Page 18

SEVENTEEN

Vlad

I don’t sleep beside people and make the first mistake of my adult life by deeming Inessa safe. Her fucking mouth drives me crazy and any regret I had over nearly killing her is chased by her tongue. The more it moves the deeper that regret changes to not snapping her fucking neck.Even without the use of her mouth, her expressive eyes are spitting curses at me. She’s a fool, hell bent on getting herself hurt because even now, with my marks adding to Len’s, she doesn’t look away from my eyes or hide her thoughts.

Holding her filthy mouth closed, I push against her shoulder until she’s on her knees and fear mixes with anger staring up at me. Her eyes dart to my groin thinking I’m going to force myself inside her when my dick isn’t even out. I don’t need to rape someone to feel powerful. I’m not weak. Her assumption that it’s something I would do, is insulting. But I play into her fears in hopes she’ll learn to do what she’s told and move my hand away.

Big brown eyes blink up at me looking lost, but all she has to do is apologize. Beg for forgiveness and learn how to control herself. Her hands shake, coming up to touch my thighs and I keep my muscles rigid, not taking the step back I want to. Inessa doesn’t say anything, and her lips are soft, pressing on the inside of my knee. They’re still touching my skin when the violence enters her eyes. She doesn’t smile with her lips which are still caressing me, it’s in those dark eyes and the smile is filled with twisted satisfaction when her teeth come out.

She latches on to the inside of my thigh. Her eyes hardening when I remain unmoved, and I smirk down at her. She hasn’t broken my skin yet, and it’s barely a nuisance as I stroke her hair back cooing, “Be a good pet or I’ll have to muzzle you, meelaya.”

She’s even more beautiful when she’s angry and she lets out a growl into my skin as she tries to lock her jaw shut. The light-gold strands are soft and soothing as I stroke over her crown and wrap her hair around my fist. Pulling on the strands before she can fully latch on, she gets a second strength and ignores the burn on her scalp, managing to sink her teeth into me harder. Yanking her head back has her jaw locking and tugging against my flesh. There’s still no pain, and it’s the disrespect hardening my voice.

“Let. Go.”

Even with her teeth around me, she manages to smile and shake her head. Little drops of red stain her pearly whites and I pull her hair harder. She’s too intelligent and tucks her chin to prevent my hand wrapping around her throat. I have to knock my knee into her shoulder to get her off without hurting her. But she’s stubborn and I do it again with enough force to jolt, not hurt. The smile gets wider and there’s going to be a perfect bite mark in my thigh for the rest of time.

Fitting my free leg down the length of her body is a mistake when her pussy rests against my leg under my shin. I bring my foot up until it’s resting on her ass, and I can feel how warm she is, my bride is getting off on this. It’s a shame she hasn’t fixed her virginal status, or she’d be able to have relief.

“Get the fuck off or I’ll kick you in the cunt.”

I won’t, but the part of my brain that enjoys saying the wildest shit lights up as her jaw goes lax.

My blood is staining her lips and teeth, her tongue has dots of red on it too and I can’t look at anything else. Pulling her to stand wanting to see it closer, she blinks and doesn’t try to spit anything out. Wiping the corner of her mouth with my thumb, I hold it in front of her lips. I don’t move as she wraps her lips around the pad of my finger and cleans my blood off.

She sucks my thumb deeper into her mouth and it has me suppressing a groan. I wish she’d fucking done that to my dick instead of biting me. Letting me go with a wet pop, her anger turns into hurt and I can already see the bruises piling up on her neck.

“You tried to kill me,” she whispers up at me.

I can’t tell her the real reason and press my promise that it won’t happen again into her tender skin as I stroke down the column of her throat. What’s inside my head doesn’t leave my tongue and the harshness is there without any feeling.

“Don’t touch a man who is sleeping or hungry, they can’t control themselves.”

It’s a partial truth, the information I’m leaving out would give her too much insight and I move back as she examines me. Without looking back, I leave my own room and take up in my office like I should have done earlier in the night. Inessa doesn’t follow me, and the door clicks closed as I turn on the alerts and get everything loaded.The room is blank except for the desk and monitors that hold what made me. The soft hum of the computer whirring as I load the dark web forums lulls my mind into calm and I don’t allow any of the other images to filter through as I go to the dedicated thread I created.

