Page 25 of Walking on Broken Paths

Chapter Nineteen

Jesse lingered on the docks at Peakes Quay and cursed his bad timing.

He’d hoped to catch Parker before tonight’s dinner cruise, but he was too late—customers were already having their tickets scanned, which meant Parker was already on board.

A quick internet search revealed that tickets for the cruise were sold out—not bad for a Wednesday evening—so Jesse couldn’t buy his way onto the ship.

He’d woken up in Parker’s bed this morning before they’d gone their separate ways—Parker to Coffee Beans and Things and Jesse to visit his parents—so it wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other today. But Jesse wanted to see him again, so here he was, no excuse.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that the excuse about inviting Parker over to help him find the draft had been entirely for himself. Because it was easier to have a reason to want to see Parker—even a flimsy reason—than to admit that he just wanted to spend time with him.

The former let him remain in a safe zone when it came to their relationship.

The latter shattered that safe zone to bits, involved messy-as-fuck emotions, and made their relationship feel more permanent.

As July ticked onward and the date of Jesse’s departure back to British Columbia continued to arrive faster than he was comfortable with, the thought of leaving Parker behind made his soul ache with a fierceness that made him question all of his life choices.

With training camp starting in mid-September, Jesse technically didn’t have to start his drive back until the first week of September. If he drove for eight hours a day, he should make it home in seven days.

But after the last few weeks with Parker, the notion of travelling cross-country and going back to his house, alone, without Parker’s chatter and bad ideas and ability to make Jesse laugh when he least expected to, held about as much appeal as displaying the haunted dolls on a shelf in his bedroom.

“Jesse Melnik, as I live and breathe.”

Matilda strode toward him, the sun reflecting off her sunglasses. She was as short as Jesse remembered, but her blond hair, tucked back into a ponytail, was greyer.

“Hi, Mattie.”

“If you’re looking for Parker, he’s already on board.”

“I figured as much.” He shot her a smile. It hurt his face a little. “Don’t suppose you want to let me on to say hi?”

“Got a ticket?”

“Uh. No.”

She raised an eyebrow. “The last time you two were on this ship together, you hid all of the salt and pepper shakers.”

Jesse winced, recalling how Matilda had forced the truth out of them before Parker’s dad could find out. “That was Parker’s idea.”

“Obviously.” She jabbed a finger at him. “But you went along with it.”

Well. He couldn’t argue that. “Guess you’re not letting me on then?”

She looped her arm through his. “Come on.”

He could have sworn there was an eye roll behind her sunglasses.

She led him onto the main deck, then up a flight of stairs to the upper deck, then up a second flight of stairs to the staff-only sundeck and to the wheelhouse, as though he’d never been there before.

Likely she wanted to ensure he didn’t get into trouble on his way. He could’ve reassured her—any trouble he’d gotten into had always been Parker’s idea.

To her point, though, he had gone along with them.

Parker stood at the helm with his back to them, feet braced shoulder-width apart.

From behind, he looked sturdy as hell. Like someone Jesse could rest his tired head and all of those messy-as-fuck emotions on.

He wore jeans and a long-sleeved navy T-shirt—Jesse knew without seeing it that the Willis Dinner Cruises logo was stamped onto the upper left side of the tee—with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off corded forearms dusted with dark hair.

Christ, he was sexy.

“Found a stray lingering outside,” Matilda announced as they entered.

Parker turned, a frown marring his forehead that quickly smoothed into a smile when he spotted Jesse. “Hey.”

“He doesn’t have a ticket,” Matilda was quick to point out. The words were practical, but she’d propped her sunglasses on the top of her head, and her eyes laughed at him.

Parker winked at him. “I think we can let him on board without a ticket just this once.”

“If the salt and pepper shakers go missing again, I’ll know where to look,” Matilda said on her way out.

Pointing at Jesse, Parker said, “That was his idea.”

“A likely story. I’ll let you know when we’re ready to depart. Should be any minute unless you need more time to complete your pre-departure checklist.”

“I’m all set,” Parker told her. She nodded once and left.

Jesse shoved his hands in his pockets, enjoying the gentle sway of the ship, and raised an eyebrow at his best friend-cum-lover. “Always trying to pin things on me.”

