Page 6 of Veil of Shadows (Fae of Woodlands & Wild #2)

CHAPTER 6

“I think I should head to bed. It’s been a long night.” I still gripped the chair. Still stood there immobile. Emotions were running through me so rampantly that I could barely breathe, and I needed them to leave before I broke down.

Jax took a step toward me, his brow furrowing, but I stopped him with a raised hand.

“I’m fine,” I said hastily. “I just...I’d like to go to bed.”

His irises flashed, and his jaw snapped beneath his mask. His eyes shot daggers at my guardian, a flare of magic emitting from his aura, but Guardian Alleron continued looking entirely nonplussed.

“Please,” I added when both of them still stood there.

Jax shifted his attention back to me, and he watched me for another second, but when I didn’t falter, he dipped his head. “All right. If that’s what you wish. Goodnight, Elowen.”

He propelled my guardian to the door and into the hall, but at the threshold, Jax paused. I turned away, but I still felt his probing gaze. Questions swirled in his unspoken stare. Concern did too, but when I didn’t say anything further, he finally took his leave, and the door closed behind him, locking in place.

And then it was just me, the quiet chambers, and my soul-shredding thoughts.

I walked stiffly to the frosted window, dim moonlight from outside barely penetrating it. I closed my eyes and breathed. I tried to dispel the pain coursing through me, but the depths of Guardian Alleron’s betrayal went so deep. I felt weak because of it. Surely, anyone with any sense would know not to let such a despicable male’s lies control them.

But no matter how hard I yearned to let this pain go, I couldn’t stop from picturing the way he’d taught me as a child. His scoldings, but his praise too. He’d spent countless hours teaching me, or finding tutors when he was unable to. When I’d been young and he’d been at my side, it felt as if he cared for me as a father should.

But now I saw it for what it truly was—it was time and energy spent on his investment, nothing more.

Jax had been right about him all along. I’d made Guardian Alleron a very wealthy fairy, so much so that King Paevin was considering making him one of the ten noble Houses in Faewood by removing another. Essentially, Guardian Alleron’s time, praise, and false love had all been to better himself. Not because he genuinely loved me.

And stars and galaxy, did that hurt .

A knock came at my door, startling me.

When the door didn’t open, I tentatively called out, “Who is it?”

“It’s me.” Jax’s deep voice rang through the solid wood. “May I come in? Please?”

I twisted my hands together and quickly scrubbed at my eyes to ensure no tears had fallen. Once certain I’d gotten myself together again, I called, “Yes.”

Jax opened the door, his frame so broad and tall that he filled the space. His mask and disguise were gone.

In a blink, he stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him. “I wanted to check on you again, but I’m sorry, am I disturbing you?”

I blinked rapidly. “No, it’s all right.”

He took a tentative step toward me, and his aura was so potent that he seemed to fill the space. My own magic responded to his, dipping and swaying toward him, as though gravity called to it. Without my collar suppressing it, it practically flew to him.

I’d never felt anything like that.

Startled, I plastered myself to the window.

Jax’s eyes glittered, and inky hair fell artfully across his forehead. He prowled closer, a predator to his core, yet his words were gentle when he asked, “Are you still feeling well?”

“Yes, I’m fine, my prince. You were right. I’m not going to destroy the palace, and I’m not unstable without the collar suppressing me. You don’t need to worry.”

He stood there, watching me, and once again, it felt as though he saw into me.

I quickly looked away and did my best to appear at ease and happy. “Did Guardian Alleron give you any troubles on the walk back to his chambers?”

“No.” His frown deepened. “You’re upset. Why?”

My breath stuttered out of me, and I flashed him a broad grin. “What are you talking about? I’m fine.”

He inhaled. “I can see that you’re not, but I can also smell it. Your scent is filled with pain.”

My heart jumped, and any lingering doubt I’d had that he could scent emotions disappeared. “Is that a trait you got from your Ironcrest magic?”

“Yes, but my shifter magic too. Stags have a heightened sense of smell.”

“Hmm, so you got double the sensory magic. Lucky you.”

But my flippant reply did little to deter him. “Are you upset about your magic? Is it proving hard to control? Is that why you’re unhappy?”

I nibbled on my lower lip and tried so hard to push down the pain I was feeling. “No.”

