Page 49 of Vengeance of Childhood Proportions (Till Death Do Us Part #7)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Holly

Shock paralyzed me. My Master was on his knees before me and he’d just safe-worded.

Could Doms even do that? Jason had never said so, but then Jason wasn’t the sort who might.

Confusion made my brain foggy. I needed to push through.

The first lesson after a safe word is used is that everything stops.

Everything.

Dropping my hands from the bar above me, I looked around. Should I press the emergency button? Get Valentino? I had no idea.

He looked so…forlorn, horrified even. Like he’d committed a terrible sin.

I had no idea what was going on. What had I done wrong? He’d been enjoying himself, right? During our safety talk, he’d said how much he liked impact play. Flogs, whips, and such. He’d already taken bondage out of our sessions for my sake, so I wanted to give him this.

I wanted to give him something special to remember me by, and when he’d suggested doing a pain management session, I agreed. I knew I was strong enough to take whatever he threw at me. It might not do anything for me, but it would be something he would enjoy.

Yet now my Master was kneeling before me, acting like he’d done something wrong.

I stepped forward carefully. He’d safe-worded, so I dropped the formalities. “Mal? Are you okay?”

His voice held anger, but I didn’t think it was directed at me. “I just flogged you, an activity you took no enjoyment in. No, I am not fucking ‘okay’.”

“But… you enjoyed it.” Though a statement, even I could hear the uncertainty in my words.

His head shot up, his eyes blazing, but before he could respond to my words, a voice came from the phone on the wall next to the emergency button. “Everything okay, sir?”

“No,” Master Mal snapped. “I need Valentino.”

“Sir, Mistress Flora is the Dungeon Master in the hall?—”

“I don’t need Mistress Flora,” Master Mal interrupted, getting to his feet. “I need Valentino! Now!”

“Yes, sir.”

I had no idea what was happening. My heartbeat was thundering in my ears. Had I messed up? I was giving him what he wanted, so how?

Master Mal started pacing on the plush rug like a caged lion. Then suddenly he paused and spun towards me. “Fuck, your back. Come here, Little Owl, let me see you.”

I stepped down off the little stage. I could practically feel the anger radiating off of him, but again, it wasn’t at me . Slowly, I turned, giving him my back.

His touch was gentle, almost nonexistent. “It looks clean, no broken skin. You might bruise in some places. I have arnica cream in my bag as well as pain-reliever pills. Let me get them?—”

I spun around, grabbing his wrist when he made to pull away. “Sir.” I looked up into his eyes. “What did I do wrong? Why are you acting like a scared bunny? I don’t understand.”

“Oh, Little Owl.” He reached for me, cupping my face between his large hands like I was more breakable than glass. “Why did you not tell me that you don’t like impact play?”

I did not look away as I answered, “You already agreed to give up bondage for me. I didn’t want to take something else away from you, too. Not when I knew I was strong enough to take it.”

He flinched like I struck him in the face. Leaning down, he kissed my temple before resting his forehead against mine. We stayed like that until Valentino entered without knocking.

“Master Mal, Dani,” he said as we stepped apart. “What’s going on? Toby said it was urgent.”

“We’re dropping the formalities,” Master Mal told him. “We need to have another safety chat.”

Valentino looked between us before nodding. “What happened?”

“First, let me treat her back. Then we’ll talk.”

I tried to insist otherwise, but Master Mal wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I wasn’t sure if that was sweet or ironic.

After applying the cream, making me eat a protein bar, and taking two pain-reliever pills, Master Mal removed his shirt and draped it over my nudity like a bathrobe.

It might as well have been one, it was so big.

Not having anywhere else to sit, the three of us claimed beanbag chairs, making a triangle.

Valentino groaned. “Well, I’m down. I can’t guarantee I’ll ever be able to get back up.” I smiled at his attempt to ease the tension in the room, but Master Mal did not. Valentino squared his shoulders, turning serious. “Dani, did you use your safe word?”

I shook my head. “No, Sir.” I looked to my Master. “He did.”

Valentino’s eyebrows went up. “Tell me exactly what happened.”

Since I didn’t know what happened, I let Master Mal speak. “My little owl lied during our first safety talks. She does not like impact play, yet she told me she did.”

I winced. “I didn’t lie ?—”

“Do you or do you not get aroused by impact play?” Master Mal snapped.

“I don’t,” I confessed slowly. At the rage on his face, I added quickly, “But it’s not like it turns me off either. I can take it!”

Master Mal tried to jump to his feet, but the beanbag chair prevented the smooth transition. He fought, grunting and groaning, until he finally stood. Were the situation anything else, I would have been on the floor laughing.

He stood over me, his hands in fists like it hadn’t just taken him three minutes to fight his way to his feet. “How the fuck can I trust anything that happens between us if you lie about what you do and do not like, Little Owl?”

My mouth fell open. “I didn’t mean to… I mean, that wasn’t my intention. I just…”

“If you say you wanted to ‘give’ this to me,” Master Mal snapped, “I swear to God, Little Owl, I will lose my shit. I am barely holding on as it is. I just flogged you without your consent.”

