Page 45 of Try Hard

The tears that sprung up were unstoppable. Still, I tried before they leaked down my face and onto her navy blue tank top or her bare skin. She was being so lovely and she’d just taken a shower, she didn’t need my salty tears ruining that.

“What if it makes things… not enjoyable for you?” I asked quietly.

Sex had only been about how enjoyable I could make it for my ex.

I’d been ruining things when I didn’t want to have sex, so he’d…

helped himself get what he wanted. He’d pressured me when I was in pain because it didn’t really matter what sex was like for me.

He was in the wrong, sure, but we also lived in a world that told him all too often that his pleasure was the only one that mattered—that told me the same thing.

Eve ran a hand down my back, breathing purposefully to calm me down, to ground me. “I have never spent one minute around you that I haven’t enjoyed.”

I laughed a little wetly. “Even the moments when Sophie was flirting with me?”

She growled a laugh, gripping me tighter. “I still enjoyed you in those moments. That was the primary motivator behind me not enjoying Soph in them.”

“Sex is a little different, though…”

“Right. Soph sure as shit better not be there when we do that.”

I shook my head, laughing and sniffling. “Agreed.”

“Glad we’re on the same page. But, what I’m saying is that I will enjoy it no matter what you need.”

I sat up. This was important and I needed to get it all out—she wanted me to.

I waited until she’d joined me, both of us cross-legged in the middle of the bed.

Her eyes were so beautifully penetrating and deep.

I needed—wanted—to tell her everything, but I got the feeling she knew a lot of it without me speaking, like she understood me completely.

Still, I was saying it. For myself as much as her.

I looked down at both our hands. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle you touching me.

” I wanted her to, but I’d given that allowance in the past and been betrayed.

I trusted Eve to keep her word, but, if we were in the middle of things and she was touching me, I knew my body would panic and the entire thing would be over.

“Intimately or at all?” she asked calmly.

Surely it would be too much to say at all… It wouldn’t be fair.

“At all. Got it,” Eve said when I didn’t respond for a long moment.

“No, I—”

“It’s okay. I want to give you this. Everything you need.”

“But it’s going to be so boring for you if you can’t—”

“Believe me, it will not. I get to be with you. That’s already the best thing ever.” She shot me a suggestive grin. “Plus, some people like it when their hands are restrained…”

I couldn’t help but smile, realising she was right and that she really was okay with what I was asking. “Are some people in this room?”

“Not no,” she said with a wink. “You, pinning my hands down? Sounds like a fantastic time to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” There was absolutely no space for doubt in her answer. She looked like a fairy godmother had shown up and granted her every wish.

“Okay, so… if I pinned your arms against the wall…?”

Her eyes went wide and I could see the way her pupils dilated. It made me feel giddy.

For several moments, she seemed lost in thought—good thoughts, great thoughts. Ones she was clearly having an incredible time with. Her expressions felt like they set a fire roaring inside me, and I could feel my temperature spiking.

“Yes,” she said eventually, emphatically. “Very, very into that.”

I tried unsuccessfully to stifle my smile. “Great.”

“Tell me what else you want while you’re pinning me to a wall.”

The way she said want made me feel so ridiculously tender.

We were talking about safety precautions I needed, but she was open to everything beyond that.

She wanted to know what I wanted from her, what I wanted from sex.

She cared about my choices. She cared about me .

It shouldn’t have been unexpected, not from her, but my tortured heart and mind felt unbelievably soft.

So, I thought about it. I was more aware of what I needed , how to prevent my body from shutting down completely, than what I wanted . But Eve was asking with a completely open heart, and I wanted to know, with her.

I wanted her to be involved. For a moment, my brain stalled on how to have that be a thing while her hands were restrained.

Then, my eyes fell on her stunning, thick thighs.

The prettiest ones I’d ever seen. So soft under my touch last night.

So strong when she ran down the field. So exceptionally gorgeous.

With anyone else, this conversation would have been mortifying, impossible. With Eve, everything felt possible.

“How do you feel about sitting in a chair and having your hands pinned to the wall?” I asked, more than a little shy.

“Fantastic,” she replied immediately.

“And, if I got you off first?”

“I mean, your mere presence will probably speed that right along, so whatever you want.”

I smiled at her, loving how she wasn’t embarrassed by how much she wanted me.

I’d been correct that existing physically around her was different, knowing she wanted me physically was different, but her honesty was…

a turn-on. Eve turned me on. It felt like a miracle, but it made such perfect sense that she did. “How would you want me to do that?”

“However you want—hands, mouth, toys… Whatever works for you.”

“I haven’t had sex in a very long time and I was young and—”

“We’ll figure it out together, and I’m plenty communicative, Ophelia.”

I couldn’t stop the way my body shuddered at her words. Just the thought of her naked in front of me, telling me what she liked, letting me make her feel good… She was such a dream. “I’m sure you are,” I said with a heated blush.

She smirked proudly. “And then?”

With my lips pursed, I reached out and traced my fingers over one of her thighs, loving the way she sighed at the touch. “I want you to be involved, when I… come, hopefully. But, if you’re restrained, I’m wondering…”

“Fuck yes,” she practically groaned, knowing exactly what I was getting at. “You can absolutely ride my thigh.”

I leaned forward, burying my face in her shoulder. The embarrassment wasn’t bad, but it was a little mortifying just how much I needed her, especially when she was so into the ideas we were discussing.

She wrapped her arms around me and gently tackled me back into the mattress, looking down at me, both adoring and turned on.

She was stunning. “Not one part of you needs to worry that I’m not going to enjoy myself.

I’m already enjoying myself, and, whenever you’re ready to do these things, I’m there, enthusiastically, happily, and eagerly. But not until you’re ready.”

My hands were gripping her waist and I flexed them, acutely aware of the place where her shirt ended. I didn’t think it would take too long for me to be ready. Her expression suggested she could see that on my face. I wanted her to.

I traced my fingers along the edge of her shirt, feeling along the waistband of her shorts. “So, that sounds good for you?”

“It sounds great for me. When you’re ready.”

“I understand.” I brushed my nose against hers. “Anything you want to ask for?”

“Nothing other than that you genuinely take all the time you need to be ready. I’ve wanted you for over twenty years, Ophelia, and I would wait for you forever.”

“I would wait forever for you too.” My voice came out barely more than a whisper and thick with emotion, but she was only a breath away from me. I didn’t need to worry she hadn’t heard.

I felt like she’d been hearing me most of my life.