What’s wrong, Uncle Jutuk?”

“Nothing, my princess.” I purposefully broadened my smile but knew damn well that it didn’t reach my eyes. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Is it because you helped the human win the contest?” Her simple, childish question was far closer to the truth than she realized.

“Something like that.” I tugged on a lock of her hair, making her giggle.

“I have navigational calculations for homework,” Priemba announced, a roll to her eyes that she took great care to hide from her mother. “Can you help me later?”

“It would be my greatest delight,” I announced. Perhaps spending time with my niece would help get my mind off another female I adored.

I adored Pearl.

Fuck!

“Priemba, my sweet, go change out of your school outfit and have a snack. I need to talk to Uncle Jutuk.”

Priemba’s lower lip rolled in an audacious pout. Still, she obeyed her mother, clamoring off my lap and flouncing toward her room with a backward wave.

Jala waited until her daughter was out of earshot before sliding closer amid a heavy sigh.

“I am not my daughter and therefore not so easily waylaid.”

The look on her face was one she’d adopted from our mother—the look that meant confession would be far better than denial. Of course, I was no longer a youngling and terrified of the expression—well, not as terrified.

“Your point?”

“Something is wrong.” Jala wagged her arched eyebrows at me.

This time, I only sighed in answer.

“You might as well tell me.” Jala crossed her arms over her chest, glaring lovingly. “You know I will pester you until I find out.”

I sighed again, but this time in defeat.

“It’s Pearl.”

“Did she throw another knife at your head?” Jala asked, lips quirking in amusement.

“I wish.”

A look of concern flashed over my sister’s features. “What happened?”

What happened?

That was the question. One I didn’t quite know how to answer.

I fixed my gaze on Jala, raising an eyebrow.

“Ahhh,” my sister chuckled. “She threw something else at your head. Did you not like it?”

“That’s the problem. I did.” I groaned, laying my head back and closing my eyes. An image of Pearl floated through my mind as though my brain suffered some mandate to keep her foremost in my thoughts.

“Why is it a problem?”

I opened my eyes and squinted at Jala, rather astounded by the question.

“Pearl is human.”

“And?” Jala challenged. “Have not some of your crewmates found happiness with human women?”

“Of a sort,” I admitted. I would accept my brethren seemed happier with their human females despite the matings being unblessed by the goddess.

“Don’t you want to find that kind of happiness with Pearl?”

I did.

I wanted to find more than happiness. I wanted a bond with Pearl that would last forever. I wanted more than a mating of convenience or pleasure. I wanted a soul bond.

“She can never be my true mate.” The words tore at me, as though hearing them spoken aloud cemented the truth that Pearl could never be mine.

My sister said nothing, her golden eyes studying me curiously.

“I am happy for you and Praxxan, and you know how much I love Priemba,” I began.

“Yes?” My sister’s expression softened.

“But I want a true mating—like our parents—blessed by the goddess Valana, two parts of the same whole.”

Even as I uttered the words, deep down, I doubted a goddess-blessed union would be as perfect as what I felt with Pearl. Nothing would ever be as perfect as her.

“And you can’t have that with Pearl?” My sister’s tone was slightly teasing, which made my hackles rise.

“She is human,” I reminded her, aggravated by the redundancy. My heart spasmed with pain at every acknowledgment that Pearl could never truly be mine.

I did not expect my sister’s reaction.

Jala laughed.

“It’s not funny,” I grumbled.

“It is.” Despite dancing with amusement, her eyes held warmth and care.

“You enjoy my broken heart,” I snapped, shifting in my seat as I pondered taking my leave.

“Don’t be stupid.” Jala quipped, then took a deep breath and leaned forward, laying her hand on my knee. “Do you remember the years after the Vaktaire-Romvesian skirmish?”

“Vaguely.” I was still in the midst of my education when the skirmish ended. Even though my father had been a warrior in many battles, my abilities as a Wayfinder insulated me from danger.

Jala reached out and ruffled my hair, taking me back to earlier years when we lived happily and innocently with our parents.

“Do you perhaps remember how many of our Vaktaire warriors returned home with Romvesian females they claimed as mates?”

I nodded, remembering one of my father’s comrades.

He’d returned from the war with a Romvesian countess chosen as a mate.

However, when they stood before the priestess performing the valakana, the female died.

My father’s friend never recovered from the heartbreak.

I’d been hunting in the fields near our home when I found his body hanging from a tree limb, his neck broken crookedly.

That’s what I remembered most. The reason I always wanted a true mating with a female who could survive the ritual.

“I remember how father’s friend grieved when his chosen mate died during the valakana.” I didn’t embellish. There was no need. Jala knew.

