Page 21

April snuck up on us without notice. The biting air lingers, but there’s more sunshine. I’m lying next to Larc in his hospital bed, talking about my plans for the day, all the while stroking his chest. Touching him brings me comfort. His status hasn’t changed. The silver still runs through his veins. They shut the hemodialysis off for five hours a day to let his body circulate the filtered blood on its own. Dr. Conrad assures me there’s some progress in the treatment. When Larc arrived, he measured the amount of silver in Larc’s body compared to now and there’s a slight deviation. He tells me it will be a long process, but he has no doubt Larc will recover. This bit of news gives me some hope and alleviates my tension.

Dr. Conrad comes into the room while I’m putting on my coat, and asks.

“Will you be sleeping here every night?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe it’s time you sleep at home, Ivy. Relax. There’s nothing else for you to do here.”

I point to my wolf-charmer.

“Larc is in there and I know he can hear me. Every minute I get to spend with him is a minute of memories to share. Hold him. Smell him. I can’t do that at home. If nothing else, I need to be with Larc.”

“Okay, then. I can get you a cot.”

“No. I’d like to sleep in his bed.”

Dr. Conrad purses his lips, gives me a nod, and assesses Larc as I leave.

Today is my first training day with Shayna. For several days, she’s been asking me if I’m sure this is what I want. She assures me this isn’t necessary and doesn’t quite understand my reasoning. Although I’ve been vague, my reason to train is about building a stronger mind and body. I’ve felt like a victim long enough. Cowering. Obeying without questions. Larc has allowed me to blossom over these months, rekindling some of my old self. To even have a choice to train stems from Larc. My wolf-charmer saved me, nourished me, and little by little, has put me back together.

Larc is lying in a hospital because of me, so I’m not only doing this for me but for him, too. We also don’t know what the future holds. Training to fight will build my strength and endurance in case we come to blows with anyone. That anyone is Ben. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect Larc and the pack, and in order to do that, I must come to terms with my past. I’m meeting Ellen to cure my mind, and Shayna to build my body.

When I walk into the training building, Shayna is in the back area, sitting on a large mat, wrapping her hands. I gulp. Why is she wrapping her hands? There are mats throughout the gym. As I veer toward Shayna, I pass men wrestling in one corner, women jumping roping, and a boxing match taking place.

Shayna stands when she sees me, looking me up and down.

“Don’t you have any workout clothes, such as leggings and a sports bra?”

“No. Only sweats.”

She shakes her head.

“We’ll have to do a little shopping. In the meantime, I can lend you some of mine.”

This makes me laugh.

“There’s no way I’d fit into your clothes, and that’s a compliment.”

My arms hold out to the side.

“Look at me. I’m short and have no muscles.”

A smile crosses her face.

“We’re going to change that.”

She motions to a bench by the mat.

“How about you take a seat, and I’ll wrap your hands?”

I sit asking.

“Why do we need them wrapped?”

“To protect your hands, knuckles, and wrists. Next are the boxing gloves.”

While she wraps them, her eyes flit to mine and back, pressing her lips together, as if she has something on her mind.

“Are you sure this is what you want?”

I nod, and she shakes her head.

“Most non-werewolf women find fighting vulgar.”

Her hand moves rapidly around my wrist, angling to the other side of my thumb, palm, knuckles, and back as she talks.

“You said you want to get physically stronger. We have exercise classes you can join instead.”

I stop her hand, take it in mine, and say.

“This is much more than strength.”

Taking an inhale and exhale through my nose, I continue.

“I don’t mention Larc, because you have history together.”

She’s about to talk, but I hold up a finger.

“The pack wants you to be Luna, which is understandable. You’re strong, beautiful, a werewolf, and would have the pack’s best interest.”

Again, she’s about to talk.

“Let me just get this out, please.”

She nods.

