Page 4 of Unstoppable You (Sapph in the City #6)
Chapter Four
James
It was a long shot, but I was absolutely shocked when she agreed to meet with me.
Delaney responded Monday night that we could meet on Friday at 3 p.m. and gave me the name of a new coffee shop. It looked cute and trendy and had creative pastries, so I told her that was fine and went to bed with unsettled thoughts.
Now I just had the rest of the week to decide on what I wanted to say. As if I hadn’t had years already.
Sometimes there weren’t enough words, or you didn’t have the right words. As long as I led with sincerity and honesty and truly being sorry for what I’d said and done to her, the rest was in her hands. I couldn’t make Delaney forgive me.
Shit. I had a new client in ten minutes, and I hadn’t prepped nearly enough.
When I told people what I did for a living, they didn’t believe me.
“What the hell is a baby name consultant?” they always asked, and then “people pay money for that?!” It made meeting new people awkward sometimes.
I hadn’t gone to college for it, but I did have an English degree and a love for words. Their shapes and sounds and origins and meanings. It wasn’t as much of a logical leap as you’d think.
I’d worked for a few years as a literary and editorial assistant, an administrator at a small printing press, and as a fact checker for a few authors. The book world was an amazing place to work, but the job stability had been lacking, the pay wasn’t consistent, and I just didn’t want to be at the whims of someone else.My love for the industry wouldn’t pay the bills.
One day I’d been scrolling online and had gotten served a video from someone who was talking about unusual careers, and it had been like being hit by lightning. It was perfect.
I’d started my business before I quit any of my other jobs, and somehow found the right keywords and was immediately flooded with clients. Not only was it interesting work, I was good at it. I also donated my services to anyone trans or nonbinary to help them pick a new name that suited them best.
I logged on to the video chat and checked my appearance one more time before calling my new client. She was having twins and searching for names that would be complementary, but not too matchy. Such a fun challenge.
This was our first consultation call, so I needed to take her through my questionnaire and figure out what direction she wanted to go in.
The mom, Bella, was so sweet, and introduced me to her partner. Since I got so many inquiries, I had to be selective and queer families were always my top priority.
We talked and laughed, and I lost myself in the meeting and taking notes.
“So next I’m going to make up a list of ten options, and we’ll go through them at our next meeting. My biggest piece of advice once I give you the list is to write the names down for yourself, hang them up, try them out. A name that you might not immediately like might grow on you. I’ll also be sending you the report with my list and more details than you could ever possibly want. Whatever you do, do not ask your family or friends. Trust me on this.”
Bella laughed and I could see how utterly excited she was for this whole process. That energy rubbed off on me and sometimes it was better than caffeine.
“Thank you so much, we’ve just been totally lost with all of this.”
I grinned. “Don’t worry. That’s what I’m here for. I’ll have your report by the end of the week, and we can schedule our session. It was lovely to meet both of you and congratulations again.”
We said goodbye and I put in my notes from the meeting into the document I made for each consultation.
It was easy to lose myself in work for the next few hours, until my eyes were dry and my stomach was screaming. The best part of working from home was my ability to head to the fridge and pull things out to make a meal. Tonight a chicken Caesar pasta salad was calling my name, along with some oven baked potato wedges slathered in duck fat. Wanting to feel fancy, I made myself a little mocktail with fresh blood oranges, ginger ale and mint.
While I was still exhausted from moving, it felt nice to make myself a beautiful and delicious meal, even if I ate it on the couch in the sweats that I’d changed into after I’d finished my workday.
One hard and fast rule I had for myself was that I always dressed in professional clothing, even when working from home. I also filmed and created a lot of content during my day to help bring in clients and expand my business, so I couldn’t look like I’d just rolled out of bed and expect people to pay me money for my services.
After I ate, I set a timer to allow myself a little social media scrolling on my alternate accounts. Very early in my career, I’d made sure to keep my personal and work accounts separate so I could have a place where I wasn’t James, Baby Name Consultant.
