Page 18

17

SHILOH

T he walk to Professor Dempsey’s office is long. At least it feels like it.

The halls are dark and quiet in the nearly empty building.

He and I are the only two people here. The other students stayed behind the one-way mirror. Eddy is long gone.

Kaleb’s there, still. He didn’t walk out of the clinic when we did.

Goddamn him.

Rage simmers in my blood all over again. It’s never really left, has it?

I’m drowning in it. So much so that it pushes out the shame over my tantrum. The fear of being expelled. The unease of being close—too close—to my teacher who touched me yesterday.

I wish I could double back and run to the clinic. Fish out my pocketknife. Stab my stepbrother so he’ll realize how insane he’s making me.

I’ll carve my name into his arm. His stomach.

Nothing major. Nothing that’ll cause him to bleed out. But I need this outlet.

I’m a wild animal, and it’s his fault. He’s the one who has to help me climb down this madness tree.

What was he thinking?

What were you thinking?

I was thinking of him alone in the psychiatric hospital. Of me getting kicked out of the only home I’ve ever known, without a chance to tell Kaleb goodbye.

I thought about missing him. About my guilt.

About how I can’t let it happen a second time.

I don’t care that he kills people. I don’t care that he’s into sick games. That he’s not great at listening to me.

I. Don’t.

Except Eddy realized who he was. Others could have, too.

Police sirens. My stepbrother being hauled away.

Away from me.

“Inside.” Professor Dempsey is already at the threshold, the light in his office turned on. His face betrays nothing as he holds his arm out. “This minute, Shiloh.”

A heaved sigh slips past my lips. Which is bad. The last thing I need is forthis might-be predator tothink that I’m weak .

Kaleb must’ve left by now. He had to have realized how dangerous it would be to stay. I hope he did. I’ll be really, really fucking angry if he didn’t.

I still wish he were here so I wouldn’t feel so defeated.

Even with the knife that’s within arm’s reach. Even with my coat that I shrugged on as another layer of safety between me and my teacher.

If Kaleb were here, Professor Dempsey wouldn’t dare touch me. Wouldn’t dare threaten my future here, and ask for?—

Stop it, Shiloh.

I’m overreacting. Adrenaline swarms my blood. It explains the feral reaction. The extreme scenarios in my head.

Professor Dempsey might give me a slap on the wrist and send me off.

Yeah, he might.

“Okay.” Shoulders squared. Long gait. I walk into his office, where I met him before the practice sessions started.

He was decent then. Let me leave my bag on the hanger by the door. Didn’t look at me like he wanted to eat me up.

Then again, Eddy was here.

Don’t think like that. You have your pocketknife on you and…Just don’t.

The click of the door closing echoes loudly in my ears. I keep my eyes firm on the floor-to-ceiling paned windows behind my teacher’s desk. On the dimly lit gardens up ahead.

I force myself to stop biting my bottom lip.

“What happened today was unacceptable.” He’s at my side, anyway. I turn to him and look up .

He’s too close. Again. Close enough that I smell cigar smoke and leather. That I see his blue eyes have turned wicked.

“You requested a complex case.” He leans over, inching toward me. “You said you could do it.”

“Yes.”

“Then what the fuck was that back there?”

I’m a lousy liar. A terrible one.

Anything I say might suggest that I know Kaleb. Even if my teacher doesn’t watch the news and hasn’t heard about my case, he will start looking into it once he suspects me.

A thorough internet search, paying off some people, and bam .

He could either blackmail Kaleb into being his test subject. The freak he could write a thesis or a book about.

Or he could do the right thing and call the authorities.

“I’m sorry.” If I sound honest, it’s because I am.

I’m sorry that I fucked up the chance he’d given me. Sorry that I embarrassed myself in front of the other students.

Most of all, I’m sorry that Kaleb likes me. That he risked his freedom to play mind games with me. I’m not worthy of all his pain.

Not an ounce of it.

My shoulders slump.

“Not good enough.” He lifts a hand. I shove mine into my dress pocket, locking it around the knife.

“I guess I wasn’t as prepared as I thought,” I say, changing the subject so he won’t catch me in a lie.

When he drops his hand, I think I’ve made it. That he’ll tell me to leave and think about what I’ve done in the privacy of my own home.

“Not good enough, either.”

He backs up, perching his ass on his desk.

Then I see it.

The bulge in his pants.

