Page 6 of Unstoppable You (Sapph in the City #6)
Chapter Six
James
Connor attempted to contact me again that weekend, but I sent him straight to voicemail. I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say right now.
The meeting with Delaney affected me more than I thought it would. For the rest of Friday and Saturday morning and afternoon I just kind of wandered around, unable to commit to or complete anything. I unloaded half the dishwasher, forgot the laundry in the washer, stalled out on my website updates, and set down every book I picked up.
Nothing grabbed my attention, so I gave up, put on some sad music, and curled up under a blanket in my favorite cozy chair by the window and watched the world go by. I’d anticipated feeling better after I’d talked to Delaney, but this feeling was way worse. Like I’d ripped open a bunch of old wounds that were now bleeding everywhere.
I wanted to fix it so badly. I wanted to make it right, but there was no way to make it right, short of time travel.
That was the worst part.
I honestly wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere on Saturday night, but I couldn’t turn down the Sexy Saturday drink specials and general merriment at the only bar for queer women in the state. I missed my old haunt in Boston, but Sapph looked like it could work.
Dressing in a pair of my favorite jeans and a lace top, I made sure I had my ID before checking my nose ring in the mirror and then hopping in the car I’d ordered.
A few minutes later I was dropped off outside the bar with its purple neon sign that made me instantly feel at home.
For the first time in several days, I smiled as I paid my cover and walked in. Noise and packed-together bodies greeted me, and I headed directly for the bar to order my first drink.
The bartenders worked like a well-oiled machine, so it didn’t take long until I had an icy purple drink in my hand that I’d ordered from the specialty menu. Didn’t really matter what was in it. I was just here to get a little buzzed and be around my people.
When I’d come out as a lesbian in college, it had made so many things clear for me. Like finding the answer to a math problem you’d been working your entire life to solve.
I managed to stake out a seat at the very end of the bar and let the music and conversation wash around me. Coming out tonight had absolutely been the right decision.
As I glanced around, I caught the eye of several women and considered taking things to another level tonight. Flirting was always on the menu for me, but sex wasn’t as casual for me as it was for other people. Sure, I’d done the bathroom hookup when I’d first come out and had discovered oh hey, I don’t hate sex, I actually LOVE sex with women, but I’d gotten that out of my system. I wouldn’t turn it down if the vibes were right, but that wasn’t what I was going for tonight. Dancing and flirting though? Yes, please.
By the time I had my second drink in my hand, I’d danced, I’d laughed, I’d flirted, and I’d forgotten about all the bullshit from this week. Well, almost.
Taking a break from dancing, I headed outside for a breather to let some of the sweat on my skin dry. Looking up at the sky, I squinted to try and see the stars. No luck. That was one of the only downsides of city living. Couldn’t see the details in the sky.
I moved away from the smokers to pull crisp air into my lungs before diving back into the maelstrom that was Sapph on a Saturday night.
* * *
I managed to drag myself to Pilates on Sunday, but Delaney wasn’t there. I hadn’t expected her to be, though. I’d probably driven her away from this particular class, which added insult on top of injury.
She hadn’t blocked me on social media, which was interesting. Every time I opened my feed, I saw that she’d posted something new. The algorithm seemed intent on putting her front and center for me.
It didn’t escape my notice that she’d deleted any of her posts with Connor. That made sense, and it was a little bit of a relief not to see his dumbass face refusing to smile as she beamed next to him. He couldn’t even fucking smile for her.
If she was mine I would have…
No. Throw on the brakes, red light, do not pass go, stop that immediately.
That line of thinking would only torment me further.
* * *
Over the next few days, I thought about Delaney way too much. It was like a mental compulsion. Anytime my thoughts drifted away from what I was trying to do, they veered right back in her direction. Delaney with pistachio cream on her chin. Delaney listening to me as I fumbled through my apology.
She’d grown into herself and even though there was a visible sadness that wrapped around her like a blanket, there was also a new confidence to her and the way she carried herself, the set of her shoulders that she hadn’t had when she was a kid.
What did she see when she looked at me? I’d gone through changes as well, and not just with my piercing and my hair and my clothes. Did she see me now? Or did she only see the person I’d tried to be years ago?
The girl she’d known who had said so many hurtful things was playing a part. A role she hated but didn’t know how to give up. I wouldn’t say that our suffering was the same by any means, but I’d been a miserable wreck then.
I wasn’t as miserable anymore (most of the time) and I liked to think I’d gotten my act together. At least my career was something I could point to that I’d created and built on my own.
My parents thought my job was a joke, but I’d long stopped caring about their opinions, if I ever had. My family wasn’t where I’d gotten any of my validation, and I’d learned that very early in my life.
Turning away from my bleak thoughts, I turned on my TV to distract my brain with something else. Anything else.
Now that I’d adjusted to life here again, I really wanted to make some friends. Not an easy task when you worked from home.
I’d rather lay down in the street and let every car run over me than try to reconnect with anyone I’d been friends with from school. So many of them had moved away anyway, including Eva, the ringleader of the bullying group. Every now and then I looked her up and saw that she’d become a nurse and moved to Arizona. God help her patients.
I looked online for various activities that I could join as a first step. Run club was an option, but I was never going to train for a marathon or anything like that. Runners seemed really intense. Was there a strolling club? That would be more my speed. A link caught my eye and I clicked on it to find that Between the Sheets had a book club once a month, as well as several other crafting nights and book signings. That was something. Book lovers were definitely my kind of people.
There was just one small problem with the book club: Delaney would be there. I’d be invading her space and I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Still. I found myself putting in an order for the book and signing up for the emails about the club. The next one wasn’t for a few weeks, so I had time to smooth things over with her beforehand. And even if I didn’t go, I’d at least get to read a good book.
* * *
Over the next week I fully adjusted into my new life in the city. Work was steady and kept me busy, and I was loving my office space now that it wasn’t a desk crammed in my tiny bedroom. Having lots to look at out the window was essential for me. There was also a fantastic coffee shop within walking distance that I went to almost every day and their French toast latte was my new favorite thing.
Delaney was still on my mind constantly. Anytime I saw someone with long blonde hair, I’d do a double take and make sure it wasn’t her. Unfortunately for me, there were a hell of a lot of blonde beauties in the area, so I made a lot of embarrassing mistakes.
“Sorry, I thought you were someone else,” was something I’d said more than a few times by the time the weekend rolled around. Even though I didn’t have a typical nine-to-five job, I forced myself to keep nine-to-five hours.
I’d burned out right when I started my consulting business and it had been hell and I’d do anything to prevent that from happening again. Only after resting, speaking with a therapist, and reprioritizing my life had I come out of it.
I visited Sapph again on Friday night and danced my ass off, ending the night with a hangover and sore feet. Saturday called for sleeping in, taking it easy at a late Pilates class, and a huge brunch after.
I did my usual check when I walked into Pilates and put my mat down and sure enough, there was a blonde ponytail that I recognized across the room. Pretending I wasn’t staring at her and waiting for her to turn around, I arranged my mat and water and went to get my weights.
She finally turned so I could see her face and it was like I hit a wall and couldn’t move. So many times this week I’d thought I’d seen her and now she was here .
Delaney looked up and met my eyes, her face immediately forming a scowl as she recognized me.
I shrugged and pointed at my spot across the room. She wouldn’t even notice me.
She huffed and rolled her eyes, sipping at her water.
Not knowing what else I could do, I sat on my mat and faced the front of the room.