Page 28

Briar

T ears streamed down my face as I sat on the settee in my room, the portfolio closed in front of me, Lord O’Cillian’s journal on top of it. I tucked my legs under me, trying to curl into a ball.

“Are you sure he feels nothing?” asked Amy, her face on my phone screen. Her look of concern masked her exhaustion from being woken up at two in the morning, her time.

I nodded. “I’m sure. How could I have been so stupid as to allow myself to fall for him? He was very clear that there was no future for us. And then I went and kissed him.”

Amy’s lips curled into a smile. “Was it at least a good kiss?”

A weird sort of cackle escaped from my mouth. “The best, the way I want to be kissed for the rest of my life.” I sniffled and looked around for a tissue, finding one in the bathroom.

“That place is amazing, by the way.”

“Quit trying to change the subject,” I said as I wiped my nose. “What do I do about this?”

Amy tilted her head. “Well, if he just walked out to find Cormac, what are the chances you’re coming home soon?”

“Probably pretty good. He’d have to arrange with his brother to fly us home.” I fell back into my seat. “That flight is going to suck. Twenty-four hours stuck in the air with him, and all I want to do is spend them in his arms.”

Amy laughed.

“What?” My question was sharp.

A coy smile spread on her face. “You know damn well you’d rather be in his bed than in his arms.”

I shook my head. “If I could reach through this phone right now.”

“But you can’t. Didn’t I tell you that you would end up chasing him?”

I glared at her while her eyes beamed at me.

“I don’t understand why you haven’t just fucked his brains out already.”

There was a knock on my door. “Just a minute,” I called.

Amy narrowed her eyes. “Was that to me?”

“No, you get to come with me,” I said as I opened the door.

“Where are we going?” asked Lorcan.

“Uh, hi,” I said quickly before staring at his blue eyes for what felt like an eternity.

“Do you still want me here?” Amy’s voice came from beside my thigh, returning me to my senses.

I looked at her through the camera. “I think I’m going to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“You better. Or I’ll forget to water the plants in the greenhouse.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” I let out a shaky laugh as I playfully grimaced at her, needing to stop my tears.

“Try me.” The screen went black.

“May I come in?” asked Lorcan, his voice small and his shoulders hunched.

Stepping back, I held the door for him. Breathing his scent in as he walked by calmed my emotions.

“Thank you,” he said. “I brought a peace offering.” He held up the bottle of wine Dani had brought to his room earlier and two fresh glasses.

I smiled at him as he poured a glass of wine where he stood and handed it to me.

I took it from him, our fingers brushing as I did, sending a tingle through my arm that I tried to ignore.

Lorcan walked to the middle of the room, looking at the furniture next to the table. “Where do you want me?” he asked.

I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t give him a crass answer as my heart sped up.

A corner of his mouth lifted just the smallest amount. “In the sitting room?” he asked, his voice low and rough.

“There.” I pointed at the chair next to where I had been sitting. I didn’t want him too close or too comfortable, especially if he had just been able to read my face.

“I’m sorry, Briar.” His voice was calm as he stared into my eyes. “I wasn’t prepared for anything that happened today, and I should have reacted differently.”

I shook my head. “It was my fault. I should have taken the hint when you never texted me about coffee, but I pushed myself on you. I just wanted…” I looked into my glass before taking a long draw of wine.

“What?” He set the tips of his fingers on my knee. My heart pounded in my chest as I stared at them.

I took a deep breath. “I wanted to know what it was like to kiss you.”

“So that was the point of Amy’s statement about my doing something with my brains?”

“Amy’s stateme—” Oh no, the statement about me fucking his brains out. Heat flamed in my cheeks. “You heard that?”

Lorcan smiled a boyish grin, sitting back with his arms splayed on the chair’s armrests. “I thought men were the ones who thought that way?”

“As the product of a one-night stand who has no idea who her father is, I can guarantee you that men do not have the monopoly on shameless sexual encounters.” I laughed and shook my head before I sipped my drink. I glanced at the bottle. Had I really already drunk over half of it?

His expression darkened, twisting into something unreadable. “Is that what you want? A shameless one-night stand? Because you looked pretty mortified when you saw me naked.”

“I wasn’t expecting—”

He tilted his head, cutting in. “And now you are? What exactly are you expecting from this? A white picket fence with two kids, or just a mindless orgasm you can giggle about with Amy?”

