Page 19

Nineteen

TJ

“This is pretty bad,” Lomax says.

“Can’t believe some asshole did this to Vera,” Kit says, as she climbs the ladder with an electric drill in her hand.

“Oh, I always say when people get angry like this, it mean you are doing the right thing,” Vera says.

TJ pinches the bridge of his nose. “Or it means you’re pissing the wrong people off and you should stop for your own safety.”

Vera shares a look with Robin. “Your father is very boring man, isn’t he?”

Robin grins. “Yep, I’ve said that to him like a million times.”

TJ watches as Kit unscrews Vera’s old sign. Kit has mentioned in the past that one of the classes she took back at the juvenile facility is woodshop, but he never really appreciated it until now. He has a newfound admiration for Kit, and he’s feeling extra useless, and he’s really freaking stressed out about Vera’s insistence on continuing her investigation. And he’s just finished doing his books and there’s no way around it, he’s going to have to close up shop.

Everyone cheers as the old sign comes down. Putting on the new one requires more than a pair of hands, and TJ is surprised by how tiring the work is. He’s never going to look at a store sign the same way again. Afterward, Vera invites them all inside for some Korean-French pastries and some Chinese tea.

“This kimchi cheese croissant is so good, Grandma,” Robin says.

“Is it? Is okay, I guess.” Vera frowns at TJ. “TJ, you okay? You not eating very much.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” TJ takes another bite of the croissant just so Vera won’t start prying. They really are very good, but he doesn’t have an appetite.

“Have you reported this to the police?” Lomax says.

“Aiya, of course I have.”

“And what did they say?” Robin says.

Vera pauses for such a long time that even TJ notices.

“Well,” she says finally, “they say don’t worry, it happen all the time.”

“What happens all the time? People splashing your shop with red paint?” TJ says.

“Well, not my shop, but yes, they say this kind of thing happen to all shops.”

TJ frowns. “I don’t think it does. I’m surprised they’re not taking it more seriously.”

“Dad,” Robin says, “I don’t like the idea of Grandma being here all by herself, especially when someone’s clearly out to get her.”

“Yeah, I don’t like it either,” Lomax says. Next to him, Kit nods solemnly.

TJ gapes at them. What are they asking him to do here? “I mean, yeah, I’m not a fan either. Can you stay with your son for a while?”

“Oh, no,” Vera says. “Terrible idea. He just move in with girlfriend and I need them to make babies. They can’t make babies if I’m there.”

Oh lord. TJ massages his temple. “I think this is somewhat more urgent than your son and his girlfriend, uh, having…relations.”

“Nothing more urgent than me having grandbabies,” Vera snaps.

“It’s okay, Grandma,” Robin says. “How about you stay with us?”

TJ shoots Robin a very meaningful look, which she blithely ignores.

“I cannot do that to you. There are obviously people coming after me, maybe dangerous people,” Vera says with a dramatic flourish. “If I lead them to your house, how can I forgive myself?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” TJ says quickly. “Thanks for being so selfless.”

“Then we’ll stay here with you,” Robin says.

“What?” TJ says.

“I’m going to have a sleepover at Grandma’s.”

“No,” TJ says.

Robin crosses her arms and raises her chin at him. Then she seems to rethink her stance and lowers her chin, gazing up at him with Bambi eyes. Damn it. “Please, Dad?” she says. “I’ve never done this before, and all the other kids at school often mention how they stayed over at their grandparents’ house and baked brownies and shi—I mean, and stuff.”

“Yeah, you can’t deny your kid that experience. That’s messed up,” Kit says.

She’s not your grandmother! TJ wants to scream. But then he thinks of how Vera had stormed into Robin’s school and laid down the law with Mr.Burns, and how she’d taken Robin out to buy bras, and he thinks of all the nutritious food Vera has cooked for Robin, and it hits him that…she is very much the grandmother Robin has always wanted. The grandmother he’s always wanted, in fact. I must be going mad , he thinks, as he says, “Okay. But obviously I’m gonna have to stay over as well. Is that okay with you?”

Vera shrugs. “As long as you don’t get in my way.”

“Yes!” Robin whisper-shouts. She turns to Vera. “Can we bake chocolate chip cookies?”

“What is that European nonsense? No.”

Robin deflates.

“We will make Chinese jiggly sponge cake. I am your grandmother, so this is now your heritage also, you better learn.”

Robin grins again. “Okay, that sounds awesome.”

TJ slumps in his seat. This is going to be a long day.

···

Later that night, after Robin has been tucked into Tilly’s old bed and TJ has helped clear away the thousand and one dirty dishes from the feast that Vera had insisted on making for dinner, TJ settles down on the couch. His stomach is still uncomfortably full from dinner, and despite himself, TJ has actually enjoyed spending the day at Vera’s. He’s felt, lately, that Robin is growing up way too quickly. Gone was the sweet, shy kid he adored, and in her place is a sarcastic, eye-rolling teen who kind of scares TJ shitless sometimes. But Vera has a way of somehow peeling back the years and bringing out Robin’s inner child. Around Vera, Robin is sweet and sincere, and she smiles with abandon. It makes TJ’s heart crack open to see how eager Robin is for some motherly affection, how hungry she’s been. How could he have missed that?

