Page 20

Chapter nineteen

Anna

“ I take it we aren’t going to that mall.”

With longing I watch the familiar shopping centre shrink from the passenger seat of the Jeep.

“Nope. Not much further now.”

Chris left me in an orgasm-induced state and the next thing I knew he was buzzing around the suite bearing bagels and an ungodly amount of enthusiasm. I scarcely had time to shower before he escorted me out the door. Now we’re heading away from West Isle and Chris is talking my ear off about light vs. ultralight hiking gear. His excitement is adorable even though I don’t have a clue what the difference is. I’d listen to him talk about 2x4s if it meant I could enjoy his voice. The hot chocolate we grabbed at a drive-thru is still warm when we pull into a massive parking lot surrounded by new big box stores, none of which I’ve ever shopped in. I lick whipped cream off my lip while Chris extends his right arm over the back of my seat and smoothly reverses into a spot near the entrance to a store.

“ Outdoor Emporium?” I crane my neck to read the gigantic signage, a bus-sized moose with three-dimensional antlers peers over the sign.

“This place is sweet. You just wait.” He hops out and we meet by the tailgate.

“I’ll try to contain my excitement,” I say, eyeing the establishment with skepticism.

Familiar signage across the lot catches my eye. “Oh my God, is that a giant Hobby Lobby? We’re going there. After this weird moose store, we’re totally checking that out.”

He laughs, takes my hand, lacing his fingers with mine like it’s the most casual thing in the world. “Sure. Weird moose store place first, craft store next.”

Running errands with Chris on a Saturday morning has a distinct couple-y feel. He wasn’t even phased by me showing up to his place unannounced last night. He leans against the back of his Jeep and pulls me toward him, so our hips meet.

“You know that’s what we’re officially calling this place now? Weird Moose Store,” I say.

He tucks twin strands of my hair behind both my ears before clasping his hands behind my lower back.

“And what am I officially calling you now?”

He studies my face, head tipped expectantly.

“Maybe…girlfriend?”

That crooked smile lights up his face as he holds me tighter.

"Not maybe. Definitely."

Nothing could have prepared me for the state of the store. Taxidermy looms from every elevated surface. Wood and camouflage prints dominate the jam-packed shelves. I’m grinning by the time a display of what looks like mallard duck decorations catch my eye. I follow Chris through the maze of clothing racks, trying not to stare when a woman wearing head-to-toe camouflage holds a pink camo baby onesie up to her growing belly. I press my lips together to stifle a laugh when Chris raises his eyebrows at me. Along the back wall are tall metal cabinets and a service desk that runs the length of the store.

“Are those guns ?” I whisper.

He nods .

“But this is Canada.”

“You know, you said you were kind of sheltered growing up, but I didn’t realize it was quite this bad.” He smirks, bumping me with his shoulder. “We’ll make a regular Annie Oakley out of you yet.”

I tear my eyes away from a display of what I think are crossbows. “You have one? A gun? That you own?”

“A couple.”

“You are not the man I thought I knew.”

He runs his thumb across mine and leans down to rumble in my ear, “You don’t know me at all, Anna. Not yet.”

Having his lips in such proximity to my neck sends a tingle down my spine that makes the fine hairs on my arms stand on end.

“What, um, what are we getting?” I stammer.

He grabs a water bottle from a shelf, turning it over. I curse my brain for falling victim to him so easily. I can’t even look at his hands without remembering what they feel like inside me.

“Shoes, a backpack, a tent,” he continues to list items as he wanders away down an aisle.

I process the list, squeezing my eyes closed in confusion.

“Don’t you have all that stuff?”

“It’s for you.”

“Me? ”

“Did you fall asleep on me this morning?”

I turn pink at the memory of the morning, of how exhausted I felt afterwards.

“That’s a very real possibility. Refresh me?”

Chris’s laugh is rich. “We’re going camping, Annie. Two nights. Me and you.”

He wanders off through a section of densely packed clothing racks leaving me rooted to the carpet. Now it makes sense why he was so animated the whole drive.

I hurry after him, weaving around a display of whistles.

“I can’t be responsible for what I said while I was asleep!”

Visions of pitch-black tents and bugs and rain hit rapid fire. Being cuddled up in said tent, though, that might not be so bad.

We reach a wall of hiking boots and I pick up one with red laces that look cuter than I thought. I catch the eye of a middle-aged salesman in plaid. “These in a seven, please.”

Chris returns with an armful of backpacks that look like they are primarily constructed of buckles and pockets.

“These two,” he drops a couple of the packs on the bench near me, “are ladies' packs. And this one,” he holds it up beneath his chin with a smile, “is a child’s pack–”

“Very funny. ”

Cool. Nothing like being referred to as a child by the guy you desperately hope will dick you down.