“No one ever believes me,” Parker pouted.

“I wonder why.” Stepping closer, Jesse gave him a quick hello kiss. “Hi.”

“Hey. If you want to get off, now’s your chance.”

“I think I’ll stick around, if that’s okay with you.”

The softness of Parker’s smile was almost too much to bear.

“I see the navigational equipment got an upgrade.” Jesse nodded to it and moved closer to inspect the new screens.

“A few years ago,” Parker said. “Dad had most of the wheelhouse upgraded.”

“Looks nice.” It was all teak and brass, with parquet flooring and large canopied windows for maximum sunset viewing. “He kept the wheel though.”

Parker gripped it with both hands. “It’s been a staple since he first bought this ship. I think he was too sentimental to get rid of it and replace it with more modern steering controls.”

“And the captain still doesn’t have a chair.”

“He was going to put one in. That was supposed to be last summer’s project, but... well.”

But Andrew Willis had fallen ill.

Matilda’s voice came through the radio, announcing that everyone had boarded and they were clear to leave. Parker’s gaze met Jesse’s. “Last chance.”

It felt like he was talking about so much more than a dinner cruise.

Last chance to slam the brakes on this runaway train that was their relationship.

Last chance to convince himself that he could live without Parker.

Last chance to pretend that those broken pieces of himself hadn’t slowly begun to knit themselves back together, thanks to this man.

Or maybe Jesse was reading too much into things.

“I’m staying.”

For so much more than this cruise.

With a nod, Parker went to work pulling away from the dock. There was still about an hour until sunset, but the cruise lasted for two. And on this cloudless day, guests would be treated to a show that would have them pulling out their phones for selfies.

For Jesse, the show was right here, standing only a couple of feet from him.

Watching Parker work was like watching a flawless hockey play in the midst of a heated game.

He was confident, efficient, and quick to answer questions from Matilda and someone named Elaine, who appeared to be the dining room manager.

The furrow in his brow as he’d pulled away from the docks eased the farther into the harbour they got, and he managed navigation while keeping an eye on his screens and his speed and keeping a lookout for other vessels.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Parker eventually asked.

Seated on a leather bench built into one side of the wheelhouse, Jesse extended his legs out and crossed one ankle over the other. “You look competent as fuck.”

Parker waggled his eyebrows. “Turned on by that, are you?”

“Kinda.”

Chuckling, Parker turned the boat left toward Hillsborough Bridge.

“I had a thought about the ship and the business.”

Parker visibly tensed, his grip tightening on the wheel. He barely spared Jesse a glance. “If this is about selling?—”

“It’s not.” Jesse sat forward, elbows on his knees. “There are plenty of people who own businesses that other people manage. You could do the same—hire someone to manage the day-to-day so you can focus on other things.”

Parker’s jaw clenched. “I can’t, Jess. This is my dad’s legacy. It’s up to me to uphold it.”

Exhaling a silent breath, Jesse rubbed a palm over his stubbly jaw and forced himself to choose his words carefully. This wasn’t about legacy. Andrew Willis’ legacy wasn’t tied up in the business. Jesse knew that. He suspected Parker knew that too.

“What’s the real reason?” he asked quietly.

Parker’s gaze jumped to his, moving away just as quickly.

He swallowed hard, and his voice was equally as quiet when he began to talk.

“I grew up on this ship. Started making a pest of myself on it as soon as I could walk. My dad taught me to drive it when I was nine. When school was in session, I’d do my homework here while my dad worked.

It’s home just as much as my dad’s house.

I feel him here, Jess. When I stand here, right here —” His hands tightened on the wheel.

“—it’s like he’s standing right next to me, shoulder to shoulder.

And that’s not a feeling I’m ready to give up yet. ”

Throat burning with sympathy pains, Jesse rose and hugged Parker from behind, one arm around his hips, the other around Parker’s shoulders. There was so much that Jesse wanted to say, but what he settled on was, “I understand.”

Parker laid his chin on Jesse’s forearm. “Sometimes thinking about my dad is like... It’s like a sunset. Joyful and wondrous. Other times it’s like I’m a wave crashing onto the shore.”

“Or like trying to avoid the cracks in the sidewalk,” Jesse said in his ear. “Or looking at an empty horizon. Or like walking on broken paths.”

