Page 29 of Velvet Sin (Elite Men of Los Angeles #5)

ELEANOR

“S ay something.” Looking around the table, all I saw was three almost identical looks of shock from my best friends. “Come on. I didn’t announce I’m turning to a life of crime and hope you can come visit me in prison.”

It was Izzy who found her voice first after gulping down what was left of her mimosa. “Sorry. It’s just… this is kind of a shock. Right? I can’t be the only one.” She looked around the table, searching for backup.

“You say you know this guy?” Megan asked, blinking slowly. It wasn’t the bottomless mimosas doing it to her. They were watered down anyway.

I had shocked her.

I had shocked all of them.

“Yeah, I’ve known Dante most of my life, since the fifth grade. We dated in high school and throughout college,” I explained.

“How come this is the first time we’re hearing about him?” Casey asked, skeptical. They all were. Any good friends would be.

“It’s a long story, and that’s not the point.

I reconnected with him. He asked me to live with him here in Vegas, since he wants to make this the base of operations now with his business.

” I stopped there, afraid to give away too much information.

Some things they didn’t need to know about.

I was already sweating a little under their disbelief.

“The ink is barely dry on the divorce papers,” Casey pointed out. “This just seems very unlike you, moving in with another man not even six months after the divorce was finalized.”

“What are you all so freaked out about? Sure, if he were some stranger, I could see you being a little concerned. But I am telling you, there is nothing to worry about.” I tried to laugh it off, but the sound was too shrill to come off as anything but desperate.

“I don’t get it. Last time we were together, you were encouraging me to get laid, all giggly over thinking I had a new guy. ”

A silent but tense conversation unfolded among the three of them.

“Okay, I know we promised not to talk about this, but I have to say it.” Izzy folded her arms on the table while the others tried to cut her off.

“We know all about the way your life has changed, and we’re all worried about you.

That’s why we wanted to come out to brunch today to try to get through to you. ”

“Get through to me? What are you talking about?” My stomach churned because I knew. Of course I knew. I didn’t want to believe it, was all. Cameron was always going to do this.

“We are just concerned,” Megan insisted in a hushed voice. “But Cam told the guys that one of his clients saw you in a sex club off the strip. You were fucking in the middle of all these people.”

“Time out.” I barked out a laugh and shook my head.

There I was, thinking I finally saw the full truth of what my life used to be.

It seemed there were still surprises to uncover.

“You’re telling me that taking me to a sex club in LA and encouraging me to hook up with somebody is fine, but when I actually go through with it, that’s a problem? Why?”

“It’s just on top of everything else,” Casey murmured. “You know. The secret job you can’t tell anybody about. The way you sort of dropped off the map around the same time you started working.”

“And now, you’re moving in with some guy who runs sex clubs himself,” Izzy hissed.

My glass was empty, meaning nothing spilled out of it when I knocked it over when I lost control of my hands. They were trembling so hard I had to tuck them between my knees to hold them still. “Who told you that?” I whispered, eyes darting over them.

“Cam,” Izzy confirmed. “This guy, his name is Dante, right? Cam told us that’s who you were with and what he does for a living. Some nobody the two of you knew in college. Are you sure that’s the kind of guy you want to be with?”

“Do you really want to be the sex club owner’s girlfriend?” Casey asked, grimacing.

“It’s kind of sleazy, right? That’s not the kind of person you are,” Megan assured me, even reaching out to give my shoulder an awkward pat. One I quickly flinched away from, making her gasp and pull her hand back.

“Wait a second,” I whispered, holding up a finger. “You don’t get to sit here and judge me, then comfort me afterward. Refresh my memory. Have any of you asked even once if I’m happy? If this is what I want? Do any of you even care?”

“Sweetie, we all know how it feels to get swept up in a relationship.” I had to be imagining Izzy’s bottom lip sticking out like she was pouting. It couldn’t be real.

But it was, and it paired well with her sparkling eyes as tears welled in them. “This is what friends do. They deliver real talk when they have to. None of us wants to do this,” she insisted.

