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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

SAWYER

Alyssa

It’s past ten p.m., and Ezra is wired on sugar. I can’t see him going to sleep anytime soon. He’s currently sitting on the couch, talking a million miles per hour about a CVO or something.

Climbing into my Lamborghini, I can’t help the smile as it pulls at my lips. A few weeks back, I’d have been as clueless as Alyssa, but Collins recently shared a concept for the new Harley model on her IG Stories, and naturally, I watch those too.

Like a fucking stalker .

Me

What did he eat to get him like that?

Alyssa

Best guess: jelly beans. He nailed an entire mega pack in his bedroom after dinner. Ninety-nine percent sure they came from Collins—he was sitting with her at the game, eating them.

Warmth floods my chest. I should probably be a little more concerned that my boy will be up all night, but all I can concentrate on is the image of him sitting alongside Collins, sharing a bag of candy and talking about motorcycles.

Me

He’s happy though, right?

Alyssa

Yes. LOL. Absolutely bouncing.

Me

I guess that’s all that matters. He’ll burn himself out and fall asleep soon.

Alyssa

She’s nice.

Me

Who?

Alyssa

Sawyer, you know precisely who. Collins. She’s good for Ezra. All he did was talk to her the entire game. She likes him too—I can tell.

I crank the engine on my car and grip my cell in my left hand.

What are the chances of her showing up at Lloyd’s tonight? Jack asked Kendra to practically force her down there.

Though I should know by now that my girl doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to.

Me

All cards on the table … I like her a lot. But it’s not that easy.

Within seconds, Alyssa’s calling me, and I pick up, my phone automatically connecting to the Bluetooth as I pull out of the players’ parking lot and head for Lloyd’s.

“Hey,” I say.

“Talk to me, please,” Alyssa says immediately, her voice low, ensuring the conversation is private.

I pull up at a stoplight and blow out a long breath, anxiously drumming my fingers on the steering wheel.

“Recently we went on a date and back in October we spent the night together. I guess you could therefore argue we’ve been seeing each other. Although that isn’t really accurate. I want her. I have feelings for her.”

Alyssa hums like none of what I just told her comes as a surprise. “Your feelings aren’t reciprocated?” she asks, her tone a touch flat, likely disappointed on my behalf.

When the light turns green, I head down the street.

“I wouldn’t say that either. She’s into me; she’s just not into relationships. I’m working on things, and that’s all I can say right now.”

“So, you’re chasing after her?”

I pull into the secure parking lot I use each time I come to Lloyd’s and swing my car into a space.

“Would you call me an idiot if I said yes? It’s the first time I’ve wanted a woman since Sophie, and honestly, it feels different this time.”

“Well, Collins is a lot different from my daughter. Younger, for one thing, and very confident too. I don’t think you’re an idiot for going after what you want, Sawyer. You’ve been alone for so many years, and you need someone to grow old with. I?—”

She breaks herself off, and I grow cold with anticipation.

“Finish what you were going to say,” I ask.

She clears her throat quickly. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. How old is she exactly?”

“Twenty-six,” I reply, wincing slightly.

I know nine years makes a big difference at this stage in life, but at the same time, I see our age gap as more of a technicality. Yeah, sure, there are elements to Collins that scream younger, like her carefree attitude, lack of responsibilities, and pink hair. There are also parts of her that leave me in awe over the mature ways she handles life. She’s making decisions for herself, and I really and truly don’t think she gives a fuck what anyone thinks or says about her.

I speak again before Alyssa has a chance to tell me it won’t work out because she’s too young for me. “I want her. I want to see where this can go because there’s something special between us and I know she can feel it too.”

A brief moment of nothing passes between us, and my palm tightens around the steering wheel. I’m not looking for Alyssa and Dom’s permission to date anyone—and I don’t need it—but I do respect their opinion. There are few people I can point to with confidence and say they have my best interests at heart. Jack, Archer, Kendra, and likely Coach. Alyssa and Dom are on that list. They have known me for years. Alyssa especially knows my limitations, and she saw the way Sophie’s death tore me in two.