“When Larc first told me about us being mates, I almost ran, but the look on his face when I rejected him broke my heart. I couldn’t hurt someone who fights for the frail. The missions Larc and his men go on are dangerous and disturbing, yet they do it because for them it’s the right thing to do. In a sea of damnable crimes, Larc saves so many people. Well, training is the right thing for me to do. We’re not sure what will happen from this point forward, especially knowing Ben is the culprit.”

“That’s for us to fight.”

“Absolutely not, Shayna. I brought danger to this pack, and I’m going to do whatever is possible to protect all of you.”

I bite my lip.

“In time, I hope to be Luna, whatever it entails, and by then I’ll be strong enough to fight alongside every werewolf in this pack.”

Tears sprout in her eyes, and I tilt my head to the side and ask.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because you’ll make an excellent Luna.”

Now I’m crying.

We hug, and she says.

“Let’s train, Luna.”

Shayna puts a pair of boxing gloves on me, and then on her. Bringing me over to a hanging punching bag, she stands to my side, explaining the importance of protecting my face by holding my hands in front of it. She hits the punching bag, telling me the type of punch she threw. The four basic boxing punches are a jab, cross, hook, and uppercut. We start simple by repeating a punch several times before moving to the next. I don’t move quick enough and the bag swings, knocking me down. Shayna’s trying not to laugh while helping me up, except my laughter ignites hers. Footwork is then added to the punches. Shuffling to the side, stepping forward, and pivoting my foot. It’s all so new to me, and while I’m side-stepping, I trip over my own feet and fall. Again, this has me laughing and I realize I have a lot to tackle.

We’re at it for two hours, coated in sweat, until she calls it quits. Shayna tells me we’ll practice for two hours a day, increasing the time as we progress.

Before my after-dinner appointment with Ellen, I hurry home to shower, and pack a small bag of toiletries and an outfit for tomorrow to bring to the hospital tonight.

I haven’t seen my friends much, so I go to the mess hall for dinner. Louisa and Tara are talking as Reed listens. He’s next to Tara, clasping her hand. My heart grows lighter seeing this small exchange. Mandy must be somewhere with Simon. I retrieve a plate and wait in line at the food counter. Maggie comes up to me and gives me a side hug.

“Did you have your first training session with Shayna?”

“I did.”

A small laugh escapes.

“I’ve got a lot to learn.”

She gives me a small squeeze and says.

“You’ll get it.”

This surprises me. Even though Maggie has apologized, this is the first reassurance she’s given me. I whisper a thank you, and she goes to assist in the kitchen.

Kyle comes over, grabbing a plate, and silently acknowledges me. He’s a harder nut to crack. No matter what anyone says, I know he agrees I’ve brought danger to the pack, and I’m the cause of his and Larc’s estrangement. Kyle pops in every night to check on Larc at the hospital, except we don’t say much to each other. He’ll talk to Dr. Conrad, sit for a couple of minutes, and leave. If I were to guess, I’d say he feels guilty for not talking to Larc. Childhood friendships carry a strong bond, so I hope they’ll reconnect.

I’m starving, so I load my plate and walk over to Louisa and Tara. Reed is about to make room, but I tell him I’ll sit across from everyone. As I’m eating, Louisa and Tara talk about the sewing/knitting club entering a local contest. This is awesome for them. We all need validation, and if they win, it’s proof of their creativity. Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I ask Reed how he’s doing.

He ducks his head a bit and says.

“Fine. I’m doing some woodwork. A guy from the bunkhouse used to be a carpenter, so Kyle has offered a place where we can work.”

I glance over at Kyle, thinking it was a sweet gesture on his part.

Louisa takes my hand.

“How are things with Larc?”

Releasing a heavy sigh, I respond.

“There’s been a little bit of change in his blood, but not a lot.”

I glance out the window, talking to no one in particular.

“It’s going to be a long recovery.”

When I look back, they have sad expressions, so I poke at my potatoes to prevent from crying.

“I’m looking forward to when he’ll be able to hug me back.”

Instead of Louisa and Tara speaking, Reed does, which holds great value.

“I remember Larc coming to see me when I first arrived.”

His eyes shift sideways to Tara and back to me.

