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CHAPTER 14

Noah

I ’m not sure Reed even realizes that he's kept looking back at me for the past hour. I would like to think it’s because he’s starting to like me, that I’m beginning to grow on him. But knowing Reed, the small amount that I do know, he's probably checking to see if I’m still following him like a lost puppy.

When he grabbed my wrist, it was like I got shocked by electricity. A flutter rose in my chest, like a swarm of butterflies. I’m used to making others uncomfortable, but in that moment I found myself in a position of wanting to run away instead. It was a mix of vulnerability and surprise at being exposed. I almost shoved him away, but thankfully he was the one to drop my wrist like he caught fire.

I clear my throat and look around. “So, Georgia, what are we checking on there?”

“Something important.”

I shouldn’t be surprised this is all he gives me. Reed isn’t one to talk. What a pair we make! One that yaps too much and one that would rather not mutter a word.

“I think we’ve established this, but since this is going to be a long walk, can you give me something to work with?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Reed shake his head. Probably regretting saving me from that zombie.

When he doesn’t bother to say anything, I try to bite my tongue, but I can’t.

“Right, so this something, can you at least tell me what it entails? Like, I’m picturing a dog, which is outrageous because why on God's green Earth would you leave a dog behind?”

I gasp, turning my head towards him. “Don’t tell me you left some poor animal in Georgia and now you’re just hoping it’s alive, because I might not be able to take you in a fight, but I will somehow manage to fight you.”

“Calm down there; no need to turn into the Hulk or some shit. No, it’s not an animal.” Reed huffs.

I felt an immediate flash of relief knowing he didn’t leave a dog or something to fend for itself out there. But he still seems unwilling to tell me what exactly he’s going to Georgia for.

“Do you have like a secret girlfriend? Is that who we’re going back for?”

I wasn’t sure why I asked because the quiet ache that settles in my chest at the realization I’m not even an option hurts. Before the dead rose up, I had very few choices to begin with. Most men I crushed on were either closeted or straighter than a pencil. I never wanted to be the reason someone got outed before they were ready. And then there were the straight men, who most of the time in school liked to pull jokes about being into me just to turn around and poke fun at me with their friends.

“No, no girlfriend.” Reed finally says.

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. We walked in silence for a few minutes, but I couldn’t hold the burning question any longer.

“Why did you bring me along?” My question comes out whiny and desperate, but at this rate I might as well be.

He was quiet for longer than I liked, so long I wasn’t sure he was ever going to answer me.

“You looked sad.”

My breath catches in my chest, my body going still at his words.

“I looked sad?”

Reed stops and turns back to me. Something warm unfurled in the pit of my stomach as he watched me. The specks of white mix around with the blue, creating the perfect milky blue I’ve seen.

“Yes, Noah, you looked sad. And for some reason I took pity on you. But if I'd known you were this annoying and talked this much, I would’ve left you.”

Left me.

Just like everyone else, he would have left me. Because I’m too much. I talk too much, I think too much.

I’m too much.

* * *

I was quiet for a while after that. Not because Reed wanted me to be, but because I wasn’t sure what else there was to say. I usually don’t care if someone thinks I talk too much, but with Reed I find myself caring a little too much. So while we continue our journey, passing abandoned cars and filth scattered across the road, I keep my thoughts and voice to myself.

Or at least I try to.

“Have you always been grumpy?” The question is something I’ve been sitting on for longer than I would have liked.

Reed hums his reply, nonetheless, telling me without having to use his words. Of course he’s always been a grump; I can’t imagine Reed being anything but.

“You know what can fix someone being grumpy?”

“I would rather not.”

I roll my eyes but keep my mouth shut. We fall back into silence, yet this time it’s not uncomfortable. Which is odd since I don’t do silence very well. Ever since I was little and growing up with parents who wouldn’t talk to you, let alone barely spoke a word to each other.

So we continue walking, right until we reach the border of Mississippi and Alabama. By the time the sign comes into view, my legs feel like they’re jello and my stomach cramps from the lack of food.

“Are we stopping anytime soon?”

