Page 32 of Try Hard
In the time since I’d figured out I had…
vaginismus, I’d been on a mission to reclaim myself and my body.
One of those ways had been learning to orgasm without pain.
Luckily, I’d had a decent therapist to walk me through the ridiculously complex emotions of that one—regaining sexual pleasure when sex was the thing that had left painful, burning mental scars that absolutely manifested physically was no easy feat.
Made all the worse by my initial reticence to trust a healthcare professional.
However, in all that time, I hadn’t taken back having sex with another person.
I hadn’t wanted to. It hadn’t felt safe.
I still didn’t know if I could give Eve that.
The whole thing was a tangle of uncomfortable feelings, but the fact that she could get a reaction out of me—one that was undeniably sexual—was already an incredible achievement.
“I still think,” I said, feeling a little unsteady, “that she’s—”
“Fia,” Tanika called at almost the exact same moment I heard Sammy calling Eve’s name.
I stepped back from Eve, seeing the two of them approaching us with Kim and Kieran. Eve kept her hand on my hip until Tanika swept between us and wrapped her arm around mine.
“You’re wearing Converse,” she said with a laugh, looking at my shoes.
“I am,” I replied, eyes narrowing but not missing the daggers Sammy was shooting my way as she muscled in between Kieran and Eve.
“Practical as ever,” Tanika laughed, before tugging me away from Eve. “Come to the bar with me.”
Eve’s hand fell from me as Tanika gave no space for a denial and pulled me away at an awkward enough angle I couldn’t resist her. I did, however, catch Eve’s eye to ask her a mouthed, “Orange juice?”
She smiled, nodded, and winked at me before her attention was claimed by Sammy, who immediately placed her hand on Eve’s shoulder, fingering one of her braces—or suspenders, as Eve had called them on the way over.
Another Americanism she’d picked up. My insides bubbled unpleasantly but it wasn’t like I couldn’t understand Sammy’s interest in them—or in Eve.
The outfit she’d chosen and the way she’d done her hair had her looking like a more attractive version of Brendan Fraser in the late nineties. She was a sapphic dream—as always.
When we made it to the bar, Tanika laughed and shot me a knowing look. “Well, that didn’t take you long.”
“What didn’t?” I asked sceptically.
“Getting it on with Eve.”
“I’ve done nothing of the sort.” Was that true? Technically, absolutely. But there was something there. I could no longer deny that.
“Oh, sure. I dance with all my friends like that. And I saw the two of you come in. You were holding hands.”
“So we didn’t lose each other in the crowd, Tanika.” I tried hard to keep my usual cool, level tone, even if thinking about Eve holding my hand felt anything but casual.
She studied me and I noticed the shimmery body glitter she was wearing. Kim had been covered in the same thing.
“So,” she said eventually, “you’re sticking with the story that nothing has happened between you?”
“Not a story because nothing has happened.”
“Ooh. So that means it’s probably going to tonight, right?”
“No.” I refused to think about the fact that I was staying at Eve’s place tonight, and that she’d been clear there was only one guest bed. Sure, she’d offered to sleep on the couch but I wasn’t making her do that in her own home.
We could absolutely share a bed. Just like school friends having a sleepover. I doubted we’d top and tail, mind.
“Yeah, right,” Tanika laughed. “I don’t know why you’re not shouting it from the rooftops right now. You’ve been in love with her since school. Plus, she’s Eve fucking Archer. I’d be telling the whole world.”
“Plenty of people routinely tell the world they’re in love with her. It doesn’t really mean anything.”
“She’s not wrapping herself around them like a tree.”
“Comparing me to a tree is not complimentary.”
“Entirely missing the point.”
I turned to look at where Eve was dancing with a group of people from school, laughing with them. Sammy was trying very hard to capture her attention and dance with just her. “I think Eve’s got someone else vying for her attention.”
Tanika glanced over her shoulder, following my gaze. “Oh, my god. Look, Sammy’s great and all, but she’s so not Eve’s type.”
“I didn’t realise you and Eve were so close.”
She shot me a sarcastic look. “Not once has Eve ever been interested in people who want her for her fame.”
“What a cutting take on your fellow bridesmaid.” I couldn’t help thinking she was right, though. From everything I’d ever heard about Eve, she’d always stayed away from people who were after the stardom, preferring to keep her relationships low key and out of the public eye as much as possible.
Maybe being with her, even if she couldn’t promise me complete privacy, wouldn’t be as exposing as I’d feared.
Tanika flicked my comment away. “Just calling it how it is, and Sammy—well, I’m sure she does think Eve’s hot, but she’s also definitely interested in the celebrity. And, either way, it doesn’t matter. Eve wants you. No chance she’s giving that up to be with Sammy.”
I hummed, certain the noise would get lost in the pounding music.
Eve had always been the best, most interesting person in any room.
None of that was to do with her being famous.
Sure, her abilities were attractive, but that was more to do with how hard she worked, how good she was.
It wasn’t as though I’d only started liking that about her when she’d hit the big time. I’d always just liked her.
Sammy, meanwhile, didn’t even know her. They’d met each other twice now. Sure, she could be attracted to her, but it wasn’t like she really understood who Eve was. Almost everything she thought she knew would be from some parasocial connection.
The reality was that Sammy was interested in Eve the professional athlete, the celebrity. Not the person who smiled every time she caught one of Hercules’ stray hairs on her when she was out of the house.
As if she’d sensed my attention on her, Eve sought me out, her expression softening adorably when she met my eyes. I couldn’t help smiling back at her, and it felt like the rest of the room melted into the background.