Vera comes out of the kitchen carrying a tray with hot tea and a big slice of the jiggly sponge cake she and Robin made earlier.

“I couldn’t possibly eat another bite,” TJ says.

“Okay.” She places the cake in front of him anyway, then sits down. “Tell me, TJ, what is it?”

“What’s what?”

“You are worrying over something. I can see it the whole day, like you have something to hide.”

“I don’t—”

“And I know it involve Robin and Kit and Lomax.”

“What? How do you know that?” TJ says, sitting straight up.

“Because you keep looking at Kit and Lomax like you kill their dog or something. So guilty face. And,” she adds, as though she isn’t done blowing things up, “I think has to do with Xander Lin.”

“No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t!” TJ snaps, and he hears it then, the raw fear in his voice, turning it sharp-edged. He stares at Vera, his chest heaving, then he buries his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you. I just—everything’s falling apart, and I don’t know what to do.”

“How everything is falling apart?”

“We’ve lost too many clients, and I have to close down the office by the end of the week. Can’t make rent. I fucked up.”

“How you fuck up?”

“Robin.” It feels wrong to say her name in this context, but he can’t deny that the issues do involve her. “I had a difficult client. A lot of my clients are difficult, actually, but this one was particularly difficult. He was entitled, he’d harass me if he saw that his ‘friends’ booked a sponsorship and he didn’t. He’d call me twenty times a day, leave me nasty messages, demand that I work harder, all that stuff. I should’ve fired him, but he was growing so fast, and I didn’t want to lose him as a client even though he was a terrible human being. One night, I drank one too many beers and bitched about him to Robin. I just needed to spill, I guess, and for whatever stupid reason, I thought it would be okay to tell her this stuff. God, I’m an idiot.”

“Robin is very mature kid,” Vera says. “I can see why you tell her about it.”

TJ gives a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, except then I went to bed, and what I didn’t foresee happening was Robin taking my phone and sending an email to that client, firing him. And not just firing him. She said, ‘You are a spoiled, entitled rich brat, and I no longer want to work with you.’?”

“Ah,” Vera says, somehow keeping her face straight.

“Yeah. Didn’t go over well. He posted a screenshot of the email online, and obviously it went viral. A talent manager saying that to his client? Unheard of. Half of our clients dropped us within the next twenty-four hours. Kit and Lomax lost clients too, just because they work for me.”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah. And Robin—I know she was just trying to protect me, I know, but…”

“Is hard not to feel a bit upset with her,” Vera says.

“Yeah,” TJ croaks. He hates to admit it. He hates to even think it to himself, to face the fact that, yeah, actually, part of him is angry at Robin. He blames himself for everything, mostly, but part of him blames her too, and knowing that makes him feel disgusted with himself, because what kind of parent would feel that way about their child?

“You talk to her about it?”

TJ shrugs. “I told her it’s fine.”

“Is not really fine if you have to close down business.”

“No, it’s not really fine.”

“And what this has to do with Xander? Why you are so shady about him?”

“Xander,” TJ groans. “Yet another incident that makes me feel like the worst human alive.”

Vera doesn’t say anything, merely studies him. Can he really tell her? He can’t. Nope. He wrings his hands in his lap.

“I make a guess,” Vera says finally. “Xander come to you and ask you to help him do some big news, and you say no.”

TJ’s mouth falls open. “How do you know?”

“Mother intuition.” Then she adds, “Also, Aimes tell me Xander come to her wanting to do big exposé.”

“I see.” His voice comes out weak. He barely recognizes it. “Yes. That was what happened. The thing is, with Xander, it was…different. When I first signed him as a client, he made it clear that he wanted it to seem like we worked really closely with each other. He wanted to sell this image of having a talent manager who was basically at his beck and call. It didn’t mean much to me at first. I was fine playing along. He’d write these captions about how we often had long phone calls into the middle of the night, strategizing his career growth, and how he could call me up for literally anything, like if he got a flat tire or something.”

“Interesting,” Vera says. “Why?”

“I guess for clout? Made him seem more legit, if his manager is willing to spend all this time on him. And he was actually a really low-key client in real life, so I didn’t mind. Compared to my other clients, like I told you, Xander was low maintenance. I hardly ever heard from him. Until that day. The day before he died. He came to my office. I was so surprised. That was the first time I had ever met him in person, and he had come in unannounced. He told me he wanted to come clean online, tell everyone the truth, that we’d never even met and I only played a small role in his life, all that stuff. He said it had to do with some big bad secret he wanted to reveal.”

“And you say no.”