Of course, the first thing I checked was Delaney’s social media. I’d followed her on my alt account and she must not have noticed, or else I wouldn’t have been able to message her.
I liked getting these little looks into her life. Seeing her showcasing her printed T-shirts, making silly faces with her friends, funny posts from the bookshop she worked at. I wanted to visit it so much, but I wanted to see if I could make things right first. It would be an invasion otherwise.
Instead I went online and placed a few orders for books, a tote bag, and a T-shirt that I knew were from Delaney’s collection. There. That wasn’t too invasive. I was allowed to buy her products.
Satisfied, and with my social media scroll time over, I made myself another mocktail and grabbed my ereader. Not a bad start to the week. Not bad at all.
* * *
The rest of the week was a blur of work and social media posts and consultations and sending invoices and website maintenance. Being self-employed wasn’t for the faint of heart. I also managed to make it to the library and came home with a stack of books, and I hit another Pilates class, but didn’t see Delaney.
Friday morning, I woke up with a pit of dread in my stomach. I’d written out a list of all the things I wanted to say, but I knew Delaney enough to know that she wouldn’t be impressed by me reading from a list on my phone like a shitty influencer doing an apology video. It was helpful for gathering my thoughts, but in the moment, I was going to speak from the heart. Seeing her in front of me was going to give me the right words. Hopefully.
I changed out of my work clothes and shut down for the day over an hour before I needed to meet Delaney. Taking that much time to get ready was probably excessive, but I wanted to show up looking my most confident and feeling my best.
We had both changed from the girls we were in school. I’d done a lot of hiding who I was under makeup and clothes that I’d hated but were considered in-style. I’d also dyed my hair and shaved and gotten spray tans and bought skirts at the mall.
When I’d finally gotten away for college in a new place, I’d realized that I’d been in a tiny bubble of conformity and I didn’t have to swim in it anymore. No one was going to care if I wore the right jeans. The right shoes. If my hair was the right shade.
I’d gone a little wild my freshman year, trying a ton of different hair colors and styles (including an all-black era) until I started building a style that felt like me.
Other changes had followed. I stopped pretending I didn’t like to read, I stopped pretending that I liked movies with shirtless men. The evolution from who I was in high school to the true version of myself was rough, but I’d gotten through it and now I was on the other side, a lesbian with a septum piercing who had two-tone hair and sometimes wore a sports bra that flattened my chest because it felt good.
I laid out three options and finally selected a green romper with a leaf pattern on it that had ruffled straps and added a baggy white cardigan that I’d crocheted during a particularly bad month about a year ago. I pulled my hair back in a loose bun, pulling a few strands out to frame my face. Makeup was simple and light, and I adjusted my septum piercing. Sometimes it got wonky and went sideways and I hated that.
One last look in the mirror and I grabbed my bag before taking a shaky breath and locking my door. The café was close enough to walk, so I strolled down the street, checking the time to make sure I wasn’t going to be late, my heart pounding double time in my chest, like an overhyped marching band.
The closer I got, the more anxiety fizzed in my veins. For a half a second, I considered canceling. I checked my phone to see if she’d sent me a “sorry, never mind” message, but there was nothing.
A man exiting the café held the door for me, and I gave him a tight smile before walking inside. The sound of soft, generic music greeted me, as well as the clinking of plates and the hiss of the espresso machines.
The place was packed with people having an afternoon snack, and plenty of gig workers on their laptops. Some days I would bring my work to a café, but I tried not to make it a habit. My home office setup was much cozier, and there was no way I was doing consultations in a loud coffee shop.
When I didn’t see Delaney right away, I found a table near the door in front and sat down. I was too nervous to order anything yet, my stomach twisting and turning and tying itself into complicated knots.
She arrived only a minute after I sat down, wearing baggy jeans and one of her T-shirts that had a stack of books on it and said BOOKISH VIBES ONLY. When she got closer, I saw that there was a little frog sitting on top of one of the stacks of books. Cute.