A gentle sigh blows through my speakers before she tells me precisely what I want to hear. “Then go after your heart, Honey. And just in case you need to hear this, go after her for Ezra too.”

* * *

When I push into Lloyd’s, the place is packed. People are crowded around the main bar area, and footage from our win over the Scorpions is playing on every overhead screen. It was a big game tonight against our rivals and one we took control of right from the start. With Jack taking the starting center role last season, he’s grown into the position his stepdad used to play and is now running the show in the slot—and, being honest, everywhere else on the rink.

Now that I’m thirty-five, thoughts of my retirement are never far away from the forefront of my consciousness, and neither is where the captaincy will go when I eventually hang up my skates.

Jon Morgan might not be Jack’s blood dad, but I see all the qualities in him that Jon had as captain of the Scorpions for so many seasons. He’d make a better captain than I ever have.

Jack’s also got his personal shit together. Unlike me.

As I walk farther into the bar, my eyes are scanning for Collins—from the seating areas to the hallway leading to the restrooms—though I come up empty.

“Hey! Is anyone going to serve me?!”

There’s only one pink-haired girl that voice belongs to. I turn in a circle as I reach the ropes cordoning off the private area.

Standing at the far end of the bar with her arm extended in the air, my girl in black competes for the attention of anyone who will serve her.

“You know there’s a private bar we can use, right?” I say on my approach, voice filled with flirtation and my body thrumming with a sensation I only feel when she’s around. Its intensity tonight is off the charts as I take in her black ankle-cropped leggings and Guns N’ Roses T-shirt. It’s long and faded, and the way she tied it to just above her navel has me fighting to keep my eyes focused on her face.

Exasperated, she drops her arm to the bar top and rocks back on her heels, casting me a quick glance I know is designed to mask her interest in me.

Too bad for her, the flush in her cheeks tells me otherwise.

“I wanted a mojito. Jensen Jones’s wife, Kate, is here with Jon’s wife, Felicity. She told me they were top-tier, but the private bar is out of every ingredient, so I came to get one here.” She waves her hand around again, sighing defeatedly.

I step a little closer, the need to flirt all-consuming. “You’re telling me, a girl like you—the big explorer—has never had a mojito?”

She turns to me, looking grouchy, the pink staining her cheeks just as prominent. “No, Sawyer, I haven’t. Ordinarily, I don’t drink a lot, but tonight, I felt like alcohol was needed.”

I lean against the bar, my body blocking her exit. It isn’t deliberate, but the fact that she can’t escape kicks my heart rate a little higher.

“Want to talk about what’s got you all worked up?”

She bites the inside of her cheek, eyes dropping briefly to the floor and then coming back up to me. Pools of deep brown silencing everything around us. “Sometimes, you just need to let it all go.”

I pinch my brows together, confused. “Relinquishing a little control?”

This time, Collins edges closer, though I can’t be sure why. “I’m just wired on thoughts, Sawyer. I need to relax.”

Not taking my eyes off her, I raise my arm, and a few seconds later, a bartender approaches.

She rolls her eyes in response, and a single chuckle radiates from my chest.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asks, looking between us both.

I couldn’t give two fucks who sees us in public together at this point. If someone else takes photos and Ezra catches wind, then I won’t avoid telling him. I’ll be up front because, right now, I have very few alternatives. I believe that what I have with Collins is special. And I’m sure me going after her is what Ezra wants too.

“Can I get a Diet Coke and two mojitos? Thanks,” I ask.

The bartender nods once and disappears.

“Wait. Two?” Collins asks, the scent of her breath urging me to cover her mouth with mine.

I grin like a fucking idiot. I never smile this much. “You wanted to relax, no?”

She shrugs and then laughs, knowing how much that riles me up.

“Alyssa called me and said I have a very hyper twelve-year-old at home. Won’t go to sleep. Allegedly, he’s on a sugar kick, courtesy of a jelly bean overdose.”

She snorts a laugh as two mojitos and a Coke are set down in front of us, and I hand the bartender cash, instructing him to keep the change.

I pick up one of the cocktails and mix the mint leaves around with the single black straw, offering it to her.

