Page 24 of Unconquered

"You still have not told him?" Vedette cried in surprise, and she gaped at her daughter, who was sprawled on Drogo's bed looking an odd mixture of sullen and forlorn.

"You have let him go to William to seek lands when you hold more than enough to please him?"

Eada sighed.

For the first time since she had found her again, she was not really pleased to see the woman she still thought of as her mother.

She did not want to talk about Drogo or her lands or why she continued to keep her inheritance a secret.

She had resigned herself to accept what fate would give her, and her mother was intruding upon the sense of sad but calm acceptance.

"I told you why I will not tell Drogo about the land," she said, as she sat up and smoothed her gown.

"Yes, and I agreed with you when you told me, but not now.

Child, William is besieged by Saxons who fought with him and by ones who have surrendered.

To secure a place for themselves under his rule they are fighting to bind their bloodlines to that of a Norman noble.

Do you know what that means?"

"Of course—marriage.

I have heard the talk." Eada wished she did not sound so sulky, for it weakened her claim that she was ready and willing to accept what fate offered her.

"And yet you send your man off to William, possibly to be handed a wife with his gift of land?"

"He does not need to accept the lands or the wife who comes with them."

"Oh? Is he to refuse all for love of you?"

There is no need to sound so scornful," Eada snapped, scrambling off the bed only to pace the room.

"Such foolishness deserves scorn.

He is a knight, Eada.

If he is to have any life at all, he must have land.

This is not a matter of simple greed.

It is far more intricate a choice he must make."

"But, if he loves me—"

"If he loves you, and I believe he does even if he does not realize it, he will still choose the lands even if he must marry some other woman to gain them.

Eada, he has spent his whole life reaching for this bounty.

It is what blood and breeding demand.

It is all he could have had if he had just been born first.

You should have told him that you have the land he seeks."

Eada began to think that she had made a very big mistake.

There was so much truth to what Vedette said that it was hard to ignore or deny.

Drogo was wellborn, probably holding as good a lineage as the man he now called king.

He could not make simple choices.

There were also other people he had to consider, ones whose futures depended upon the choices he made.

Men had sworn their swords to him.

Unspoken had been the agreement that Drogo would do all he could to better his position in life, thus improving theirs.

She was being selfish in thinking that he could ignore all of those obligations to be with her.

She was thinking only of herself.

Drogo could not and would not do that.

She cursed.

Vedette's eyes widened.

"I think you have ridden too long with the army."

Ignoring the reprimand, Eada pulled her bag out from beneath the wide, rope-strung bed and threw it on top.

She walked to the chest at the foot of the bed, opened it, and removed her few possessions.

Frowning, Vedette moved closer as Eada tossed her clothes onto the bed and then into her bag.

"What are you doing?" demanded Vedette.

"Packing." Eada scowled when Vedette grabbed a gown she was stuffing into her bag, but after a brief, silent tug-of-war, she managed to wrest it free and pack it.

"You are going to run away."

"I am going to free Drogo of what is now an inconvenient obligation—me."

"I have always thought that you had more wit than was good for any woman to have, yet all sense has fled you now.

Where can you go?"

"To my lands.

Old Edith's cottage can be made most comfortable."

"William is claiming all Saxon lands.

He may wish to give yours to some Norman knight."

"Then he will give me to the knight, too, will he not?"

"You would marry another man?"

Eada tied her bag shut with only a few quick, angry movements.

"You have just told me that I have sent the man I want into the arms of another woman, so what does it matter?"

"But you told me that Old Edith said Drogo was your mate."

"The mate of my heart and my soul.

She did not say that we would be man and wife." Eada sat down on the bed and gave Vedette a sad smile.

"I realize that I was asking something of Drogo that he could not do, no matter how much he might wish to.

He is not a man alone.

He cannot simply follow his heart and cast all else to the four winds.

You were right.

I was being foolish, foolish and very blind.

I did not look beyond my own needs and wants."

Vedette patted Eada on the shoulder.

"It is good that you see that now, but that does not mean that you must leave."

"Would you have me stay and become Drogo's whore?"

A light blush colored Vedette's pale skin and she nervously twisted the ties on the side of her pale-grey gown.

"No.

That would please no one, and you would soon be most unhappy.

Yet there is the chance that Drogo will not be offered a wife.

You should at least wait until you are certain."

Eada stared at Vedette for a full minute and then said quietly, "He will be offered a wife."

Vedette shivered and rubbed her arms.

"I do not think I will ever grow accustomed to the way you do that.

Have you just seen Drogo wed to another?"