“I accused him of not knowing anything because he hadn’t experienced what I did.”

Reed swallows as if something is stuck in his throat.

“You know what he said?”

I give him a small smile.

“He told me that the people who come here are humans with amazing lives waiting for them to claim. They come out stronger.”

His eyes tear up, and he adds.

“He saw a bright future ahead of me. Told me it would be hard, but worth it.”

Reed wipes his tears away.

“Larc’s strong. It will be a hard road for him, but he has so many people cheering for him.”

I reach over and take his hand, tears pouring down my face. I promised Larc I wouldn’t touch Reed, yet I have to let him know how grateful I am for his words.

“Thank you, Reed. That makes me feel better.”

The rest of dinner is small talk, and I head on over to Ellen’s office. It’s quiet aside from some meditation music playing behind her office door. I knock, and she tells me to come in. In an instant, the smell of vanilla hits my nose, soothing and calming me. I look forward to fighting Shayna more than I do talking to Ellen. Dredging up horrible memories is worse than physical pain. Except it’s time for me to confront my past to clear a path for my future.

Ellen comes over and smiles.

“Larc told me you like vanilla, so I thought I’d burn a vanilla candle.”

She ushers me over to a couch.

“No, you don’t have to lie down; just make yourself comfortable. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea, or water?”

“Tea sounds good.”

While she gets the water kettle going, my eyes roam the room, finding certificates hanging on the wall, along with paintings. A bookshelf takes up half a wall, and the rest are a warm burgundy. It’s a cozy office.

Ellen sets my tea in front of me and sits in a chair beside the couch instead of her desk. She has blond hair with spritzes of gray in it. She’s the first werewolf I’ve seen with gray hair. Not even Maggie has any, and I assume she’s up there in werewolf years. Ellen’s gracefully thin, like a ballet dancer, lacking the muscular tone other werewolves have, too.

She breaks my gawking by asking.

“Shall we get started?”

“Sure.”

We sit, watching one another, while a soft piano medley plays. I’ve never been to a psychiatrist, so I don’t know what to expect or what’s expected of me. Ellen sits quiet, and I’m a bit uncomfortable, so I gaze down into my cup of tea. My lap was always my retreating place where I’d remain quiet, eyes downward, hoping to avoid any angry words or physical assaults.

Finally, she clears her throat.

“I usually begin by assessing how you react to my stares and the quiet.”

Still glancing down, I ask.

“How’d I do?”

She lets out a small laugh.

“There isn’t a pass or fail. It’s just my way of getting to know you non-verbally.”

My head rises, and I meet her eyes.

“I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do here.”

“We’re going to talk about whatever you want. Take it slow, and then we’ll hit the harder areas. How does that sound?”

I shrug.

“Sounds okay.”

“Since you first came here, you’ve come a long way, Ivy.”

“Thank you.”

She sits back with her tea in hand.

“I remember talking to Larc about your health.”

This has me placing my tea on the table and sitting forward.

“You mean you’ll be telling people what we talk about?”

Ellen shakes her head.

“No. The initial assessments are always discussed with the Alpha. Unlike human’s medical privacy, it doesn’t exist here, especially when you’re first brought into the community. We want all humans physically and mentally assessed for the safety of the pack.”

“But what about now? Will you tell Larc or anyone else about our discussions?”

“No. I went to a human university and hold my degree to the same standards. The only difference is the initial discussion or if I believe a patient will harm themselves or someone else during our meetings. Only then will I discuss their behavior with Larc.”

I swallow, worried people will hear the nasty things I’ve encountered in my life. It’s no secret I was groomed to be a sex slave, yet there’s more sadness to my history.

Ellen clears her throat.

“Ivy, I promise you our conversations will remain with us. If you want to tell Larc or anyone else, that’s your business, but nothing said in this office leaves me.”

I give her the go-ahead.

“Good. Now, how did training go today?”

After an hour of talking about light subject matters, I arrive at Larc’s hospital room, clean up, and put on my pajamas. I slip into his bed, rest my head on his bicep, and tell him all about my day.