I need the reminder and there’s no pain watching the memory of my first kill. Every fucker whispers the rumors of the nine-year-old who threw a knife, but it’s the seven-year-old boy with blood on his teeth and darkness settling into his eyes that knows the truth. It took fifteen minutes for a monster to be unearthed and I can see the change in my child eyes as I smile widely at the camera, showing everyone what I am. I scrub it back watching the change, searching for the person I used to be or could have been. It’s not possible to be any different when even at that age I found what makes me happy, causing other people pain.I never watch it with sound, and it’s no different now as I watch my seven-year-old self smile with blood coating my lips.

Over thirty fucking years later and millions of people have watched it, but there’s never been anyone tying that kid to me. The first three minutes shows someone who doesn’t exist anymore, and I run the tracker for everyone who has downloaded the clip. They’re all stupid as fuck not realizing that it gives me a backdoor entry into any device it’s loaded on. I don’t know what magic Anastasia can do with tech shit, but it works in my favor.

The alert comes up for my flight, cutting my viewing and research short. Knocking the switch hidden at the base of the desk with my foot, I shut everything down and I take three breaths before standing. Keeping my steps silent is pointless when I can hear Inessa’s brain tick as I go back into my room.She’s laid on her side, and her eyes follow me as I go into the bathroom. There’s no incessant talking, and she stays on the bed while I shower. This moment is bittersweet, I live for them and hate them in equal measure knowing it’s all I’m going to have. But I repeat the promises I’ve made mentally as I go through the steps attempting to clean everything off me.

Inessa is still in the same place when I come out of the bathroom, her eyes are glued to me like a creepy painting as I move around and get dressed. There’s more care in my movements knowing who I’m visiting, and I adjust my cufflinks making sure the V insignias are straight.This is the only time my brain allows emotion in. My heart speeding up and my throat closing. The feeling won’t leave until I land, and my bag is pre-packed, allowing me less time with the discomfort. Dropping the luggage by the door, I go to the safe as the sheets rustle behind me and Inessa softly pads to the door.

If she tries to have a conversation through the opening, I’ll throw her into the street. It’s a dumb superstition, but I won’t allow anything to fuck up the small visits I get, not her mouth or invoking bad luck. Saving herself, she steps into the closet and comes to my side looking at my passport in my hand.

“Where are you going?”

Her voice is small. She should be ecstatic after her outburst, but I don’t entertain the conversation and grab my bag turning to leave.

She stops me as I pass her with a delicate hand on my bicep and it’s like she can see into my mind, finding the one thing that will make me give in.

“Sidet’ na chemodanakh.”

As per tradition, I go to the bed and sit down. There’s no conversation with it having to be in silence and I count the minute out tapping against my knee slowly.

What made me.

What kept me.

What will save me.

As soon as the minute is over, I ignore her attempt at conversation and take steady steps. Nothing else exists, I have tunnel vision that expands my current body. All I can see is Sankt Peterburg. It’s the only thing I care about, the only thing that has any control of me. My weakness and my strength. My biggest gift and my greatest loss. Dima is already waiting at the doors and the car is pulled up. He might not know the exact place I’m going, but he’s accustomed to the routine and drives to the airfield in silence.

Stepping into the frigid winter air of Sankt Peterburg has a shiver working up my spine. It’s not the physical cold, but the desolate memories and knowing who’s here. Choosing to give as much of my time to the one it’s split from; I take the keys waiting for me and drive straight to Vanya. One day a year is all I can give her, and my finger doesn’t stop moving against the steering wheel as I get closer.

The streets all look the same, the houses and the people. There’s no emotion as I pass the house where it all happened and the stupid bitch still lives next door, her curtains twitch and she’s probably cursing my existence as I pull up outside the wrought-iron gates.

Crazy old cunt.

It’s already below freezing and my breath clouds in front of my face as I turn my collar up and crunch through the snow. I don’t need any extra layers to protect me from the cold because everything inside matches and the untrodden blanket of the white welcomes me home. I own properties but nowhere will ever feel more like home than the place my feet carry me. My shoulders get heavier with each step as a woman freezes at the sight of me on the other side of the gates.

The fuckers here still avoid my eyes at the carnage they saw me produce, in fear of what dyavol will do to their already tainted souls. The self-righteous cunts think they’re better than everyone else, but their silence is a greater sin than any I could have possibly committed. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat and then piss on their remains if I could. Taking the path that I have memorized, I can relax slightly when I pass the tree and she comes into view.

There’s snow covering the headstone and I gently brush it away as my fingers tingle from the low temperature despite the gloves covering them. Pressing my lips into the frozen material, it’s like I can breathe.

