Page 12

Peyton

Clay had been quiet all during dinner. He’d barely said two words, even when the conversation had turned toward the game, despite my brother and Dylan trying to pull him into the conversation. He wouldn’t even look at me once we moved into the living room, where we all enjoyed the dessert Lorelai had made. I’d even attempted to speak with him when he helped me bring the dessert dishes into the kitchen. It hadn’t helped that Mom came buzzing in and started making coffee for everyone. Shortly after, he quietly slipped from the house.

Once everyone was gone and we’d all turned in for the night, I lay in my room, my mind spinning. Even though I’d thought I wanted Clay to know, perhaps it had been a mistake to tell him tonight. Maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe I should have waited until I was certain that the baby was his. Or maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all. That might have been better, I thought to myself.

I shoved my phone on the charger and pulled the blankets up over me, trying to get comfortable. I rolled over, hugging the pillow close to me, when my phone vibrated. I’d already spoken to Elsie, and it was late. I ignored it instead, but it started vibrating again a few minutes later, and then once more.

Maybe it was Elsie again, needing to tell me something, so I reached for the phone and opened the text message.

CLAY: You still awake?

CLAY: I’d like to talk…we need to talk

CLAY: I’ll even come get you if you want…that way we can talk in person. I think this is an in-person conversation to be honest instead of a virtual one. Let me know. I’m close to your brothers. I’ll give you ten minutes to get back to me. If I don’t hear from you, we can plan something before you leave.

I tapped the edge of my phone, a feeling of anxiousness and excitement building inside of me.

PEYTON: Hey. I can meet you outside in five minutes.

Almost immediately, those three little dots jumped around, and then my phone vibrated.

CLAY: I’ll meet you two houses down. Don’t want to take a chance on waking anyone.

I got up out of bed and quickly slipped out of my pajamas and into a pair of yoga pants and a sweater. I pulled my hair up into a clip and slipped from my bedroom. I could see the light on under Knox and Lorelai’s door, and I could hear the TV on in my mother’s room. They were all still awake. Once past their rooms, I tiptoed around the corner into the kitchen and jumped when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.

“My god…Lorelai, you scared me,” I said, placing my hand on my chest.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I thought everyone was asleep. Are you going somewhere?” she asked, looking at me, noticing my purse in my hands.

“I was just going to take a walk. Needed my bag for my phone so I can listen to music,” I lied.

“Oh, okay. Is everything okay?” she questioned, taking me in with a curious expression.

I nodded. “Yeah, of course. Just wanted to get a little air and walk off dinner.” I smiled.

“Well, make sure you take a coat. It’s cool out. Don’t go too far, and if you want a ride home, just message me and I’ll come get you.”

“Thanks, but I won’t go far. I’ll stay in the neighborhood.”

“Oh wait, before you go. Here’s my key,” she said, grabbing her keys and handing them to me. “Just put them back on the counter when you’re back. That way, I won’t have to bother you in the morning when I leave for work.”

“Thanks,” I said, heading toward the door and slipping my shoes on. I turned back to see her take a plate of cut-up fruit, cheese and crackers along with two glasses of water down the hall.

I opened the door, pulling it closed behind me and locking it, then I took off down the driveway and made my way to the house two doors down from where Knox and Lorelai lived, and waited.

I slipped my shoes off and then my jacket and hung it on the hook on the back of the door to Clay’s place.

“Take a seat in the living room. I’m going to grab us a couple of bottles of water, a little snack, and I’ll be right in,” he said, waiting until I turned and made my way into his dimly lit living room.

I sat down on the couch, in the same spot I’d sat that very first night that had started this entire thing. My mind drifted to the memory of us together, and I pulled my legs up under me, grabbing one of the side cushions, hugging it to me. This was my comfort position, one I’d always resorted to when I needed comfort.

I sat there, quietly, looking out at the city lights. There was something so peaceful about being way up high in this city, I thought to myself. If only being this high up could take me far away from the problem that I was currently facing.

“Here you are,” Clay said, coming into the living room with a plate of crackers and cheese, some apple slices, grapes, and two bottles of water.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the bottle of water from him, watching as he placed the plate down on the table in front of us, then sat down beside me.

I took a sip of water at the same time he took one and then placed the bottle on the table, looking over at him. I was expecting to see anger, but he seemed at peace, as if he wasn’t the least bit worried about anything. It always amazed me how some people could be that way.

“So, how long have you known?” he asked.

It was just like Clay to jump right to the point. I mean, he told me he didn’t dance around things; when he wanted to know something, he’d ask. He certainly didn’t lie about that.

“I found out once I returned from Vermont. So, I’ve only known for a couple of days. I haven’t even seen my doctor yet.”

Clay nodded and averted his eyes from mine. He leaned forward and grabbed an apple slice, popping it into his mouth.

“Can I ask you something?” he questioned.

I nodded.

“Am I the father?” he asked, raising his eyes to mine.

“I’m thinking the baby is yours, but until I know how far along I am, I am not sure I can really answer that.”