“Then why, Elowen? Why are you sad?” He took a step closer to me, then another. Within seconds, he was only feet away. His scent clouded around me, filling my senses. A part of me wanted to lean toward him and wrap my arms around his toned waist and sink into his strength. I wanted to depend on someone. No, not someone— him . I wanted him to carry some of the heavy burden in my heart.

It was such a bizarre response to a male I’d known for such a short amount of time, so I snapped myself upright and kept my spine rigid. I reminded myself that Jax wasn’t at fault for Guardian Alleron’s betrayals, and therefore he didn’t need to shoulder that burden. It was mine, and mine alone, to carry.

A slew of emotions flittered across the prince’s face. He dipped his head and tentatively reached for me. “Let me help you, Elowen. You don’t have to do this alone.”

His quiet plea made another rush of weakness barrel through me. “Do you have mind-reading abilities too?” I quipped quietly.

A small smile curved his lips. “No, not yet at least.”

My breaths came faster. “Well, you certainly have a knack for understanding how fae feel.”

“I always have.”

“Why is that?”

He shrugged. “I’ve spent most of my life observing others. In my line of work, it’s needed if one’s to survive.”

I knew he meant his raids, not his princely duties, and I remembered again how he always sat in the corner of establishments, with a clear view of the vicinity, whenever he was in public as the Dark Raider. He was constantly scanning the room, watching others, reading the situation.

I cocked my head. “Have there been many close calls where you were almost caught? Other than that time you already told me of where you were captured?”

“Why do I have the feeling you’re trying to change the subject?”

Because I am.

His finger coasted over my cheek, the touch so fleeting that it felt as if I’d imagined it. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

His quiet demand, while not laced with a Mistvale command, broke through my resolve. A bubble of emotion clogged my throat, and tears began to fill my eyes. “It’s Guardian Alleron.”

His nostrils immediately flared. “What did he do?”

I scoffed quietly. “Nothing new. I just—” I looked down and interlocked my fingers, playing with each digit. “I just fully realized tonight that he’s never cared for me. Ever. He’s used me my entire life. What I thought was fatherly love was all a show. He never loved me. Never cared what happened to me. I was just a pawn for him to use.” More tears welled in my eyes, and I tried valiantly to blink them back. “I mean, I knew that,” I added in a rush, “when you made him speak the truth back at that campsite in the Ustilly Mountains, but I don’t think it fully sank in until just now. I kept hoping that I was wrong or that some part of him did care, but now...”

Jax released a breath. “Now you see him for who he really is, and it hurts.”

“Yes.” I laughed self-deprecatingly. “Does that make me stupid?”

His voice grew even softer. “No, Elowen, it doesn’t make you stupid. It makes you fae. Anyone in your position would be feeling that way.” He closed the distance between us completely, and pine and spice clouded around me, wrapping me up as though in a warm embrace. “He hurt you unforgivably. He doesn’t deserve your tears, but you are justified in how you feel. Your pain is warranted for what he did.”

His gentle words snapped something inside me. The dam that had been barely holding back my bruised heart burst. Tears flooded my eyes. They spilled in earnest down my cheeks despite me trying to hold them back.

“Will anybody ever love me?” I whispered. “Is something wrong with me, Jax?”

“Elowen,” Jax groaned. In a blink, I was in his arms. “ Nothing is wrong with you,” he said so fiercely that his growl vibrated all the way to my bones.

He held me tightly, his arms like steel. It felt as though he was trying to stop the realm from hurting me, seeing me, torturing me.

And that simple act of kindness, his genuine act of concern, undid me completely.

I sobbed, my arms curling around his waist as wetness from my tears coated his chest. I cried so hard that I could barely breathe. I wept for the child who’d been used and caged. Wept for the young fairy who tried so hard to please the only male she ever had as family. Wept for the lorafin forced to wear a device that suppressed who she really was for her entire life. And wept for a blood family that I once had but had never known.

I cried it all out, and just when I thought I was done, I cried some more.

And through it all, the Dark Raider, the male feared by the most powerful and mighty fae on our continent, held me. Not once did he let go. And not once did his embrace falter as I broke down and revealed the extent of my bottomless pain.

But as the minutes passed and his embrace held firm, my tears slowly began to dry. Still, he held me. Warm, hard arms kept their grip around my waist. Hands moved up and down my back in soothing gestures. Aching words were whispered into my ear.

