Page 20

CHAPTER

TWENTY

Theo braked for a stop sign, struggling to remember which road led back to Aaron’s place. He’d been driving these roads for years and walking them for longer, and suddenly he couldn’t remember which road took him from Kade’s side of town to his own.

He tried not to think about the Google search that had told him this ‘grief haze’ could last a few months. He was already tired of it.

Kade cleared his throat. He was in the backseat again, a fact he didn’t even complain about when Theo directed him toward it.

“Left,” Kade said. “If you’re wondering.”

Theo turned left. The Lexus fell into stilted silence again, and Theo prayed it would last.

“So,” Kade said, shattering Theo’s hopes immediately. “What’d you get up to since we buried a body?”

“Nothing,” Theo said .

This was a lie. He’d spent Friday night doing up the garden—weeding, pruning, watering, climbing onto the roof and pulling off the ivy. He spent Saturday dumping the excess and trying in vain to catch up on the school he’d missed.

The whole day, he kept forgetting the most basic crap. Long division. What season daffodils bloomed. Standing in front of the shoe rack for a good ten seconds trying to remember which were his sneakers and which were his dad’s. They hadn’t tidied up any of his stuff yet. Hadn’t even touched it. The last coffee cup he used was still in the kitchen, growing mold.

Kade asked, “How’s your mom?”

“Fine,” Theo said. He’d barely seen his mom since he got home. She’d been in the kitchen, making food and then deeming it inedible and throwing it out. Theo had taken some, to be polite, and then he’d had to go into the woods and empty the slippery red velvet cake onto the ground. Hopefully deer could digest cake.

They hadn’t really talked until Theo was about to leave for Aaron’s party, tearing his bedroom apart to find his popcorn cufflinks: a joke Christmas gift from Aaron. Theo was still pissed at him, but he did just bury the guy’s dad in a shallow grave, so he wanted to go the extra mile for his birthday.

His mom had knocked on the door, flour in her limp curls, and asked where he was off to. Theo told her, and she pinched her lips as she asked who he was going with .

No one , he lied.

She didn’t buy it for a second. You know how important it is to be friends with the right kind of people, Theo. That Renfield boy—he might look exciting, in a grimy sort of way, but he’s trash. You know that, right?

He’d told her he knew. Then he’d slunk down to his Lexus to go pick up Kade and take him to the party.

Kade examined his nails in the backseat. He was wearing a less flashy outfit than last time—no fishnets, no skirt, no dark lipstick. Just jeans and the flowy dark shirt with the anatomically correct heart embroidered on the chest. Theo looked at him and tried to remember when he found his chipped nail polish off-putting, his chapped lips something to stay away from and not something he would dream about, if he still dreamed.

He’s trash, his mom had said. Theo had agreed so readily. Then he’d snuck off, feeling like he’d just committed a betrayal. He just wasn’t sure who he’d betrayed: Kade, or his family.

Sparky sulking didn’t help. She kept giving him sad eyes, ears plastered against her head. Licking his hands. Hoping he would relent and call her a good girl again. But every time Theo considered forgiving her, he heard his dad’s voice in his head: you’re too easy on that dog. Fairgoods are vicious. Who are you?

“I’m a Fairgood,” Theo mumbled.

Kade looked up from his nails. “Huh? ”

Theo gestured at the road. “I’ll drop you off here. See you at the party in ten?”

Kade nodded. He adjusted his shirt, which was open at the collar. Moonlight fell across his pale and mouthwatering clavicle.

Theo swallowed, training his gaze back on the road as he pulled over. “What, no complaining?”

Kade shrugged.

“No pointing out that everyone saw you running after me in the woods at Felicity’s party? And the whole… thing at the funeral? And that my mom saw you come home with me? And that there are rumors all around the school about us being together or you blackmailing me for sex or me blackmailing you for drugs?”

Kade blinked rapidly. He was wearing eyeliner again, the sharp wings making his gray eyes look even bigger than usual.

“I’ll start bitching again next week,” he said. “This time you get a pass.”