"No.

I just know that he will be offered a wife." She grimaced.

"The curse of this gift is that it tells me that yet will not tell me if he accepts or not."

"Then wait."

"No.

If I wait until he returns and he has chosen to accept but wishes me to stay, I fear I might not have the strength to leave.

And, yet again, you are right; that would make me very unhappy."

"But how can you get to Old Edith's tiny house? It is a very long journey."

"It is, but I do not believe it will take as long as it did to get here, for I am not an army and will not be pausing to lay waste to villages."

“You sound as if you have grown to hate the Normans," Vedette said quietly, watching Eada closely and making no effort to hide her concern.

"No, Maman, I have grown to hate armies and wars.

And—" she lowered her voice, an innate caution making her somewhat secretive as she added, "I am not fond of kings and those men who hold great power.

They are the ones who lead those armies and cause those wars.

They care nothing for the soldiers or the innocents, only for power and riches." She shook her head as she stood up and donned her cloak.

"There are people who say these tragedies are a punishment from God, but the devastation I saw was wrought by earthly hands."

Vedette hugged Eada and looked at her with a mixture of sympathy and sadness.

"I wish I could have saved you from seeing such horrors.

They have made you bitter."

"No, not truly.

Wiser, mayhap wary, but not really bitter.

My lack of power makes me ache with sorrow, but I am not weighted down with that every day of my life.

Now, I really must go or I will still be within reach when Drogo returns."

"Have you thought about what will happen if Drogo does not accept a wife and returns here to find you gone?"

"If he remains unwed, unpromised to another, and he wants me, he can come and get me.

I am not hiding.

You need not keep this a secret.

There is only one thing I ask you to remain quiet about."

"Your lands."

"Yes.

You are probably right to say that I erred in not telling Drogo about my lands before he went to see our new king.

Now he will have made his choice, and knowing about the lands I hold will not change that.

If he is still free to choose a wife, I do not want that choice to be made because of my new wealth." She grimaced as she pulled up her hood and picked up her bag.

"I am not being too clear."

"Clear enough," Vedette said as she followed Eada to the door.

"You cannot go alone."

"I know.

I also know that I cannot take any of Drogo's men." As she and Vedette made their way out of the small house, Eada kept a close watch for Drogo and his men.

"Brun would take me."

"He has sworn fealty to Drogo.

He would go with you, but he would have to break his bond to do so."

"And I will not ask that of him.

That leaves Godwin."

"He has to worry about the children he cares for."

Eada stopped and stared toward the camp where the lesser knights, mercenaries, servants, and army-followers stayed.

"This is becoming very complicated," she muttered then looked at her mother.

"If Godwin does not think the children should make the journey, could you care for them? It need only be until Drogo knows I am gone, then, if you wish, you can give them into May's care."

"You are right.

This does grow complicated.

And how will you make this journey? You have neither a cart nor a horse."

"Godwin can take the cart and pony Drogo took from Old Edith's.

If Drogo feels I have no right to them, I will return them when I am back in Pevensey.

Now, tell Godwin that I will be waiting for him at the east gate of the city."

Even as she muttered about ill-thought flights and the folly of pride, Vedette kissed Eada on the cheek and started toward the camp.

Eada smiled faintly, amused by her mother's complaints, then sadness overcame her amusement.

A touch of fear crept into her heart as well as she realized the enormity of what she was doing.

Not only was she leaving the man she loved, she was preparing to ride over a countryside ravished by war with only a youth for protection.

Most of William's army was in London, and she prayed others would be too busy trying to find shelter and food before the winter weather grew too harsh to trouble her and Godwin.

By the time she reached the east gate, Eada had decided that the road to Pevensey had to be safer than the dark streets of the city.

She was exhausted from hiding from and fleeing the lustful attentions of soldiers and mercenaries.

The men wandering the streets of London saw a woman alone as easy game, especially when that woman was a Saxon.

Standing a safe distance from the guards at the gate, but keeping a close watch on them, Eada waited for Godwin, praying that he would not be too long.

The way the guards watched her made her fear that it would not be long before their lusts overcame their sense of duty and they left the guarding of the city gates to chase her.

Godwin had barely brought the cart to a halt beside her when Eada leapt into the seat beside him.

She spared a brief greeting for the two children and hastily patted her hounds before ordering Godwin to get moving.

She did not relax until the gates of the city and the leering guards were out of sight.

"This is madness," Godwin finally said with a scowl.

"It may be, but it is also necessary.

You decided you would rather have the children with you?"

Godwin glanced back to wink at the children.

