Page 45 of Too Old for This
At no time do I consider going upstairs to bed.
For all I know, Morgan is an insomniac who will wander around in the middle of the night and get nosy.
I can’t take the chance that I’ll sleep through the creaky hall floor.
God forbid Morgan wanders into the garage.
Norma may not look like a person anymore, but she’s still a dead body. Her parts are just packaged separately.
Most of my night is spent in the recliner, dozing on and off. It’s the worst kind of sleep, the kind that tricks me into thinking I’m awake when I’m not. Between Morgan upstairs and Norma in the garage, my dreams make me feel like the walls are closing in, crushing me in my own house.
Morgan gets up and uses the restroom once at midnight. She doesn’t get up again until seven thirty in the morning. I wish my bladder was still that strong.
I listen to her moving around in the guest room, then back across the hall to take a shower.
She is up for good. I’m sure she takes longer than I do to get ready, which gives me plenty of time to clean up, change my clothes, and get to the kitchen before she does.
By the time Morgan comes downstairs, the coffee is ready and I’m starting on breakfast.
Today, she looks even better than she did last night. Slacks, button-up blouse, and a casual blazer, all in neutral colors.
“Are you hungry? I can make you some eggs,” I say.
“Just coffee. My one cup of the day.”
“I’ll make you some toast. Now, where are you headed today?”
Morgan has tours planned at two venues and needs to decide between them. The wedding is getting close. The original plan to get married in Portland fell through, because everything was booked, and now they are scrambling to find a place. It will be held much closer to me than to the city.
I would’ve known this yesterday if Archie had called and explained why Morgan was showing up at my house. Instead, it all comes out so fast that I can’t decide if I like this change or hate it.
“I don’t suppose you want to come with me today,” she says. “It would be great to have a second opinion.”
She is really making an effort. Yet another surprise, and a welcome one. “I’d love to join you. Thank you for inviting me.”
Big smile. I see those dimples again.
“My first appointment is at eleven,” she says. “I’m going to stop by a salon and book some hair and nail appointments before that.”
“Perfect.”
She leaves after eating half a slice of toast. Better than nothing, I suppose.
Until she drives away in her rental car, I don’t realize how tense I am. Having a body in the freezer can do some funny things.
Morgan is a surprise that could’ve been avoided if Archie had remembered to call.
Since he’s going to have an ex-wife with two kids and a new wife with a new baby, he needs to learn how to manage things a little better.
This little incident with Morgan almost makes me think I should move down to California and help him out.
It also makes me not want to. The hardest part of being a mother is letting go, something I’ve been reminding myself since he left for college.
Archie has made his bed in a few places, and now has to lie in all of them. Just as I have to lie in mine.
—
The first venue Morgan and I look at is an old house now rented out for parties, weddings, and retreats. It’s big and grand, with arched doorways, high ceilings, and a lot of land around it.
The second venue is a more traditional reception hall, with less character but plenty of room. Because of the short time frame, she and Archie have decided everything will take place in the same location. Ceremony first, then the reception.
In my mind, the only option is the house. More expensive, yes, but the garden and patio are so perfect.
Morgan wants to stop for lunch and review the pros and cons of both places. I am patient with her, because she is hoping this is her one and only wedding and the marriage will last forever.
After going through all the details three times, she concludes the house is the better venue. It only took a little nudging from me.
“Expensive but worth it,” she says.
“Agreed.”
“Do you want to come with me to the caterer this afternoon?” she asks.
“I wish I could, but I’ve got a meeting at the church about some upcoming events. We have quite a robust schedule at First Covenant.”
“Sounds like it,” she says. “And I’ve booked at a hotel downtown for tonight, so I’ll be out of your way.”
“You haven’t been in the way. It was just a surprise.”
She flicks her hand. Morgan’s nails are a neutral color and match her lips. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say that.”
“Say what?”
“I know I’m in the way,” she says. “In general, I mean. And I know what everyone thinks about me. It’s not just you and Stephanie.
It’s Archie’s friends. His kids, too. Olive and Noah aren’t my biggest fans.
” She chuckles in that rueful way. “Nobody believes that Archie and I didn’t start seeing each other until after he left Stephanie.
So I’m already used to people not wanting me around. ”
“Morgan…”
“No, it’s okay. But, just so you know, I really do love your son.”
I have a flashback that goes back decades, when people stopped wanting to be around me because I was a single, pregnant woman. I chose that and accepted the consequences. When people pointed and whispered—yes, they really did—I told myself to ignore them.
That’s what you have to do when you are wrongly judged. It just doesn’t work all the time.
Morgan is doing the same thing, trying to ignore the whispers and glares. I respect her more now than I did a few minutes ago. I know exactly how she feels.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted,” I say.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
We part ways in the parking lot of the restaurant.
After she’s gone, I put on Norma’s jacket and my hat and go to the Harmony Hotel.
So many things to remember. That’s the real trick.
It’s not hard, but it does take discipline.
I should’ve had more of it when I killed Kelsie.
That’s something I think about every day.
Room 322 has already been cleaned. I mess up the bed and towels, order a pot of coffee from room service, and check Norma’s phone. The first person I text is Tammy.
Norma: Not sure when I’ll make it back. Can you cover on Friday?
She is supposed to check out tomorrow. I want to throw in a little confusion about where she goes next, but I haven’t figured out how to end this game yet. I need some time in between when she was at my house and when her electronic trail disappears.
I open her social media, something I hadn’t thought about until I saw Morgan posting when we looked at the wedding venues. I take a picture from the hotel room window. The view overlooks downtown Baycliff, vague enough to be meaningless.
Where is my baby????
#IsThisReallyHappening #GoingInCircles
Right after I post it, a text message pops up on the screen. The name makes my heart stop.
Burke: Everything okay? Let me know .