Page 10 of Waiting for Acceptance (Nashville Nights #5)

LAUREN

If I could just skip from the moment Christmas Eve eve ends and go straight to New Year’s Day, I would.

Christmas at the Long’s is absolutely exhausting—loud, boisterous guests filling every corner of my childhood home and gifts that only prove further how little my parents know me.

They buy for the daughter they wish they had, not the one they actually have.

I always show my gratitude for them, though, because if there’s one thing my parents and I do agree on, it’s the need to exchange a gift that doesn’t fit quite right.

Only, in my case, it’s not so much that it doesn’t fit my body as it doesn’t fit my taste.

Christmas Eve Eve , however, is my favorite tradition and the only thing that keeps me from hating the holidays. My girls have always been that for me. The ones that keep me grounded and show me the light when I feel like I’m sitting in a shadow cast by the person I constantly think I should be.

We started the tradition in middle school, themed footie pajamas were mandatory then and still are now.

We all got to pick our favorite Christmas movie, which to no one’s surprise we all had the same favorite, and we would all bring our favorite snacks.

We still do all of that, only now we get to indulge in Shane’s famous margaritas and we always try out a new mixed drink to see if we find a new favorite.

So far, nothing beats Shane’s margaritas.

I’m sitting in bed, scrolling through the post I made last night while still half sober and I can’t help but smile.

If I could just live in the highlight reel that is my social media page, I would.

There are so many pictures, even a few blurry ones that actually came out kind of aesthetically pleasing, of us laughing and clinking our glasses together and my favorite one—all of us asleep together on the couch while The Grinch plays in the background.

I assume Tucker took the photo since he was the only other one in the house besides those of us asleep in the picture.

That tradition is one of the things that’s stayed consistent while so much else in our lives continues to change.

I’ve had a front-row seat to three-fourths of my friends falling in love, and watching their lives transform in every way imaginable.

Career changes, building homes together, and growing their families.

I simply couldn’t be happier for them, even if I have to consciously fight to keep myself from going down the ‘ what am I doing wrong’ spiral.

I’ll never be the one to say that a woman needs a man in her life to feel complete, be happy, or fulfill her purpose.

All I’m saying is—I want a man in my life.

Not just any man though. I want the kind of love I get to witness at every group outing with my friends.

Every time I see posts on social media, or when one of the guys walks through the kitchen during girls' nights and can’t help but smile when they look at their wife or fiancée.

The way they protect them, love them and stand up for them all while letting them be completely and totally themselves.

I want a man so nauseatingly in love with me that he can’t imagine a life without me.

Ugh. There it is .

The one thing I’m constantly reminded I don’t have is the thing I secretly crave the most.

Ruby

Cool if we grill out tonight? We didn’t discuss food during all of the firework talk for tonight.

Me

Omg yesss. Would kill for a hot dog right now.

Ruby

Well that’s good enough for me and now everyone else’s opinions are irrelevant. face blowing kiss emoji

Shane

Rude. But grilling out sounds fab. We’ll bring buns and chips.

Tay

We got drinks.

Leah

Do I need to bring anything??

Ruby

Sounds like we have the basics, so just yourself, gorgeous. wink emoji

Me

See you guys tonight. sparkler emoji

New Year's Eve also looks a little different these days. No more going out dancing, or seeing if we can find someone to kiss before midnight. Now we hang out with the people who have become family, shooting fireworks in the backyard, grilling out, and putting the kids to bed by nine. I refuse to start the new year negatively. I’ll be with my girls, laughing until our cheeks hurt and that is what it always comes back to. I’ve got my girls, what else do I need?

“I would really like to see you go against Tank in a hot dog eating contest.” Max chuckles from his place across from mine as we all sit around Tank and Ruby’s outdoor dining table with the outdoor heaters keeping us warm.

I narrow my eyes and then glance over at Tank who is giving me a challenging look.

“I’d love to, but un fortunately I snacked all day and already put away two of these as well as half of Shane’s burger so I’m afraid I must decline.

Unless of course you want to see the absurd amount of junk food I stored away like a squirrel for winter during my Netflix binge today.

” Tank begins laughing, shaking his head as he sucks some ketchup off his thumb like the Neanderthal he is.

“I think she might actually give me a run for my money.” I roll my eyes and sit back in my chair.

“Better you run than me, I don’t think I’m moving again til’ Valentine’s Day.”

“Will you be my Valentine Aunt Lauren?” Hendrix, my not-so-little love, asks from a few seats down.

“I can’t think of a single person I’d rather have as a Valentine, Hen. Ice cream and Spider-Man marathon?”

“Heck yeah.” He holds his fist out to me and I bump it—blowing it up, of course—earning the sweetest smile from him. Hendrix is by far the coolest seven-year-old I know, and the only kid I’ve ever found myself not feeling completely intimidated by.