Collins takes it from me and wraps her lips around the straw, holding me captive with her eyes.

Fuck, Jesus.

That night we spent together, she didn’t suck my dick, but in this moment, it’s all I can think about as she swallows her first sip.

“Good?” I ask. Only able to manage a single gravelly word.

In a move I don’t expect, she holds the glass out to me, nodding once. “I think so. Give it a try.”

I tip my chin at the other mojito sitting on the bar. “I could just try this one.”

She continues holding the glass out to me, her other hand maneuvering the straw around so I can use it. “I mean, you could. But that one could taste completely different.”

Without saying another word, I duck my head and take a pull from the cocktail.

She instinctively wets her lips. I know she’s horny—we both are. I know we’re desperate for round two, and I know she wants more than just to fuck me. I thought the chemistry between us in the Botanic Garden was fire. But this, tonight? The charge settling around us is enough to power Brooklyn for a month. On the ice, I feel alive, my body ready for anything, responsive and tuned in. Though it’s nothing compared to the arousal coursing through my veins right now. Collins has always had this effect on me. It’s just, now, I’m struggling to keep a lid on acting out what I want to do.

And right now, that’s pinning her to the nearest wall and fucking her goddamn brains out.

Six out of ten, my ass.

“So?” she finally asks.

I take one more sip and pull back, and she sets the glass on the bar. We’re barely speaking, and I like that since I’ve come to realize Collins’s words often contradict her body language.

“Delicious,” I finally add.

She wets her lips again, and my willpower to keep away—the voice of reason and protection that said no to sex without strings—snaps. Alyssa’s words from the conversation we just had drives me forward too.

There can be nothing bad about the way I’m feeling.

Grabbing her hand, I lead her down a dimly lit hallway directly behind where she was standing. I know we’ve abandoned our drinks, but I couldn’t care less.

“Sawyer, w-what are you doing?” she asks from behind me, her voice quiet, but I can hear it since we’re away from people and the beating music.

“Taking control,” I growl, coming to a stop and spinning her around until her back meets the wall.

I’m pressed up against her, and I know she can feel the effect the past few minutes have had on me as my dick presses into her navel.

Collins looks up at me. All the fire and sass she usually carries are gone, and in their place is need.

I take a slow, deliberate look down her body and grip her chin with my hand, my other on her hip, holding her firmly. I know she likes to be held in this way.

“Last time we fucked, I went too easy on you. That’s not what you like though, is it?”

She continues to stare up at me, and I release her hip, slapping my palm hard against the wall above us.

“Is it, Collins?” I repeat, tagging her name on because I want a fucking answer.

And because I know dominance turns her on.

“You like a power struggle, don’t you?” I speak again, my voice raspy. “Is that what would rank me higher than a six? If I pinned you against a wall like this and fucked you while you told me it wasn’t enough? You’d demand I screwed you harder, and when I was finally nailing you with your legs spread wide and your pussy aching from the force of my cock, you’d come all over me. Wouldn’t you?”

My splayed palm above her head forms a fist.

“Talk to me, Collins.”

“I would.”

Two words, breathless and needy, set my blood on fire.

This is how she likes it.

“Come home with me,” I plead. And it is a plea. It sounds like one as it tumbles from my lips, and it feels like one as my gut swirls while I wait for her response.

I try again. “Come home with me, and I’ll fuck your brains out. I’ll give you the best night of your life.”

Nothing.

“Collins,” I say way louder than I want, my forehead dropping to hers on an exhale. “Let me take you home, Baby Girl.”

I feel the way she melts into me as her hands frame the sides of my face, and she lifts my head and rises on her tiptoes.

“Sawyer, you told me you couldn’t and wouldn’t go for no strings.”

I’m powerless to prevent the whimper as it leaves my throat. “I know, but if that’s all you’ll give me, I’ll take it. What we have is too strong to ignore and I’m going to hang in there until you see it too, or when you’re ready. I’m yours to do with as you want, for however long you’re around. Maybe I am being an idiot and setting myself up for heartbreak, but I have to risk that you’ll catch up with my feelings. I have to go after what I want.” I press my hands over hers. “And what I want is you.”