My chest felt hollow, the accusation stirring the anger I’d felt when I found out John had told his friends about my desires. I sipped my wine again, pushing it from my mind and pressing my lips together. “I normally give the orgasms, not get them.”

His shoulders curved inward slightly, and I could see it—how he’d heard that. That I thought he’d use me. That I might’ve used him.

I forced myself to keep speaking. “But I wasn’t even after that. I thought maybe there was something…”

The wine was catching up to me. “Never mind.”

I crossed my legs and sank deeper into the settee, letting the alcohol make me braver than I should be. “Why did we have to leave the gardens so fast?”

“Briar, I don’t think—” He crossed his right arm over his body to pick at an errant thread on the left arm of the chair.

“You don’t think what? That you don’t want to admit kissing me made you hard?” I smiled, letting a teasing lilt sneak into my voice as I leaned forward, swirling my wineglass in one hand. “Which makes you more uncomfortable: wanting someone or feeling wanted?”

“Neither really, because I don’t want—” Lorcan smirked without humor as he stood and walked to the window, turning his back to me as he looked down over the street.

I tilted my head as I thought about the ridge that had pressed against my stomach. “You’re going to deny the way you kissed me?”

“No,” he said, not turning from the window, his gaze fixed on something below us. “But that doesn’t mean we’re free to do whatever we want.”

“What is it you want, Lorcan? What do you want from me?” My voice rose in frustration.

“You brought me here to London, telling me that your family is dangerous and you don’t want me with them.

You act like you want to be with me, but then you keep telling me that as soon as we return home, I’ll never see you again. ”

“Briar, please stop.” His voice was low and steady as he hung his head, clenching his jaw. He reached out and toyed with the edge of the curtains.

“Why don’t you just go? It’s what you want anyway. You’d rather be anywhere than with me.” I pressed my lips together into a thin line and poured the last of the wine into my glass.

Lorcan turned and waited until I lifted my eyes to his. He stared deep into them, his voice bordering on anger. “I want you safe. I can’t do… this.” He gestured around the room. “I can’t be involved with anyone.”

“You mean you won’t,” I snapped. “I don’t see anything here stopping you.” I took another sip, my heart pounding.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he growled, hiding a desperate tremble.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t I? I think you want more than you will say.”

“No, I don’t,” said Lorcan through clenched teeth.

“Then why are you still arguing with me? Why didn’t you leave when I told you to?”

“Because…” He inhaled as if he had never done so, his gaze locked on the ceiling. “If I let myself want you, even for a moment, it won’t be just once, and I can’t let that happen… You’re right, I should go.”

Yet he stayed rooted to the spot, his eyes full of anguish when he finally looked back at me.

I drained the last of the wine from my glass, set it down on the end table, and stood.

My head felt just heavy enough, but I was still in control.

At least that was what I told myself. I bit my lower lip as I held his gaze.

If he didn’t want this, he’d leave—but he wasn’t.

And if I couldn’t make him say what he felt, I’d make him feel what he wouldn’t say.

With slow, steady fingers, I unbuttoned my top button.

“Then don’t let it happen. Walk out the door. ”

His eyes never left my fingers as they undid each button, the cloth falling open, revealing a strip of bare skin. “You think this is a game?” His voice was low and tight.

“No one is stopping you, Lorcan.” I reached the last button of my shirt and moved to undo my pants. “Unless you want to be stopped.”

“Briar…” His voice was hoarse as he ground out my name, his eyes never leaving my hands as I unzipped the zipper, the lacy top of my panties peeking out. He closed his eyes, and his sharp breath hit my ears.

Lorcan’s jaw twitched just once before he crossed the room in what seemed like the blink of an eye, but it had to have been longer than that.

I didn’t care because his hands were under my shirt, and his lips were on mine.

Our tongues crashed together in a fiery duel.

He pushed my shirt off my arms before his fingers found the bare skin of my back, caressing every inch, mapping it, and holding me to him before he unclasped my bra.

I laced my fingers into his soft hair before tilting my chin higher, an invitation to kiss my neck and collarbone.

He obliged, his kisses running down the side of my neck while he eased my bra off my arms. Without warning, he stood, picking me up off my feet.

“You’ve no idea what you started,” he growled.