Page 22 of Unlikable
The next day, the turquoise dress is delivered. Cecile helps me try it on. It’s late afternoon, and I haven’t seen Felix all day. I caught myself looking for him. Waking up with a huge headache and nausea, I got dressed and took an extra lap around the gardens. Visited the library several times. Went to the dining hall several times and walked up and down the corridor where his bedroom is a few times.
But no Felix.
When I bumped into Jonathan in the early afternoon, he told me that Felix had left for Canterbury to keep an eye on the renovation of our house, in case something was not quite right with the architecture.
“And my brother?” I had asked Jonathan. “And my father?”
“Your brother and your father are hunting with Mr Edmund Clifton in the forest behind the house.” From his disappointed face, I could tell that he had very much wanted to be there. Or at least, wanted to be with my brother.
“Any idea what time everyone will be back?”
Jonathan had shaken his head. “No. It may well be that Felix will stay away for a few days and won’t be back until the banquet.”
“That will take a few more days.”
“Try to enjoy it.” He had laughed. “Felix can really get on your nerves sometimes.”
“He certainly can..”
“Before I forget,” Jonathan called back to me when I had already turned to walk away. He rushed towards me and pulled something from the inside pocket of his jacket. It was a medium-sized packet of brown paper and weighed heavily in my hand as I took it. “Felix asked me to give you this when I saw you.”
I ran back to my room—I was that curious—and put the parcel on my bed. As I was about to tear off the paper, Cecile knocked on the door, saying a dress had been delivered for me.
She is tying the last lace of the corset, then smooths the cotton and decorates the petticoats. “Wow,” Cecile exclaims in amazement. She takes a step back to get a good look at me. “This one looks lovely on you.”
“Thank you.” I smile and look at myself in the mirror. The dress fits perfectly. A solid piece of sewing if you ask me. The beads on the sleeves glisten in the light of the lit candle on my dressing table. “I plan to wear this to the banquet.”
“You should definitely do that!” Cecile grabs my hands and squeezes them for a moment. “I am so happy for you. I can’t describe it in words. Finally, your time has come.”
“Yes,” I say and force a smile because she has to know how things really are between Felix and me. How our engagement came about and how we, or he, really feels about it.
Her cheeks turn a pink colour, and she lets go of my hands. “When I think about the possibility of someone walking around on this earth for me, it gives me the creeps.”
“Why?”
“Because…” She sighs and looks at the candle. “Because I don’t know what it’s like to be in love. Because I wouldn’t be sure if the one who chooses me is really the one, you understand?”
I nod because I do understand. I would also like to know if Felix is the one for me because my feelings remain so unanswered. Is there anyone else who unsettles me even more than Felix? Have I been too quick to give my heart away? Going down the first path too soon when there might be hundreds more?
“And what if I have already bumped into the one and only?” continues Cecile, walking over to my closet before bending down and rummaging among my shoes. “What if I’ve bumped into him and just walked on by? That would be terrible, don’t you think?”
I can’t help but laugh. She sounds so serious it’s cute. I am one hundred per cent sure that Cecile will meet an incredibly sweet man. Because that’s what she is herself: sweet. And those who are good to others deserve good in return.
Fairy tales are not real , sounds a little voice in my head. You know how the world works. What kind of future a lady’s maid has. How hard it is for lower-class people to marry well.
“He doesn’t have to be rich,” Cecile says, and she comes running back with my favourite pair of slippers. She puts them in front of me so I can step into them. “As long as he gives me all his love. That will make me rich.” She claps her hands once. “Perfect. The shoes complete it.”
I spin around, and as I do, my eyes fall on Felix’s package, waiting on my bed.
Cecile follows my gaze. “What’s that?”
“It’s from Felix,” I say softly.
“Felix? You are already calling Mr Clifton by his first name. Oh, how wonderful. I can hardly express how happy I am for you, Miss Prime.” She walks over to the bed and looks at the parcel without touching it. “Are you going to open it?”
“Later.”
“Oh,” she says, disappointed. “I wonder what’s in it.”
Me too .
Cecile helps me out of the dress again, hangs it neatly in the closet and then helps me into my evening dress for dinner. When she is gone, I walk to the bed with a pounding heart and take a seat on the mattress. I tear off the paper from the packet with a tug, and when I see Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice emerge, I don’t know what to think anymore.
He gave me a book as a gift.
A book meant for entertainment, something men would rather not give their wives, afraid of poisoning a woman’s way of thinking.
And Felix noticed me staring at the book. He studied me in the bookstore. That idea once again gives me butterflies, and I get angry at myself for confusing this gesture of friendship with love.