He said it too carefully. Theo got the sense he’d been talking to his aunt about being nice to poor, grieving Theo.

“Very mature of you,” Theo said.

“Trying something new,” Kade replied. He was obviously trying to be calm, but Theo could smell the sweat under his store-bought deodorant. They’d buried a man in the woods yesterday and were headed to his son’s birthday party. Whatever Kade’s calm was, it was thin and ready to melt at the slightest provocation .

He reached for the door handle.

“Wait,” Theo blurted. He’d left Sparky all sad and shaky, he didn’t want to do the same to Kade. “Thanks. For coming.”

Kade shrugged again. “You asked me to.”

Then he got out of the car. Walking ten minutes in the autumn chill to a house party he didn’t want to go to, to stand alone in a room full of people who didn’t like him, because Theo asked.

The doors were wide open, colored lights and noise spilling out into the dark.

Theo looked through the crowd. The setup was the same as last year—drinks table in the foyer, dancefloor in the living room, a barrier on the stairs to stop people going up to the second floor. The night was young, which usually meant Theo could find Aaron in the kitchen, trying to get away from the noise. He wasn’t a crowds guy.

But Aaron wasn’t in the kitchen. Theo walked through the crowd, listening as best he could through the din until he heard a girl say Aaron’s name.

He tapped her on the shoulder. “Hey. Do you know where Aaron is?”

She turned. It was Skeeter Bass, her scars hidden under a scarf the party was too hot for. She flushed when she saw him, like she was remembering Felicity’s mouth on her neck .

“Um,” she said, braces glinting underneath the colored lights. “I think he’s still dancing? He knocked beer all over my dress. It’s my good one, too.”

“Dancing,” Theo repeated, confused. “You’re sure?”

She nodded and pointed into the living room. “Under the main light. He won’t let anyone else near it.”

Theo followed her gaze.

The main light was broken. It had to be, because it wasn’t roving over the walls like the others. It wasn’t colored, either, no bright purple or neon green. This was a clear, pale river of light beaming straight down onto the middle of the dancefloor. There was a small gap around it, everyone swaying to stay clear of it as they danced. And in the middle of the gap, basking in the light, stood Aaron.

It wasn’t dancing. Not quite. This was more of a demented thrashing, arms waving, legs kicking out. Even his hair gel wasn’t enough to make his hair stay in place as he whipped his head around to the beat.

Theo headed through the crowd. It parted easily, everyone giving him distracted, awkward nods as soon as they noticed who it was.

Theo ignored them. “Aaron! Hey!”

Aaron stumbled to a stop. His cheeks were bright, sweat shining on his upper lip. Theo had never seen him dance like that—Aaron’s dance moves were strictly limited to the box step or the Cool Guy Shuffle.

Aaron stared at him, dazed. A tuft of brown hair fell over his sweaty forehead. For a moment Theo thought he was going to get punched, or maybe screamed at.

Then Aaron broke into a wild grin. “Buddy! Hey, what’s UP, my man?”

Theo blinked as Aaron yanked him into a hug. “I’m good. Are you good, man? Did you take something?”

Aaron shook his head. He stunk of beer and sweat and rot, gloved hands shaking as he stepped back. The black veins above his bandaged hand had gotten worse since the funeral. Thicker and longer, climbing up his arm.

Theo frowned. “Dude, is your hand okay?”

“What?” Aaron glanced down at it and frowned, then shoved it in his pocket. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s find somewhere we can actually talk.”

Theo followed him out of the living room. A few people tried to wish Aaron a happy birthday, but he ignored them, pushing through until he to the base of the stairs in the front hall. It was quieter here, a crossroads for people on their way to the drinks table or the dancefloor.

“Didn’t expect to see you dance,” Theo said. “Bit early for you.”

“I started early,” Aaron said. He leaned back against the barrier, eyes widening when it sagged under his weight.

Theo caught his shoulder. “Easy.”