As I took her in, I watched her look around and find me. Her eyes instantly narrowed. Not a great sign, but at least she was here. She hadn’t ghosted me. Her full lips pressed together as she crossed the short distance to stop in front of my table.
Her blonde hair was carelessly pulled back from her face in a messy ponytail and for a moment, she took my breath away. She was stunning .
I inhaled a shaky breath and stood up.
“I’m going to order the most expensive thing they have,” she said by way of a greeting as she crossed her arms.
“Go ahead. Get whatever you want.” She could buy the whole damn pastry case if she wanted. Now that I was saving so much money on rent, I could afford it, even with the expense of my move.
Delaney’s eyes narrowed and she pivoted toward the counter. Since I was paying, I followed her, but not too closely. Didn’t want to invade her space.
“Yes, I’ll have one of each flavor of croissant, as well as the muffins. Oh, and an iced red velvet latte. The biggest size you make.”
She turned and looked at me over her shoulder, raising one eyebrow as if to say, “are you going to argue?”
The barista didn’t seem phased by the order and read it back to Delaney to make sure it was right.
“Is this together?” the barista asked, glancing at me.
“Yes,” I said, feeling my cheeks get hot. “I’ll have a small iced red velvet latte as well.” It sounded delicious.
Delaney huffed out a little noise when she heard my order but didn’t say anything as I paid with my card and added a nice tip for the barista. We moved over to the pickup counter where we were going to be waiting for a while.
“You didn’t want to order any of the cake pops?” I asked her, trying to get some kind of conversation going.
Delaney made a disgusted face. “Cake pops are just a scam to make you pay a lot of money for stale cake that should have been thrown away. They’re an atrocity and they should be banned as a dessert.”
Well. I hadn’t expected a treatise on cake pops, but I hadn’t really known what to expect from her these days.
“Good to know,” I responded, and she pressed her lips together, as if she hadn’t meant to say that much to me. She crossed her arms again and didn’t say anything as the staff packed up her order into a box and made our lattes.
Once we had everything, I helped her carry it all back to the table.
She threw the top on the box open and wiggled her fingers before selecting one of the pistachio cream croissants. It did look incredible, and a little bit of the bright green cream escaped when she bit into it, dripping onto her chin. Without thinking, I reached out to wipe it away and had to pull my hand back at the last second. I didn’t have the right to touch her. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
Delaney glared and grabbed a napkin. She wiped her chin and swallowed.
“Well? I’m here. Let’s hear it.”
Okay. It was time.
“I’ve thought about what I was going to say to you for a long time. Years. I can’t count how many times I wrote you a letter or thought about sending you a message. That’s not important.” I had to take a breath as my entire body shook in my seat. Any moment now I was going to throw up or pass out or both. Delaney took another bite of croissant.
“I’m sorry. That’s the first thing I wanted to say. I’m sorry for all the shit I said to you when we were kids. There’s no excuse for being a mean little bitch, because I was a mean little bitch. There was a lot going on with my parents and my brother and that’s not an excuse, but I feel like I was just so angry all the time and lashing out, and you were just…” I trailed off. It had taken me years to recognize the intense feelings I’d had at the time about Delaney were jealousy mixed with an absolutely massive crush. I wasn’t going to tell her about that part, though. That was my own shit to deal with.
“You were there, and you had two parents who loved you and you were sweet and kind of nerdy and I don’t know, Delaney. What I do know is that I’m so fucking sorry for all of it and I wish I could go back and yell at myself for treating you so badly when I should have treated you like a friend. I’m just so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of it. I know me saying this years later doesn’t do anything to mend the past. I know you don’t owe me anything and that is absolutely fine. I just wanted you to know that I didn’t forget about it and I didn’t stop thinking about it and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Not for a day. It’s haunted me and I know that you’re angry and you have a right to be. I’m just so sorry, Delaney. I’m sorry for all the awful things I said and did.”
