Page 14 of Until You’re Breathless (Insatiable #1)

Bowie

J inny is out with her mom, so I have the house to myself, and it’s long overdue.

Since leaving Boston, I haven’t cried, I haven’t punched anything or screamed, nothing.

And as much as I’m not the dramatic type, as I look around, I feel like I’ve lost my place.

Not just my home but in life, too. The strange thing is, while I was at Jagger’s office, I felt a small semblance of what it was like to belong.

It sounds stupid, I know. But I haven’t felt that way since high school.

It could be just because I haven’t really seen Jagger since then, but still.

It felt really great to get my hands dirty again, to be at the front lines, so to speak, again.

I’ve spent too long cooped up in an office, dealing with vendors, suppliers, production teams, the media, you name it.

Jagger saw something in me today that I’d long forgotten.

It sort of scared me. This is the man that hurt me like no man has ever hurt me before.

Well, that part isn’t true anymore. Boston takes the cake on that front now.

But back when I was a teenager and he was my first love, he crushed me.

It’s silly to think about after all these years, I know, but I feel like I need to confront that demon again, and realize that by me moving on so quickly, by me running to Boston’s side so fast after Jagger cheated, I robbed myself of the process of dealing with it then.

And while years have passed, here I am, still thinking about it.

The funny thing is that I feel like because I didn’t just leave Boston, I gave us some time to figure things out, I didn’t rob myself of that time to process.

That’s probably why in my heart I’ve moved on.

I’m a survivor. I’m not one to dwell. My work is my therapy.

And being there, going through the inner workings of Jagger’s prototype engine, brought me back to what is important.

It helped to heal me some. Nonetheless, nothing feels like home anymore.

Except being back in a place where I can use my brain and not be inhibited but appreciated.

The security gate beeps with an arrival.

Jinny has the security camera linked to her phone, so she must have let the visitor in.

Part of me is terrified that it’s Boston.

He’s the last person that I want to see.

But I’m pleasantly surprised when I see that it’s Jagger.

“Hi.” I say in greeting, trying to wipe the smile off my face.

“Hey. I would have called first, but I was in the area, and I just wanted to run something by you.”

“Sure, that’s okay. Jinny’s out with her mother.”

“You weren’t busy, were you?”

“No. You actually came at the perfect time.”

My mouth starts before my brain does. “Why did you cheat on me?” I cover my mouth, as if I’ve been possessed.

He shakes his head slightly, looking at the polished granite flooring. “I knew that this was going to come up at one time or another.”

“I just...I have to know. I know it was ages ago. And it’s not your fault that I never dealt with it properly, but now that I’m dealing with things the way that I should have dealt with them years ago, I need to know why.

What we had then was perfect. Everything was so perfect.

Was that why? I mean, were you scared that we were so perfect together?

Because I never would have forced you to marry me, Jagger. You know that.”

He raises a hand. “Come. Sit.”

“Okay.” I breathe, following him.

He finds his way to the living room and sits down on the leather sofa. He pulls his phone out of his suit pocket and scrolls through it for a moment, before setting it on the table. I can hear ringing.

A girl answers. “Jagger. How’s it hangin’?”

“To the left.” He answers cockily. “Hey, Kayla, do you remember back in high school, that night at Jinny’s old lady’s house? When you and I got so drunk playing quarters that we both puked and then passed out in her mom’s bed?”

“I’m still hung over from that night.” She scoffs.

“Hey, how come you and I never fucked?”

“Jagger, if you remember, we both crawled from the bathroom floor to the bed, and I helped your sorry ass up onto the bed. We couldn’t walk down the goddamn stairs for twelve hours, do you honestly think either of us were in any condition to get it on?

” She chuckles. “Why? Is your ego still wounded? Hey, did you ever tell Bowie the truth?”

My heart is beating out of my chest. I can feel a lump in my throat. But I also feel my fist ball up with rage.

“No. It wouldn’t have made a shit bit of difference.”

“True. Besides, she got over you pretty fast.” Another scoff. “Hey, thanks for the awkward trip down memory lane, man. But I’ve got a client coming in five. I’ll see you in a few weeks for Stevie’s birthday?”