“Says you,” Aaron said, drooping sideways to lean against the wall. “Hey! What the hell happened with my dad yesterday?”

Theo’s stomach fell. He’d hoped they could talk about party things. Birthday things. Breakup things, if it came down to it. Aaron was a natural at avoiding difficult subjects. At most, he’d make a passive-aggressive comment.

Theo said the first thing that came to his head. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry ,” Aaron simpered. “I forgot. We’re not talking about it. About any of it! We’re not talking about how you barged in all weird demanding to know where my dad was, and no one’s seen him since, and Mom won’t put in a missing persons report until it’s been forty-eight hours. What, did you kill him?”

“Ha ha,” Theo said weakly. He looked around for an exit. Where was Kade? Was he here yet?

Aaron rubbed Theo’s chest. It was a weird move, nothing close to his usual shoulder slap. “I’m joking. Whatever weird cult shit you guys have going on?—”

“There’s no cult shit,” Theo tried, blinking bright colored lights from his eyes. They’d really mounted them in every room, even in the hallways. Aaron did love a spectacle.

Aaron ignored him, continuing, “…that apparently my girlfriend’s mom is also in on—wait, shit. Ex-girlfriend. Whatever. I’m seventeen now! I’m hot, I’m popular, my grades are good , goddammit, no matter what my parents say. I’m the second-best guy on the basketball team! Who cares if everyone I love is being super secretive and weird!”

He grabbed Theo by the back of the neck and shook him. Theo had seen Mr. Fletcher do that to his son many times—sometimes in pride, other times in annoyance. It had the power to make Aaron smile like he was on top of the world or cringe like he was under it, just like Theo’s dad ruffling his hair. Every time Mr. Fletcher touched his son’s neck there was always this moment where Aaron tensed up, unsure if he was being rewarded or punished. So many times, Theo looked at Aaron and saw a mirror.

Aaron jammed their foreheads together, smearing sweat against Theo’s curls. “You’re still gonna give me a birthday speech, right?”

Theo looked around the hallway at the sparse crowd trickling from one room to the next.

“Um,” he said.

“Shit! Forgot your dad’s dead. You’re let off speech duties. Dead Dad Pass.” Aaron rubbed the back of Theo’s head and leaned back. “Hey, screw what Liss said. Victor was a good guy. Harsh, but you know, good. You know he hugged me once? Yeah, right before that game you charged out of. Straightened my shirt. Told me he was glad I was around. It was weird. My point is, he was a good guy!”

“Thanks,” Theo said slowly, stomach twisting into a hundred guilty knots. “Aaron, I can do a speech. ”

Aaron blinked hazily. “Seriously? I meant it about the Dead Dad Pass. Liss said to let you do whatever.”

“No, no. I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Aaron grinned at him, and for a moment Theo remembered how much he used to smile back in grade school, before he got his patented Aaron smirk down.

Aaron leaned past Theo and screamed, “TURN THE MUSIC OFF! MUSIC OFF, SPEECH TIME FOR THE BIRTHDAY BOY!”

Theo winced. He looked desperately through the crowd, breathing in deeply. Sweat, spirits, beer, the musk of a hundred teenagers crammed into one space. Then, underneath it: soft smoke, metal, yarn. A heartbeat as quiet as everyone else, moving through the rooms toward Theo.

Kade appeared in the hall, a dark spot of calm in a sea of deafening color. Theo had missed him since he sent him out into the cold autumn air to walk the rest of the way.

He pointed at Kade’s empty hands and mimed a drink.

Kade shook his head. “Not tonight,” he murmured. He was across the hall, but his words were clear through the quieting music and the dying chatter.

Theo held up one finger.

Kade chuckled. “Never been able to do the one and done thing. When I want something, I want all of it.”

Those gray eyes connected with Theo’s and held .

Theo clenched his jaw so hard his teeth ached.

A loud clinking dragged him back to the moment. Aaron had found a glass and was banging a random pair of nail clippers against it.

“Everybody shut up,” he yelled across the hall as people continued to gather. “My boy’s gonna do a speech.”

