Page 41

"Careful Lotty!" Mom yelled from the bottom of the staircase.

I struggled to walk down each step because I was bundled up so tightly in layers.

My legs could barely bend in the leggings, thermal underwear, and sweatpants that they were clad in.

My grip stayed locked on the banister so I didn't go tumbling down like a rolly-polly.

Archer must have heard my mom because he came around the corner from the kitchen to grin up at me. He let out a small laugh then jogged up the stairs easily to offer me his hand. My mom made a bunch of cooing noises as she went back to finish our breakfast.

Once we entered the kitchen, it was very obvious that everyone had just heard about Archer's chivalry.

Mom and Mrs. Johnson both gave us googly eyes while my dad and Oliver looked shiftily at our connected hands.

Our moms almost broke the sound barrier with their reactions when Archer lifted me onto a stool.

"Alright that's enough out of the peanut gallery," Archer grumbled as he walked over to his mom and kiss her cheek. I frowned when I heard his hoarse voice. It sounded like he'd been at a concert all night screaming.

Mrs. Johnson grabbed her son's jaw and moved his face around so that she could give him a good look over. "Are you sick?"

Archer cleared his throat and shook his head, "No, I just didn't get a lot of sleep.

"

I didn't miss how my dad's head snapped over to me and I was grateful that I currently looked fresh as a daisy.

Annie had wanted to sleep in her mom's bed last night so I had the room to myself.

I'd taken a long bath in the big stone tub and passed out in that soft heavenly bed by ten o' clock.

"So what's the plan for today, kiddies?" Mom asked as she poured everyone coffee and handed them out.

"Arch and I are renting boards and going up the Black Diamond," Oliver said from his spot at the counter. He was slumped over his coffee with his fist holding up his face. He looked as tired as Archer—and much more haggard. Looking between both boys I wondered what kept them up last night.

"Are you okay with that?" Archer said quietly as he took the stool next to me. Oliver audibly scoffed under his breath before taking a big sip of coffee.

"Of course!" I said quickly flicking my eyes over to Oliver. He wasn't looking at us but he was obviously listening. "You guys have fun. I don't even think I'm good enough to go on the Bunny Hill with Annie."

"I'm not skiing!"Annie's little voice came from the floor behind the island. I hadn't even noticed she was down there.

"I know baby, I already said I'd stay home with you today, you don't have to ski." Mrs. Johnson cooed as she looked down at her feet where Annie must be tucked.

I peeked over at Archer through my hair to see him frowning at his mom. I could tell something was off yesterday with the Johnsons but I hadn't gotten a chance to ask him about it.

"Oh Pam," my mom said sadly, "does that mean you aren't coming to the spa?" Mrs. Johnson grimaced and shook her head. "Okay... well Lotty do you want to come then?" Mom asked.

"Actually, why don't I stay here with Annie and you two go to the spa?" I offered.

"Oh, sweetpea you don't have to do that." Mrs. Johnson waved her hand at me in dismissal. "I'm sure you'd rather go skiing or something."

I shrugged and gave her a half-smile. "I've been dreading going on the hill actually. I'd much rather hang around here."

"Well, that settles that then!" My mom hooted shooting me a wink. Warmth ran through me when Archer casually dropped his hand on my thigh and squeezed gently.

"What are you going to do today Dad?" I asked my father who had so far been mostly silent from his place next to the fridge.

"You can come out with us if you want?" Oliver said from over his coffee mug. Archer's hand on my thigh tightened for a moment before he huffed quietly and released me.

"Oh yes Tim," my mom smiled, "go with the boys! How perfect now we are all set."

An hour later Oliver led my dad and Archer outside to catch the shuttle to the ski lifts.

I smiled widely at all of them from the door as I waved goodbye.

It was disheartening to see all three very unenthusiastic waves back.

I knew Archer and my dad were both not looking forward to spending time together but Oliver—he was an anomaly.

He had said we were good but now, he didn't even make eye contact as he half-heartedly flopped his hand in my direction.

I spent most of the day worrying about all three men.

I didn't have much else to do since Annie spent the whole time we were alone hiding under a table.

I'd tried to lure her out with sweets and Disney movies but nothing worked.

So, dejectedly I had sat on the cold tile in front of her, resting my face on my knees, and poured over my problems for hours.

Anxiety pounded through my veins as the minutes ticked by.