Reed takes a quick look at me. While it was a second at most, it was enough that I swear he checked me out. Granted, it could have all been made up inside my head.

“Once we get across the border.”

I shouldn’t have expected anything less. I didn’t bother saying anything, mostly because there was nothing to say. But honestly, it was because I doubted he would respond to me.

My steps were beginning to slow down by the time we passed the ‘Welcome to Alabama’ sign. One thing I don’t think I’ll ever get used to is the amount of walking that is done. Sure, for part of our journey we had a car, but cars need fuel, and with the world ending up in a dumpster fire, fuel is hard to come by.

I jolt in shock when Reed suddenly grabs my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. This being the second time he’s willingly touched me, I refuse to acknowledge the feeling in my stomach.

“W–”

Reed's head snaps toward me, giving me a hard look. I immediately shut my mouth, knowing it was better not to talk. I might like to push his buttons, but right now he looks like he’s moments from ripping my face off, especially if I open my mouth again.

My heart pounds against my chest as I glance around to see what he might have heard that I didn’t. It’s then I see a zombie walking towards us from the side of the road. Fear hits me like a sudden storm; a wave of nausea grows inside my stomach. Tightness grips at my chest, my heart racing as my thoughts scatter. I should turn around and run, leave Reed behind, and just run like my life depended on it. Because in this world it does. My fight-or-flight instinct nearly takes over when Reed's grip tightens around my wrist.

“It’s just one,” he points out.

I don’t know how to explain to him that while I know it’s just one, and logically I can kill it, I can’t stop the anxiety creeping inside me. I barely understand it myself. I’m nearly ready to piss myself in fear.

But I can’t explain it; my mind becomes a blur, cycling through the endless what ifs. Reed could get bitten if he makes one mistake. Even a guy like him, built to destroy, can be taken down by the dead. And if Reed gets taken down by one lurker, I’m bound to end up dead as well.

My body grows numb, nervous energy running through my limbs; I’m frozen, watching the zombie head towards us. Even from this distance I can see the decaying and discolored skin. The once-alive guy now has rotting flesh hanging from his face. I swear I can see his exposed cheekbone. Its movements are stiff and jerky, almost unnatural.

I swallow around the ball sitting against the back of my throat. The zombie is driven by completely insatiable hunger, hunger for human flesh, and we’re just standing here like a hamburger on a platter.

“Reed,” I whine. I can’t even bring myself to care that I sound like a child, begging to be let go of. I attempt to pull my hand back, my flight instincts taking over.

“Noah, you need to learn to defend yourself.” His words hit my ear, and I vaguely remember telling him I wanted to learn to defend myself. But the one simple idea now seems too scary, and I want to take it back.

That’s a good idea.

“I take it back.”

One of his perfect eyebrows rises, a crease slowly appearing between them.

“I take it back, Reed. I don’t want to learn. I'd much rather you fight off the bad guys, all of them, right now. Reed I’m not kidding; you can fight him off.” I ramble on. Jerking my arm back again, it does nothing as Reed holds an iron grip on my wrist.

“Noah.”

I shake my head, refusing to hear anything that comes out of his mouth. The thing about fear and anxiety is that they don’t go hand in hand. They’re terrible together; the fear of one of those things biting me makes my skin crawl. And then the anxiety of having no idea how to defend myself properly just makes me want to vomit everywhere.

“Noah!” Reed barks at me.

My eyes snap from the zombie who’s closer to us than I would like all the way to Reed's beautiful eyes. Time seems to blur, the world around me fading until all I see are those specs of brown and green hidden with emotions that I can’t understand.

“Noah, you’re dissociating; I’m going to need you to reel it in. It’s one zombie, just one, and I’m going to be here the entire time.”

His words make sense, but I don’t want to hear them. I don’t want this to be the reality.

“Noah, listen to me; tell me you’re listening.”

I nod my head, not truly wanting to listen.

“Words, love.”

I’m not sure if it’s because I can see the zombie closing in on us or if my brain must have short-circuited at him calling me love.

“I–I’m listening, I think.”

The corner of his eyes creases, showing me he can at least smile.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“Promise?” I whisper.

“I promise.”