He flung the nail clippers into the crowd. Everybody ducked. The clippers landed on a freshman’s arm and fell to the floor.

Then all eyes turned to Theo. Sympathetically, of course. Many of them had been at the funeral. Even if they hadn’t, word spread like wildfire in Lock. Everybody knew about Victor Fairgood, lawyer extraordinaire, half of the legendary Fairgood & Fairgood duo, mauled to death by creatures unknown while out on a nature walk.

Theo nodded at them, fighting down a wave of resentment. All his classmates, many of whom he’d never even talked to, gazing up at him like they knew what he was going through. Like they understood . There was only one person who even had the potential to understand what Theo was going through, and he was standing at the back of the hall with smudged eyeliner and his hands in his ripped pockets.

“Whoo,” someone called. “Go Theo!”

Theo looked over to see Finn Harley—the Nightfowl who excelled at jump shots and absolutely nothing else—raising a fist in solidarity .

Theo gritted his teeth, trying to remember what he’d said in last year’s birthday speech. Felicity had been at his side, arm slung around his shoulders in a way that made people whisper.

“Thank you all for coming,” Theo began. The only right way to start any speech. “Uh, I met Aaron in grade school. Felicity insisted we needed another person to play tag with, so we grabbed Aaron. And he’s never left us alone since.”

A nervous titter ran through the crowd.

“Probably not a good idea to bring up the ex,” Kade whispered from across the room.

Right , Theo thought. Damn .

He cleared his throat. “Anyway. He’s been my best guy for most of my life. I can hardly remember a time without him. He, uh. Um.”

He looked at Aaron, whose smile was tight and expectant. Almost pleading. They’d been on such rocky ground since Theo got dragged into all this vampire shit, and by extension, into Kade. Theo couldn’t look at Aaron without remembering all the times he’d helped Theo with his Math homework, the countless games of basketball they’d played at Aaron’s house, how he’d pried a fish hook out of Theo’s ear when they were twelve. His careful fingers, that worried gaze as he tugged it free. But he also couldn’t stop thinking about Aaron in that parking lot, sneering at Kade with blood in his mouth. Imagining him kissing Kade hard, one hand tight in Kade’s frizzy hair, long before Kade shaved it off. Pretending not to know him when Theo came up, ignoring him in the halls…

Theo blinked hard. He looked up at Kade again, who didn’t talk to Theo at school unless they were in an empty bathroom. Who didn’t even bitch about Theo dropping him ten minutes away so they could arrive at different times.

Theo swallowed. There was a lump in his throat.

“Aaron, uh.” He couldn’t let his voice break. Everyone was watching him. Forget black tears, forget everybody figuring out he was a monster—Theo didn’t want them to know he was sad. That he was weak .

“Um,” he said. Come up with something. Anything! But nothing came.

He looked up at Kade, who was watching him with those wide gray eyes. The only concerned face that Theo didn’t want to snarl at.

“I’m just really grateful,” Theo said, voice rough but steady, “that we’re, uh. That we’re friends. The last few”—he coughed, caught himself before he could say months—“ days have been crazy. And he’s been so great. Better than I deserve. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s my best friend. He’s…he’s my person.”

Silence. A few scattered claps, two more cheers from people Theo had never spoken to before.

Theo cleared his throat. “Uh, happy seventeenth birthday, man. Love you.”

The applause swelled, hands lifted toward the staircase where Aaron was standing beside Theo, stiff as a board.

Theo looked over. Aaron was staring at him. Had been staring at him the whole speech. He’d seen where Theo was looking. He didn’t look…betrayed, exactly. Just hurt. The same resigned kind of hurt Felicity showed after they killed Mr. Fletcher: she’d been suspecting something awful was going to happen, and now it finally had.

Theo gave him a quick shoulder slap. “I’m gonna hit the bathroom. See you on the dancefloor?”

Aaron nodded, his eyes dull.

Theo stepped off the bottom stair, shooting Kade a pointed look. Follow me.