“He doesn’t deserve you, Elowen. He never did. Someday you will see that and truly believe it. And someday you will see how magnificent you truly are.”

His words were quiet, heartfelt, and I clung to them as though they were the only thing that kept me from drowning.

I let him hold me, and I held him back just as hard. And as the minutes ticked by, I knew that Jax wasn’t going to let me go, not until I wanted it, and something about that heartbreakingly intimate gesture made me melt against him completely.

“You deserve so much, Elowen,” he whispered. “You deserve the realm, and by the gods, I wish I could give it to you.”

We stood quietly, and eventually his soft words grew silent, and he simply cradled me.

His heart beat against my ear. His scent enveloped me. And something in me cracked open. The first tendrils of hope bled into my system. A belief kindled within me that perhaps this male felt more for me and genuinely cared more about me than my guardian ever had.

Silence surrounded us as the moonlight grew brighter through the windows, and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel alone anymore. Not within Jax’s arms. Not within his soothing embrace.

It hit me that the reality was, Jax was the only fairy I had now. He said he couldn’t let me be free, not after I learned who he truly was, which meant in the days to come, he would always be at my side, at least to some capacity.

And for the first time, that thought of my new cage brought me comfort, not despair.

I sniffed, and even though my tears had dried completely, Jax’s hands still drifted up and down my back, and a low, soothing sound hummed in his chest.

But I didn’t pull back. Not yet. To feel another hold me like this...it was too hard to let that go, so for this one moment, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to enjoy it.

The clock struck three in the morning by the time I finally pulled free, but despite holding me for who knew how long, Jax’s arms tightened when I inched away, and then, as though catching himself, he released his grip.

“Thank you,” I said, those simple words not doing justice for all he’d just done for me. I wiped at Jax’s wet clothing and laughed softly. “I swear I normally don’t cry like this.”

He brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “I don’t mind.”

I swallowed the ball of emotion clogging my throat and gazed up at him. The night sky pierced the window and highlighted the planes and angles of his features.

Fluttering feelings stole over my heart again, and as I gazed up at the Dark Raider, it struck me that I could still find happiness and meaning in my life, if only I chose to grasp it.

“Jax? I have a request.”

He cocked his head. “What is it?”

“Take me with you to Faewood tomorrow.”

His eyebrows shot up. “You want to come along?”

“Yes. I can help you find the male you’re seeking. If needed, I can travel to the Veiled Between again to find his exact location, and?—”

“No.” Jax said the word so quickly, so fiercely. “I will never do that to you again.”

“But . . . I want to help you.”

His jaw worked, and the aura around him grew. “Elowen, I would rather die than see you again in the state my magic put you in.”

“Even if it means that doing so finds the half-breed you’re seeking? That it pinpoints exactly where he is?”

A stirring of magic billowed around him, radiating off his broad shoulders like waves in the sea. It lapped through the room, roll after roll of raw power. He sucked in a breath. “You know that I want to find him, rather desperately in fact, but after everything I’ve done to you...” He shook his head. “I can’t do that.”

My brow furrowed. “I could still help you. I know that area of Faewood better than you. I can still aid in finding him, even without my magic.”

His gaze softened. “You truly want to help me?”

I somehow managed to nod, but when he looked at me like that, with his eyes smoldering in intensity and the potent magic inside him flooding the room, it was hard to think straight.

And stupidly, I found myself blurting out, “Saramel told me the male you’re looking for is your half-brother. It makes me see things a bit differently.”

A guarded expression fell over his face. “She told you that?”

“Don’t worry. She bound me to secrecy in a bargain. I can never tell anyone what she told me without your permission unless they already know about Bastian too.”

His brow furrowed. “Tell me exactly what bargain you agreed to.”

I repeated it. Word for word. And when I finished, I lifted my shoulders. “As you can tell, she was thorough. Nevertheless, she said she would probably be put on extra kitchen duty for a week after you found out, but she thought me knowing was more important than any punishment you’d give her. But please, don’t mistreat her. I begged her to tell me. If you want to take your anger out on anyone, it should be me.”

He let out an aggrieved sigh, then placed his hands on his hips and looked toward the ceiling. “Damn. That female is always trying to do what she thinks is right even if it defies me.”

