Page 20 of Trapper Road

They’ve helped with research in the past, but I worry Connor isn’t in the best emotional frame of mind to take something like that on now. At the same time, maybe it would be good to have something to focus on. “Maybe,” I tell him.

He shrugs. “I’m in then. Anything would be better than this shithole city right now.”

I wince at his attitude, but refrain from saying anything.

“What about my college visit this weekend?” Lanny asks.

My stomach sinks. I’d forgotten that was coming up so soon. “I’m sorry, honey, I know you’ve been looking forward to it, but I’m not sure now is the best time. We can reschedule when things calm down a bit.”

She forces a smile. “It’s fine. It was probably stupid of me to think about going to school out of state anyway. It’ll be easier for everyone if I’m closer to home.”

The resignation in her voice breaks me. My kids have sacrificed too much in their lives because of their father’s sins. I won’t allow it to continue.

“No, you should still go. Maybe Sam can take you?”

Sam nods at the suggestion. “I’d love to.”

Lanny’s forehead crinkles in confusion. “But…” She glances at Connor, and I can see everything written on her face. She wants to know who will take care of Connor if she isn’t there. But she reconsiders and says instead, “I’m not sure now’s the best time for Connor to be on his own.”

I wait for Connor to protest that he’ll be fine on his own, and that he doesn’t need a babysitter, but he remains quiet. That more than anything tells me how much today has affected him.

“I’ll go with Connor and Ms. P,” Vee says. Everyone turns looks to her, surprised. She shrugs. “I’ve got vacation time and nothing to do with it. Might as well road trip.”

When she turns to me, Lanny’s expression makes it clear how desperate she is for me to agree. Still, I hesitate. Even though I don’t want her to miss her college visit, I don’t like the idea of splitting the family up, especially now with so much attention and focus on us.

I’m not ready to let Lanny go out into the world on her own. But I know I’m going to have to let go eventually. At least this way she’ll have Sam there to look after her. I know he’ll guard her with his life.

I just hope he doesn’t have to.

* * *

My kids are pros at packing, which means we’re ready to leave early the next morning. Over coffee I grill Lanny about preparedness, giving her various scenarios and asking how she’d handle them. She rolls her eyes, but humors me. It gives me some measure of comfort that I’ve trained her well how to handle herself.

It gives me even more comfort that Sam’s going with her. “You sure about this?” He asks as we stand in the doorway to the garage while Lanny tosses her bag in the back of his truck. Connor and Vee have already packed up the SUV and are jostling to see who gets the front seat.

“No,” I answer him truthfully. I’m already itchy at the thought of her being so far away.

“I’ll send constant updates,” he says.

“With pictures?”

He grins. “And video.”

“Make sure you both have your GPS turned on at all times.”

“I’ll take good care of her,” Sam promises.

“I know.”

He pulls me in for a kiss, and I linger, not wanting to let go.

Then it’s Lanny’s turn to say goodbye. She bounces over and gives me a quick hug. I hold her extra tight until she starts to squirm. “It’s only a few days,” she reminds me.

That still feels like too long.

“Be aware of your surroundings at all times,” I tell her. “And don’t accept a drink from anyone. Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, get out.”

She shoots me a withering glare that only a seventeen year old girl can pull off. “You know, most moms just say ‘bye, I love you, have fun.’”