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The women are excited about living with Larc’s family by their wide eyes, whispers, and questions. Me? There is no me. Ben made sure of it. Because life with my father was a silent agony of insignificance—I meant nothing to him. I didn’t hesitate to run into Ben’s arms. Maybe the signs of his malicious ways were there all along. After I moved in with him, it didn’t take long before he revealed his abusive nature. A smack here, and a kick there. In the beginning, I let my mouth run free of censorship; most likely because of the life I had in which I held my tongue. Yet I’d forget about the consequences. Ben’s hands or feet would put me in my place. He beat me into fear for a reason, and every time I disobeyed it only fortified his reason.

Now, I’m travelling mindlessly with a group of women and a man the size of a tree, clueless to what’s ahead. But it doesn’t matter. I’m nothing more than the soot at the bottom of the sea and the pollution in the air. My presence doesn’t lend to the well-being of society. It’s maggot infested. Poisoned by vile men and their dirty secrets and dark fetishes. I’m the secret to their sinister sides; the side they only revealed in my prison.

The car slows, bringing me back to the present. We come upon large metal gates built into a stone wall, which seems to run for miles. There are men at the gate, talking to Larc, and then they secure the gate after we’re inside. Everything appears massive, even the other men. The women’s faces are plastered against the windows as the van travels down a lit road, except it’s difficult to see anything at this time of night. Larc pulls the van up to a rectangular, brick building and has us wait. When he returns, the woman who helped in our escape and another one welcome us to our new home.

In one line, we file into the building to find fifteen women standing on the sides of an aisle. From the corner of my eye, I can see beds and dressers stacked against one another down each side of this expansive room. The four of us stand in a semi-circle in front of them. I haven’t been around many women, let alone this many, so I’m wary of their intentions.

A short, freckled woman comes close, smiling up at Larc, who is standing behind me.

She says in a singsong voice.

“Hello Larc.”

He crouches down and takes her hand.

“Hey, Becky. How are you doing?”

The woman blushes.

“I’m good. Were you Superman today and saved more victims?”

She likes him.

Larc lets out a breath and offers a strained smile.

“Not so much Superman, but we did our best.”

He stands, places a hand on the middle of my upper back, and announces.

“Ladies. I’d like to introduce you to Louisa, Tara, Mandy, and Ivy. If you can guide them and make them feel at home, I’d really appreciate it. It’s been a long day for these women.”

For as massive as Larc is, I’m not afraid or intimidated by him, which is strange. Ben and his friends scared the hell out of me, but I wasn’t allowed to show it. Pain and fear were part of the submission.

This Becky girl comes over to me and takes my hand, leading me to an unoccupied bed. Other women do the same for Louisa, Tara, and Mandy. They introduce themselves to one another. Becky is talking, but I’m not fully listening. My body screams from discomfort, and my eyes burn from exhaustion. All of this chatter has me in a confused state, and I just want to sleep.

Becky guides me and the rest into a bathroom setup with eight showers, sinks, and several toilets. She’s still talking, a constant dribble of words falling out of her mouth and evaporating in the air. I’ve never seen someone talk so much, and if I wasn’t half asleep, I’d probably appreciate her friendly concern.

Back in the room, Larc is near the doors with the two women, but I can’t remember if he introduced them to us or not.

He presses his hands together and says.

“Ladies, I’m going to let you get acquainted. I’ll be back in the morning. If there’s anything you need, please let us know, and we’ll try to accommodate you.”

Larc and the two women wave and leave. I take a step toward the door, not wanting him to abandon me. I’m experiencing an unexplained pull toward him. His absence causes an ache that eases into my bones, so I wrap my arms around my abdomen. It’s weird this longing I have for his heat to warm my skin. I swallow hard, frightened by my reaction to him. Violence and abuse taught me to detach myself from people. Emotions will only enhance physical and mental agony, which was drilled into my psyche.

Becky runs out of words, returning to her bed while the rest of the women do the same. Some go into the washroom to brush their teeth. Others change into nightwear given to us. I stand by the bed because sitting is uncomfortable. The men brutally raped and sodomized me, so there’s a throbbing pain in my lower region. Ben and his friends liked it rough, too, which is why I’ve learned to internally deal with my physical wounds.

Louisa comes over and asks.

“Do you need help, Ivy?”

I shake my head. There’s nothing she or anyone else can do. I’m here but I’m not here. Louisa gives my arm a gentle squeeze and she returns to her bed. From the little I’ve known of her, she’s been nothing but kind. If she asks a question and I don’t answer, she doesn’t get upset or prod me for an answer. She simply accepts my privacy.

The overhead lights click off, and one by one, each woman shuts off their bedside lamp, until I’m standing in darkness. Light murmurs fade into snores. They’re fast asleep while I allow the night to hide my silent tears.

After some time, I wipe the stains from my face, pull the mattress from the bed, and lay on top in my scrubs and sweater. My eyes remain open, listening to the steady breaths of the women. My mind trails back in time to when I lived with my father, who hated me from the moment I came into the world as it took my mother’s last breath away. Her death fortified my fate. My dad blamed me, a newborn, of killing the love of his life. He provided the basic needs yet checked out. We didn’t speak to each other, and I learned to keep to myself the hard way. At four years old, I asked him questions about my mom. Ignoring me, he pulled over to an open field, took me out of the car, and left me on the side of the road crying, until he came back hours later. The experience was so traumatizing that I remember it vividly, even though it was at such a young age.

This has me lying on my side, curling into a ball, thoughts fast-forwarding to when I met Ben. My father made me feel so insignificant. Early on, Ben made up for it. From the first time I laid eyes on him during my waitressing shift, he provided for the lack of love I didn’t have at home. He bought me clothes, took me to fancy restaurants, took my virginity, and whispered all the things I needed to hear.

Once we moved in together, things got dark, progressively worsening until I was left with only crumbs of my former self. It’s beyond belief that a person can reduce another to nothing more than a body for pleasure unless they’ve experienced it themselves. I left a childhood of solitude for a tyrannical abuser. With this thought, I fall into a fitful sleep.

“Hold her legs and arms.”

They’re surrounding me, two on each side, spreading my arms and legs open. The large hairy man barking out demands unzips his pants, pulls out his cock, and thrusts inside me. He fastens his fat fingers onto my hips, thrusting so hard, the other men have to keep shifting me back to the middle of the metal desk. When he’s about to come, he pulls out, shooting his release all over me.

They laugh as he smears it over my stomach and face. Another man sits in the chair, pants down to his knees, motioning for them to bring me over. Without warning, my ass is slammed onto his cock, tears prickling my eyes. There’s no lubrication or even enough of the other man’s cum to reduce the friction. Biting the inside of my cheek, I let him pound into me. Since they haven’t all had their turn, a man steps between the other guy’s legs, stroking his cock, stooping lower, and shoves into my pussy. I’m double penetrated, and the searing pain has me tasting blood from my mouth. Bile rises, yet I swallow it down. The others cheer both of the men on until they explode inside me. The other two wait their turn. One instructs two men to pick my legs up and spread them open. My arms dangle from their shoulders…

Someone’s shaking my shoulder, and I wake in a sweat. It’s Louisa, telling me I’m safe. When I sit up on my hip, a couple of other women are standing over me. I fold my legs into my chest and rest my cheek on my knees, rocking back and forth. Louisa continues to calm me, and the others make their way back to bed. Not long after, she drapes a blanket over my shoulders and leaves me to my sadness. My attempts at staying awake to avoid the nightmares fail, and I’m pulled back to sleep and into another horrible dream.