"They decided." Since the two children were occupied with all they could see and paid him no heed, he added quietly, "It will be some time before they cease to fear losing me as they have lost everyone else they knew.

They love May and Ivo, but when I must leave them in their care, they are afraid and cling to me when I return for them."

"This may be good for them then.

They will be in a home."

He made a scornful noise.

"You grasp for reasons to explain this mad flight."

Eada found Godwin annoyingly insightful.

"Did my mother not tell you why I am returning to Pevensey?"

"She did, and I do understand why you wish to leave Drogo's side until you know what place you might hold in his new life.

What I do not understand is why you must take yourself so far away.

Why not just go and live with your mother?"

"Because I am weak," she replied, making a face when he looked at her in surprise.

"I do not think I can ever break the bond I have with Drogo.

If he is near at hand, I will go to him, even if he is wed to another.

Distance will never kill the feelings I have for the man, but it will stop me from shaming myself.

I will be no mans leman.

Yes, I have lain with him without the sanctity of marriage, but we were both free.

Fate and destiny have said that he is my mate, but they have not said that I must commit adultery.

That is one sin I refuse to indulge in."

Godwin nodded then asked, "And what will you do when William discovers your lands and gifts some knight with them?"

"I will decide on that when it happens."

"Have you decided on how we will survive? The Normans took everything."

"Not everything.

Old Edith had some stores which I did not give them and a few of her chickens and pigs fled.

They may still be around." She glanced into the back of the cart and smiled at Godwin.

"I also see that you have helped yourself to more than the cart."

"With your mother's gracious assistance.

She was most concerned about our survival.

When she realized that the children were coming, too, she put in even more.

I believe she is praying that Drogo will come and seek you out."

"I hope that as well, but only if he is still a free man.

I will accept him now only as a husband." But Eada wondered if she had the will to hold to that vow.

Drogo frowned as he entered the room he shared with Eada.

Even before he had opened the heavy oak door he had sensed that something was wrong.

It did not really surprise him to find her gone as she spent a lot of time in the camp with her mother, May, and young Godwin.

Not until he opened his chest and saw that all her clothes were missing did he begin to grow concerned.

His sense of urgency, heavily flavored with fear, grew when he looked under the bed for the bag that was no longer there.

As he stood looking blindly around the small room, he realized she had left him and he fought back a sense of panic.

Drogo slowly calmed himself, and as his heartbeat eased and his mind cleared, he chided himself.

Eada was a proud woman, yet he had not allowed himself to think very long on how she might feel.

Despite all the talk of William giving brides away along with the land he handed out to his loyal followers, despite the visual proof all around them that Saxons were trying to wed their kinswomen to Normans in order to tie their families to the victors by blood, he had offered her no assurances that her place in his life would not change.

In fact, until he had turned aside William's generous offer, he had not really given much thought to what would happen between him and Eada after he had received all he had fought for.

He should have realized that Eada was not a woman who would sit quietly and wait to see what he would decide about her future.

Cursing his blindness and unintentional cruelty, he marched out of the empty room.

Drogo did not want to think about how much he might have hurt her.

He headed straight for the camp where everyone who could not afford or find quarters within the city now lived.

There was no doubt in his mind that Vedette would know where her daughter had gone.

He was disappointed when he reached the tent Vedette shared with Serle and did not find Eada there.

"Ah, greetings, my lord Drogo," Vedette said as she ushered Drogo inside.

"How fared your meeting with William?"

Drogo looked at her sweet smile.

Although Vedette was not Eada's blood mother, there were some distinct similarities between her and the girl she had raised.

Except for the way Vedette toyed with the laces of her gown, she gave no sign that she knew something was wrong.

He reminded himself that this was a woman who had successfully fled an advancing army, saving herself, most of her family, and most of her valuables.

She was not as delicate and as soft as she looked.

"I am well pleased," he replied, crossing his arms over his chest and watching her closely.

"You may not be.

I was given your home in Pevensey and all that goes with it.

Do not look so concerned.

I shall count as mine only what was there when I arrived." He almost laughed at her visible relief that he would not claim all she had fled with as well.

"That seems a small payment for your loyalty and service."

"That it does," said Serle as he stepped inside and nodded a greeting to Drogo.

"I was offered a far richer prize, but I could not accept it," explained Drogo.

"Why not? You are a lord by blood if not by title."

"The land came with an encumbrance I was not willing to accept—a wife." He smiled when Vedette's eyes widened then grew serious as he looked at Serle, a man whose fortunes were tightly bound to his.

"I pray you can forgive me, old friend.