“Which one can argue is an admirable trait. Please, Jax, don’t punish her. She was just trying to?—”

“I know. Don’t worry. Her bargain covered what it needed to, and I won’t order extra duties to be given to her. But believe it or not, that’s not why I’m angry. I’m upset because I was trying to keep you out of this, as preposterous as that may seem, considering I’ve turned your life upside down, but I meant it when I said I wanted to free you after you located Bastian for me. I never meant for you to become involved in this any further.” He frowned heavily, his aura dimming. “Being associated with me puts you at risk, Elowen, even though I want you—” He took a deep breath. “I don’t want you at risk. You’re safer away from me. It’s why I’ve never told you anything.”

I laughed softly. “It’s a bit late for that now. I know too much.”

He sighed heavily, so heavily that I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something deeper going on regarding his concern for me. “I know. Trust me, I know.”

“What’s done is done, Jax. I’ll always know that you’re the Dark Raider, and now I also know about your secret brother. Why not let me help you since I can? Keeping me here doesn’t benefit either of us.”

His eyes glowed slightly as an unreadable expression covered his face. “You truly want to join us and help me find him?”

“I do, and I have an advantage, considering what I am.”

His nostrils flared. “I won’t see you put in that position again.” The absolute steel in his voice made my stomach flip, and the storm in his eyes grew, but a moment of pain filled them too. “Elowen, I’m so sorry. I never meant to compromise everything in your life.”

“I know, but it’s not like returning to Emerson Estate with Guardian Alleron would be any better, even if that was an option.” I pointed at my collar. “If this is to stay on me forever, my freedom will always be restricted to some extent, so I might as well do something useful and good, and if I can’t leave to forge my own life because of my collar and what I now know...” I shrugged. “I’m trying to find the best path forward from here, and helping you seems like that option.”

“Elowen . . .”

“No.” I raised a hand. “Don’t feel sorry for me, Jax. I’m a lorafin, just like Bastian is a half-breed. We’ll never be treated like other siltenites. Perhaps, this is the best I can hope for, and the last thing I want is anyone’s pity.”

Magic vibrated off him. “I’d so love to find whoever created that collar for you and send them to the afterlife.” His attention dropped to the gem at my throat.

A shiver ran through me. The ruthlessness of the Dark Raider was commanding his expression once more.

Trying to make light of it, I replied flippantly, “Good luck, since apparently Guardian Alleron doesn’t even know who the fairy is.” Self-consciously, I traced my fingers along the confining piece of jewelry. Power pulsed from the gem, but it didn’t zap me, not like it used to.

Jax’s brow furrowed. “My brother is caged like you, not by magic, but by birth. He’s never been able to live a normal, free life either, thanks to what he is.”

An aching feeling overtook me, so much so that I placed a hand on my stomach when my magic tried to rise. “I know. Saramel told me about that too, about how his mother fled with him, and how your father had wanted him executed, and how it was only by chance that you found him.”

His lips twitched in a sardonic smile. “Is there anything Saramel didn’t tell you?”

I bit my cheek to keep from smiling. “I still don’t know where your nickname comes from.”

He smirked. “I’m sure she’ll happily tell you if you ask.”

I laughed, unable to help it. His smile stayed, and given his lightening mood, I said again, “Please, take me with you.”

“Do you know what you’re asking? You’ll have to play the part, pretend like we’re only there for fun.”

“I can do that.”

“And you’ll have to learn our ways, call us by our actual names. You can no longer refer to me as Jax.”

“Of course, Prince Adarian.” I bowed mockingly.

His lips twitched again, and for the briefest moment, a tender look stole over his face. “You really want to do this?”

“I do.

“All right. If it’s what you wish.”

A moment of carefreeness hit my heart. “Is there anything I need to do to prepare?”

“Not really. Pack whatever you like, but no need to bring your pile of rulibs. You can keep those safely here.”

“All right, packing won’t take long since I don’t have much.”

A fleeting emotion stole over his face. “No, you don’t have much, but you deserve so much more, Elowen.” Before I could respond, he stepped back. “It’s late. We should both turn in, but I’ll come for you in the morning. Until then, good night.”

I watched him leave, and when the door shut behind him, the magical bolt sliding into place, that sound didn’t depress me because a new sense of purpose filled me. A purpose that I truly wanted to fulfill.

I would find Bastian.

I would uncover the truth of why he’d fled from his brother and what was keeping him in Faewood.

Because tomorrow was the first day of the rest of my new life, and for once, that thought didn’t fill me with sorrow—it filled me with joy.