“Do you remember how mother and father questioned the death?” Her voice was soft, lost in memory.

I shook my head. After I’d found the body, my father arranged for me to spend some time away at school.

“You were so young. They tried to protect you.” Jala patted my knee.

“Protect me from what?” I straightened.

Jala pursed her lips as she contemplated her next words.

“Our parents suspected the priestesses of ethnocentrism. Many in the order... even in the echelons of Vaktaire government... believe our species superior to others.”

I straightened further, warmth beginning to flicker along my spine. “What are you saying?”

Jala frowned, sadness etching her lovely features.

“The belief that other species could not withstand the valakana is untrue. Nothing more than rumors started by the priestesses to keep the Vaktaire bloodline pure. It began with the Vaktaire-Romvesian skirmish, but their efforts became especially prevalent when our warriors began Earth protection duty. The priestesses saw humans as an inferior race and feared what we now know to be true, that our kind can mate successfully with humans.”

I blinked at my sister, shock making me mute for a moment. “But the mates who died....” My mind flickered back to my youth, witnessing unsuccessful valakana and the devastating wails of the mates who lived.

Jala’s face twisted in a scornful expression.

“Most priestesses used intimidation, and coercion to oppose interspecies mating. But our parents discovered evidence that many were murdered during the ritual to substantiate the rumors. While the valakana can be uncomfortable for other species, only rarely is it deadly.”

I sat up, my heart hammering with a mix of shock, anger... and hope.

“Our parents discovered this?”

Jala’s hand tightened on my knee. “Yes. And they worked to stop it. They were part of an envoy taking evidence of the priestesses' misdeeds to the Alliance....”

Her voice trailed off, one lone shining tear trailing down her cheek.

“Until the Kerzak killed them.”

A Kerzak battle cruiser destroyed the shuttle bearing my parents and several other Vaktaire dignitaries.

Ambassador Yaard of the Kerzak claimed the shuttle had encroached on protected Kerzak airspace.

With the vessel completely destroyed and no way to prove the Ambassador’s claim incorrect, the murder of our parents went unpunished.

Jala nodded and wiped the tear away. “The rumor is that our parent’s transport was destroyed because the priestesses’ betrayed their location to the Kerzak, but there was no proof.

Why do you think we left our home planet so quickly after their deaths?

I wanted to protect you. And I wanted to make sure you received enough education to think for yourself and escape influence from the religious rhetoric of a few zealots. ”

“You and Praxxan?” I ventured.

Watching my sister with her mate, I would admit the two had always seemed to have a complete adoration for each other and Priemba. All this time, I had believed, despite what my senses told me, that they could never have completed the valakana.

Being successful in the valakana meant one’s heart forever beat in unison with that of his mate.

A bond unlike any other. But to obtain that moment of accordance, one’s heart must stop and start several times.

The priestesses claimed no species other than Vaktaire possessed hearts strong enough to survive the ritual—and I had believed it.

“Praxxan and I are true mates. Our hearts beat in unison.” My sister sighed, removed her hand from my knee, placed it over her heart, then chuckled. “His heartbeat is fast and heavy which means Praxxan’s pissed off about something at the moment.”

I watched the emotion wash over her face and felt a stab of jealousy. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Jala shrugged. “When you joined the Earth protection detail, I believed it no longer mattered. Your vow to the Bardaga required you to relinquish the desire for a mate. Despite knowing of the priestesses’ deception, I worried that humans were the one species that might have trouble withstanding the valakana.

The females seem so small and fragile. But when Praxxan learned that your Chieftain mated to one of the human women. I began to hope.”

I leaned back against the cushions, feeling slightly dizzy. My Chieftain, Daicon, Tarook, Hakkar... their mating to the human women wasn’t simply for convenience or pleasure. They were true matings. Khaion had tried to tell me, but I hadn’t been able to see past my own prejudices.

Which meant....

Pearl.

What I felt for her... the deep, all-consuming need, an adoration that bubbled up from the depths of my soul, and the absolute necessity she remained in my life.

This was no passing fancy or fleeting infatuation.

This was true mating—our souls had intertwined, and we were destined to be together.

Pearl belonged to me, and I belonged to her.

“If you care for Pearl... if you want her, the only thing standing in your way is yourself,” Jala said softly, seeming to read my mind.

“That and her knife,” I chuckled, thinking back to the first instant I saw her standing in the kitchen frowning at me. I’d known. At that moment with the blade whizzing by my ear, somehow, deep down, I’d known she was mine.

My mate.

I’d spend the rest of my life happily dodging knife throws to remain by her side.