The front door slammed open, alerting me that someone was home. I gave Annie one last pleading look but she ignored me while she nibbled on the sandwich I had slid over to her.

"I'm so sorry!" I rushed towards Archer standing in the doorway as he brushed snow off his jacket. I ignored my dad and brother's shocked looks as I threw myself at my boyfriend for a hug.

Archer's arms locked around my waist instantly and held me tight. "What's the matter? Is Annie okay?"

"I tried so hard Archer but she has spent the whole day hiding. I'm so sorry I don't know what I did wrong but she won't even talk to me." I whimpered into his cold jacket.

I turned my face up to see Archer sharing a knowing look with my dad.

I. scrunched my brows in confusion as Archer smiled weakly down at me.

"It's not your fault. Annie's just... struggling right now.

I should have warned you before I left." I nodded sadly, still feeling like a failure.

Archer patted my back then kicked off his boot and went into the living room to find Annie.

My dad chucked me on the shoulder as he walked by and smiled gently. "Chin up, kiddo."

Once he had left out of sight it was just Ollie and me. I turned to ask him how his day was but he just held out a hand and stomped upstairs. I froze as I watched him go before I shook myself and decided enough was enough. I couldn't handle this anymore.

I charged up after him and caught his door just as he swung it closed. "What the heck is your problem," I asked as I let myself in.

Oliver spun around and glared at me while he started taking off his wet top-layers. "Nothing Charlotte get out."

"No." My voice wobbled as I watched Oliver stomp around, throwing his clothes in every direction. "I can't do this anymore Oliver, I need to know what I did to you! I thought we were okay! I thought we were going to try!"

"I did try!" Oliver snapped. "Okay, I fucking did exactly what Archer wanted. I apologized to you and I tried to let it go. But it's just not that easy right now."

Tears burned my eyes as I tried to hold myself together. "So, you only apologized because Archer asked you to?"

Oliver sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I apologized because I wanted everything to be normal again. But I didn't realize I'd still feel this way."

"And how do you feel?" I spoke quietly so my voice wouldn't break. Oliver's eyes were still closed so he couldn't see my tears, but I knew he'd hear them.

"I don't want to resent you," he said in a hushed tone. He turned his back to me and stared out the window. "I really don't Lotty. You're my sister and I love you. But I can't seem to stop resenting you."

"But why? Because I'm with Archer?"

Oliver's shoulders shook and I knew he was crying silent tears.

I wanted to run to him and hold him but I stayed back to give him space.

"I don't know anymore. I can't sort my own feelings out.

I'm so fucking confused Lotty. I have tried for fucking years to get my head straight b-but I just can't."

Tears poured freely down my cheeks now as I listened to the pain in Oliver's voice. What was my infallible big brother going through?

"If you want to try," I said softly. "I'll listen Ollie. I won't judge you ever, and I won't even respond if you don't want me to. But you were always there for me and I want to be there for you. Even if it's just to be a body in the room so you can sort out what's happening."

Oliver took a deep breath as he pushed his fingers through his hair. We both stayed silent for a few minutes as Oliver stared out the window and I stared at him.

"Did you know that I used to love the fact that you loved Archer?

" Oliver's question threw me for a loop as I stuttered to answer.

"I mean when we were kids," he clarified.

"Your crush on him made me feel safer and comfortable.

Everyone was always cooing about how cute little Lotty's crush was.

.. they never noticed—" Oliver stopped talking as he crumpled over and sobbed into his hands.

I rushed forward and sank to the ground next to my brother. I wrapped my arms tightly around his shaking body and pulled him into me.

"They'd never notice that I loved him too," Oliver whispered into my hair as he hugged me back. I stayed silent for a moment, processing what he had just said. My heart broke over and over again as every new revelation smacked me in the face.

"Is that why you resent me? Because I'm with him?" I asked as I kissed his shoulder that was in front of my face.

"I thought it was? But now I'm not so sure. I think I'm just jealous that you get to be open and free with who you really are and I... don't."

"Who says you don't?" I lifted my face defiantly to look at Oliver. He was staring at his fingers and refused to meet my eye. "Oliver, whatever this is that you're telling me—I'm here for you. I want you to be as free as anyone else."

"It's not that simple Lotty," Oliver sobbed. I sat in front of him and held his hands in mine. His fingers were still cold from the winter air outside so I rubbed mine together for friction.