“I’ve missed you, solnyshkuh.”

In my head I can convince myself there’s a reply. She misses me too. I can’t feel the ice under my ass as I sit on the bench. It’s positioned close enough that I don’t have to let go of my only tether to my Vanya and I keep stroking her headstone, clearing the snow off it.

Checking to make sure there’s no one around, I keep my voice low as a precaution despite not seeing another soul.

“Happy birthday. Just a few more and then I’ll see you again. As soon as Valyusha, Vitya, and Vityenka are fully safe, I’ll join you.”

My chest burns with the cold air, and I tuck my collar closer, refusing to leave when I don’t have to.

“I always think about what you’d look like now, or if you’d still smile at me. I miss your smiles, solnyshkuh, and the way you laugh. Sometimes I think I dream about you, but I can’t remember when I wake up.”

The air fogs in front of my lips as I silently hope that she can’t see everything that I do, in hope that she’ll smile at me again when I finally get to join her.

There’s no name on her headstone, stopping anyone linking her back to me and I wish that it was there. I wish there was proof of how much she was loved and will never be forgotten. Giving the only person who will ever hold my heart fully the words they can’t hear. I lean my head on the edge of the stone and my voice is barely audible to my own ears.

“I love you, solnyshkuh, you are the best thing in my life.”

Snow crunches and I turn, alert, sitting back and holding my gun on my thigh. Grigory doesn’t flinch or look surprised at my greeting and takes the seat beside me, pulling out a flask. My voice is full of judgment despite my own sins.

“Should a man of God be drinking?”

He was an old fuck when I met him in the middle of the night cradling a dead body and digging a grave, but he’s flaunting his win over the reaper now.

He turns to me with a soft smile as he pours the contents of the flask between two cups and steam rises straight away.

“Tea my boy, it stops the frost getting in.”

I don’t take my hand off the headstone despite how I can’t feel it as I hold the warm cup on my knee, feeling the warmth seep through my gloves as we sit in silence.

Grigory starts his usual questions around each sip of his tea.

“How are your brothers?”

Annoying little shits, but I don’t tell him that, keeping it to the basics.

“Fine.”

A cloud appears in a harsh line as he readies to save my sinner soul.

“I see that you’re engaged in the computer.”

My lips lift at his slip up, and I let the geriatric clergyman off for trying to learn things in the new century. His next question makes my finger twitch wanting to put a bullet in his head.

“Does your bride know about?—”

Cutting him off, my voice is deadly, not entertaining whatever he believes is right.

“Don’t interfere with my family, old man.”

There’s no fear and his eyes turn down at the corners as he gives more advice I didn’t fucking ask for.

“Your bride will also become your family, you will both be crowned with glory and honor. Don’t forget that my boy.”

He sits there with his fucking judgment, knowing I will never allow my Vanya to hear a single harsh word. He doesn’t add anything more. I’ll kill him if he even attempts to fucking taint the only time I have. Once he’s finished his tea, he takes the untouched cup from my hand and spills the contents away from Vanya. There’s a deep sigh filled with age and emotion as he stands giving his parting advice.

“Don’t line the walls of your home in secrets, they will begin talking with the wrong information.”

Fuck him.

I don’t owe anyone shit and they’re omissions not secrets. He walks away leaving me in peace.

My tongue moves automatically once we’re alone again like she could hear what he said and already knows everything.

“No one will ever mean more than you, solnyshkuh, I promise. I’m going to make them all pay for taking you away from me. No one will stop me. Ya klyanus’ solynshkuh.”

There’s not a world where someone can take her place and my agreement with Inessa proves it because she’ll be out of my life with my child going under Valentin and Vitali’s care. I can’t relive it again and my brother will be able to do what they need to for the child to be cared for. They’ve shown they can do it with Viktor at a younger age and there’s no hesitance at their ability.

The sky is already starting to darken, making it even icier and my glove sticks to the frosty stone as I reluctantly stand. Folding in half, I press my lips against the edge of the stone. It’s slowly dulling due to my visits, and I lower my voice to below a whisper.

“A few more years and then no one can take you from me again. I’m sorry, forgive me for not saving you.”

My joints are frozen by the temperature and my unwillingness to walk away. I have to force myself to move as I straighten my shoulders and raise to my full height walking out of the churchyard as the dyavol with no emotions, they’re all buried behind me, anyway.