Page 54 of True North
JT didn’t answer immediately as they approached his truck. He took his time unlocking and opening the door, trying to decide what, if anything, he wanted to tell Curtis.
He should probably tellsomeonewhat was going on. He was going to need advice eventually, when it came time to go back to Toronto and he had to figure out what to do with Misha. And Curtis was about the safest person JT could think of to tell. He had learned a lot of embarrassing things about JT over the years and hadn’t given up on him, at least not yet.
He took a deep breath as he turned on the engine. “I’ve been sleeping with Misha.”
“Who?” Curtis asked, and then said, “Oh my god.”
“Yeah, the bear shifter, okay. I know I’m an idiot.”
Curtis was quiet as JT pulled out of the parking spot and merged into traffic. Then he said, “How long has this been going on?”
“Not that long. About a week.” JT rubbed his forehead with the back of one hand. “We had dinner with my parents last night, and my mom, like. Definitely picked up that something’s going on between us.”
“You took him to dinner with your parents?” Curtis asked, his tone so neutral that JT risked a glance at him before hastily redirecting his attention to the road. Curtis’s expression didn’t give him any additional information.
“My dad kept asking. I’ve been telling them… I guess a carefully censored version of what’s going on. You know, like, oh he got a job, oh he’s doing great with his English tutor. They thought I was just helping him out now and then. Christ, they probably asked me to bring him to dinner because they thought he could use a good meal.” He groaned. “I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. He’s really closeted.”
“Oh, buddy. Well, you know I won’t tell.” Curtis sighed. “And you’re going back to Toronto soon. Is that what you’re bent out of shape about?”
“Bent out of shape, eh. Sure, if you want to put it like that.” JT followed the curve in the road where Wellington turned into Lyons. “I’m mad about like five separate things, okay? I don’t want my parents to worry about me, and it sucks that they feel like theyneedto worry about me, that they still don’t trust my decisions. Like how many fucking years do I have to be a more or less functioning adult before they decide they don’t have to keep an eye on me?”
“Sure,” Curtis said. “I hear that.”
“And then, yeah, it turns out I really like this guy, and I’m leaving at the end of the summer, and then what? I haven’t even talked to him about it yet, because I’m a coward and a stupid piece of shit.”
“Hey, now,” Curtis said gently.
“And I’m mad,” JT continued, ignoring Curtis’s interjection, “because we got fucking swept this year, and as soon as I get back to Toronto I’m going to have to start answering for it, over and over for whatever’s left of my career there, because they’re probably going to trade me before my contract comes up again. I’m mad because I want to win the Stanley Cup and I’m probably never going to, and I’m mad because I fucked up a good relationship with a guy I really loved because the NHL is a shitty league and I’m not brave enough to be the one to change it.”
“Marcus, you mean?”
“He wanted me to come out.” JT braked aggressively to stop at a red light. “At least within the organization. He didn’t like being a secret. He wanted to come to like, the family Christmas skate. And I said no. I didn’t want to do anything to risk my career. Because that’s what’s most important to me, you know?” He looked over at Curtis. Curtis looked back calmly, like JT wasn’t in the middle of humiliating himself by spilling every one of his messiest, least flattering secrets. “I always thought that’s what’s most important.”
“You need a therapist,” Curtis said.
“Oh, fuck off. I knew I shouldn’t have told you anything.”
“I’m not saying that to be a dick. I think it would help you.” Curtis heaved a big sigh and looked out the window for a minute as the light changed and JT accelerated. “I wouldn’t want to come out either, you know. If I were in your position. I’ve heard the stuff guys say in the locker room. I know what the league’s like.”
“Marcus would still be with me,” JT said. “If I had.”
“I don’t know about that. The two of you had other problems. I never thought you were all that well suited, to be honest with you.”
JT glowered through the windshield. That really didn’t make him feel any better.
“You put so much pressure on yourself,” Curtis went on. “You need to start doing edibles or something. I don’t know, man. Fucking your live-in feral Russian bear shifter is objectively a bad idea. You’ve seemed happier than usual lately, though.”
JT glanced over at him. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Not as tightly wound. Talking less about hockey and more about fishing and baseball.” Curtis shrugged. “Maybe this guy’s good for you.”
JT swallowed. Misha was the best thing that had happened to him in years. Christ, he was going to break his own heart so bad. “I don’t think I’m much good for him, though.”
“I don’t think that’s true at all, from what you’ve told me. He was eating your garbage when you first met him and too scared to go near people at all. Now he’s got a job, he’s in contact with the local shifters, he’shaving dinnerwith yourparents. Sounds to me like you’ve done him an awful lot of good.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” JT slowed to turn into Curtis’s apartment complex. “I thought you were going to tell me, like. That I’m a creep who’s taking advantage of Misha’s dependence on me.”
“That’s between you and him,” Curtis said, “but I don’t think you’re the type. And anyway, I’m assuming he knows you play hockey, so who’s to say he isn’t trying to take advantage of you?”