"Why not?"

"Because!" I ignored the venom in his voice, knowing now that Oliver needed me to be strong and calm for both of us.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? Tell people that I like guys?

That I'm... gay. Everything will fucking change.

I don't want my life to be different. I want to go play golf with the boys on Saturdays and watch football with Dad on Sundays.

I don't want people to see me any differently. "

"Ollie..." I squeezed his hand to get him to look up.

It took a moment before he reluctantly met my eyes.

"Absolutely nothing has to change. You are still Ollie no matter what!

And everybody loves you. I love you.

Being gay defines who you love, not who you are.

You can still do all of those things! You'll just be able to do them while loving openly as well. "

Oliver stared back at me in shock. I tinge of relief flooded my stomach when a spark lit his eyes. "Do you think that's possible?"

"I know it is. Look I know now and I don't see you any differently?" I held up my hands to show off my face like Vanna White. A smile touched my lips when Oliver chuckled softly.

"Thanks, Lotty." Oliver grimaced and rubbed his hand over his face.

"I shouldn't have said that stuff about you and Archer.

I actually think you're pretty great together.

It makes me a little nauseous but even a blind person could see how happy you two are.

"

"But I don't want to be happy at your expense Ollie.

If your feelings are that strong then I don't know how I could stay with him.

" My heart twisted in my chest and pulled the air from my lungs at the thought of not having Archer anymore.

But Oliver was my brother, and I couldn't hurt him like that.

"You'd do that for me?" Oliver whispered as his eyebrows lifted into his hairline.

Emotions restricted my breathing and tightened my throat so I could only nod as I wiped a few tears away from my mouth. Oliver gave me a sad smile and pushed my shoulder.

"You're too good Charlotte. You should be a bit more selfish sometimes. At any rate, I don't want you to break up with Archer for me. I realized a while ago that Archer and I were always meant to be brothers. Who knows if things work out with you two, maybe we'll be real ones."

A laugh burst from the back of my throat in relief. "So your feelings are gone?"

Oliver stared at me for a moment before leaning forward.

"If I tell you something you have to keep it a secret okay?

It's not my story to be sharing." I nodded quickly in agreement.

"I'm not gonna lie my feelings for Archer stuck around for a while.

It wasn't until last year I met someone else—someone who could actually like me back.

Once I started spending time with them I figured out pretty quickly that my feelings for Archer weren't that real. "

"Well, that's great!" I exclaimed.

He winced and rubbed the back of his neck. "Not really... See... Okay, fuck I just need to say it. It's James."

"James is in the closet?' I gawked.

"That's the thing! He's not. He's out and comfortable at home with his family and friends, he just doesn't talk about it at school because he doesn't think the NFL will draft a gay guy."

"Holy... guacamole." I stared out the window in a haze as I processed everything.

"Yep." Oliver nodded. "But I fucked it up. James has been helping me all year but even he's sick of me now."

I rubbed Oliver's knee sympathetically. "What happened?"

"He just got tired of dealing with all my bullshit, I don't know. He's been feeling closer to Archer recently, and he threw out the idea of telling you guys so we didn't always have to hide. I panicked and said a bunch of shit I didn't mean when I was drunk. Now he's ignoring me."

"Nothing has been done that can't be fixed," I assured him. Before he could respond the door opened and Archer came striding in, he stopped short when he saw us sitting on the floor with wet faces.

"What's going on here?" He asked unsurely as he flicked his eyes between us.

Oliver and I both look at each other and understanding dawned on us at the same time.

We were slobbery, snotty, tear-stained messes.

We burst into a fit of laughter as Archer stared even more confused.

I choked on air as I tried to settle down but my body convulsed and shuddered as I laughed.

Oliver was no better, loud hyena-like barks were coming out of him as he held his chest and squinted his eyes shut.

Archer approached us slowly as though we were bombs about to go off and sank down between us. "Can someone fill me in?"

I rubbed the fresh tears from my eyes—this time from laughing so hard. The nerves on Oliver's face sobered me up and I tried to give him a supportive smile. This was his choice, and I didn't want to push him. But I also hated the idea of him feeling trapped by his own secrets.

Oliver nodded at me and turned to Archer stiffly.

He threw his shoulders back and I could practically see the invisible armour he was equipping himself with.

