Page 19 of Two Ruins Make a Right

Nine

Indulgence leads straight to ruin.

I t was one of the hardest things Nell had ever done.

She had never been very good at apologizing, as she always seemed to say the wrong things.

But this time, she vowed to get this apology perfect.

She had so much to say and only prayed that James would listen to her full apology before she left for her old life and perhaps never saw him again.

“Shall we sit?” She waved a hand toward a small sitting area close to the fire.

“That’s perfect.” Fully expecting him to walk in front of her, James surprised her.

His warm hand enveloped hers as he wrapped his long fingers around it, then he tugged her gently to follow him.

Instead of sitting in the two chairs that faced each other, James led her to the sofa in front of the fire.

“This is more intimate.” He smiled gently as he let go of her hand and waited for her to sit. As soon as she was settled, he sat beside her. “We can keep our voices lowered, and no one will hear. Unless you start shouting.”

“That’s unlikely, as I do not want anyone to hear what I have to say.” She tangled her fingers together, trying to keep her emotions contained.

“Nell, I was trying for some humor to lighten our moods,” James lowered his voice as he put his hand over hers and squeezed. “You do that when you’re nervous. It’s all right. I won’t bite. Are you certain you’re feeling all right?”

No. But it was best to get through her confession now.

“I’m truly fine.” She lifted her gaze to his.

The earnest warmth reflected on his face was enhanced by the glow of the fire kissing his cheeks.

God, it would be so easy to lean over and press her lips against his.

It would feel as if she had returned home after a long, tiresome trip.

But, she had unpleasant business to attend to.

It was best to lance the wound, as they say.

Of course, she never knew who “they” were.

But if it were wound care, wouldn’t that be the purview of a surgeon?

Yet, it was hard to fathom that a surgeon would know much about the art of apologies.

She shook her head gently. She was procrastinating and not accomplishing anything with such wayward thoughts.

It was best to get on with it and put them both out of their misery.

“I’m sorry.” They both knew what she was talking about, her rejection of him. His eyes instantly became hooded as if protecting himself. Slowly, she tangled their fingers together. “You have my deepest and sincerest apology. I had no choice.”

“There was always a choice, Nell,” he said softly.

“No. Not for me.” She bit her lower lip, the pain a welcome distraction from the hurt that seemed to consume her heart.

“When I returned home that last day, after we were together, there were several strange men in my home. They were taking...portraits from the walls and drapes from the windows. They had a cart filled with our belongings. I didn’t understand.

My father was waiting for me. Mother was in hysterics.

” A tear slipped, and before she could wipe it away, James did the honor for her.

He placed his other hand beneath her chin and gently tilted it so he could see her better. “That sounds frightening. What happened?”

She could only nod. After she found her resolve again, she continued, “That day I found out that my mother had...had made us all destitute with her vices.” Her voice grew so soft she could barely hear her own words.

She cleared her throat determined to tell the sordid tale.

“She gambles to excess and spends every extra penny on clothes and jewels.”

“I had no idea,” James’s brow furrowed into neat lines, and he leaned close. When they discussed their plans for their future all those years ago, he’d treated her with concern and gentleness much as he did now.

“We were penniless. And it so happened that the Marquess of Whitton waited for me in my father’s study.”

James narrowed his eyes. If she didn’t know any better, she would think him livid at her statement.

The embarrassment of that moment still made her skin crawl.

“He witnessed the debt collectors stripping our home of everything. My father escorted me into the room with Whitton and allowed us a moment alone. I knew then...” She stopped for a moment and stood abruptly.

The urge to pace became unbearable, but she forced herself to sit again.

When she lowered herself to the sofa, he moved closer to her.

His eyes searched hers. “What, Nell?”

“I knew then that I was the bandage to stop the bleeding. Whitton was extremely nice, but matter of fact. He said that he could stop what was happening if I agreed to marry him. He wanted me.”