Shit. Fuck.

Bastard.

First thing I do is snap my gaze back up to his face and hold my chin high. “What will be good enough?”

“I could have you kicked out for the little stunt you just pulled.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Please, don’t.”

Don’t give my father an excuse to say I’ve lost it and commit me to a psychiatric hospital. Please.

“Your daddy made a significant contribution to this college, but…” he trails off.

The hair on the back of my neck stands on end.

It has nothing to do with my professor’s lingering threat.

It has everything to do with Kaleb. He’s here. An invisible shadow.

My protector.

But where?

Without raising Professor Dempsey’s suspicions, I avert my gaze once again to the gardens. The grass, trees, and paved paths are bathed in soft, low lights. Barely visible since the campus street lamps are few and far between.

The presence I’m sensing is out there, I’m sure of it .

Yes, here he is. I see him.

At first, he’s just a black smudge in the distance, approaching Professor Dempsey’s office. Slowly.

Why?

Couldn’t he see how angry I was? How freaked out?

That I worried for him?

I think he did. I think he sensed that I’d need him too.

My heart flutters in my chest. For a moment. That’s all I allow myself. I can’t focus on him.

I have to protect myself from my professor. He wants to hurt me. To assault me.

“But…” he says. “There’s another option.”

“Please.” We both know what I’m asking for. We both know I’m begging him not to reveal what’s waiting behind door number two. “Please. It doesn’t have to be that way.”

“You seem to be having trouble taking orders today, so let me be very clear.” His hands move to his belt. I refuse to fidget or take a step back when he unbuckles it. Fuck. Him. “You either get on your knees and suck me off, or it’s goodbye for you. Not just to this place. I’ll make calls. I know people. It’ll be really fucking hard for you to get accepted anywhere else. My connections are stronger than your daddy’s money.”

They aren’t.

He’s nowhere near as wealthy or influential as my dad is. He doesn’t own a million start-up companies nor is he basically richer than God.

Except Dad won’t help me. He didn’t help the first time.

No point in running, either. He’ll catch me. “I’ll say you threatened to rape me. ”

“After that tantrum you threw in there?” He scoffs. He laughs at me. “Sweetheart, I have witnesses. Students who will testify that you lost it. You were warned and, still, you basically attacked our volunteer. I had to expel you, and now you’re crying rape.”

The shadowy figure draws closer. Close enough that I can tell he’s as tall as six-foot-five. Close enough to see he’s holding a hammer-shaped object up. He must’ve run off to his car to get it and now he’s here.

Dressed in dark jeans, a black hoodie, wearing his mask.

Kaleb is back.

Protectiveness is a strong force. It stomps over my fear, eradicating it.

Don’t come in here, Kaleb. I’ve got this. For the love of God, go hide!

He won’t listen to my silent communication. He would’ve kept approaching even if I had screamed it in his face.

I’ll kill for him. Then I’ll kill him. No. I won’t, but fuck.

My pocketknife is hot in my palm. I won’t kill Kaleb, but I’ll kill Professor Dempsey before Kaleb does.

My teacher has no idea Kaleb is approaching. No clue that I’m gripping a knife.

He slides his belt out of the loops and slams it on the desk behind him.

A movement anyone looking into this lit room from the outside could see.

“Get out of here!” I shout for Kaleb’s sake. Dempsey can live or die for all I care. Kaleb, on the other hand, can’t be here. People might come in. Breaking the window will alert them that something’s wrong. They’ll come in here, and—Jesus. “Get the fuck out.”

“There you go again. Not paying attention.” My clueless professor has his hands on the button of his pants. The zipper rolls down next. “It’s obvious you haven’t been disciplined. It’s okay. I’m always up for a challenge.”

The shadow outside is closing in on us. He’s less than six feet away. His gait is long. His hammer raised.

“Tell your father I accept checks and Venmo.” He smirks, like sexual assault is the world’s biggest joke.

He won’t smile when I stab my knife down his throat. I have to do it. Me, not Kaleb. I’ll say it was self-defense, that he tried to rape me. It’ll look legit, with his belt off and his fly open. Dempsey’s fingerprints will be on his clothes, a solid proof to back up my claims.

I just have to be faster than Kaleb.

That’s the last thought I have before the window behind Professor Dempsey splinters under the weight of the hammer.

Dempsey turns around, hissing, “What the hell?” when Kaleb lands the second blow.

