Page 130 of Van Cort

“Do you mean the trip out for coffee?”

“Don’t,” I plead. “Just be straight with me.”

“You need to work this out for yourself, Andie. You know us. I’m not going to push that. Or you’ll never accept what’s between us.”

“And what if I—” don’t. I finish the sentence in my head, swallowing back the anger that’s so easily stirred.

He still doesn’t push.

If West took me for that trip to see the Sound and have coffee, if he showed me the sunset and took me for dinner, stayed with me, then is he also the one who took me to the island while in Vancouver?

I turn to study his face, his green eyes shadowed with night and secrets. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t rush me. And I gather the scraps of memories that I believe are him, grabbing them and clenching them tightly as if they are a tether to keep me grounded.

He did all of those things, gave that part of himself to me, because I needed it – I needed him. It was a part that Everett didn’t have, and I wonder if that’s because of his father and what he did, but then, if that’s how Everett is, why isn’t West?

In the cold, dimly lit darkness of pre-dawn, I can see that Everett wouldn’t be enough for me, just like his proposal wasn’t enough. It was everything to him, but he didn’t show that. West’s words from earlier come back to me about if I knew it was an important place for Everett, and I didn’t. He’d forgotten about my claustrophobia because he wasn’t with me when my panic happened in that bathroom. It was West.

Is it more or less terrifying realising that the man you thought you’d fallen for isn’t just one man, but two? Because they are each a part of who I was in love with.

“You brought me flowers. You took me to the casino. You showed me the island.”

“And I’d do it a hundred times over if it means you can see what we feel for you.”

“How did it start? Did you two decide to play me? Because I’m pretty sure everything with Everett at the start was just him being an asshole and trying to sleep with me before never speaking to me again. Where does this fit into everything?”

It’s his turn to take a deep breath.

“It wasn’t my intention to fall for you. My brother and I haven’t seen each other in years, that was all true, but as I got to know you, realised that you didn’t know, suddenly I was in too deep and didn’t want to let you go.”

“So, this all started as a game?” The word twists in my mouth.

“Andie—” his voice cracks on my name, and I know I don’t want to hear anything more.

“No. Whatever you say, it’s just going to make me mad, and right now I’m trying to see past that.” If I can.

He nods. And I’m left with the lights of the city before me.

“What does being Mrs Van Cort mean to you? I’ve heard your brother’s version, but what does marrying you mean?”

“I hate to think what Rhett said to that. I’m sure, some kind of trophy on his arm. Maybe something about honour and respect.”

“Not far off, and it’s not what I wanted to hear. But that’s the point, isn’t it? Neither of you are whole, which is why—”

“You love both of us.”

“Maybe, but I still want an answer.”

CHAPTER FORTY - THREE

EVERETT

It’s painful to me that I can’t just tell them both what they’re doing, and how they’re going to do it. It won’t be long until the sun rises into the sky, signalling a new day. Patience is not my forte. I suppose I should have expected long conversations, but it’s exasperating to watch emotional turmoil rule fact. Sitting here in the dark, watching West quietly tell her what’s been happening, and who he is to her, while necessary, seems endless.

I don’t even think I’ve apologised.

None of it is something I want to apologise for, though.

Lifting my espresso, I keep quiet in the corner of the rooftop garden and listen to the soft lilt of both voices discussing a future none of us know yet. I’d like to intrude on the conversation, but this isn’t about brotherly seniority or creating order anymore. It’s about commitment and love and something that needs to settle in its own way. It’s making me consider that West and I need to discuss the future in greater detail than we have. Loving the same woman brings complications, let alone marrying one together, despite being twins. We know that well already. We also haven’t resolved the Lara issue either; not fully. I’m not going forward until that is dead and buried between us, just like her body is.