“Yeah. I’ll see ya.”

He ends the call. He doesn’t look at me. He rests back in the sofa, folding his arms over his chest.

I can’t stop the tears. “Why...why didn’t you tell me, Jagger?”

He scrapes a hand down his face before leaning up.

“Because you didn’t even give me a fucking chance, that’s why.

You ran off and hid, and when you finally came out of hiding, you’d already been fucking Boston.

You wouldn’t return my calls, my letters, hell, I even came by your house once, and you wouldn’t answer the goddamn door.

The rumor mill got the best of me, and I didn’t bother wasting the energy trying to clear my name, because I’d already lost you, and I figured what does it matter now. ”

“And nothing happened.” I say again, testing the words on my tongue.

“Never.” He scrapes a hand down his face.

“I should never have drunk that night. It was my own stupidity. I didn’t know any better.

That was back when Jinny was drinking, and she made out like a couple of shots wouldn’t hurt me, but she was so fucking wrong.

I was sick as hell, and I’ve never done it again since. ”

Silence.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and sit up straight.

“I loved you more than life itself, Bowie. I would never have dreamed of sleeping with someone else.” A pause for emphasis. “You were right when you said that what we had was perfect. It was so goddamn perfect. I’d never loved anyone as much as I loved you, and...” He trails off.

“And what?” I sniff.

He hesitates, releasing a breath, before grunting the words. “Well, as luck would have it, I’ve never loved anyone since. I wish I could speak for the both of us, but I can’t.”

This breaks my heart. I thought my heart was broken from Boston, but this, this takes the cake. More than fifteen years have passed, and I still feel like it just happened yesterday. Jagger reaches over, hearing me cry, and he places a hand on my back. “It’s in the past, Bowie. Leave it there.”

“It’s in the past for you, Jagger, but you forget that I didn’t know the truth until just now.”

“Does it make any difference. I mean, you fell in love with someone else, and now it’s over.

All of it. The only reason why I told you now is because you asked.

After all these years, you finally asked for the truth.

I would have given it to you a thousand times, but you didn’t want to hear it.

It was easier for you to move on than it was to deal with the truth. ”

“Is that why you won’t hire me? Vengeance?”

“No, that’s not the reason.” He says, removing his hand.

I look over at him, wiping my eyes again. “Then why?”

He licks his lips. “Okay, just for the record, remember that you asked.”

“Fair enough.”

He swallows and looks at me. “The only thing I ever loved as much as I loved you is my work. You come and work for me and that turns to shit, for whatever reason, well...I’m not quite sure how I’d take that.”

“You’d take that just like you take everything else, Jagger.

Life is like that. But I can tell you that I put everything into my work, too.

And the time that I spent hovering over that engine with you today reminded me of how much I love what I do, too.

And I haven’t had that pleasure in a long time.

” I want to add that I haven’t had many pleasures in a long time, but I leave that part out.

“I don’t believe that you’re going to find anyone else quite as dedicated to the work as I am.

I’m not just tooting my own horn there, either.

You know that this is in my blood. It’s part of my D.N.A. ”

With another swallow, he pats me on the knee. “Okay, then.”

I’m confused. He rises and walks towards the door. “Okay then?”

He purses his lips together and looks at the floor, and then his gaze meets mine for a moment, before he draws in a deep breath and releases it.

“You can start tomorrow. I’ll put you on a probationary period.

I want you to sign an N.D.A., and I don’t want you breathing a word of this to the media.

You share anything with Boston or with anyone without signed consent from me and I’ll sue your ass so bad you’ll be in jail for ten years or buried in paperwork for that long.

I’ll end you or anyone else that tries to break what I have. You got it?”

My eyes widen as he speaks. He loves his business, and he’ll do anything to protect it.

Why that turns me on, I don’t know, but it does.

He’s the only other person I know with such passion and dedication to what they do as I do.

I fully respect him for that. In fact, my admiration just grew for him.

He’s a man of integrity and hasn’t changed. "You got it, Jagger.”

“And you get a signing bonus if you bring Jinny, too. But she’s got the same red tape as you, okay? And you can tell her that.”

“I’ll tell her.”

“Good. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yes. You will.” I smile.