Page 50 of Vengeance of Childhood Proportions (Till Death Do Us Part #7)

Chapter Forty

Holly

I was flabbergasted. It was the best word I had to describe the perplexed feelings whirling around inside me.

Master Mal gave me that rakish smile I loved so much before standing.

He held his hand down to me, making my transition to my feet a lot smoother than his had been.

Then he picked me up, my feet dangling inches off the floor, before letting both of us fall.

I clung to him at the bottomless feeling.

We both landed on our sides in my beanbag chair.

He scooted the beans inside until he was slightly lower than me and I was leaning more on his chest than the abnormal chair beneath us.

Reaching up, he pulled slightly on my wig.

Not enough to move the pins, but enough for me to feel it on my scalp.

“I think you have some misconceptions about BDSM, pain, and your role as a submissive, pet. I apologize for not recognizing it sooner. I have a feeling where you got your misunderstandings from, but this conversation isn’t about pointing fingers.

The fact that you just said ‘supposed to’ is a big red flag, Little Owl.

So, we’re going to have another long safety conversation, but instead of starting in the middle, we’re going to start at the beginning.

And I swear, this time, I won’t let my desire for you get in the way. ”

I stared into his eyes, so baffled that I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Dani.”

I jumped. Fuck, that was twice tonight that I hadn’t been paying attention to my surroundings. I looked to my left, over Master Mal, to Valentino.

“I shoulder blame here too. We are not going to point fingers, as Master Mal said, but I do believe there has been more than one lie told here. When you first came to the club, I was given references for your last club. Did you have a club prior to here?”

When I came here with Jason for the first time, I’d just turned twenty-one.

I knew nothing about BDSM or the lifestyle.

Jason thought it would be a safe place for me to explore my sexuality.

I’d been so enamored by the pole dancer that I hadn’t even thought about sex for several months after I started coming here.

But I also didn’t want to get Jason into trouble. I couldn’t take this place away from him, not after all he’d done for me. He’d likely lied to help me get to come back sooner so I could learn to dance.

I swallowed hard. It wasn’t a club, but I had been in an asylum for years. I focused on that as I answered, “It was a bad…place. The people were cruel and the…” Shit, I couldn’t say ‘doctors’. Fuck. “Pain was…common. That’s where J—I mean, Master Kade found me.”

Valentino nodded slowly. “I can see how much dancing meant to you, how much it helped you. I can even forgive the lie, but not when it comes to safety, Dani. Giving me a fake history about your experience as a submissive did no one, especially you, any favors.”

“Please don’t punish him!” I begged, recalling Dominique. “Please. This is my fault.”

“That I can’t promise you,” Valentino said sadly, and I knew how much this realization was hurting him. He was Jason’s friend, first and foremost. “Let’s get through this conversation and then I will make a decision.”

Valentino made to get up, but fell back over. He hopped and scooted, but only ended up sinking further into the beanbag chair. “Fucking hell!” Looking over his shoulder, he shouted, “Toby!” When there was nothing, he called even louder, “Toby!”

The voice from earlier came over the speaker, “Yes, sir!”

“Have some drinks brought up for us. I need a blank contract, and for the love of all that is holy, bring me a real fucking chair before my ass sucks this fucking thing up like the world’s weirdest enema!”

“Um, yes, sir. We’ll be right there.”

Valentino shook his head. “It’s a good thing there’s no sharps in this room or these beanbag chairs wouldn’t live to see tomorrow.”

I bit my lips between my front teeth at Valentino’s antics. Fingers on my chin drew my attention back to my Master.

“Little Owl, keep your eyes on me. Valentino’s here to observe and mediate if needed, but his current use of a beanbag chair as a suppository is distracting us from the task at hand. Now, why do you submit?”

I knew the answer I’d always given, but I paused before giving it now. If I was really, truly going to try to have a real relationship with Master Mal, if I wanted to be happy , as I had told Jason earlier, then this was my chance to be honest. Or as honest as I could be, anyway.

Why did I submit? Why was I more comfortable on my knees than I was holding the whip?

“I need to feel safe,” I finally answered.

Masters Mal and Valentino had remained silent, allowing me time to think through my response.

I appreciated that. “I need to…escape. I don’t want to be in charge or have to think or worry or pay attention or…

be on ,” I added, using the example I had given Master Mal earlier tonight.

“That’s good, and all that can be achieved by submission. Do you know why I became a Dom?”

I shook my head, then said, “Well, per your own words, you’re a domineering asshole.”

He cracked a smile. “All true.”

“But you’re not with me.”

“I’m not a lot of things with you, Little Owl.” He leaned down and kissed my nose. “That’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a very good thing, because it’s making me be a better Dom.”

I didn’t understand that. “But I’m taking things away from you?”

“Says who? Who told you that there was one type of Dom, who did A, B, C, and D, and if you take C away from him, then he’s not a real Dom?”

I swallowed, because I didn’t have an answer for him.

“Look where we are, Little Owl. Look what room we’re in. Do you see chains or whips or torture devices of any kind in this room?”

I couldn’t help but look pointedly down at the beanbag chair below us.

Master Mal snorted. “Touché. Seriously, pet, there are so many facets of BDSM and it will never be a one-size-fits-all. That’s the point of the lifestyle.

