Page 48 of Van Cort

BEFORE

LARA - AGE EIGHTEEN

Weeks.

It had been weeks, and yet Lara still couldn’t find the words to tell them what she really felt. What she really wanted.

She knew why. When she fell into bed at night and lay awake pondering what words would be right, to maybe protect him, she knew why she’d waited and put this off, time and time again.

Her hope of avoiding what was to come crumbled to ash and blew into the ether when the acceptance letter arrived. Her path was set. At least from Rhett and West’s perspective. But neither had asked her. Not really.

And with every day, the small, tiny and deadly grain of doubt had grown, as if by leaving it, the very idea grew into something unruly and uncontained.

What was worse was that West had turned in on himself, knowing he’d be the one leaving them. And what had been something Lara was happy to ignore now stared back at her in every glance in the mirror or caught reflection.

So when West had suggested taking the north trail out of the woods the next day for them all to explore, she was glad of the distraction from her constant worry.

There was still time; at least, that’s what she told herself.

***

“We’ve climbed this plenty of times, come on.

” West’s encouragement didn’t help the tightness in Lara’s chest as she worked her legs up the incline.

The summer had given them all the opportunity to be out in nature, which was one of the biggest bonuses for living where they did.

But with the rigorous schedule of study she’d gone through, and the black cloud of Stanford that had seemed to stay above all of their heads, something didn’t feel the same this year.

As if everything around her was taunting her and what she was about to lose.

“We’re nearly to the top. We can rest then,” West said.

“We should make the most of the view over the cliffs. It’s not like we’ll be coming back here,” Rhett muttered.

“What do you mean?” she asked Rhett.

“There’s no way I’m going to volunteer for visits home and playing happy families after leaving in the fall. Not after we’ve escaped.”

“But what about West? And my family is still here.” She’d been so focused on the fear of telling Rhett she didn’t want to go, that she stopped thinking about the details around that decision.

“We’ll see West when we can. But not here. No fucking way.” Rhett grabbed a bottle from his pack and Lara watched him drain a few mouthfuls. Not water, but his choice of alcohol for today. He didn’t even try to hide it anymore.

His words seeped in and snapped the resolve to tell her truth into place.

“No. No, Rhett.” She shook her head, and Lara caught West’s eyes whip towards her, as if surprised at her words.

“What did you say?” Rhett growled.

She looked between Rhett and West, the pit of her stomach falling away in dread at the stare on Rhett’s face.

“I know this isn’t what we planned, but I can’t do it, Rhett. I’m sorry.”

“Lara, what’s going on?” West asked, as he approached and reached for her arm.

“Don’t you fucking touch her. She’s going to explain what the fuck she means.”

West’s hand pulled back, heeding to his brother.

Lara’s breath sucked inwards. “I don’t want to go to Harvard with you.”

Rhett recoiled as if the words physically struck him.

And in that moment, Lara felt as guilty as if she had.

More, even, because she, of all people, knew the physical damage that Rhett was used to and could take.

He didn’t hurt like other people did. But she saw her words cut him as hard as any punches his father dished out.

Lara’s vision distorted as her eyes swam with tears.

And as the seconds ticked on, her stammering heart was the only indicator of time. They all stood motionless and trapped in the moment, preserved, as if waiting on the edge of the next chapter of their lives.

There was no sense of relief for unburdening herself and setting light to the secret she had carried for months. There would be no relief at all in this scenario, but she believed it was the right decision because the dangerous edge to Rhett had been further fuelled over the summer.

She waited. And waited. For him to say something. To shout, yell. Hell, tear her to pieces for blowing their futures up, but it didn’t come. Rhett just stood there.

“Lara, Harvard will be great for you. It’s what we all wanted.” West’s voice was soft, as if he knew this was perilous territory. “Don’t let our father ruin your futures.”

“I want to stay with you. I want to go to Stanford with you.” Those were the words that finally drew a reaction – or rather the reaction she was expecting.

Rhett stormed towards West, his eyes harsh and scowling.

Her hands went up to reach for him. “No, Rhett. This is what I want.”