“Let me make it easy for you, then. You don’t have to.” Pushing away from the table, I ignored their dismayed reactions as I slung my purse over my shoulder. “Megan, I think today was your turn to pay?”

I left without waiting for an answer while anger and embarrassment fought for control. Nothing mattered except getting to the car and locking myself inside, where nobody could hurt or judge me.

Damn Cameron. I should’ve told them he knew I was at the club from firsthand experience, but that would’ve meant sinking to his level. They probably wouldn’t believe me anyway.

To think, I had gone into this brunch with high hopes.

Finally, I would have good news to share with my friends.

There I was, still na?ve enough to believe they would be happy for me.

This would be proof of my life going on happily without Cameron.

I never considered them taking it the way they had, but then I figured Cameron had let the whole thing go. Otherwise, why hadn’t they reached out?

Because they had been waiting to bombard me.

Even though I hadn’t officially moved in yet, I was already starting to consider Dante’s place my new home a few days after his offer.

The fact that I had never considered my apartment a home probably had a lot to do with that, but what was most important was the person inside.

He had let me off early last night specifically because I had Sunday brunch scheduled with the girls at noon and wanted to get a little sleep.

Now, I blinked back tears while jogging up the front steps and onto the patio, using the key Dante had given me to let myself in through the rear patio door.

I was in time to find Dante in his boxer briefs at the kitchen counter, scrubbing a hand over his mussed-up hair while waiting for his fancy espresso machine to brew. He was a sight for sore eyes. “You’re back earlier than I thought you’d be,” he observed, yawning wide.

Finally, he noticed the tears now leaking from the corners of my eyes. I dropped my purse on the counter and walked into his open arms, resting my cheek against his chest. “What happened?” he asked, stroking my hair. “Did somebody have bad news?”

His innocent question tore a sob from me. “Yeah. I did.”

“What’s that mean?”

“They all sat there judging me. They know. He told them.” Now, I couldn’t stop the flood of emotion from pouring out.

“The way they looked at me! Like I was sick. Telling me they’re worried about me.

He even told them what you do!” I wailed.

By now, his bare chest was slick with my tears.

I pulled back, wiping a hand across his skin, flustered.

He didn't seem to care about that. It didn’t even seem like he noticed. I looked up at him to find him staring at me like we had never met. Like he was looking at a confusing stranger. “All right. So they know what I do, and they know about us. What about it?”

He had to be kidding. “Are you serious? You knew I didn’t want this!” I almost wailed. “For everybody to know. And now they’re going to tell everybody. I swear to God, I’ll never be able to show my face again by the time they’re finished.”

“Show your face where?” Was this happening?

Was he backing away, folding his arms, looking me up and down?

“Make it make sense. You said you wanted to live here with me. You work at one of my clubs. You know what I do for a living. Now, I could see you wanting to quit, go back to school, or find a job you could turn into a career. Fine. But not because you’re ashamed,” he concluded.

“No, wait a second. You don’t understand?—”

“I understand better than you think. You’re ashamed,” he decided.

“You can’t pretend this is about security anymore because you know damn well I could take care of both of us for twenty lifetimes.

It’s not about that. It’s about me being enough to have a little fun with, but only if nobody else knows. Right? It’s fun when it’s a secret.”

It was like trying to hold water in my cupped hands. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t keep it from leaking out. It was hopeless. “No, you’re misunderstanding everything!”

“Let’s get it out in the open.” With his palms on the counter, he looked at me squarely. “Do you want to live with me, or is this all about getting out of that shithole your ex left you in?”

He didn’t lay a hand on me, but I would’ve sworn his question was a gut punch. I wanted to double over from the force but settled for folding my arms over my stomach. “How can you ask me that?” I whispered while fresh tears stung behind my eyes.

“I’m asking because I want the answer. I mean, you’re ashamed of me, right?” he prompted with fake cheer, plastering a smile on his face. “Of who I am and what I do. So why the hell would you want to live here with me unless it’s all a way to make yourself comfortable?”

“I never said that!”

“You didn’t have to.” His bitter laughter rang out, echoing around me.