I have acted selfishly.

The lands and the wealth and power they carried were heady prizes, but I turned them away.

As they were dangled before my eyes, I fear I did not consider the ones who depend upon me.

To gain that prize I had to take the woman and, at that moment, I saw clearly that I could bind myself to no woman save Eada."

"Do not beg pardon from me, lad.

I ask no more than a roof, a warm fire, and food in my belly." He put his arm around Vedette's slim shoulders.

"If I had been given such a choice many years ago or now, I would have done the same.

I am also acutely aware of all you would have suffered had you not made that choice.

It pleases me that you saw the truth for yourself before it was too late." He frowned and looked around.

"What puzzles me is—where is Eada? Do not say that the girl has refused you after you made such a sacrifice?"

"No.

She has not refused me, for I have not had the opportunity to speak to her." Drogo fixed his gaze on a blushing Vedette.

"I returned to find Eada gone."

"Vedette." Serle said his wife's name in a stern voice as he stared down at her.

"Where is Eada?"

"You can see for yourselves that she is not here," Vedette replied as she slipped out of Serle's reach, and she wondered frantically if Eada had had enough time to get beyond Drogo's immediate reach.

The young lovers would be well served by a few days of separation, she decided.

"Vedette, this man is your liege lord and intends your daughter no harm or disgrace."

"He has not said what exactly he does intend for her."

"I intend to wed her if she will have me for her husband," Drogo said in a grave voice, but he could not fully suppress a smile at Serle's confusion and dismay.

"While your passion is still new and hot that may please you well enough.

But what happens if you gain in power and wealth? Will you begin to think you have erred in taking a Saxon wife, one who can bring you no lands or coin?"

"No, and I say that knowing that I may yet gain more lands, wealth, and power.

William understood why I refused his generous offering.

He was not even surprised.

He also said that, once he knows more of the lands he now seeks to rule, he will try to better my prize.

Where is Eada, Vedette?"

Nervously, for she knew Drogo would be furious, she replied, "She went back to Pevensey."

"Alone?" was all Drogo could say as he fought back a sudden surge of anger born of his fear for Eada's safety.

"No.

Godwin is with her."

"And those two babes of his, too, I have no doubt."

"They refused to be left behind.

They are terrified that he will leave them as so many others have."

"So, Eada is traveling over a land torn apart and devastated by this war with a boy, her hounds, and two babes.

How could you let her indulge in such madness?"

"She was not prepared to heed my warnings or pleas.

Both were weakened by the fact that I understood why she had to leave.

Drogo, all signs pointed to your being offered a wife.

Eada knew it for fact in that way she has of knowing things others do not.

Unfortunately, her gift would not tell her if you would accept the wife.

She knew that if she stayed and you returned with a bride but still wanted her, she would not be able to refuse you.

Being nothing more than your leman would slowly kill her.

I knew that as surely as she did.

What choice did I have?"

Drogo did not know enough about Eada's feelings for him to argue that.

"Where can she go in Pevensey? And how can she survive? The army took almost everything."

"I am sure there are still things the army could not find, not in the short while they stayed in the town." Vedette blushed and sent him an apologetic smile.

"I also gave them some supplies."

"Do not look so afraid.

I am glad that you did.

Where in Pevensey will they go?"

"To Old Edith's house.

What are you going to do?"

"Follow her." Drogo paced the tent as he tried to sort out his plans.

"I must inform William that I will be leaving.

Since my lands are in Pevensey, I believe I will gather up all I own and travel to them.

All we can do is pray that the weather does not worsen or I may not be able to reach her until the spring."

Drogo cursed as he and Unwin carried his belongings out of his room and down the narrow, dark stairs.

It had taken a week to gain an audience with William only to have the man request one last duty of him.

Aiding yet another group of Normans who had arrived to see what they could gain now that the fighting was over had stolen away another eight days.

There had been two bad storms, but the weather had cleared again and he was eager to leave London.

By the time he reached Pevensey, it would have been three weeks or longer since he had last seen Eada.

His insides were knotted with fear for her.

At the moment, he could not even be sure that she was still alive.

"We will find her," Brun assured Drogo as he loaded the heavy chest and Drogo's armor into the cart.

"You feel certain of that, do you, despite all of the dangers she must face throughout the journey and probably in Pevensey itself?"

"Yes.

She is small and pretty, but she is Saxon.

She is like the land you now claim.

It will allow you to rule it and change it, but you will never truly conquer it.

In truth, I think Eada will be far less compromising," he added with a grin, laughing heartily when Drogo was unable to argue.