I managed to shut off the flow of words and unclench my hands from each other where I’d been hiding them under the table.
Delaney had watched my face with concentrated intensity that I couldn’t look away from if I wanted to. Everything around her blurred out of focus until she was the only thing I could see.
Silence fell thick and heavy between us. The shaking that had taken over my whole body evaporated and now a prickling heat took its place. Neither was comfortable, but the heat was somehow worse as I waited for her reaction.
After what seemed like a thousand years, but was probably only moments, she exhaled and nodded.
“Okay. I guess, uh, thank you for saying that. It took you long enough.” She had me there.
I winced. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“I get it. You’ve said it already. I’m not really sure what you want from me.”
I shook my head. “Nothing. I want absolutely nothing from you. Only to listen to me and that’s it. Everything from here on out is up to you.”
Her eyes narrowed as if she didn’t believe me and she picked up the croissant again, shoving another huge bite in her mouth. The cream exploded out one end, falling onto the table and barely missing her shirt.
“How’s that croissant treating you?” I asked.
“Good,” she said, her mouth full. I snorted and then reached for my latte, my hands steadier than they had been a few moments ago.
The caffeine was from the latte going to kick me in the teeth, but that was fine. It would help me get through the rest of the afternoon.
Delaney finished the croissant and then selected a banana nut muffin.
“Is my punishment that I have to sit here while you eat that entire box?” I asked.
She tilted her head to the side as she took a bite. “Maybe. It wouldn’t be enough, but it would be a start.”
“What other kinds of punishments did you have in mind?” I asked, and then realized how flirty that sounded. That wasn’t my intention at all, but it had slipped out.
Delaney’s eyes narrowed and then she smiled. “Punishments shouldn’t be enjoyable, James. And something tells me that you’d like certain kinds of things.”
One of my hands dug into the wood of the table, clawing at it for something to hold onto. Did she actually just say that? Was this real?
“I will neither confirm or deny,” I said, trying to keep my tone neutral and get us back on more casual footing.
Her comment took me back, though. I was going to be analyzing it for hours later.
“Hmmm,” she said, eating the rest of the muffin. Once she was done, she rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, take whatever you want. It feels weird to be eating when you aren’t.”
Tentatively, as if she was going to lunge out and bite me, I reached for the cinnamon chip muffin. They were always my favorite, even if other people thought they were boring.
Delaney watched me peel away the parchment paper wrapper and bite into it. I would have preferred to have a plate, but I could make do.
Delaney sipped at her latte and glanced out the window. I did my best not to stare too much at her, but it was a challenge. She was just so gorgeous. Delaney could never know about my past crush or my current attraction. She was straight, firstly. Second, she’d just gotten her heart shattered by my asshole brother, and third, even if she was into girls, she wasn’t going to be into me, a person who had made her middle school years miserable. No fucking way. You didn’t fall for your former bully unless you were in some sort of romcom.
Any feelings I had were going to stay unrequited. Maybe that was my punishment for the bullying.
“God, I feel so shitty about it, Delaney,” I said, even though I’d already done the whole apology thing. There was no rule that said I couldn’t do it multiple times.
Delaney was quiet for a moment, looking into the box of pastries as if it would tell her how to respond.
“Okay,” she said when she looked up. “I get it. You’re sorry.”
Shit. I had pushed too far. I sat there and watched as she retreated behind an emotionless mask.
“Well, you said what you were going to say, and I’ve got my croissants and my muffins and my latte so I’m going.”
I wished there was something I could say to make her come back, to regain the soft, somewhat flirty energy we’d clasped only moments before, but it had already slipped through my fingers. She was gone and I wasn’t going to be able to get that back.
“Of course. Have a good rest of your day, Delaney,” I said, not moving from my seat. She snatched up the box and had a little trouble balancing it with the enormous iced latte, but she managed and then walked away without another word.
Guess that was that.