Page 23 of Unconquered

Eada fought the urge to scream and wail, to hurl herself at Drogo's feet and beg for his love.

It was not only her pride that held her back.

She knew she would only deeply shame them both and gain nothing for it.

Her inner voices told her not to worry, that Drogo was her mate, but she did not really trust them.

This time they could be the echoes of her own shattered heart and not the truth.

She sat on the edge of the bed in their room, her hands clasped tightly together, and watched Unwin help Drogo dress for his meeting with William, all the while fighting to keep her emotions subdued, her expression one of calm and acceptance.

He had told her that he would do this from the moment they had met and she could not, by word or by deed, condemn him for it now.

Especially not when he had waited with growing impatience for six weeks since the triumphant arrival in London.

It did not help her control her sorrow to think about how happy everyone else was despite the bitter sadness of the Saxon defeat.

Her mother was with Serle, her first love.

May was now a free woman and married to Ivo.

The way Unwin and Averil looked longingly at each other told Eada that, as soon as her sister was of age, she and Unwin would marry.

That left only her.

She would be alone.

Soon she might suffer from the fear and the scorn Old Edith had.

The mere thought of the loneliness she would have to endure sent chills down her spine.

Some had tried to soothe her fears by reminding her that she was wellborn and assuring her that, when Drogo got the lands he sought, it did not mean that he would cast her aside.

She knew otherwise.

William not only had to reward his knights but to placate the highborn Saxons he now tried to rule.

Already there was talk of Norman knights marrying Saxon ladies, the kinswomen of Saxons who had bowed to William or those of the Saxon noblemen whose lands the Normans now claimed.

It was the quickest, firmest way to bind Saxon and Norman together.

There was a good chance that, when Drogo was given his lands, he would be offered a wife as well.

She would not, could not, remain with Drogo if he married another.

"How do I look?" Drogo asked Eada.

"Like a lord," she replied and forced a smile.

"All of William's court will feel as if they have been lost in the shadows when you walk in."

"Well said," he drawled, grinning briefly over her elaborate flattery.

"They were pretty words, were they not?"

He laughed as he buckled on his sword then grew serious as he looked at her again.

"And have your voices told you what my future now holds?" He frowned when she visibly tensed.

Eada forced herself to relax.

His question had simply startled her, for it was the first time he had asked about her sendings and he had done so in such a calm, easy manner that she knew he now fully accepted her strange gift.

She thought it almost amusing that, after cursing Old Edith's bequest from the moment she had first realized she had it, she should now regret not hearing anything at all.

Drogo wanted some assurance that all would be well, that William would give him a wealthy boon, and that he had finally gained all he had fought for, but her voice was strangely quiet.

"I fear I have not heard even a whisper for days," she finally replied.

"Do not look so forlorn, cherie," he said, as he stepped over to her and brushed a kiss over her forehead.

"Better no word at all than some dark warning."

"True." She trailed her fingers over his cheek.

"Watch your back."

"I always do, and Tancred waits outside to do the same.

I will return as soon as I have met with William.”

Eada smiled in reply, but the moment Drogo and Unwin left, she flopped back onto the bed and fought a fierce battle against the urge to weep.

Her soul mate had left to get his reward for conquering her people, uttering no promises, no words of love, not even a hint of what the future might hold for her.

"Well, fool," she scolded herself, "Old Edith said I would meet my mate, but I do not recall her saying that I would keep him."

"You do talk to yourself a lot."

A soft screech escaped Eada as she abruptly sat up then she scowled at May, who quietly shut the door behind her.

"And you walk too quietly," she complained.

"You frightened away a year or two of my life."

"I thought you might wish some help to prepare for your lord's return," May said as she opened the chest at the foot of the bed.

"I am not sure I should be here when Drogo returns."

May dropped the gown she was unfolding and gaped at Eada.

"But he will be returning with his gift from our new king.

He will wish to share his new honors with you."

"Will he?" Eada shook her head when May's expression of shock changed to one of confusion.

"May, William is a king on an uneasy throne, a Norman claiming he has the right to rule Saxons.

He knows this will not be easy and he needs to cover his new lands with allies.

He will give the lands to the Normans and he will soothe his Saxon allies by wedding those Normans to Saxon ladies."

"But you are a Saxon lady."

"I have no lands." Eada felt guilty about telling May such a lie, but she did not want the truth to be known yet and May might not be able to keep such a big secret.

"If Drogo wed me, it would please none of William's Saxon allies, for they are no kin of mine, and since my father fought with Harold, it could anger his Saxon and his Norman allies."

