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8

SHILOH

“ W here do you think you’re going?” Val tugs at my arm playfully. “You can’t run from us, lady. We’re here to hang out. Together. Don’t leave. I’m begging you.”

They really are here for me, both her and Marina. They know my class schedule and have waited for me outside the campus.

Both of them look so pretty. They changed out of their work clothes and into cute jeans and soft pastel sweaters. To spend their evening with me.

A person who fucked a mask. Who got off on her stepbrother’s fingers. Who begged for him to kill her.

Sick. It’s not the clinical term for my condition. I would’ve never called a patient that, not even in my notes.

But I can’t help this feeling that I am unwell. There’s something wrong with me.

A chill descends onto my bones, and I shiver. It’s been like that all day. Remembering this morning has done that to me .

That’s why instead of driving as fast as I could to school in the Range Rover Dad forced on me— no daughter of mine would be caught using public transportation or a rental —I walked. I half expected that Kaleb would catch up with me on the way there.

He didn’t.

Then he did.

Over the past couple of hours, I’ve been feeling his eyes on me.

This constant state of anxiety has my bones freezing, has me shaking with fear.

My black wool sweater won’t keep me warm. My thick jeans and boots do a crappy job of that as well.

I think I’m just so tired of missing him. Of fearing him. Of losing my goddamn mind.

I need to be alone. Inside my barricaded apartment. I need time to figure this out.

“Another time.” The smile on my lips is forced. It won’t fool them, so I tap my leather shoulder bag. “Lots of work to get done. Classes are harder than I thought. Val, could you give me a ride home?”

“I’ll give you one. Later.” Marina twists her brown hair up into a messy bun. She narrows her amber eyes at me. They turn into a shade of bronze at night, under the glow of the streetlight. “You’re not going home, and you’re not spending the evening alone. We—You need this.”

This is the first time she’s shown such interest in me.

Which isn’t a true interest at all. While the news hasn’t mentioned anything about Kaleb today— thanks, Dad, I guess —yesterday was a different story.

She must have something to say on the subject. Like how she hates Kaleb. Same as always.

Val, though, doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.

“One cup of coffee, swear.” She has her long blonde braid pulled to her front, her green eyes kind as she strokes my arm. “Then you can avoid us for another two weeks. What do you say?”

“Please?” Marina comes up on my other side. I prefer she wouldn’t get too close, an opinion I keep to myself. “I’m not letting you out of here before we talk.”

Playing dumb in hopes she’ll drop it, I ask, “Talk about what?”

Her response is nothing but mumbles. A mixture of vowels and consonants that hardly register as a strange feeling takes over me.

The goosebumps spreading over my skin tear me away from the conversation.

No one else seems to notice the change in the air. In me. In the world.

I don’t think he’s here anymore.

I know he is.

I swallow around the lump in my throat. Search the street ahead of me. Study every face. Every tall person in a hoodie who walks around in a slow, menacing gait could be him.

No masked man is coming toward us. No large, dangerous shadow anywhere in sight.

He’s here. Has to be here .

He is. And he’s looking at me, that’s for sure. And this isn’t how lovers look at each other. His violence, his aggression, it’s suffocating.

And not in a bad way.

He said he wouldn’t kill me.

Then again, when we were young, he promised he wouldn’t hurt me, either.

He never did.

“…also, you have to be proactive about this. Consider what to do in case he comes for you.” Marina raises her voice to be heard over music blasting from one of the cars. “He could ask for your help. You should be ahead of this, Shiloh. Call the police, have them put someone outside your home. They’ll protect you from being associated with this criminal.”

Her warnings are mere noises again.

The prickling sensation intensifies. There’s no rationalizing this. No breathing through it.

My imagination isn’t working overtime.

This is one game I’ll never win.

I’m the little bug caught in a spider’s web. The princess he’ll lock up in a tower until the day she dies.

No one will know I’m there. That I’m his.

No one pays attention to my stiffening body, either. I might be surrounded by people, but I’m all alone.

Running won’t save me.

Hiding won’t help.

He’ll catch me.

He’ll take what he wants.

I trust that he meant what he said this morning .

Terror twists my guts. My wrists still feel the pressure of his hand on them. My knees are weak.

Val tells Marina, “Maybe going to the police is too much. Maybe he just needs help.”

I’m done listening to either of them.

I need to face my fears. My monster.

My savior.

The man who’ll ruin me. The man who, in many ways, already has.

One look over my shoulder, and ice shoots straight up to my head. Down to my toes.

My jaw drops. My heart ceases to function.

He’s really here. Behind me.

Tall and broad and wearing his mask. Hands stuffed in a dark gray hoodie. Legs set in an intimidating stance.

Kaleb affixes his entire attention on me.

Other people would run in the other direction, having undergone such scrutiny. They’d be begging for their lives.

I, on the other hand, say nothing. I refuse to tremble.

He can’t keep terrorizing me and expect me to be okay with it.

I don’t want to be okay with it.

I don’t.

Even though my heart wishes it could unite with him.

Kaleb remains firm in place, his stance wide and steady. Outside my campus. In plain sight, for everyone to see.

And that’s the worst part of all. Not that he touched me. Not that he hates me .

That he’s out here. That he doesn’t take a single precaution.

That he might get caught.

They wouldn’t hesitate to lock him up and throw away the key.

This is too much. Staying here. Staring at him.

Anticipating this agent of chaos’s next move. Expecting the sirens. The cuffs.

I narrow my eyes at him. He makes no move to either hide or attack me.

Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll get bored. The thought sends a million knives slashing through me. The idea of being rejected by him is a painful one. But imagining him locked up will be the end of me.

Regretfully, I return to the conversation. “Listen, thank you for your concern. I just need to get home. Please. We’ll have coffee another day.”

They exchange a look.

At the end of it, Val squeezes my arm. “Sure about that?”

“Yes.” The pressure at the back of my head is gone. The ice has thawed. When I glance behind me, Kaleb’s nowhere to be found. I can’t believe I miss him already. “I just want to go home.”

“Okay, okay.” Marina gestures toward her black Porsche across the street. “I promised I’d give you a ride, and I will.”

“Thank you.” One last hug for Val, and I follow Marina to her car.

When she starts talking again, it’s about her date tonight. She’s done talking about Kaleb, or prying into my life, thankfully. I nod and smile at her. I offer her my attention and encouragement, even though I don’t hear a single word she says.

I’m glad when she drops me off. I run up to my apartment, double-checking each and every lock.

He wants me.

I need him.

But the way he goes about it is all wrong.

“You were a part of my life once, and you’ll learn to be that person again. Or, at the very least, be something less terrible. Less of a boogeyman that was put on this Earth to haunt me,” I whisper to the empty apartment. I beg. I close my fists, slamming my eyes shut. “You have to learn to treat me right, or I’d rather you just kill me. Otherwise, I won’t let you in my life. You aren’t allowed in here until you do that. Until I’m sure you won’t get caught again. I won’t.”