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Thirty-One

XANDER

The Night Before His Last

Xander isn’t his real name, but neither is Thomas, so Xander doesn’t think it matters what people call him. And anyway, he likes the name Xander. Xander sounds like someone who’s got his crap together. Xander sounds like someone who wears the latest Nike sneakers and drives a cool sports car. And, most importantly, Xander definitely does not sound like the kind of person who would spend all of his time scamming people out of their hard-earned money.

Xander is who he wants to be. But in the end, maybe he just can’t help being a scam artist, because what started out as a little escapism has ended up being yet another huge lie.

He created this entire life because he needed an escape. Something to dream about, no matter how unrealistic. Xander knows it will never come true, but then he got carried away by the online world. By all of the beautiful people in it, and Aimes, so sweet and kind. When she asked him out, he had to turn her down. He couldn’t date her, he didn’t know how to keep up the ruse in person. He was so scared of losing her, so he turned around and offered her one thing he could: a fake relationship.

Those stolen hours at Aimes’s place, making videos, are probably some of the best times Xander has experienced. He makes sure to keep them short, leaving her apartment as soon as they are done, but he wishes he could stay on. It was after one of these sessions, as Xander walked through Chinatown, that he found Qiang Wen’s dumpling shop. He hadn’t expected to make a connection with Qiang Wen, but Xander was lonely, and it was obvious that Qiang Wen was as well. And so, just for a few hours each week, Xander had someone to talk to. Someone who reminded him of his grandfather back home. And could he be blamed for wanting to add that to Xander’s online life?

Then TJ had reached out to offer representation, and Xander was amazed. He now had not just a girlfriend and a grandfather, but also a career manager. The American Dream come true.

Except, as time went on, the dream turned into a nightmare. Mother and Father found out. Of course they did. He should’ve known they would. They were angry at first, then they saw an opportunity in it. They saw opportunities in everything; that was their problem, really. And they wanted Xander to use his online profile to scam more people.

Xander Lin was his own creation, his one escape from this hell he had somehow landed himself in, and he couldn’t let Mother and Father dirty it. He’d had enough. He knew the risks. He’d seen what happened to siblings who stepped out of line. He’d experienced Father and Mother’s violence himself. And Mother and Father were always so proud about having a contact within the police force, someone who would help them get out of trouble should anything come out. They’d convinced Thomas for so many years that if he ever went to the police, all that would happen is that he’d get charged as a scammer, but nothing would ever touch Mother and Father. But enough was enough. He was going to come clean online. Skip the police to circumvent the possibility of a dirty cop cleaning things up, and just reveal everything on social media. Burn this whole stinking operation to the ground. He’d end up in prison himself, but it was what he deserved.

He folded one last daisy for Millie. He hoped she would understand why he had to do it. Why he had to sell everyone out, even her. He hoped the police would be lenient on her. They wouldn’t charge the younger kids, he was sure of it. But he needed courage. He didn’t know if he could do it alone. It felt impossible, a larger-than-life undertaking that he had to shoulder alone, and he was so tired and so scared. All he wanted was one person, someone he’d connected with in the last few months, whether it be Aimes or Qiang Wen or TJ, to stand by him and tell him that, yes, he was doing the right thing. Someone who could help him show the fakeness of social media, prove that nothing was as it seemed. Someone who could hold his hand and tell him that he was doing the right thing. Because the one thing Xander was, was scared. He was piss-himself-in-his-pants-terrified, and he didn’t know if he could go through with it, but he must. He had to. For the first time, Xander was going to do the right thing.