"You swore allegiance to William."

"That was but a game.

Yes, I will hold to my vow and I have no fear that William doubts my word, but it serves no purpose.

I cannot fight for him and I cannot enrich his purse.

He only wished my allegiance because of what I had said that day I met him on the shores of Pevensey.

I am sure I am now forgotten." Eada stood up and signaled May to help her dress, for, whatever she decided she must do, she wanted to be attired in her finest.

It would feed her courage.

"Then what is to happen now?" May asked as she unlaced the simple brown gown Eada wore.

"I am not sure.

It depends upon whether or not William offers Drogo a bride with his land."

"Lord Drogo will not accept a bride."

"Of course he will," Eada snapped, but the sharpness of her reply was dulled as May tugged her embroidered blue gown down over her head.

"If his king says that he must wed the girl to gain the land, Drogo will do it.

He has made no secret of why he joined this battle—to gain lands and a title."

"Then you can be Lord Drogo's leman.

I am certain he will want you to stay with him."

"No, I will not become his whore.

William is king now and the war is over.

I can no longer claim that I need his protection, either."

"What will you do?"

"I have many choices.

After all, I can speak both French and English.

Few others can." She managed a smile as she looked at May.

"I will survive."

May nodded as she laced up Eada's gown.

"I know you will, for you are very strong; but will you be happy?" She frowned at Eada.

"I thought the old woman told you that Lord Drogo was your mate."

"She did, but that does not mean that I will wed him, bear his children, and win his love.

I was reminding myself of that when you walked in.

Come, do not look so forlorn.

We cannot know what will happen until Drogo returns from William's court." She sighed.

"I should not be surprised that my fate rests in William's hands.

That, too, was foretold."

Drogo paced the cool stone hall of the great tower, realized what he was doing, and stopped, only to begin again a moment later.

He could not understand his sudden uneasiness and confusion.

This was what he had waited for, fought for, and hungered for.

The only thing he should be feeling was an intense curiosity about what his reward should be.

"Will you cease?" asked Tancred in exasperation.

A quick glance at his friend revealed that, despite the tension in his voice, Tancred was slouched against the wall with his customary grace and languid air.

"You do not appear to be distressed," Drogo said as he forced himself to stand still in front of Tancred.

"My neck has begun to ache from watching you go back and forth.

What ails you?"

"Nothing ails me."

Tancred shook his head and made a sharp, mocking noise.

"You do not behave like a man who is about to gain all he seeks."

"And how should I behave on such an important occasion?"

"Certainly not as if you are about to face imprisonment.

Merde, you act as if you are about to face some ordeal.

The most you should be doing is trying to guess what lands you may soon hold, what title you might gain, and where in this damp mist-shrouded land you might rule.

So, again I ask, what troubles you?"

"I do not know," Drogo replied in a soft voice as he slumped against the wall next to Tancred and tried to smile reassuringly at an uneasy Unwin.

"Are you afraid that you will not be given all you deserve?"

"No.

Whatever our king chooses to grant me will be more than I have now.

I will be thankful for whatever lands I might be given." He nodded.

"Yes, even as I speak the words I know, in my heart, that they are the complete truth."

"Well, if you do not know what gnaws at you, I cannot help you.

I would advise you to calm yourself before you meet with our king, however.

William may see your mood and wonder on it.

I do not believe you want to try and explain yourself to him."

"No." Drogo shuddered at the thought.

"I shall thank him most graciously for what he gives me and leave.

I will collect Eada and the others and go to my lands as soon as I am able.

I wish to place some distance between myself and this court.

There is too much intrigue, and I do not wish to be caught in its web.

Will you travel with us?"

Tancred nodded.

"Just this morning I was granted a small holding near Hastings.

If your lands are in that direction, I will be most pleased to travel with you."

Drogo clasped Tancred by the shoulder.

"I am pleased about your good fortune, but I shall miss you at my back.

It will be strange not to have you always at hand."

"Mayhap I will not be too far away.

Mayhap fate will smile upon us and our granted lands will be close together."

"That would be good.

Who is your liege lord?"

"I do not know.

The king is trying to find out who held the lands I now claim a piece of, but no one seems to know.

The earl is known but not how the lands were held under him or by whom.

It may be months, even years, before that is known." Tancred lightly bit his bottom lip and glanced warily at Drogo.

"Are you certain you should take Eada with you?"

"Of course.

She is my woman.

Why should I cast her aside?"

Before Tancred could reply, a man called for Drogo.

With a last frown directed at Tancred, the unanswered question sitting uneasily in his mind, Drogo followed the man.