“Of course I said no!” TJ cries. “That was about a month after the fallout with my other client, the one that Robin emailed. I couldn’t afford another scandal. That would’ve ended me. And I’d profited off Xander’s lie. I’d gotten clients precisely because they said they saw Xander’s posts about how attentive I was. I couldn’t possibly do what Xander wanted me to do.”

“How Xander react when you tell him?”

“Not well.” TJ squeezes his eyes shut at the ugly memory. “He told me people like me are the reason why this country is morally bankrupt. I mean, I don’t disagree with him,” TJ says with a bitter laugh. “Then he said, ‘I’m gonna do it anyway, with or without you.’ And I freaked out. This is my livelihood. I got scared. I—I told him if he did, I would sue him for all he was worth. I told him if he even uttered my name publicly again, he would hear from my lawyer.” TJ grimaces. It’s almost physically painful reliving that day. He can still remember the blinding hot surge of rage that had overtaken his entire body. How his brain had felt like a heart thumping and thudding and burning. “I was despicable,” he moans. “I was so hateful. And he looked so disappointed. He said I was one of the few people he thought he could count on, and then he left. And the next day, he was dead.”

“Is that why all this time you acting so shady and not wanting me to look into his death?”

“Yeah. Because I’m a coward, Vera. And it’s so painful thinking of Xander. I just want to push everything that has to do with him out of my mind. I know it’s selfish. I know.”

“Yes, it is selfish, but I also understand why you acting selfishly. You are parent. Not just to Robin but to Kit and Lomax. You feel responsible for them, so you cannot afford to risk this and that. I know. I am parent too.”

Something inside TJ breaks, and he digs his knuckles into his eyes like a little kid. He wants to blot out the world. He wants to stop existing, just for a little while. “When the cops came to talk to me about Xander, I was so scared. And confused. They told me Xander wasn’t who he said he was. I mean, what was that all about? I told them the truth, that I didn’t know anything about Xander aside from him being an influencer, and they said from his posts, it sounded like I knew a lot more than what I was telling them. My god, I practically crapped my pants, Vera. I told them he may have embellished a little. I felt like complete shit. They looked like…like I was something sticky they’d accidentally stepped on.”

“Ah, no, that is just cop being cop; they always look like they smell something bad.”

Somehow, despite everything, TJ chuckles. “Yeah, they do, don’t they?”

“I ask Selena once, you know, my future—”

“Daughter-in-law, yes, you’ve mentioned once or twice. Or three times.”

“Well, I ask her once, why cop have that face? And she say, ‘What face?’ I show her and she laugh, then she say, ‘I don’t know, maybe because we deal with scumbags all the time?’?”

“Scumbag, yep, that’s me.”

“Aiya, TJ, stop being so drama. Oh my goodness, you young people. Okay, so cops know that you not really have close relationship with Xander, so what? They don’t care about that, they only care about whether or not you kill him. And you didn’t, so what is problem?”

“I mean, when you put it that way…” TJ sighs. “I’m sorry I tried to talk you out of investigating his death. I would like to know what happened to him too. Even if it turns out he killed himself because everyone around him let him down. I should face it, take responsibility for what I did.”

“Yes, don’t worry about it, I was never going to listen to you, anyway.”

“True.”

“And Robin…”

“I know it’s not her fault,” TJ says.

“Well, sort of, but if you think about it, she get so angry when she hear that someone mistreats her father. Is quite touching, isn’t it? Show you that you raise a fighter, someone who want to protect her family.”

A warm, golden feeling spreads across TJ’s body. He gazes at Vera in wonderment. “Yeah. You’re right. All this time, I’ve been so carried away by the fallout, I never really spent any time thinking about the why.”

“I think it show that you raise her so well.”

TJ’s cheeks burn, but it’s not a bad feeling. “Do you really think so?” He’s not even embarrassed by how needy his voice comes out sounding.

“Yes,” Vera says simply. “Otherwise, I would not take her as granddaughter. I have very high standards, you know.”

TJ snorts. “I’m glad to hear that she passed your test.”

“And Kit and Lomax, they will be okay. They are good kids too, they will find place in the world.”

“I don’t know. I know they’re great in person, and they’ve got good hearts and good heads on their shoulders, but on paper, they don’t look so great.”

“We will figure out. One step at one time, TJ. You don’t have to take on the whole world at once. Just take one step.”

TJ nods, feeling like the huge boulder that’s been crushing him all this time has lifted, just a little. “I think I’m gonna have some of this cake after all.”

“I know. No one can resist jiggly sponge cake.”

Something about being around Vera makes TJ feel so safe, which is ironic given he’s here tonight to make sure she is safe. Still, he can’t complain. It feels nice, not being the one that everybody has to depend on for once. To have someone he can lean on. TJ bites into the airy soft cake and releases a long breath. Maybe Vera is right. Maybe, despite the shattered mess that his life has turned into, somehow, it’s going to end up being okay.