James leaned back and dropped his head against the sofa. He took a deep breath and reached for her hand again. “This explains so much. Remember the day when he visited the duke and duchess? We were outside in the courtyard. He watched us. I always thought it strange.”

“I don’t remember.” By then, her tears couldn’t be stopped, but she continued, “I’m sorry. I would have never hurt you for the world. But...it was Christa’s future and my parents’ honor, or lack thereof, that forced my hand.”

“How did he know about the creditors?” The empathy in his warm eyes practically undid her. Yet, she needed that comfort. It was a balm to the turmoil she suffered.

She bowed her head as the searing heat of humiliation licked her cheeks, but she forced herself to continue her sordid tale.

“He told me that my mother’s gambling and spending habits were well known in certain circles around London.

Moneylenders, to be precise. Whitton’s cousin was one of the men Mother sought help from.

He told Whitton that my father didn’t have the funds to pay her debts.

Whitton contacted her creditors and knew when they were going to arrive.

He’d planned it, you see. My father thought it was divine intervention.

He said it was a brilliant solution for me to marry him.

” Her throat tightened, and she squeezed his hand.

He was like a buoy keeping her afloat. “I didn’t know what to do.

Whitton told me that our possessions would not cover my mother’s losses.

My father would likely be thrown into Newgate for her debts.

” She exhaled and shut her eyes. She could still feel the anger and mortification of that day as if it were yesterday.

“Oh, God,” James said softly. “Your father looked to you for relief? I never knew. You should have come to me.”

“What would I have asked you to do?” She kept her voice low.

Raising it would do neither of them any good.

“I went through every scenario as I sat with the marquess. Back then, you weren’t the heir to your uncle.

You were a nephew without a fortune. Whitton possessed a special license and insisted we marry immediately. ”

It was agony to air their family’s misfortune. No, that wasn’t correct. Her family had control over their own actions. She was simply the proverbial sacrificial lamb.

“I needed a fortune to keep my family’s shame quiet. Whitton offered that.” She swallowed the thickness in her throat that threatened to suffocate her. “Please put me out of my misery. Tell me you understand.”

This time, it was James who stood abruptly. “I could have gone to my uncle and asked for a loan. Nell...I love…I mean, I loved you. I’d have done anything for you.”

“I loved you.” The truth was she still loved him, but she had nothing to offer him.

Everything was gone, even her pride and her own honor.

“And because of that love, I couldn’t allow you to be tainted or harmed by my family.

I was so ashamed that I couldn’t see you in person.

I know you’ve hated me because of my actions. ”

“I’ve never hated you.” By now, he was pacing. His features had hardened, and the muscles in his jaw twitched. “How could your parents expect that of you. What did Whitton say to them?”

His question was abrupt, but she couldn’t expect anything different.

“After Whitton paid their debts, he told them never to seek his help again. It was a warning, you see, for my parents to get their financial house in order. When Whitton died, he left me a modest amount, and I live in the dowager house on the estate. It was his way of trying to protect me after he was gone.”

James faced the fire and rested his fist on the mantle. “Did your parents spend your dowry?”

“And Christa’s also. There is nothing left.

My parents are in worse financial distress now than when I was forced to marry Whitton.

They’re desperate. I couldn’t ask Harry to take on that burden of shielding Christa from my parents’ greediness.

I don’t have enough money to pay their debts.

I... if Christa chose Mounthaven, I could ensure that certain amounts were set aside for her future without my parents knowing.

I’m trying to keep her safe. Perhaps she should move to Scotland.

Maybe that’s far enough away from my mother and father’s clutches. ”

“Does Christa know how poor they are?”

Nell nodded. “Some, but not all.” She took a deep breath and slowly released it.

“I’ll allow Harry to marry my sister if he wants to.

There’s no dowry. Everyone should know that the scandal will be huge since my parents are impoverished once again.

Though we won’t have anything to do with them, we are still their daughters.

” She stood and walked to his side. “Perhaps you should have a private conversation with Harry about our circumstances. Any association with our family could be a black mark against his future career.”