“It’s a little early to be choosing a Valentine, isn’t it buddy? What if you find someone else you want to ask at school or something?” Tank asks. I whip my head around as my jaw drops.

“Bite your tongue.” His hands go up defensively as he laughs.

“Fireworks?” Hendrix asks Ruby, bouncing in his seat with anticipation.

“Fireworks!” she agrees and they jump up from the table to get everything ready.

After shooting off the big guy fireworks, as Tucker called them, the kids get to experience the magic of sparklers.

Cece squeals, looking as adorable as ever in her pink knit cap and rosy cheeks.

Hendrix is running around the yard acting like the sparkler ninja and Poe looks absolutely hypnotized by the one Ruby is holding in the hand opposite of him.

After they’ve emptied two entire boxes of sparklers, it’s time for the littles to go in.

“Alright Munchkins, time for bed!” Tank rounds up the boys, while Max gets Cece from Shane, leaving Tucker to take the dogs in for bed. We all pile onto the outdoor couches, snuggling under the fleece blankets as the firepit comes to life between us.

We’re in a fit of giggles over Leah kissing my cheek and claiming we’ll ride off into the sunset together when her phone goes off and she drops a major informational bomb on us.

“You guys kissed?!” I squeal. Apparently, she and Sawyer kissed on Christmas Eve while we were all at Taylor and Tucker’s house.

There’s a less than angelic chorus of screams and squeals coming from all of us, and just as she begins giving us the details about how they both unknowingly liked each other back in high school, and neither of them knew it, the guys come running out.

“What’s wrong?” They all come almost tripping over each other out the back door.

You know, for ex-military, they’re not very stealthy.

“Leah and Sawyer kissed!” Taylor screams.

“I know, but it sounded like someone was getting their eyes scratched out.” I roll my lips together to keep from laughing because he’s made a grave mistake letting it slip that he had previous knowledge of this very juicy gossip and didn’t tell his soon-to-be wife.

“It might be you in a minute. What. Do. You. Mean. You. Knew?”

“Oh, well…” He looks to the guys for help, who both know better than to get involved.

“Nope.” Tank shakes his head.

“You’re on your own, brother.” Max shrugs.

“Oh, I think Cece needs her Uncle Tucker.” He backs into the house and blows Taylor a kiss.

“Mhm, I’ll deal with you later,” she mumbles.

“Promise?”

Stop being so in love already.

I turn my attention back to Leah. “So what does this meannnn? ”

“I don’t knowwww ,” she mocks. “Jackson showed up and things got kind of messy.” She pulls her phone out of her pocket and shows us the text he just sent her and my heart does this weird flip.

He wants her to meet him at a rooftop lounge that is known for its very exclusive parties, and he seems very adamant that she shows up.

After finally convincing her and helping her get ready, the excitement on her face could light up the night sky far better than any firework ever could.

So help me God, if he hurts her, I’ll bury him under the hockey arena he plays in.

The weird feeling in my chest grows more prominent once Leah leaves to meet Sawyer.

I don’t get it though. I’m happy for her.

All I ever want for any of my friends is for them to be happy, to find love—if that’s what they want—and chase every single dream they have.

I guess the realization that I’m the last woman standing alone in the group makes me feel a bit sad.

“Ok. I think I need to call it a night.” I let out a sigh, pulling myself up from the couch.

“What? It’s not even midnight yet!” Ruby pouts, though I can tell she’s more than ready to call it a night.

“I know. I know. I’m such a party pooper, but I am desperate for sleep and if I don’t leave now I will end up crashing on your couch and I do not want a pillow face in the morning.”

“ Fineeee .” She sticks her tongue out at me and I shake my head at her.

“Love you, mean it.” I blow kisses at Ruby, Taylor, and Shane and say bye to the guys who all have my girls wrapped up in their arms.

“Later Sour Patch, text Ruby when you get home,” Tank requests, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

“I can get myself home safely, Dad.”

“I believe you. Just prove it with a text when you get there.” He grins at me and I smirk before walking out the front door.

I stop short when I hear a faint noise coming from beside me and look down to see the tiniest little calico kitten sitting on Tank and Ruby’s front porch.

I turn around and peek my head back inside.

“Tank, Ruby, did you guys get a new pet?” They look at each other with furrowed brows and shake their heads.

“No, why?” Ruby answers, turning to face me again.

“No reason. Just a stray wandering around I guess. Goodnight.” I close the door and look down, the sweet little kitten barely making a sound as it meows.

Just get in the car and drive away, Lauren.

Then the damn thing rubs against my boot and I turn into butter, melting onto the ground beside it.

“Hi, baby. Where’s your mama?” I pet between her little ears—then check to see if it is in fact a her . “You out here all by yourself?”

Meow .

“Well, that just won’t do.” I pick her up and look at her sweet little green eyes and before I know it, I’m walking through my front door with a kitten wrapped in my coat.