The tension that had been subdued by his talk with Tancred now returned in full and Drogo felt his insides knot up.

This was the moment he had waited for, yet he dreaded it.

That made no sense, and that confusion only added to his tight uneasiness.

Drogo bowed as he confronted William, idly thinking that the man sprawled in the huge oak chair looked more the warrior than the king.

He smiled his gratitude for the honor when William waved him toward a bench on his right.

As he sat down and faced his liege lord, Drogo fought to hide his confused feelings.

The room was filled with the smoke of tallow candles and a fire as well as William's large entourage.

There were also Normans, Saxons, and even some of William's mercenaries, all awaiting their rewards or a chance to argue their fate.

Drogo hoped all of that was enough to keep William from looking too closely at him or keeping him at his side for too long.

"I am pleased that you and all your men survived the war, Drogo," William said.

"So are we, my liege," said Drogo, and he returned William's quick grin.

William sighed, his mood changing quickly as he frowned at the people gathered in the hall.

"I fear that, although the victory came more swiftly and easily than I had planned, it will not be easy to discover exactly what I rule.

I do not fully understand the Saxon ways and laws, and since they do not fully understand mine, I fear we often talk a great deal yet learn nothing from each other.

They do not understand what I ask and I do not understand their replies and explanations.

With so many Saxons dead or in hiding, it is also impossible to gather all the information I need." He shook his head.

"It could be years before I know all I now lay claim to, but everyone wishes to know today what their fate is or what they have gained."

As he prepared himself to graciously accept the news that he would have to wait to know what lands would be his, Drogo murmured, "And one cannot expect the defeated to rush to hand over all they have lost."

"True, my old friend.

But for you, I do have good news.

In truth, this boon became known to me but an hour ago.

Do you see that pretty Saxon woman trying to hide in the far corner of the hall?"

His heart sinking, Drogo looked where William pointed.

The woman was fair, blonde, and shapely.

When she saw the king pointing her way, she looked up briefly and blushed, quickly averting her gaze and revealing a becoming modesty.

As he had stood upon the shores of France months ago, he would have considered such a woman a true prize, an excellent choice for a bride.

Now he was almost terrified that William was going to suggest that he marry the girl.

"She is very pretty," was all Drogo could bring himself to say.

"And alone.

Her father and brothers fell at Hastings, leaving well-marked, rich lands.

The man who takes her to wife will be both powerful and wealthy."

"But only if he takes her to wife."

William nodded.

"The bond of Saxon with Norman, the old ruling blood with the new, will ease resentment and anger.

If that Norman is a fair and honorable man, I will have at least one island of peace in this sea of anger I must try to calm."

Drogo knew he should say yes without hesitation.

This gave him all he had come to England to gain.

This was far more than he had any right to expect.

He would rise from little more than a mercenary knight to a lord with lands to rule, power, and wealth.

Such a gain would also help his men, especially Serle and Unwin, who had little hope of any gain for their service.

Even recalling his debt and responsibility to those who served him could not bring the word yes to his lips.

The strange advice Lord Bergeron had given him the day of the hangings no longer seemed so strange.

This was the decision the man had been referring to, this was when he had to choose between ambition and happiness.

He did not want the woman.

He did not want any woman but Eada.

The woman was the choice of ambition; Eada was where his happiness would be found.

Suddenly, nothing William could offer was alluring, not if it would cost him Eada.

"You hesitate?" William asked, watching Drogo closely.

"I do not want the woman," Drogo replied quietly, wondering how he could refuse such a gift without causing insult.

"I fear the woman comes with the lands.

There will be anger aplenty when the people see that not only their king will be foreign.

That will be eased some if marriages are made."

"I know and I agree, but I cannot take the woman." He suddenly realized that the look upon William's ruddy face was not one of anger or outrage but of amusement.

"You are not surprised by my refusal."

"No.

We have marched together for months, Drogo.

I believe I know what lies in your heart.

I but wondered if you craved the lands and wealth more than the woman.

Do not fear to insult me.

I accept your refusal with but one regret.

I have nothing else to offer you.

Not now.

Mayhap not ever."

"I understand." Drogo was surprised at his lack of disappointment or regret.

"Keep your little Saxon lady, my friend.

Wed her and breed an army of sons with your strength and her spirit, and you will be much respected and honored.

What I can give you is all she and her family lay claim to.

All I ask is, when you learn what that is, you let me know.

At least I will have a full accounting of one holding."

"Thank you, my liege," Drogo said, standing and bowing.