That’s why we have safety talks, negotiations, and contracts.

That’s why we reevaluate , because people change, desires change.

Open communication. Honest ,” he added with a slight glare, “communication.”

I nodded, understanding. “Sir—I mean, Mal, why do you dominate? What does being a Dom mean to you?”

He pinched my chin lightly. “Always ‘Mal’ when we talk like this, pet. Just you and me.” I nodded again but did not speak, waiting for his answer.

“I like to be in control. I like knowing that whatever happens between us is in my hands. Did you know that Doms have a form of subspace too?” My eyes widened.

“It’s called ‘Domspace’ or ‘topspace’.” At my raised eyebrow, he snorted.

“I know, not very original. But it’s just as much a high, a rush, and yet it’s nothing like subspace.

It’s where I am so hyper focused on my partner, on being what you need, that the world could literally burn around us and I probably wouldn’t even notice. ”

“Wow…” I breathed out.

“Obviously, that’s a bit of an exaggeration because your safety is of the upmost importance to me, but my point is this: was I the one under the whip? Did I achieve such a state of mind through pain?”

I shook my head.

“There’s more than one way to fly, Little Owl.

Not all Doms are the same, just as not all submissives are the same.

I have never met a submissive like you before.

You are completely unique, and that has nothing to do with your hard limit of having no bondage.

I saw it the first night we met when you were dancing on stage and there were no impact devices in sight that night. ”

No, just him and a whole lot of control.

“Sir—” Fuck . “I mean, Mal. Why did you approach me that night? What made you hop onto my stage like that?”

“A couple of things, but mostly it was how you moved with the music. You were lost in your own little world, so close to flying without wings, and I knew I had to have you.” He touched my bare cheek, making me realize I was unmasked in front of Valentino for the first time too.

“You are so fucking beautiful when you dance, Little Owl. It’s my second favorite activity with you. ”

I blushed. I didn’t ask what his first favorite activity was.

There was a knock on the door. We all looked up to see three club employees enter. Two were carrying a giant chair I recognized from Valentino’s office.

“Oh, thank God!” Valentino held his arms up in the air. “Someone help me up!”

The same two employees came over and got Valentino to his feet. The older man stretched his back, making an audible crack , and then he kicked the beanbag chair away from him like its presence had offended him.

It took some time for Valentino to get sorted. As he did, Master Mal brought my attention back to him. We laid in silence, just watching each other. He petted my face as I touched his toned abs, our eyes never moved from each other’s.

I noticed the employees leave, but I still didn’t look away. His eyes were mesmerizing. More than their coloring, it was how they looked at me. Like he was admiring a mountainous sunset or the Mona Lisa or a rare gem.

I wondered what he saw in my eyes.

“You two will be just fine.” Turning at Valentino’s voice, I saw that he was now set up in his large high-back chair with a clipboard and a glass of wine. At my confused look, he explained, “Grape juice. I gave up alcohol many years ago.”

Ah, made more sense. I didn’t think this was the sort of talk where alcohol was allowed.

“There’s water bottles by you too,” Valentino said, pointing his pencil at the floor.

I looked, and then had to stretch myself over Master Mal’s chest to reach them. He wasn’t upset by this at all when I moved back and offered him a bottle.

“Now,” Valentino said, holding up his clipboard, “before we start to go through a contract, there is still something we?—”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. “That’s a contract!” Holy fuck, it was huge . The spring on the clipboard looked like it was compressed as far down as it could go.

Valentino nodded, his expression unapologetic. “That’s why contracts are important, Dani. They go over everything , or close to it. Goals, responsibilities, expectations, timelines… It’s going to take a while.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. It wasn’t like I had anywhere to be. Jason was disposing of Sam’s body tonight, and I’d offered him free rein of the bunker afterwards, hoping to distract him to give me more time to say goodbye to Master Mal.

I stared at the contract on Valentino’s bent leg. I wanted it. I wanted it so badly that I was practically salivating. I wanted to belong to Master Mal, to finally have a chance at happiness after a lifetime of suffering.

I wanted to dance for him, to fall asleep in his arms like we had last night.

I knew I’d never be normal. I couldn’t argue with Jason on that, but I wanted to discover my normal.

To figure out who Holly was. My goal for vengeance had been driving me for so long that I didn’t know who I would be without it.

Turning, I looked down at Master Mal. We’d only known each other a week or so, and he was currently investigating murders I had committed, but I felt like I knew him.

More importantly, I felt safe with him. Of all the people in all the world, it had to be the special agent hunting me.

Beyond safe, he soothed me. I’d been angry for so long, and yet in his arms, I could forget what I was, what had happened to me.

I felt powerful , and strong, and beautiful.

I felt like me , even though I had no idea who ‘me’ was.

But I wanted to find out.

I knew then and there that I would do everything in my power to keep him, to make him mine. I would have to figure something out with Jason. Give him something or offer him something. A trade for Master Mal’s life. Because I wasn’t giving him up.

I couldn’t. I needed him.

And if he ever did find out who I was and what I’d done… Well, I suppose it was a good thing I wasn’t above kidnapping. Because I was keeping this man. My happiness depended on it.