“Hear me out. The packs are measured by torso length. C’mon.”

He helps me into it and then circles me, adjusting straps here and there. One particularly strong pull of the chest strap sends me tipping backward. His large hands encircle my waist, pulling me upright. My breath hitches at the contact, at the way his thumbs graze my bottom ribs. I wiggle out of his grip before I pop a lady boner at the Outdoor Emporium.

Chris’s hand hovers over the chest clip of the pack. “Let’s take this off. Do you like it?”

I nod. “Yeah. If you think it’s the best fit.”

When we have the surprisingly cushy shoes and socks, we find a sleeping bag and pad which looks far too thin to be comfortable. It looks like aluminum foil and an egg carton had a love child.

“Last thing is the tent, right?” I imagine myself struggling with poles the length of my body while Chris takes a nap in his perfectly assembled abode.

“We’ll find something light for you. Your pack is already going to be pushing it for weight.”

“We’re not going to…share a tent?”

He scrubs a hand down his face. “My tent is too small. ”

“I’m small. Child’s pack, remember?” I point at the heap of fabric at my feet, hoping to use it to my advantage.

He remains unconvinced. “There’s no hurry, Annie.”

I wink. “You are the expert.” He leans in and kisses me chastely. I sway towards him for more but he’s already gathering up my pile of purchases and heading to the till. The shining, yellow eyes of a cougar stare down at me from a pretend boulder. Her mouth is slightly open like she’s panting.

“Me too, girl,” I tell her. “Me too.”

***

The decision to call my mom from The Roastery later that afternoon is a calculated one. If I’m in the presence of others, I’m far less likely to raise my voice or dissolve into a puddle of tears. Those are two very possible outcomes. Choosing a time when I’m calm, sort of, gives me a small sense of power that I never had when I was young. My confidence is bolstered by my morning with Chris. If I can go on a two-night fall camping trip next weekend, surely I can call my mom from my favourite coffee shop. She answers on the first ring, like she was waiting for my call.

The relief in her voice is obvious. “Anna?”

“Hi, Mom. ”

I don’t bother giving excuses about how I’ve been so busy or that my phone has been acting up or how the West Coast had a freak storm that incapacitated all cell towers. I’ll save the pretend storm for when I’m trying to get out of visiting.

“The reason I was calling is because…”

Even through the phone her breath sounds shaky.

She continues, “This is hard over the phone.”

I try to not let my imagination run away. Surely if something had happened to a relative, I’d have heard that from Ashlyn.

“I owe you an apology.”

I give my head a shake, looking around the coffee shop to ensure I’m still in the same reality.

“For what?”

“Thad and I are…separated. We’re divorcing.”

Her voice is firmer. Like maybe she’s still having to convince herself. I smother the ember of hope that ignites in my heart. Just because she’s leaving Thad doesn’t mean things will magically be better between us. Plus, what kind of asshole is happy to hear her mom is going through a divorce?

“Um, are you okay?” I ask, trying to infuse some empathy into my question .

“I read this book about…parents who don’t have close relationships with their adult children.”

She sounds embarrassed and a bit of shame washes over me, too.

“It was a hard read at first. I was very…defensive. But it prompted me to go to a therapist, a real one, not just someone at the church.”

My shoulders shake in a shudder as I remember how the leaders of Thad’s church would try to solve everyone’s problems with a bible passage and more fervent prayer.

“Oh, Anna, it was like I had blinders on. From the moment we were married, and we moved in with him he changed. I lost who I was, who I am. I pushed you to be someone you aren’t. I am sorry and I know you might never forgive me.”

My throat aches and I dab at the corner of my eyes with the napkin next to my uneaten cookie, unwilling to completely crumble in a coffee shop. Never is a long time. I don’t want to stay mad at her forever, but I need some time to process this.

“You’re right. This is weird over the phone.”

Her laugh is familiar and sounds as choked up as mine.

“Where are you living?”

“I moved in with Auntie Tara for a while, until I can start working again. ”

Thad had insisted Mom quit her job right after they were married. We lost touch with old friends. Small changes that, over time, changed her.

“A fresh start.”

“A fresh start,” she agrees. “Well, I’m going to go sob now.”

Her laugh is stronger this time.

After we say our goodbyes, I settle back into the armchair that’s angled towards the window, sipping my coffee and eating my cookie. My lips can’t decide whether they want to tremble or curve into a smile, so I let them alternate between the two as I let out a shaky breath.

Fresh starts sound nice, but they don’t erase everything. This will take some time.