"I pray that you will still thank me in the years ahead.

I hope she is worth what you might be giving up."

"She is.

I am but ashamed to admit that I did not see it before.

Now, if I may be given leave, I believe I shall go and discuss my discovery with Eada."

William's hearty laughter followed him as he walked out of the hall.

William understood his choice, but Drogo was not sure his men would.

When he met up with Tancred and Unwin and saw the eager, expectant look upon their faces, Drogo inwardly grimaced.

They were going to think he was mad.

"I now understand why you asked if I would be taking Eada to my new lands, Tancred," Drogo said as he stood before his two friends.

"William is handing out wives with some of the lands."

Tancred sighed and nodded.

"Our king spoke of it briefly.

He even asked if I thought you would accept one particular woman, an earl's daughter."

"He did not offer her to you?"

"I am not as highborn as you or as lauded a knight.

He was seeking her equal.

Did he find him?"

"No." Drogo smiled when Unwin gaped at him in shock, but he noticed that Tancred was not surprised.

"I told him I did not want the woman."

"Was she so hideous?" asked Unwin.

"No.

She was most fair.

I simply did not want her."

"He wants Eada, boy," Tancred said to Unwin, clapping the youth on the back.

"Mistress Eada is a fine woman, brave and very fair," said Unwin.

"She is also poor and landless."

"Very true," agreed Drogo.

"Although she does hold that fine house in Pevensey and her family was not actually poor."

"I meant that she is no earl's daughter.

I am not sure she is even a thane's daughter."

"No, but she is mine; and now, all that her family laid claim to is mine."

"Can you be satisfied with that?" asked Tancred.

"You sought a great deal more when you sailed here."

"I know, and I continued to want it until it was offered to me and I saw what I had to sacrifice to gain it." He laughed ruefully and shook his head.

"William was not surprised; and, I think, Tancred, neither were you.

I was stunned.

There it was, all I craved or thought I did.

All I had to do was marry the woman.

I could not do it.

Even reminding myself of all I owe those who ride with me could not make me do it."

"You owe us nothing."

"I do.

You have all stood at my back, fought at my side.

You have lost little, Tancred, for you have always had the chance to gain from this.

All you had to do was survive the battles.

Serle, Garnier, and young Unwin are not so fortunate.

Their fortunes have been tied to mine.

For that reason I regret my choice, but only for that reason.

And that regret was not strong enough to make me cast aside Eada." Drogo draped his arm around Unwin's slim shoulders.

"I fear you have bound yourself to a poor knight.

I may yet gain, but William could make no promises."

"You made the choice you had to, sir," Unwin said.

"I have enough.

My first battle was long and fierce, yet I survived and gained honor.

Without you, I would have been sent back to France, untried and with no one to fight for or with.

I would have missed this great battle.

I have been part of the army that won William the crown of England.

No, you owe me nothing.

And there is always the chance that you and the rest of us may still gain more."

"Ah, the never-dimmed hopes of the young," murmured Drogo, smiling when Tancred laughed and Unwin blushed.

"You are right, Unwin.

There is always the chance for greater gain, and if I see that chance before me, I will grasp it firmly.

Now, let us return to our rooms as I feel a great need to grasp something else most firmly, something a great deal softer and sweeter than coin and land."

"Do you think Mistresse Eada will be disappointed over how little you have gained?" asked Unwin as he hurried to keep pace with Tancred and Drogo when they left the tower and walked along a narrow, winding road.

"No, and that may be the only thing I am sure of concerning that lavender-eyed woman," replied Drogo.

"Eada will have all she had before, no more, no less, except that she will have it through me.

She is not a woman who hungers after riches or power."

"She just hungers after you," drawled Tancred as he paused before Drogo's quarters.

Standing next to Tancred, Drogo frowned up at the tiny window to the room he shared with Eada.

"I pray you are right.

I am suddenly possessed by a teeth-clenching apprehension.

I have never done any more with a woman than bed her or treat her with courtesy, depending upon who she was.

Curse the girl.

I have bravely faced the whole of the Saxon army screaming for my blood and wielding battle-axes, yet quail at the thought of speaking my heart to one woman."

"I fear this ordeal is one Unwin and I cannot face with you." Tancred gave Drogo a light shove toward the door.

"We will be ready to celebrate or commiserate with you, however."

Drogo cast his grinning companions a sour look then started into the house.

With each step he took toward his room he struggled to regain his lost confidence and courage.

He had just refused a rich gift from a king.

How much more difficult could it be to speak of love and marriage with a tiny Saxon lady?