“Yeah,” Parker said roughly. “Exactly.”

“I get it, Parks. I won’t bring up the business again. Okay?”

Parker’s muscles loosened, almost one by one. Jesse felt them slacken against him from Parker’s shoulders to his hips. “Thank you.”

I love you , Jesse wanted to say, accepting it fully for the first time.

Let me pay your dad’s debts , he also wanted to say, because he wanted to help.

It wasn’t the right time for either, though, so he held Parker close, and when the setting sun shot shades of cerise, coral, and mauve across the sky like a romantic Valentine’s Day bouquet, he watched the colours turn to twilight with Parker in his arms.

* * *

By the time Parker docked, he was emotionally exhausted.

He’d never admitted—not even to himself—that the true reason he couldn’t sell the business didn’t have anything to do with Dad’s legacy.

It had everything to do with Parker himself.

Selfishly, he wanted to hang onto the yacht as long as he could because Dad’s presence was so strong there—stronger than it was in his house.

Strangely, admitting that to himself, and to Jesse, made him feel lighter than he had in a long time. Which, combined with the emotional exhaustion...

Honestly, he could sleep for a week.

Standing on the sundeck with Jesse, he watched as customers disembarked.

Couples, groups of friends, and families had attended tonight’s cruise, and it was nice to know that last summer’s negative reviews hadn’t deterred this summer’s tourists.

Even with a competing dinner cruise now in operation, he was still fully booked, and that would go a long way to paying off the remainder of Dad’s bills.

“I imagine you have a few things to do before you can leave,” Jesse said, looking somehow regal in simple jeans and a T-shirt. Night had fallen, turning the few inches between them gossamery. “Can I help?” Jesse asked.

Parker kissed his cheek, warmed to the core not just by Jesse’s presence tonight, but by his understanding after Parker had unloaded on him. “Thanks, but it’ll be quicker if I do it myself. No offence.”

“None taken. Meet me at Cows when you’re done?”

“Sure.”

He left, and Parker completed his post-cruise checklist on autopilot while Matilda oversaw the dining room cleanup. As he was leaving, he stepped into the dining room to say good night and found her reading a list of their next cruise’s guests on a tablet.

“We have a few allergies on the next one,” she said without preamble. “Nothing we can’t handle.”

“Sounds good.” Tapping his fingertips on his thigh, Parker watched the dining room staff reset the tables for the next cruise and thought about what he and Jesse had talked about earlier. “Mattie, did my dad ever talk about selling the business?”

“Yeah,” Matilda said, surprising Parker into shutting his mouth with a clack.

“When he was diagnosed, he considered selling. But then he figured he’d keep it going as long as he could—work as a distraction, you know?

Something to keep him busy. But he got worse faster than the doctors expected him to, so he never got the chance.

He told me he told you to sell. So why haven’t you? ”

Glancing away, Parker shoved his hands in his pockets. He could tell her what he’d told Jesse earlier, but he was wrung out as fuck, and all he could do was shrug.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” The gentleness in Matilda’s voice nearly undid him. “Your heart’s not in it—that’s clear as day. You love this ship but not the business. It doesn’t make you happy. If you decide to sell, I’ll support your decision. And so would your dad.”

Parker cleared his throat. Scuffed his foot against the floor. “But you’d be out of a job.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I’d just go work for Joel Penny like he’s been asking me to.”

Incredulous, Parker could only stare at her for a long moment. “He’s tried to poach you?”

“Hey, I’m top shit around these parts, and don’t you forget it.”

“Would you actually go work for him?”

“Sure.” When he widened his eyes in disbelief, she quickly added, “Not while Willis Dinner Cruises is still operating. Calm down. I’m not leaving you.”

“Phew. There’s no way I could do this without you.”

“You could.” She patted his cheek. “You just don’t want to.”

“Well, no, I can’t argue that.”

She snorted a laugh. “Go home, Parker. Go grab your man before he eats his weight in ice cream and go home.”

Parker was tempted to ask how she knew about them—he hadn’t told her about their relationship yet, but clearly he and Jesse had somehow given themselves away. Instead, he took her advice and went to find his man so he could take him home.