"Archer... I'm gay and I loved you for most of our childhood but I don't anymore because I was with James but I also fucked that up but I'm going to try and fix it.

" Oliver's words were rushed out on a single breath and once he was done he sucked in air gratefully.

I eyed Archer to make sure he wasn't about to be a jerk. He rested his elbow on his knee and rubbed his knuckles along his jaw. A frown touched his brow but I could tell it was the frown he got when he was thinking really hard, not angry. "No fucking way..." he sighed. "James is gay?"

Mine and Oliver's mouths both simultaneously popped open. I mentally facepalmed at my idiot boyfriend for focusing on the wrong details. Oliver seemed to think it was funny though as a bemused smile lit up his face. "Yeah, but did you hear the part where I am too?"

Archer shrugged nonchalantly, "Well yeah, I kind of figured."

Strangled garble fell out of Oliver's mouth before he collected himself. "So you knew?"

"I had my theories... I never knew for sure." Archer said casually. "I mean you always made such a big deal about us going out looking for girls—but then you never took them home."

I couldn't help but scoff lightly at the thought of Archer going on a hunt for women. He shot me a worried look and added quickly, "Hey I didn't bring them home either!"

I rolled my eyes but I was too happy with how everything was unfolding to really care.

"So you knew..." Oliver repeated in a daze. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"What was I gonna say, man? I figured you weren't ready to talk about it and I wasn't going to force you."

Oliver flung himself forward and aggressively hugged Archer. I laughed at his shocked face before he finally sighed and patted Oliver's back. The two boys hugged for quite a while before they pulled apart. I diverted my gaze and pretended not to notice the red rings around Archer's eyes.

I shook my head as they both cleared their throats and punched each other's arms as though they needed to reaffirm their bro status.

Archer leaned back on his fists and smirked at Oliver. "So you were in love with me hey?"

"Fuck off, man," Ollie laughed.

"Huh," Archer mused, "it just seems like I'm pretty irresistible to the Avery siblings." He hissed through his teeth when I reached out and pinched the underside of his arm. Oliver hooted with laughter as Archer glared at me and rubbed his sore flesh.

"Watch yourself, big guy," I warned with a sweet smile.

The door swung open again and my dad walked through. He shot us all odd looks before he settled on Archer. "I was hoping you'd be in here. Want to meet me out on the patio in ten?"

My head swung back and forth between them fast enough to get whiplash. What the heck was going on today? Archer nodded briefly and my dad left us alone again.

"What the fuck?" Oliver said stunned.

"Yeah what he said," I added.

Archer shuffled awkwardly and grabbed my hand to play with my fingers in his lap.

"Some shit went down with my dad," he finally said.

Oliver and I both stayed silent as we waited for him to continue.

"He's trying to get me caught up in all of this divorce bullshit.

I thought I had it all taken care of last night but of course the fucker had other plans.

He's going to keep complicating shit until he gets exactly what he wants. "

"So what does my dad have to do with that?" I asked softly.

Archer glared at Oliver. "Well after somebody abandoned me on the chairlift I was stuck riding up with your dad."

"Hey," Oliver held his hands up innocently, "I ride goofy you know I can't share a seat with someone else."

"Anyways, we got to talking and your dad already had some theories about what my dad was up to. He offered to help me out."

"That's great!" I exclaimed as I bopped him on the arm with my fist. Archer smiled at me but his eyes were clouded over.

"Yeah, we'll see. He offered to help for Annie and my mom—not as an olive branch to me."

"But maybe it will turn into that?" Ollie offered.

Archer left shortly after that and Oliver had to physically hold me back so I wouldn't go snooping. I was desperate for Archer and my dad to smooth things over and I hoped that it could happen while they stuck it to Bryan-The-Ultimate-Jerkface-Johnson.

I focused my energy instead on Oliver. We climbed into his big bed and talked late into the night. Archer must have told everyone we were fine because no one came looking for us. My heartfelt light and happy as I watched my brother weigh his options.

He was still nervous about what he wanted to do, but his face was clear of the darkness it had held recently.

The selfish part of me was also grateful that he was opening up to me.

It felt like our relationship had been given a do-over.

I realized now that Oliver had been holding back so much around me, but those walls were slowly falling.

We spoke as equals, not as a baby sister and her protective older brother.

I want to help him as much as he's helped me. Those were my last thoughts as we fell asleep hand-in-hand, both smiling into the darkness.