For some twisted reason, he went back to making his latte, scoffing and chuckling while I struggled and failed to contain the fresh pain he was putting me through.

“All your talk about wanting the truth, wanting to be honest. Have you ever been honest with yourself a day in your life? Do you even know who you are and what you want?”

It was his snide tone that did it. The smug superiority.

It hardened my pain and dismay into something wickedly sharp.

“Oh, I’m the one who can’t face things?” I asked.

“I’m the one who’s ashamed? This… coming from the grown man who’s afraid to tell his mommy where his money comes from? You’re going to accuse me?”

His dark eyes went nearly black before his brows pinched. “That is not the same thing.”

“It absolutely fucking is.” I snarled. “Don’t get all high and mighty with me. I am so sorry. I haven’t had enough time to adjust to this… lifestyle, I guess. I’m sorry if the people I spend time with aren’t as familiar with it as your friends.”

“The people you spend time with?” He laughed loudest at that, which made my blood boil. “Lenny, that is maybe the second or third time you’ve seen any of them in the past couple of months, at least that you’ve told me about.”

He was right, not that it meant anything. “So what?” I asked for lack of a defense.

“Are they really a part of your life anymore, or are you afraid to let go of them? Because you have. You just haven’t figured it out yet.

You still care more about their petty opinions than about what you really want,” he concluded, scornful and cold and so much like Cameron I wanted to scream.

“When are you going to get the balls to admit what you really want?”

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t think.

He was wrong, wrong about all of it. He didn’t know them. He didn’t know how things really were.

“Well?” he demanded, glaring at me from the other side of the counter. “What do you want? Because for some of us, this isn’t a fun diversion. This is life. And eventually, the novelty will wear off, and then what? What excuse will you use when it’s time to walk away?”

I clung to that, turning it around on him. “You’re the one who knows all about excuses,” I hissed. His eyes narrowed slightly, and his nostrils flared, but that was his only reaction.

And for some reason, it hurt worse than any words could have. The indifference it must have taken to be so cold. “You know what?” I decided, shaking. “You’re right. I’m obviously not cut out for any of this. I guess it’s a good thing this happened.”

“I guess it is,” he murmured. I might as well have been talking to a rock. He wouldn’t react. I wanted to scream, to stomp my feet like a kid, to hurl insults at him so long as it meant he would react.

It wasn’t going to happen. We weren’t going to happen. Better to find out now than later.

“Consider this my resignation, too,” I whispered, picking up my purse and trying to ignore the pit in my stomach. “Sorry if that puts you in a bad spot.”

“We’ll manage just fine.” He lifted his mug to his lips without looking at me. It was that easy for him to turn off everything he was supposed to feel. Why would he ask me to live with him if he didn’t feel anything?

It wasn’t quite so easy for me as I walked out to the car with all the dignity I could pull together.

My lease wasn’t up until the end of the month, though it was hard enough to find a job in the first place.

How was I going to find a new one now? I would have to stay where I was, extend my lease, and pray for another job to come along soon. Good thing I had saved so carefully.

It was almost a blessing, really, having so much to think about. It meant I could push my broken heart aside for a little while.

Not long enough.

I wasn’t a block away when the pain in my chest was too intense to be ignored.

Dammit, how did it happen? Why? And why had I been so damn stupid?

I couldn’t go back now. He would accuse me of only using him for the job, which, in an extremely sick way, would be correct. That wasn’t the sort of person I was.

Though I was starting to wonder. I was starting to question a lot of things about myself. And when answers did bubble up, I didn’t like them very much.

I managed to make it a few blocks from the house before I had to pull over, thanks to the tears blinding me. Folding my arms over the steering wheel, I buried my face in them and cried out all the pain pouring from my shattered heart and the dreams it had imagined.

Dante was right.

My friends weren’t real friends. They fit into my life back when I lived through Cameron, but those days were over.

I had no job.

No prospects.

Not much of anything.

I was back where I’d started before running into Dante at the restaurant. I’d been going nowhere since, left with nothing but a broken heart.

Again.