“You had my—” I started but Valentino interrupted.

“Enough. Mal, go stand somewhere else. You looming over us is making my neck hurt.” Master Mal stormed away. The beanbag rattled as Valentino turned to face me. “Dani,” he said softly, “from what I understand, you don’t like impact play, yet you told Master Mal that you do. Is that correct?”

I opened my mouth to argue, but then realized that without my stipulations as to why, he was correct.

I closed my lips and nodded, sadness falling over me.

I’d been so worried about lying to Master Mal about my name, and yet I’d been lying to him all along.

My chin quivered and I looked away, ashamed.

“And you did so because you felt guilty about removing bondage from your agreement and you didn’t want to take something else away from Master Mal that you thought he enjoyed?”

Unable to look at him, I nodded my answer.

“Dani, do you not see that the activity is not enjoyable for Master Mal unless you enjoy it too? That the activity means nothing to him if it means nothing to you?”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I didn’t want him to think I was too much of a burden.”

Hands were suddenly there on my face, wiping my tears away with gentle thumbs.

I opened my eyes, staring into his dark green.

“Little Owl,” his voice was as tender as his touch, “do you know what it would have done to me if I’d taken it too far?

If I’d hurt you? You were partaking in an activity that you don’t enjoy for my sake, meaning you had no stopping point.

You keep saying you could ‘take it’, but when was too much?

What happened when you couldn’t ‘take it’ anymore?

You are far too precious to even entertain the thought. ”

My voice was moist and choppy as I admitted, “I wanted to show you I was still strong, even without bondage.”

“And you think I thought you weak?” He rocked my head between his hands lightly. “You silly, silly girl. Bondage doesn’t make you strong . Being able to ‘take’ pain doesn’t make you strong. Do you recall what your first daily affirmation was that you sent to me?”

I shook my head.

“‘I am beautiful, I am strong, and I am submissive’,” he repeated, staring into my eyes. “I guess we need to work on you believing your own words.”

“You still…” I swallowed hard. I shouldn’t be asking this question. Without meaning to, I had provided myself the perfect escape, a way to break things off between us that wasn’t just me vanishing off into the ether.

But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand up off of this beanbag chair and walk out the door. I couldn’t leave this man. My heart would break if I did.

I cleared my throat. “You still want to continue seeing me?”

“I do,” he said with confidence. “But there’s some things we’re going to need to work on. Starting with a written contract.”

“But you said two weeks. That we’d?—”

“That was before I knew there might be some things you’d stretched the truth on,” he said with obvious frustration.

I appreciated that he didn’t use the word ‘lie’ again.

“Little Owl, a contract is important, beyond the legality of it. It is a very clear and precise do-and-don’t list that helps guide us and our roles, responsibilities, and standards for each other.

And it will help us to rebuild our trust.”

I winced. “Mal, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize the impact this would have on you.” I bit my tongue against the words ‘no pun intended’. “But a contract seems too…much. You’d be giving up bondage and impact play for me. That’s… What if you change your mind? What if you get bored?”

What if you have to arrest me? Obviously, I did not say that last question out loud.

“Little Owl, if you think for a moment that I have been bored without bondage, then clearly I have not been doing my job correctly.”

“I don’t mean…” I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. “The scrunchies are fun and all, but I know it’s not,” I didn’t know what else to say, so I went with, “the same.”

“You’re right. It’s not. It’s very, very different.” He leaned his head closer to mine. “But who said different was bad?”

I bit my lip, not having an answer for that.

“Little Owl, I have enjoyed the challenge of trying new variations of restraint with you. If I had my phone on me, I’d show you my wallpaper picture of you sucking on my cock.

” My eyes widened in shock. “I haven’t told you this, but I have been rearranging my dungeon and bedroom at home in anticipation of eventually bringing you there.

I wouldn’t do that unless I was serious about us, pet. ”

My eyes flew to the tan duffel bag with his supplies. “Would you… I mean, if you don’t do that with me, would you find someone else you can do it with?”

His jaw dropped. “Never. Little Owl, do you have any idea just how completely you’ve taken over my every thought?”

I wasn’t ready to answer that question. “But there’s so much that I can’t do with you.”

His hand moved from my cheek to my chin.

“Stop that,” he snapped. “Right fucking now. You are not less because of what you can’t do.

Have you considered everything you can do, that you have done for me?

If I never touch another flogger again in my life, I will still be happy—so long as I can still touch you . ”

Tears flowed faster, and I had to sniffle to keep my nose from running. I loved everything he was saying. More than that, I wanted it. Wanted the promise and the assurance of a contract with him. Wanted it in writing that he was mine .

But I still had to try. Even if my heart wasn’t in it.

“Pain does nothing for me. It doesn’t turn me on or off. It just is. I just…build a wall in my head to stop it from really registering. I don’t know what I am supposed to give you, if not my pain.”

He leaned forward and licked my tears off my cheeks. “How about your pleasure ?”