The one that shatters the window altogether. That blow breaks the glass enough for him to shoulder his way into Professor Dempsey’s office.

“Leave, please,” I whisper, careful not to say his name. I rush toward my teacher. My knife is slick with sweat. It keeps slipping from my hold. “Don’t. Go.”

“Back off. She didn’t mean it.” Dempsey thinks Kaleb is here for me. For retribution .

Kaleb isn’t here for me. He was hard when I yelled at him. He loved it.

He’s here for the man who took off his belt in front of me. Who touched me during our practice session.

He rounds the desk, almost here.

I should’ve been able to kill my flustered professor by now. But my damn hand is sweaty. Slippery.

There. I have a good grip on the handle.

“Your full name is on my laptop.” Dempsey retreats, finally realizing he’s the target here. “They’ll find you. You won’t get away with this.”

It’s too late for him to hide. Kaleb’s large frame is towering over him. He tilts his head, looking at the belt. At the open fly. At me.

I’ll do it, I mouth, walking up behind Dempsey.

He shakes his head. Once.

Bam!

The hammer bashes into Dempsey’s forehead. The tip is planted into his skull. Blood trickles down his eyebrows, his wide eyes.

“Damn you,” I whisper-shout, slapping my hand over Dempsey’s mouth. If I couldn’t kill him, I might as well make myself useful by silencing his screams. “Kaleb, they’ll know. Fuck, why are you doing this?”

“He harassed you yesterday. And today.” He pulls the hammer out, then brings it down again. Dempsey collapses into me. “He touched you.” Another blow. “He was going to rape you. ”

Dempsey’s a deadweight. His blood gushes onto my hand. When the cops come, I’ll say…I’ll say…

Fuck.

I’ll tell them that Jakob White did it. That’s it.

“I’m trying to protect you, Kaleb.” Angry tears roll down my cheeks. “Why won’t you let me?”

He stands there, hammer in his hand. “You’re hot when you’re all riled up.”

“Stop it.” I dump Dempsey’s lifeless body to the floor, stepping over him.

My bloodied hands flatten over Kaleb’s chest, pressing to his hoodie.

My pocketknife is jammed between us.

He doesn’t even notice it. Doesn’t care about the blood ruining his clothes.

“You’re lying. This isn’t about lust,” I say. “This isn’t about sex. You’re trying to get them to find you and leave me. I just—Why? Was I nothing more than a fuck to you, Kaleb? Was I?”

He cocks his head to the side, studying me.

“Well?” I’m crying. I’m pushing him back, though he won’t budge. For once, I wish I were bigger than him. Stronger. To force him into my car and out of this place. “Answer me, damn you.”

“I don’t know how to let you help me, little sister.” The hammer makes a dull sound as it lands on the floor. My pulse is getting louder. This is big, what he has to tell me. Huge. I can tell. “I’m the only person I could ever count on.”

The pain in my chest. It’s going to be the death of me. I put a hand to my mouth to silence my sobs. “I failed you. I should’ve spoken up. I should’ve gone against my father. I—Oh God. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh. There was nothing you could’ve done.” He raises his large hand to cup my cheek. Tucks my hair behind my ear.

On my wounded side.

I realize he’s noticed my scar as soon as Kaleb’s attention whips to the spot where my shoulder meets my back.

His frustrated groan freezes me in place.

The right thing to do would be to raise my voice, to tell him we need to get out of here.

Keep him safe.

Instead, I’m that eleven-year-old again. Hurt. Alone. Desperately needing to have someone on my side.

Him. I need him.

We’ll get out of here. He’ll be safe.

Later. Just after he’s done shoving the collar of my dress back. Just after he looks at my scar. That painful memory among many that I’ve been carrying throughout the years.

He’ll make it better for me.

Then we’ll leave.

His fingers are hot on my back where he grips the fabric of my dress. It’s as though all his rage concentrates there.

And his breaths, they’re heaved and ominous.

His last exhale before he tears the mask off his face is jagged.

His golden eyes are furious. Narrowed and full of fire as the mask falls to the floor.

One arm around my waist, the other hand on my chin, squeezing it as he’s tipping my head up .

“Shiloh.” One word that’s laden with promises. With death threats.

I won’t defend the undefendable, but this conversation needs to happen somewhere else.

“I—”

“‘I’ nothing,” he snaps. “Who did this to you?”