“I see,” he said, getting up off the couch, moving to the window, looking out over the city.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as he stood there, rocking back and forth on his feet. I’d never seen Clay this quiet, or this wrapped up in his thoughts. He had always seemed so sure of himself, like he always knew what it was he wanted.

“You’ve been with Tor since we were together?”

“No, not since we were together, but I was with Tor about five weeks before you, so until I know for sure how far along—”

“Fair enough,” he said, holding out his hand for me to stop. “Please don’t feel you need to explain anything else. It’s not like we were together or anything.”

I swallowed hard, unsure what he meant by that. I felt I needed to explain and make sure he knew I hadn’t been with anyone but him since the first time we’d been together.

“What did you want to do about this?” he questioned, not giving me a chance to ask him anything or to comment on his last comment.

I thought for a moment.

“I mean, if it is mine, what do you want to do about this? Obviously, if it isn’t mine, then I won’t have any say…”

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s all so fresh. I’ve barely even grasped the idea that I am pregnant, so trying to decide what should happen is almost surreal to me at this point.”

“You’re telling me,” He muttered.

“What does that mean?” I asked, feeling my emotions piling up.

Clay sat down beside me and ran his fingers through his hair. “I guess it means I’m shocked as well. This wasn’t exactly in my plans.”

“You think it was in mine?” I questioned, feeling tears building.

“I didn’t mean that,” Clay said.

“Then what did you mean by it?”

He grew quiet as he sat there, staring ahead. I could tell his mind was going a mile a minute, as mine had been ever since I found out. I focused on breathing while I waited for him to respond. The last thing I needed was to have some sort of panic attack.

“Peyton, I don’t know why I said that. I guess I’m just as shocked as you are, maybe even a little more so. I keep playing the first night we spent together over in my mind, the one time, the only time, I ever slipped inside a woman without a condom, and this happens. My entire world has flipped upside down in a matter of about three minutes.”

“Your world? Are you suggesting mine hasn’t? Hell, it was already bad enough, what with everything that’s gone on in the past few months. Now, with the talk of moving here, or more like Knox forcing us, this was the absolute last thing I needed. So, if you think it’s only your world that has turned upside down because of this, you’re wrong.” I sniffled. “Oh, and just so you know, I didn’t tell you to make you feel you had to be involved. I didn’t tell you to make you feel trapped, either. So, if you don’t want to be involved, even if it is your baby, that is okay. I’d just rather you tell me now.”

“Peyton, that isn’t what I meant,” he said, his voice a little louder this time than before.

“It’s fine, Clay. I think I’m going to go.” I sniffled, getting up off the couch and heading toward the door.

“I’d prefer if we talked this through, Peyton.”

“Why, so you can sit here and regret the time we were together and make me feel as if I was just a mistake?”

“Whoa! First, I never said that our time together was a mistake. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Well, from the moment I told you, the only look on your face was one of sickness and worry. You don’t even know if it’s your baby yet, and without even opening your mouth, you’ve already let me know you aren’t happy about any of this. It’s not a wonder my brother has always been adamant about me not getting involved with players from the team.”

“Peyton, please. I’m shocked, nothing more.”

“Try being me,” I cried. “Think about what it’s been like for me. I’ve taken six tests, all of which shoved those two pink lines in my face each time. I had no one to call. I have no one I can go to. No one knows we’ve been together, aside from the pair of us. I already know if I go to my brother, he’ll just be all high and mighty and say I told you so.”

“Peyton, I never said I would not be here for you. What about your mom and Lorelai.”

I stopped, my eyes falling to the floor.

“They know, don’t they?” he questioned.

I slowly nodded. “Mom figured it out before I told her.”

“Have they told your brother?”

“No, Mom probably thinks it’s Tors. Other than that, she didn’t really say much.”

“Well, if she knows and Lorelai knows, then why did you come to me? Especially when you really don’t know if it’s mine or not.”

“Oh my god, are you seriously standing there and asking me that?” I cried.

“I am.”

I paced back and forth across his living room, anger and hurt building inside of me. “It’s almost like you think I only fucked you to get back at my brother. I came to you for support. If it’s yours, I wanted you there, but only because you want to be, not because you’re being forced to be here.”

“Dammit, Peyton, calm down, would you? I’m entitled to my feelings, just like you are. I’m navigating this as well, and for the love of God, don’t put words in my mouth.”

I stared at him. I could see the anger on his face. He didn’t need to say anything else. I spun around and made my way to the living room door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving. Maybe we can talk another time, when I’ve found the answers I need, or better yet, the answers you need, then we can take it from there,” I said, slipping my shoes on and grabbing my jacket.

“Peyton, I don’t want you to leave.”

“That’s too bad. I’m leaving.”

“Give me a minute then and I’ll take you home,” Clay said, walking to the door, slipping his shoe on. “I don’t want you walking across the city alone at night.”

“No need. I wouldn’t want to put you out. I mean, fun time is all over now, isn’t it. I’ll just take a cab,” I said, pulling the door open and slamming it shut behind me.