Page 14 of Two Ruins Make a Right

The urge to jump from the cart and run was neigh near impossible to ignore.

But she wasn’t a coward. She faced him and held his gaze as she sucked in her stomach, ready for him to strike.

Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. Her heart was on the verge of breaking, but she’d be damned if she’d let any more of her disappointments spill into the fresh air.

Before she could make a move to get out of the cart, James reached for her.

With the gentlest of hands, he tilted her face to his. His eyes cataloged her features, and she did the same to his. He moved an inch closer.

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Nell waited and prayed he wouldn’t slay her with a cutting rebuke. If he did, she’d be cut in two, and all those old hurts and disappointments would be splayed on the ground for all to see.

Instead, the handsome, devilish fiend did worse. “Nell, I need something from you.”

For a moment, she didn’t move.

“I need your kiss.”

He was so close, she could feel his breath brush against her lips. She’d dreamed of kissing him again. But she’d never imagined it would be like this—when she laid her heart bare before him.

“May I kiss you?”

“Yes.” She huffed out a breath. She didn’t want to examine what was happening between them too carefully. “I would…like that.”

He moved closer until there was barely any room between them. She didn’t move. She simply allowed herself to feel.

He pressed his lips against hers and groaned softly.

His tongue teased her lip, and she opened.

Their kiss deepened. It grew desperate as their tongues danced with one another.

There was no time or other marriages between them.

It was as if they’d never been apart. The only thing of importance was this moment.

She moaned, begging for more. She needed something as well.

She needed him.

James cupped her cheek, then pulled away. His all-knowing eyes searched hers. “My God, Nell.” His voice grew tender. “Did you feel that?”

The deep baritone filled her with want—the need to have him hold her, just once more, even if it was only for a moment. Yes, she felt everything, and it scared her witless.

“What are we doing?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” she answered. It was the truth. She had no clue why they kissed. Perhaps, they were still in love, and nothing had changed between them.

And pigs could fly over the Thames.

* * *

“What are we doing?” James murmured as he pulled away from Nell. What in the blue blazes was happening to him? He was once again allowing himself to be swept away by Nell’s soft lips and sweet kisses. Was it any wonder? Her lips were as decadent and plush as he remembered.

And he’d remembered her kisses as if it hadn’t been years since they’d last kissed.

He cleared his throat. He needed to apologize for his forwardness and ensure it didn’t happen again for both their sakes, especially his.

He was supposed to be looking for a wife for the love of heaven, not rekindling a romance from his past that was destined to lead to heartache for them both.

“Nell…” He ran his hand over his face and rested it on his leg. “I must apologize?—”

“No.” Nell covered his hand and squeezed.

His hand twitched under hers. The urge to turn his palm up and entwine their fingers was almost too powerful to resist. Yet, somewhere, he found the strength to ignore it.

“Don’t apologize.” A beautiful blush painted her cheeks as she lifted her hand from his. He’d always found her breathtaking when she was flustered. “I’m at fault as much as you.” She forced her gaze to meet his. “But I’ll not lie. I enjoyed it.”

“As much as I did?” He arched a brow, then laughed.

She joined in. As their merriment faded, she peeked at him under her half-lidded lashes. “Perhaps we both needed to get that kiss out of the way.”

“Out of the way of what? Us?” That was the question of the hour. Their shared kiss made him want to repeat it. Again and again, along with a hundred other things, they used to share when they were in love.

She shrugged, then grew serious. “Mayhap, we should view that kiss as a fitting ending to who we were and what we shared all those years ago.”

He shook his head. She might wish that, but he knew nothing could be further from the truth. Whatever they shared before still shimmered like raw heat on a midsummer’s day.

“You disagree?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes, I do.” He took her hand and brought it slowly to his mouth. He caressed her knuckles with his lips. “That kiss didn’t feel like an ending to me. More like a beginning. I’m surprised that it didn’t to you.” He spoke softly against her skin.

She shivered slightly.

“Cold?”

She shook her head.

He arched a brow. “See? You feel everything I feel.” He still held her hand against his lips with each word a kiss all its own. “Everything. Especially everything that’s swirling between us.”

“I can’t feel that, James. I don’t think I could survive it again.”

He didn’t move as his eyes widened at her confession.

If she had uttered such words yesterday, he would have crowed like a venerable rooster welcoming the dawn. Her confession that she had been heartbroken after she jilted him would have stroked his pride. But it wasn’t yesterday. And the animosity he felt then had disappeared.

“What I mean is…” Her voice caught.

“What you mean is that you hurt as much as I did when you reneged on our marriage.” When her gaze shot to his, he shook his head. “It’s all right, Nell. It does neither of us any good to deny what we felt all those years ago.”

She stared ahead as she pursed her lips.

“I was certain that you loved me. Just as I loved you. I was the happiest man that day when you agreed to marry me. After we parted, I returned to the duke’s home and bathed.

I dressed in my finest clothing to ride to your home and ask your father for your hand.

I didn’t want to tarry. I wanted your father’s blessing immediately.

The quicker he said yes, the quicker you were mine. ”

Memories ran like a swollen river through his thoughts. He had never felt such jubilation before. The only other time he’d experienced it was when he’d held Valentina in his arms for the first time.

He cleared his throat. Nell still wouldn’t look at him.

He wouldn’t be surprised if she were angry at him for bringing up that fateful day.

“When your letter arrived saying you’d changed your mind, I was sitting with the duke and duchess having a celebratory drink.

Funny, but in the span of a minute, the most glorious day of my life turned into the most devastating. ”

When he glanced at her, a lone tear skated down her cheek. He gently reached out and wiped it away with his thumb.

She sniffed and then turned to him. “You may find this inconceivable, but it wasn’t easy for me, either.”

“Then why did you do it?” He wanted to roar to the heavens, but he kept his voice even.

The pain still resided in his chest, no matter how many times he said that it was his past and he was ready to look to his future.

He ran both hands through his hair to control his unruly emotions. He would not raise his voice to her.

If he’d learned anything from his years with Nell, confronting her would do neither of them any good.

“Please, just tell me.” He swallowed the brick that seemed to lodge in his throat. “It makes no difference now.”

She flinched, as though his words inflicted physical pain on her.

“What I mean is that you and I have chosen different paths for our lives.” He smiled slightly. “We are who we are today because of those choices. But if it’s too difficult, I’ll force myself to accept it and move on. An explanation now doesn’t change our pasts.”

She lifted her chin in a defiant pose, but he could see the pain that radiated from her beautiful eyes. “You said that you were taking a bride because of love. I chose Whitton because of love.”

If she had stabbed him in the gut, it would have hurt less than the words that she just uttered.

He hadn’t even been aware that she was acquainted with Lord Whitton when he’d asked for her hand in marriage.

Before he opened his mouth to ask what she meant and thereby made a complete fool of himself, Harry and Christa came around the corner.

“Where have you two been?” Christa called out. “Harry and I have been waiting for you.” By the blush on her face and Harry’s reddened cheeks, it was clear they hadn’t even realized that James and Nell weren’t behind them until recently.

“We were just reminiscing,” Nell called out.

Only if you could define reminiscing as having your heart flayed open by reliving the past.